Lori Connelly (19 page)

When the container was a little less than full, she started to strip. Her husband immediately marched back outside. Evie exhaled hard as she dropped her dress onto the rough-hewn wood floor. With a sliver of rose scented soap in hand, she stepped into the bath. She stood, shaking, as her fingers dipped into the icy water, worked over the bar until lather foamed. Her skin a carpet of goose bumps, she washed quickly then hurried to put on clean clothes.

“Evie?”

His hoarse voice made her pause in the act of fastening the last button on her long sleeved blue shirt. She turned to find Ben in the doorway, his expression sent worry tumbling through her. Her numb lips had trouble forming words.

“What’s wrong?”

“I let you down again.”

The self-disgust in his voice made her gut tighten. Cold pierced her heart. Apprehension heightened.

“How?”

“It’s my fault.”

“What is?”

“This morning, those men,” Ben stepped close, eyes stormy with turmoil. “You could’ve died.” His fingers trailed down the side of her face. “You’ll be better off without me.”

The statement hit her hard. In shock, she watched him turn and walk away. He reached the door before she found her tongue.

“Stop.”

“What?”

“Turn around,” Arms crossed over her chest, Evie waited until he faced her. “You insisted on waiting until after I took a bath to announce that you’re leaving me?”

“It was important to you after …  this morning.”

“Yes but …  ” Words escaped her.

“And I didn’t want you to haul all that water yourself.”

“You didn’t want me to haul water?” She shook her head in disbelief. “What do you think I’ll be doing if you leave?”

“My cousins will be back soon. You should be fine.”

“Not if you leave.”

Ben averted his gaze as he asserted with force. “I am no good for you.”

“That’s ridiculous.” Spine stiff, her edgy tone seemed to echo in the room. Minutes ticked by before green eyes at last met blue.

“I need to go,” Expression closed, his tone held a note of conviction that alarmed her.

“I believed you, believed you meant your promises.” Tears threatened. “I love you.”

“And I love you,” Expression hard, eyes over bright, voice stern, “Very much.”

Acid burned her throat. “So much that you’re leaving?”

“It’s what’s best for you.”

“Don’t do this.” A wealth of emotion rang in her response.

His fisted hand unclenched to lay flat on his thigh. The stubborn set of his jaw spoke of his conviction. “You could’ve died because of me.”

“You aren’t responsible for those lowlifes.”

Ben scowled. “I put you in danger.”

“You kept me safe.”

“If I hadn’t cheated, it wouldn’t have happened.” He muttered through clenched teeth and half turned, back rigid, presented a profile carved in stone. His hands worried his hat a moment before he put it on.

“You don’t know you cheated. They could’ve been simply sore losers. Upstanding citizens they were not.” She glared at his shadowed face, frustrated. “You aren’t listening to me.”

“Regardless, I’m responsible for him laying hands on you.”

Anger crystallized. “And you think deserting me will change that, make it better?”

“It’ll make sure it never happens again.”

Stress tightened a band around her temples. Nausea rolled in her stomach. “How will I survive? Beg from your relatives?”

“I’ll find work, support you.”

“So you’ll pay my way but won’t stay with me, hold me at night, share my life or love me.” Bitter scorn laced her tone.

“Now you’re the one not listening.”

“I’ll be happy to listen to you any time you want to start making sense.” Aggravated, Evie sucked in a harsh breath then released it slow. “You love me and I love you. We should spend the rest of our lives together.”

“You need to accept this. I won’t change my mind.”

“You  … ” Evie threw her hands in the air, exasperated.

“It’s for the best, someday you’ll understand that.”

The words, shards of ice, pierced her heart. Her poise strained to the point of shattering, held, barely. She spoke soft but with a bite.

“Don’t dress this up as something noble. This is your typical routine. Life got rough so you’re going to move on, only this time you’re not dragging me along with you.”

“Evie please I-”

“Just go.” her words sounded hollow, emotionless then with a hard shake of her head, she turned her back on him.

Tension held her upright. Silence ruled a moment then the door slammed shut with an awful finality. Evie stared at the stone fireplace dry-eyed even as a whirlwind of emotion raged within her.

Hurt and anger melted together and burned like lava in her veins. Her throat constricted. She reached out, gripped the high back of the nearest chair hard. Every breath required effort. Her heart longed for the man who’d walked away even as righteous fury pulsed through her.

Seconds later, agitation seized control. Evie paced the length of the room until her head throbbed so bad she couldn’t ignore it. Hands visibly shaking, she dismantled the remains of her braid in a couple rough motions then sank down onto a chair, deflated and drained of fight. She closed her eyes and covered her face with both hands. Over time, the headache lessened to bearable and, restless, she stood up.

The next hour passed with irritating slowness as Evie found things to do. She put her food and cooking necessities on the two shelves by the stove then stacked the emptied boxes next to the door. As she scanned the room, looked for what to do next, the small box on the table caught her eye. Her gaze fixated on it. With slow, dragging steps, she crossed over and opened the lid. Her hands shook as she pulled out their wedding picture.

For some time Evie stood and stared at the photograph. Her heart ached. Tears stung her eyes but didn’t fall. She already missed Ben, his wit, warmth, kisses, even his stubbornness. Her movements those of an old woman, she shuffled to the bedroom and lay down, the picture held to her chest. Weary, she closed her eyes, tried to sleep but the silence itself tormented. Without her husband’s dreadful snores rest eluded her.

Evie eventually gave up. Chilled to the bone, she wrapped a quilt around herself and walked into the main room, looked out the window. As she stared outside, the nugget of hope that Ben would come back died. An endless, bleak future stretched before her. Tears welled up, streamed down her cheeks. Sadness sapped her spirit; she couldn’t muster the energy to wipe her face.

Suddenly something deep inside of her snapped. Her mixed emotions morphed into cold hard resolve. Without her husband, nothing else mattered. She wouldn’t let Ben go this easy.

Determined to track him down to at very least continue the argument, Evie threw off the blanket and stomped outside. The setting sun painted the clouds burnt orange. Liquid gold bathed the distant hills. Full dark would soon arrive but focused she dismissed fear.

Evie made her way to the lean-to tired yet energized. The mare stood inside a small corral next to the shelter. It took a few minutes to find the saddle still in the wagon. In the low light, she stumbled and dropped her heavy burden. When she bent over to pick it up her fingers brushed over a piece of knotted leather and she froze.

Her mouth dry Evie hardly dared to hope. Slowly, as if in a trance, she opened the secret pocket her brother created. She swallowed hard then felt inside. Her fingernail struck against the tightly packed coins. Tears of relief filled her eyes. She couldn’t wait to tell Ben about their change of fortune.

“Are you all right?”

Evie sprang up and whirled around with a gasp. “Ben?”

“Were you expecting someone else?” Her husband stood a few yards away, just beyond the reach of a large pine’s shadow.

“No, of course not,” Her heart sped. She drew in a calming breath then marched up to him. A thousand different things to say danced through her mind. Evie seized one of his hands with both of hers and spoke before she lost courage. “I missed you.”

“We’ve only been apart an afternoon,” Ben stared at her, his eyes dark with intense emotion.

“One of the longest afternoons of my life, I missed you the minute you walked out the door.”

“And I you,” He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “Though I still believe you’d be better off without me.”

“I don’t agree.”

“Even if my presence puts you in danger,” His voice rumbled with a strange note she couldn’t place.

“Even if,” Evie inched closer, studied his expression for a clue about what he was thinking. “Isn’t that why you came back, to be with me, don’t you want that?”

“I want that more than anything.”

Evie slumped as tension fled, “Thank God.”

“But I need to-”

“Ben,” Nerves frayed, she struggled to remain calm certain he was going to say something she wouldn’t want to hear. “Be reasonable.”

“You don’t understand.”

“Pray enlighten me,” Although she’d promised herself she wouldn’t lose her temper, the mere thought of his mule headed stubbornness provoked her.

Seconds felt like hours as she waited his response. She placed her hand on his chest, impatient and implored him with her gaze. At last, Ben spoke.

“I remembered something.”

That was the last thing she expected him to say. “What?”

“I’m an extremely flawed man who loves you beyond reason.”

“That’s a memory?”

“No, that’s a statement of fact. I remembered that we argued and I left on the day I was attacked.”

“I told you about that,” Her tone revealed irritation.

“I know,” Ben confirmed. “But I also remembered being on the road to our old place, seeing men ride up to me.”

“You remember the attack?”

“Only that flash,” Disappointment haunted his tone.

“Well that’s good.” Evie tried to sound excited about it even though she was concerned with the issue at hand. “Maybe it will all come back soon.”

“I hope so but that’s not what’s important right now.”

“What is?” Hope laced her whisper.

“I was headed back Evie. I was headed back.”

Confused, she shook her head, “What?”

“That day, like right now, I headed back for you.”

The sweet implication flooded her mind. Her lips parted yet she couldn’t make a sound. Evie dropped his hand and took a half step back. Her legs threatened to buckle. She swayed on her feet, sank to the ground and stared up at her husband, mute.

Ben lowered himself down to sit beside his wife. Her eyes swollen, skin mottled, the evidence of her tears shamed him. He took her hands in his.

“I’m definitely not good enough for you,” When Evie started to object, he shook his head and she quieted. “However, I’m far too selfish to stay away. I love you pretty lady.”

“You were headed back to me,” Her voice incredulous.

“Yes I was.” Ben tried to think of something profound to say but only three words came to mind. “I love you.”

“Love didn’t stop you from leaving,” Sarcasm underscored her words.

“Evie I …  I want to be with you now.”

“What changed?” Her lips trembled. All logic forgotten, anger demanded expression. Her eyes spit blue fire when she snapped. “You didn’t earlier.”

“I was wrong, horribly wrong.” The clear hurt he heard within her burst of fury made his tone humble. “Forgive me.”

His wife averted her gaze and lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug. “Why should I?”

“Have mercy on me sweetheart,” He continued without pause, tried to make her understand. “Being without you would kill me.” Ben cupped her chin and turned her face so he could look into red-rimmed eyes. “I need you in my arms every night and to wake up every morning beside you.” He put gentle fingers over her lips when she started to make a sound. “I can’t promise I won’t behave like a jackass again, but I’ll love you like no other.”

“Ben,” Her soft sigh feathered his hand.

“Please honey. I’ll find work, buy us land and build you a nice cabin, big enough for a family. I’ll give you your dream.”

Evie took hold of his hand, pulled down so she could speak clearly. “All I want is you.”

“Does that mean … ?”

“I should make you wait, work harder to persuade me.”

His lips brushed hers then Ben framed her face with his hands, his gaze held hers. “You are my life.”

“I love you,” Evie melted against him, unable to resist.

“So you’ll forgive me? Give me a second chance?”

Her hand came up to rest her palm on his cheek, “Yes and-”

Her husband whooped, jumped to his feet and tossed his hat in the air. The loud unexpected sound spooked Sugar. The mare leaped over the rickety fence and took off. He shook his head, fell back onto the soft grass next to his wife and laughed.

“Ben-”

“Guess I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Probably not,” Her tone indulgent, Evie smiled even as she shook her head. “I need to tell yo-”

“How much you adore me?”

“I do but Ben in Sugar’s sa-”

“Don’t worry about the mare. She won’t go far,” He reached over, toyed with the long loose locks of dark hair that tumbled over her shoulders.

“That’s good but-”

His fingers caressed the side of her neck. “We’ll track her down in no time.”

“Okay but-”

“Have a little faith in your husband.”

“I do I just need to tell you-”

“Does it involve imminent danger?” He stroked her cheek.

“No but-”

“It can wait. I’ve something more important to attend to.”

Her lips curved, hinted at a smile. He was right. There’d plenty of time later to talk about the money.

“Tracking down Sugar?”

“We’ll go after the mare in a minute or two.”

A sparkle in her eyes, Evie leaned closer, “Why not now?”

“Because,” Ben tugged her onto his lap. “I need a taste of my wife.” He captured her mouth in hungry possession and kissed her senseless.

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