Lord of Pleasure (11 page)

Caroline’s lips slid into a cynical smile. “And whose fault is it that you have no other friends aside from Caldwell?”

Yes, yes. His. He knew that. But he simply didn’t relate to any of the other men. What with all their talk of marriage and children and estates. Caldwell, on the other hand, was still a rake. Albeit misguided, but still solid in his standing.

“Caroline, really,” Lady Hawksford finally interjected. “It is no business of ours what friends, be they male or female, Alex chooses to associate with.”

Alexander jerked toward his mother. “Pardon me while I momentarily touch upon the subject of my female friends. I have none. Truth be told, I haven’t even entertained a single woman since father passed.
Why?
Because I’m
trying
to set a good, moral example for this family. Though little good it does me. If you ask me, I should be admitted into sainthood for all my continued efforts.”

“Is that so?” Caroline cocked her head to one side. “And where have you been this past week? Hmm? Did you treat yourself to a brothel or two to celebrate the anniversary of your
sainthood?
”

Caroline paused and tapped a finger to her lips as if pondering something. “No. Wait. I think I know.” She lowered her hand and stared at him. “You were busy
enrolling
in Madame de Maitenon’s school and hoped that the rest of us savages would never find out.”

Damn her, but that mouth of hers knew no bounds!

He swung toward his mother and pinned her with an accusatory gaze. “Do you see what your complete lack of discipline has created in this household? I can’t even express a single opinion without it being viciously mangled and stuffed back at me.”

Lady Hawksford’s emerald eyes sharply met his as she set her chin. “If you feel that I am so inadequate in my duties, perhaps I should retire and allow
you
to oversee all of their activities. Especially Caroline’s.”

Alexander’s eyes widened. Oh, no. He was
not
about to engage in endless female activities. After having escorted Caroline to the Whittle ball at the beginning of the Season, he was well and done trying to seriously coordinate anything anymore. Besides. He needed a small amount of peace and quiet. And a chance to bed Lady Charlotte. At least once!

Alexander shook his head. “No. Absolutely not. I’ll see to them in other ways.”

“What other ways?” Lady Hawksford presented him with a pointed stare. “You’re the one that wants to marry off Caroline to a certain sort of man. If that is still your duty and your calling, then I suggest you accompany her to all those wonderful breakfasts and balls and dinner parties you’ve been missing out on. I certainly don’t need to attend any more. I have other things I could be doing.”

“
Mother!
” Caroline exclaimed. The look of horror on her face reflected his own.

Caroline turned frantically to their mother, grabbed her arm, and shook it. “You know what he’s been like. And after what I went through at the Whittle ball, I am
not
stepping out into public with him ever again.”

Alexander laughed. “Funny, that.”

“Yes, only you seem to think so.” Caroline released their mother’s arm and glared at him. “Setting aside Lord
Spittle
, perhaps you should have attended Lady Newborough’s dinner party. The one you insisted I attend due to
all
the nice
bon ton
that always gathers around her. Do you know that during my table conversation with Mother and one of the guests, Lord Humphrey up and stabbed a poor lady’s hand with his dinner fork, thinking it was his bread, and didn’t even bother to apologize! Clearly your definition of nice differs greatly from mine.”

Alexander smirked, unable to resist an opportunity to prove to her that he was still very much a Hawksford. “Are you calling Lord Humphrey a prick? That’s not very nice.”

She narrowed her gaze. “If you’ll excuse me, Alex, I have far more important matters to tend to. The chamber pot, for one. Mother, I’ve made my point.” With that, Caroline gathered up the end of her riding gown, then turned and promenaded straight out of the room.

Alexander burst into laughter. “Did you see that look on her face? The best one yet!”

“How old are you? Six?” Lady Hawksford shook her head. “I suggest you try and spend a bit more time with this family before taking up the endeavor of trying to run it. It isn’t as easy as it appears.”

Alexander sighed. Maybe he did need to get more involved in their lives, instead of expecting miracles to take place on their own. It would certainly ensure a sense of stability. Maybe not for him, but certainly for them. Which is all that mattered. He’d also be able to ensure that all the caskets stayed where they belonged. In the cemetery. As for the school…

His stomach dropped. He knew what needed to be done, and truth be told, he hated the idea of passing on such a beautiful, beautiful opportunity.

But as Caroline had well pointed out, he couldn’t demand that his sisters and mother behave a certain way if he himself couldn’t behave a certain way. And if he continued on with Charlotte and the school, it would only be a matter of time before it complicated their lives.

Hell. He always thought that being a Hawksford meant the ultimate seal of freedom. But he was beginning to realize that it only applied if there weren’t any women in the family that needed to be married off.

11 Berwick Street
The following day

It was exactly four o’clock in the afternoon when Alexander was ushered into Lady Charlotte’s Grecian-inspired parlor by none other than the bribe-prone Mr. Hudson. Apparently, the mercenary rotter hadn’t been shucked of his position. Which meant Charlotte was either overly softhearted or downright careless about the people she involved in her life.

Not that it was any of his business from this day forth. He was here to bring things to an end between them and had strategically planned his call so that he arrived at the best time to make a respectable visit. And respectable is exactly what he had in mind. Absolutely nothing else.

He eyed the four nude male statues and paused before them, noticing that the poor chaps had been stripped of their scant belongings. He smoothed his cravat. If he wasn’t careful, he’d end up just like them.

Except for the clattering of carriages and the bustle of the street outside, silence continued to hum all around him. And he didn’t like it. Not one bit. For it meant he had to stand here like an idiot and listen to his own thoughts. Thoughts that included him stripping Charlotte down to only her stockings and making her kneel atop that lone chair behind him so that he could—

No. No. Absolutely none of that.

Placing his hands behind his back, Alexander started trooping back and forth, his boots echoing in the empty parlor. He had planned it all out, after all. Knew exactly what he would say and how he would say it. With reserve. With respect. And with every ounce of strength within him.

“Lady Chartwell asks that you join her upstairs,” Mr. Hudson announced from the doorway.

Alexander jerked toward the pudgy butler. “What?”

“Shall I write it down for you?” Mr. Hudson said, spreading out his words.

Alexander glared at the man. The dolt was looking for a good knock. “That won’t be necessary, thank you. Inform Lady Chartwell that I shall remain here. In the parlor.” That way, nothing indecent would ever be permitted to occur and he could keep his visit to about ten minutes. As opposed to the rest of the day and the entire night.

Mr. Hudson bowed and exited.

Now that that was over and done with, on to the next. Which was, the moment Lady Charlotte entered the room, he would announce that he had absolutely no intention of enrolling in the school. And that pleasuring her was simply out of the question despite the fact that he had begged, cajoled, and manipulated her into accepting him.

After all, he had to keep his sisters in mind. Without a good, solid plan, their lives could very well be ruined. And he was not about to let that happen. Not for anyone, and certainly not for baseless pleasure.

“Need I remind you, My Lord, that I shall be the one choosing the pleasures?” Charlotte teased from the doorway.

Those words rolled off her tongue like warm honey, and, God help him, all he wanted to do was lap every last bit of it up. Alexander turned toward the doorway, trying to remain determined and strong.

He blinked at what she was wearing.

“Do you like it?” She entered the parlor dressed in nothing more than a long, virginal white silk robe. A velvet red sash held the flimsy thing in place around her small, corseted waist.

It was the first time he’d ever seen her in anything but black. And she was truly a vision to behold. Like a bride on her wedding night.

“I usually don’t wear anything but my mourning gowns,” she went on, “but when I received word that you’d be calling on me this afternoon, I decided to wear it. Just for you.”

God help him. Why was she choosing to cooperate now? Whatever happened to the I-am-quite-done-with-seeing-to-the-needs-of-a-man bit?

She closed the double doors behind her and slowly turned back toward him. Her dark eyes sparkled with an unusual amount of playfulness as she strode closer to him. As if she knew he couldn’t resist.

Her adorable bare feet peered out from beneath the hem of her long robe as she continued to seductively move toward him. His gaze swept along the lengthy portion of her porcelain neck that was purposefully exposed, down to the rounds of her breasts which were fitted into a corset and outlined by the smoothness of the flowing silk. Unlike the last time, her black hair had been gathered up and pinned, bringing even more attention to everything else beneath it.

To his further astonishment, she went over to the parlor windows and proceeded to pull the curtains shut, encasing them in a gray room where only slashes of light came through.

Alexander hissed out a breath and proceeded to move backward toward the double doors. Though his feet were much too heavy to cooperate.

Charlotte turned and sashayed her way back nearer to him, pausing a mere arm’s length before him. The alluring soft scent of lavender now invaded his space. He tried not to breathe.

She tilted her chin up just enough for her dark eyes to meet his and smiled rather saucily. It was a smile that could easily melt the heart of a butcher into complacency. Other than that smile, however, she offered no other form of words or action. She merely stood there, her hands on her hips. As if waiting for him to do something.

Alexander cleared his throat and did his best to appear uninterested in what she had to offer. “LLady Charlotte,” he grimly began.

He willed himself to focus on the middle of her forehead, lest his resolve fail him. “I am here to apologize for my earlier crude behavior. I did not treat you with the respect you deserve and am here to withdraw from the agreement we had originally made.”

Her dark brows slowly rose, crinkling the smooth forehead he was focusing on. “Oh? Is that so?”

He gave a curt nod, then met her gaze, hoping that nothing but his sense of earnestness showed. “That is exactly so.”

Searching his face, she reached out a hand and slid it from his stomach, up across the expanse of his chest, toward his shoulder. His pulse leapt. And fight it as he may, his cock thickened in his trousers at the blink of an eye and demanded satisfaction.

She leaned in close. So close that the side of her robe grazed his gloved hand, which was stoically set at his side. She pressed her curvy softness against the length of his front side, promising him endless bliss.

Though he fought to maintain and steady his breathing, it was pointless. He was no longer in control of the situation. His cock throbbed to be taken into her mouth, into
her
.

“And what if I refuse to accept your withdrawal?” she whispered up at him, no doubt feeling his hard length against her own body. “What if I refuse to relinquish my pleasure?”

Alexander closed his eyes, let out a low groan, and tried to desperately keep his mind and body from swaying toward a mistake. “Charlotte, please. You must allow me to withdraw.”

“Must?”
she playfully went on. “Like you, Lord Hawksford, I am not overly fond of musts.”

Touché. Touché. “Nevertheless,” he breathed out, still keeping his eyes closed, trying desperately to remain focused. “We must end this. Now. There is no other way.”

She paused, then slowly pulled her hand away and stepped back. “I see.” Her voice grew notably distant. “You’ve already moved on.”

The disappointment in her tone made him reopen his eyes. Her charming smile had faded. She inched back and away as if his very presence not only bewildered but disgusted her.

What truly stabbed at him in that moment, however, was the way her dark eyes accused him of being nothing more than a fancier version of Chartwell.

He stepped toward her, trying to remain calm. “Do
not
look at me like that and, in turn, insult me.”

“There is no need to explain, Lord Hawksford.” She stepped farther back. “After all, there is absolutely nothing between us. Nothing at all.”

Absolutely nothing between them? At all?

Alexander didn’t know why, but her words sounded downright harsh, even to his own ears. Though he knew full well they hadn’t known each other very long, to outright say that they were
nothing
to each other, especially after that erotic kiss, felt wrong. Mind you, he didn’t know what the bloody hell they
were
to each other, but he did know it was far more than nothing.

Alexander closed the space between them, then grabbed her arm and dragged her almost violently nearer him. “We may not be involved in the traditional sense, but to say that there is absolutely nothing between us is a bloody lie. You know it and I know it. We can’t even keep our hands off each other.”

Her dark gaze snapped back up to his face. She momentarily wiggled the arm he held on to. “It appears
you
are the one that cannot keep your hands to yourself.”

She leaned farther in toward him and glared up at him as if not aware that their lips were now close enough for them to entirely end their conversation. “So do tell, Lord Hawksford. Since we are on the subject. What exactly are we to each other?”

Alexander’s jaw tensed. Holding her this close and having her ask him that question made him realize that this was all getting much too personal for his liking. And if he wasn’t careful, he knew exactly where this could lead.

“I am not about to damn well prance into specifics.” He tightened his hold on her shoulders, trying to prove to her that he was still unwilling to relinquish their closeness. “The fact of the matter is my withdrawal has nothing to do with another woman. Hell, the only woman I want to bed right now is you. But lust isn’t something I ought to sacrifice my entire family for, is it?”

She searched his face, clearly astonished. “This is about your family?”

He released her, knowing he wouldn’t be able to focus otherwise, and heaved out a sigh. “My sisters, to be exact. You see, Caroline is nineteen. The eldest. She’s also the first out of all five girls to celebrate her coming-out. She would have done so last year, but we were all in mourning for my father. With him gone, all of those responsibilities have been transferred to me.”

He paused. “Charlotte, my family isn’t like other families of the aristocracy. We’ve always led a double life. One for the
ton
and one for ourselves. The
ton
has always known the Hawksfords to be a bunch of misfits, but we’ve never provided them with anything that would allow them to rise against us, seeing we do everything behind closed doors. Despite the many strictures of society, my mother was never one to lead the life of a traditional elite woman, and my father was a devious entity all his own. As a result of their unruly lifestyle, my sisters and I grew up a bit…
wild
. It wasn’t until my father passed and Caroline came of age that I suddenly realized that the man she married would ultimately define her for the rest of her life. As her brother, I want to offer her the sort of stability that we never had growing up. Which means finding her a respectable match. And you…you’d only complicate everything I have planned. Does any of this make sense? At all?”

She nodded, then eventually whispered up at him, “Yes. It does.” She searched his face again, sadness tingeing her features, her eyes. “I know that if I had a family, I would do the same. Exactly the same.”

Why the devil did she have to be so sweet? Alexander reached out and took hold of her corseted waist, savoring not only the feel of her silk robe but the fact that she actually understood. Someone in his life actually understood him. He slowly pulled her closer. “You aren’t angry with me, then?”

She shook her head, her dark, pinned hair bobbing. “No. Of course not. Family should always come first. Always. And I very much admire you for it. More than you need know.”

She nodded again, and to his surprise, tears glistened against those dark eyes. She pinched her lips together and hurriedly looked away. She swiped at the corner of her eyes and let out a small laugh. “I apologize. I grow emotional at the thought of family.”

That was when Alexander realized something. Something that punched him in the gut so hard, he almost couldn’t find the strength to breathe. For this beautiful and seemingly strong and independent woman was in fact all alone in the world. Completely and utterly alone with no family. Something he, with five sisters and a mother, took sorely for granted.

Releasing her waist, he reached up and dug his fingers into the softness and thickness of her gathered hair. “Charlotte,” he whispered, leaning down closer to her face. “What happened to your family? Tell me. I want to know.”

She shook her head and refused to meet his gaze. “Don’t make this any more difficult than it needs to be. Please. It is best you leave. It is best for everyone.”

He nodded, knowing she was right, even though for some reason he still could not entirely bring himself to let her go. To let this go. “Charlotte,” he whispered again, “I don’t regret meeting you. And I hope to God you don’t regret meeting me. The only thing I do regret is that we hadn’t met earlier. When I didn’t have so many responsibilities toward others. Perhaps my approach toward this—toward us—would have been different.”

Her teary gaze met his again. “Do not talk to me about what could have been. It changes nothing.”

She pulled out of his grasp, placing a more notable distance between them, and stuck out a small, pale hand. She smiled up at him in an unsuccessful effort to be cheerful. “I do wish you well. Though I may not want to admit it, you’ve been charming and kind since first we met. Thank you. For everything.”

Alexander blinked at the hand and words she offered and met her gaze. He would never come across another woman like her, would he? A woman capable of wishing him well despite the fact that he was abandoning her.

God. In that moment, he wanted her to know that despite the fact that they were going their separate ways, she had magically brought back a spark of passion and excitement into his life. A passion and excitement he hadn’t felt in a very long time.

One he wanted to experience one last time before she entirely slipped from his grasp and he regretted not acting upon how he felt in that moment. “I was hoping for a different sort of good-bye,” he quietly admitted.