Lori Connelly (17 page)

Happy to be on her feet, Evie enjoyed the short stroll to the grocer. They replenished their supplies in no time. Her husband flashed a grin at her as he added honey to the pile of basic foodstuff. A boy helped them carry the heavy load back to where Mr. Jacobs agreed to store their boxes, inside the stable.

“You okay?” Green eyes darkened with concern fixed on her as soon as the boy hurried away, his tip in hand.

“I’m fine.”

“You’re quiet.”

Evie rubbed a hand over her eyes, “Just tired.”

“Yeah, me too,” Ben put an arm around her shoulders and squeezed. “Let’s go find someplace to put our feet up.”

She leaned against him, “Sounds good.”

“Hey did you hear what Jacobs told me?”

“He fed Sugar a measure of oats?”

“No, well yes but that wasn’t what I meant. The river we crossed was the Snake.” His expression worn, face a tad pale but his eyes shone with excitement. “You know what that means?”

“We’re in Oregon.”

“Yes indeed,” Ben grinned. “And we’re only a half day from the Bar 7 Ranch.”

His fingers stroked circles on her upper arm. Awareness tingled along nerves. Their gazes locked. Weariness forgotten, her lips parted ever so slightly. Everything, everyone but the man beside her faded from existence for Evie. Eyes half closed, her heart pounded, anticipated his kiss.

“Daddy, did you see the train?” A young girl shouted as she ran by them. “I wanna ride on it. Please. Please.”

Startled Evie jerked back and hit the brick wall behind her. Pain radiated through her skull. She rubbed the sore spot with one hand while she rested the other on Ben’s shoulder for support.

“Are you all right?”

“It smarts but I’ll be okay.”

The girl, red-faced, returned, whispered ‘Sorry ma’am,’ then tore off down the street after her family.

“Something else I can help you with?” The stable master emerged from the building.

“Would it be possible to get a ride to a decent hotel?”

“Certainly,” The older man nodded. “My son would be happy to take you anywhere in the city.”

“Thank you.”

Mr. Jacobs disappeared into the stables then came back with a strapping young man. Ben belatedly remembered to check their weapons with the stable master while Caleb hitched up a buggy and fetched her bag out of the wagon. Minutes later, they drove them through the busy streets of Ontario. The city’s constant noise made her poor head throb. Evie was relieved when they reached the hotel.

As soon as Caleb pulled up in front of the building, she got out of the buggy and hurried inside. Ben followed, carried her bag. When she hesitated in the small lobby, her husband moved past her. He crossed the room to the check-in desk.

“My wife and I would like a room.”

The clerk looked down his nose at them. Travel weary, rumpled and dirty Evie knew they didn’t present an impressive picture. “Our rooms are expensive. Perhaps you’d like to try another place, more suitable.”

Ben drew himself up ramrod straight. He fixed a glacier hard stare on the arrogant man before him. Evie swore the air around them dropped several degrees. After a moment of tense silence, her husband allowed his gaze to travel the length of the clerk.

“Perhaps you didn’t hear me. We’d like a room.”

The man paled at the cold fire in Ben’s voice. He looked down at the open register book. Faced with her husband’s stony expression, the clerk swallowed hard then turned around to pluck a key from the board behind him. Without a word, he turned the register around and as Ben signed them in, gestured to someone behind them. Evie started as a hand reached for her bag and jerked it away.

“Ma’am,” A boy, with an uncertain expression to match his tone, stood beside her. “Can I help you with your bag?”

Heat flashed across her cheeks, “Of course.”

The bellboy stretched out his hand but kept a wary eye on Evie as she handed over her bag. The youngster, with a polite smile, gestured for them to follow. Ben climbed the staircase slow and steady, a tight grip on the handrail. His exhaustion was obvious by the time they reached their room. He sank onto a comfortable chair.

“Anything else?” The boy set her bag down by the wardrobe.

“Yes,” Ben pulled a coin from his pocket and tossed it to him. “I’ll give you another if you can get some food sent up and a bath for my wife.”

“We don’t have a tub sir, but I could haul up some hot water.”

“That would be just fine.” Evie assured him.

A broad grin covered the bellboy’s face. “Yes ma’am.”

Once the door closed, she crossed to Ben’s side. “Are you sure we can afford this?”

“Likely not, but its one night and I want to spoil my wife a little.” He brought her hand to his mouth, kissed it. “Allow me this indulgence and I promise to be frugal forevermore.”

“Forever?” She arched one eyebrow, her tone skeptical.

“Maybe not forever,” His crooked smile charmed her. “But for a good long while.”

Likely, there were cheaper places. She looked around the bright, clean room. In fact, they could save the entire cost by camping but something inside of her rebelled. It’d been a long, hard year with one crisis after another. One small extravagance sounded good.

“Okay but just for tonight.”

“Just tonight.”

Evie squeezed his hand then pulled free, walked over to her bag. She dug out clean clothes then turned to ask Ben if he wanted to change as well. Worry stole her thoughts. His eyes closed and face tilted toward the ceiling, the physical toll the past few days had dealt her husband was clear.

“Ben,” She moved back to his side. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine just tuckered out.”

His sleepy tone did little to reassure her. “We should get you into bed.”

“Well darling I thought you’d never ask.” Ben opened his eyes, exposed the laughter that danced in their depths.

“Ben.”

“Evie.”

Though she shook her head, Evie couldn’t help but smile as she stepped away. She went to the far side of the spacious room and turned down the covers on the bed. Distinct thuds sounded on the pine floor. She looked over to find Ben leaned against the wall, watching her. The warmth in his eyes held her fast as he straightened then approached.

“You’re lovely.”

“I’m a mess.”

“A lovely mess,” He smiled down at her, touched her cheek.

Her face hot Evie stepped back from the bed and motioned him toward it. “Come on you’re dead on your feet.”

Ben didn’t hesitate. He sat down on the bed then, with a moan of utter relief, relaxed into its softness. His eyes shut and his breathing fell into the slow steady pattern of sleep in seconds. Evie smoothed the covers over her husband then stood, watched over him until a knock sounded at the door.

Before the noise disturbed Ben, she hurried to answer the summons. The bellboy and a maid stood in the hall. With quick quiet efficiency, they delivered two steaming buckets of water, linens and a covered tray. The scent of freshly baked sourdough bread intoxicated her. The hotel staff exited with one of their precious few coins in gratitude.

After locking the door, Evie went to the long, low dresser and lifted the cloth off the food. Her mouth watered. Two cups of coffee, sugar, cream, sun yellow butter and pot of strawberry jam surrounded a basket of still warm, thick sliced bread.

Her hands reached for a cup even as the thought crossed her mind. With a wishful longing for the honey she preferred, Evie stirred in a couple spoonfuls of sugar and a liberal splash of cream. She inhaled the aroma as the familiar sound of Ben’s snoring started to fill the room.

Evie turned, gazed at her husband as she savored the rich brew. Her stomach growled. Temptation whispered. She looked back at the tray.
Just one.
She succumbed to hunger, spread layers of sweet butter and jam over a bread slice and consumed it in a few bites.

Her hunger blunted, she turned her attention to the hot water. She stripped off her grimy travel stained clothes and indulged in a long sponge bath. When finished, she dipped her brush in the water then ran it through her loosened hair until the worst of the dirt and tangles brushed out. After she donned her wrinkled but clean dress then pinned her hair up in a loose knot on the top of her head Evie felt human again.

“Beautiful.”

At the sound of Ben’s husky voice, she spun around. Evie smiled at the sight of her husband standing by the bed, his hair adorably rumpled from his nap. “I think your vision is blurred but thank you kind sir.”

“On the contrary I see you clearly.” His gaze held hers captive as he crossed the room to join her. Ben trailed fingers down the side of her face. “You’re beautiful.” He dropped a kiss on her mouth, stole all her coherent thoughts. “I see the bellboy returned.”

“Ah yes.”

“Did you get a snack?”

“I ah … ” His thumb stroked her jaw, distracted her. “Yes I did. I would’ve woke you but I thought you needed sl-”

Ben placed a finger on her lips, leaned in close, his face a breath’s distance away. “I did need the rest.”

“I should’ve waited.”

“I don’t want you to go
hungry
.” His voice lowered on the last word caused her lower body to ache. “Would you like more?”

“Yes,” Evie breathed.

With a satisfied smile, he stepped back. “Let me wash up and we’ll find a restaurant.”

“Oh, okay,” Cheeks hot, she went over to the window.

While her husband spruced up, Evie watched the activity on the street below. Several minutes passed before Ben announced he was ready. She turned around and stilled. His hair, slicked back from his face emphasized his strong features. The way his clean shirt clung to his broad shoulders begged her to touch him. The man riveted her.

“Is something wrong?”

Snapped out of her trance, Evie shook her head and walked to his side. “You look quite handsome.”

“Thank you,” His hand settled on the small of her back. “Shall we go?”

Her breath caught. Even that casual touch fed the building fire of her passion. Seconds passed before Evie could nod her agreement and they headed out. They found a restaurant nearby and enjoyed a well-prepared, leisurely meal.

Hours later, they walked back in full dark. The moon shone bright in a star-studded sky. Her anticipation built with every step.
Tonight is the night.

Her heart thundered as he held the door open for her to enter their room. The hour was late. Ben lit the lamp. In silence, they went about their nighttime routines then slipped side by side into bed.

Confidence high, Evie scooted close as her husband blew out the light. He drew her into his arms. Ben groaned, cradled her against his hard body. His lips brushed her forehead then he dropped a kiss on her nose.

Tension and excitement intertwined. Evie closed her eyes, raised her chin, eager for his kiss and waited. His breath fanned her mouth. A second passed. She hardly breathed. More time passed until unable to withstand the suspense she opened her eyes.

Moonlight streamed through curtains she hadn’t closed and bathed her husband. He seemed to be sleeping. At first Evie rejected the evidence before her. She knew how fast, under any circumstances, Ben could fall asleep but he wouldn’t do that to her not tonight, not when she was finally ready. She touched his face. His mouth dropped open and he started to snore.

Hurt and discouraged Evie pulled out of his embrace, her gaze still fixated on his face. Pride kept her from acting on the desire to shake him silly. Part of her hoped her movement would stir him but that soon died. Ben slumbered on.

Anger flashed. Evie threw back the covers and rolled out of bed. She stood, hands on her hips and glared at her husband for a long moment. Finally, with a growl of pure frustration, she stomped her foot then whirled around, marched over to the chair, flung herself down. Ben didn’t miss a beat.

A smile on his face, Ben woke slowly, drifted up through layers of awareness. He reached for Evie and encountered empty space. Vision still blurry he stared at the pillow where her head should’ve rested. He blinked, rubbed his eyes, confused as his gaze swept the room. To his surprise, his wife sat in the chair, bundled in the deep brown coverlet from the bed, looking out the window.

“Evie?” When she didn’t respond, Ben tossed back the blankets and got out of bed. In two long strides, he reached her side. “Evie?”

“Ben.”

Her dull tone raised concern. He reached out, laid a hand on her shoulder. She didn’t react. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” Worried, his hand caressed. “Then why won’t you look at me?”

“I’m watching the morning.” Evie shrugged.

Puzzled, Ben was certain something troubled her but he was at a loss on how to handle the problem. Should he push or let her have space? The vast blank hole in his memory aggravated him the most at moments like this. He should know what to do.

“Are you hungry? Want breakfast?”

“I’m fine.”

“That’s good,” Though he tried to keep it even, frustration edged his voice. “But I’m starving. Why don’t we try another place this morning?”

“If you’d like,” Her flat response tried his patience.

“Or we could find a bakery.”

“Whatever you want.”

“I want to know what’s wrong.”

When Evie only shrugged again, he pressed. “I don’t know how we handled things before but I don’t like this at all. I’d appreciate it, if you’d just spit out what’s bothering you.”

Again, she didn’t answer. After a minute, Ben turned on his heel and went to where he left his clothes by the bed. He dressed with rough, jerky motions. Irritated, his boots hit the wood floor hard as he walked toward his wife. She didn’t move or make a sound when he dropped down to sit near her feet.

Long moments passed while Ben gazed up at her without a flicker of response. Resolve hardened. He focused on his wife but said nothing and waited. Several minutes ticked by. Evie started to squirm. He remained, watched. Until she gave him an answer, they were going nowhere.

His unwavering gaze disturbed the comfortable numbness she’d gathered around herself like a cloak against a bitter wind. Withdrawing was easy, familiar, what she’d always done when her feelings had been hurt. Evie clutched the coverlet tighter. His presence a thorn, the silence became unbearable.

“You fell asleep.”

“I fell asleep.” He repeated. Evie looked down at him and nodded. Ben stared at her for a number of seconds then he spoke again, his tone incredulous. “You are upset because I fell asleep?”

“Yes.”

“Why?” Ben drew out the one word as he leaned forward.

Unable to maintain eye contact, she looked away. Heat crept up her neck as Evie tried to explain. “I thought …  I though that we were … ” Frustrated, she blew out a breath, “You didn’t even kiss me.”

“You’re pouting because I didn’t kiss you.”

Put like that it sounded petty. Anger flashed. “No. I’m upset because I was ready to be
affectionate
and you snored.”

“I snored.” He echoed.

“I felt rejected.”

“I did not reject you.” Ben didn’t move a muscle, didn’t raise his voice but his indignation echoed in the room. “Last night and the night before and the one before that, I wanted you. Hell, I’ve wanted to bury myself inside you for longer than that.” He got to his feet. “I fell asleep because I hurt and I. Was. Exhausted.” His gaze blazed cold fire. “You keep going on about how I let you down, let myself down, how I lost faith in life, in myself.” He leaned to the right, snatched his hat off the dresser. “I wonder what came first my lack of faith or yours.” He set his hat square on his head. “It seems to me you’re ready at any perceived slight to find me guilty of some offense, as if you want to get rid of me.” He crossed to the door. “I’m going to get the wagon. I’ll send someone up to collect you.”

His tone deflated her. His words barbed darts that pierced her heart and rendered Evie speechless. Ben left. His careful closing of the door telegraphed for more than slamming it shut would have done. Pain welled up. She buried her face in her hands and bawled.

Long moments passed. The sound of her sobs echoed in the room until at last Evie cried herself out. Exhaustion dulled her thoughts. She shrugged off the warm folds of the blanket and stood. Her head throbbed. Weary she stumbled across the room to the washstand.

Evie poured water from the white pitcher into the matching basin next to it then splashed her face. She dared a glance at her reflection in the mirror above the stand and winced. The clock on the dresser chimed. She turned from the sight of her red, splotchy face to note the time.

Someone will be coming soon.
Her gaze swung to the door then down at her rumpled nightgown. She quickly splashed more water on swollen eyes then got busy.

Evie pulled on stockings, her drawers, chemise and a single petticoat with quick efficient movements then smoothed her dress over the layers. She next tamed her hair into the simple braid that had served her so well. By the time she repacked her bag and fastened it shut, hurt started to recede. His words cycled through her mind.

The memory of how drained he’d been yesterday flashed as she spread the coverlet over the bed. Guilt trickled through her raw emotions.
I should’ve understood. I should’ve-

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. She walked over and opened the door. The bellboy stood in the hall.

“Ma’am, Mr. Rolfe sent me up to fetch you.”

Evie offered him a polite smile, “Let me get my bag.”

“I’ll get it for you,” The boy wasted no time, slid past her and in a few quick strides, crossed the room. He palmed the handle of her bag. “Anything else ma’am?”

“No.”

“If you’ll follow me then?”

Time to face Ben.
Evie nodded. She wiped damp palms on her skirt, picked up her cloak then on leaden feet proceeded to the lobby.

“He’s waiting across the street at Nell’s.” The boy waved an arm toward entrance. “Would you like me to walk you over?”

“No thank you,” She pressed a coin in his hand, took her bag from him and stepped out the door.

Rain sprinkled from a sky strewn with dark, angry clouds as Evie exited the hotel. She tossed her cloak on, tugged the hood over her head then picked her way across the busy street to the restaurant. Framed in one of the large street side windows was the man she sought.

Mug in hand, her husband sat at a table near the door. Ben stood as she approached, pulled a chair out for her. A waitress appeared before Evie had the chance to speak. They ordered the special on the harried woman’s recommendation. Alone again, he turned his attention to the world outside.

Her hands twisted in her lap. Evie struggled to find the right words, torn between the need to apologize and the strong desire to pretend nothing happened. “About earlier, I-”

“This isn’t the place to continue that discussion.”

“Oh, sorry,” The steady murmur of other conversations pierced her consciousness. Her face flushed.

Silence fell and persisted over the next hour. Preoccupied with thoughts of how to put things right between them, Evie took little notice of her meal. She picked at the eggs on her plate until Ben finished. Expectation made her heart race as they pushed back their chair.

Eager to set thing right between them, Evie stepped outside to wait by the wagon while Ben waited in a long line to settle their bill. The day had darkened. A chill wind kicked up. She shivered as her hood fell back, hair whipped across her face.

As she tucked loose strands behind her ear, Evie glanced up. Clouds now almost completely covered the heavens but, for the moment, the rain ceased its steady flow of misery. She gave Sugar a pat and the passing traffic drove through muddy puddles without pause, splattered her cloak. She backed away from the street with a grimace.

Impatient, Evie stared at the restaurant’s doors. As if in answer to her unspoken plea to hurry, her husband emerged from the building at last. He walked up to her. Without a word, he took her bag and shoved it under the seat.

His expression unreadable Ben helped her onto the seat then got up beside her. Silent, her husband snapped the reigns and they started down the street. Grassy fields dotted with cattle replaced buildings and scurrying people in a matter of minutes. As the city faded in the distance, the sky started to clear and huge sections of brilliant blue appeared above.

Sunlight caressed her face, warmed her skin. Ravens glided upon the gusting wind. Evie risked periodic comments of little consequence as the miles passed. His short, one-word responses keep her tension high.

Flat land surrounded them. It afforded no privacy from their numerous fellow travelers. However, traffic thinned the further they drove into the country where trees and wildlife became more common than people, wagons and acres of grass. By midday, they had an entire stretch of road to themselves but before she dared to offer an apology, Ben cleared his throat.

A shiver of foreboding went down her spine. Words she’d thought to say fled. Her eyes closed, shut out nature’s beauty and swallowed hard. He reached over, covered her clasped cold hands with one of his.

“I’m sorry about this morning, I over reacted.”

“No I’m the one who did,” Evie opened her eyes, studied his profile, tried to gauge his mood, “And I’m sorry.”

Silence followed for a heartbeat. Ben glanced at her, his expression cautious, tone serious. “I’m not very good at being a husband yet.”

“Because you lost your temper?” Her eyebrows furrowed.

“Because I’m not sure if I should insist on arguing with you about who’s more at fault or if it’d be best to agree that we both were equally.”

His earnest tone caused her lips to twitch. A thread of warmth wove through her. Tension ebbed.

“I like your second idea.”

Her husband pulled up. His gaze locked on hers. “I want to be clear. I did not reject you but I’m sorry about very sorry about how I reacted to your hurt feelings.”

“I made a mountain out of a molehill. I truly am sorry.”

His arms came around her, hugged her close. Evie shifted to lean her head on his shoulder. Her nerves settled. Relief rendered her boneless and she welcomed the peaceful moment. The sound of oncoming horses reminded her long before she was ready that they had stopped in the middle of the road.

Ben dropped a kiss on the top of her head, “Ready to go?”

At her nod, his arms dropped. He tightened his grip on the reigns as two riders stopped beside them. The older, weathered man chatted with Ben about the possibility of more rain and the condition of the road while Evie struggled to maintain a polite smile. The brisk breeze carried an icy bite and she missed the comfort of her husband’s heat.

Her face ached by the time the men headed on. Evie glanced up when Ben set the placid mare in motion. Clouds were few and scattered. The sun, bright golden, shone. Within an hour, she shed her cloak and welcomed the wind’s cool caress on her skin.

By unspoken agreement, they avoided emotional topics and passed the time with light conversation interspaced with easy silences. They pressed on through the noon hour. Ben produced ham sandwiches and a jug of water he gotten in town. They ate as the wheels turned.

In late afternoon, Ben took an overgrown fork off the main road. The wagon swayed through tall grass and hidden rocks over a trail that twisted through a thick stand of trees. Soon it was as if they were alone in the world and Evie welcomed their isolation.

As shadows lengthened, they parked beneath an enormous fir tree beside a lazy flowing stream. Evie climbed down, stretched then joined her husband in the routine of making camp. The busy work was a welcome distraction to the thoughts nagging at her.

Later, dinner eaten, fire banked, attraction bubbled to the surface as she sat on a blanket beside Ben. Evie leaned back, rested palms on the ground behind her and studied the stars that sparkled above them. He wrapped an arm around her, pulled her close and tucked her head on his shoulder.

Her gaze wandered. Moonlight danced over the water beyond their feet. A deer, more shadow than form, crossed the meadow downstream. The breeze feathered her hair.

“You were right.”

“About what?”

“About me,” She drew in a deep breath and a little courage then continued. “I didn’t want to be wrong. I did jump on any little thing you did.”

“It’s okay.”

“No it’s not,” Evie looked up at her husband. “But I promise I’ll do my best to give us a chance from now on.”

His hand lightly stroked her upper arm. “That’s all I want, a real chance to make things right with you.”

His husky voice stirred longing. Evie shifted, turned into him, brought her hand up onto his chest. Her heart beat faster.

“Do you remember me at all?”

“No,” Ben spoke softly. “Not here.” He pointed to his head then dropped his hand down, covered hers. “But my heart does. I love you.”

Shocked, Evie started. Her body brushed him and desire flared. She pushed against his chest hard. He fell onto his back, the circle of his arm taking her with him.

For a second they lay frozen, his startled expression filled her vision. Her nerve almost deserted Evie then his fingertips brushed the side of her face. She smiled. Warmth infused her and she snuggled against the length of him.

“I love you too.”

One hand tucked under her jaw, Evie laid her head on Ben’s broad chest. With deliberate slowness, she eased her free hand down the solid planes of his stomach. Her husband tensed. She felt his heart beat faster as he tightened his arm around her.

In the distance, coyotes howled. Evie traced lazy circles with her fingers, large and small, over worn flannel. The heat of his skin radiated through the soft fabric. She brought her hand up and opened his top button.