Losing Myself in You (16 page)

She had done it. She had survived. She was now officially a werewolf. And yet, as Bridgette sat in the hot bath tub, washing herself – cleansing herself, as they termed it – she wasn't upset
about it. In fact, if she was being honest, she was actually happy about the change because… Well, because it brought her closer to Marcus, and she wanted to be as close to him as possible. Now she could admit it; she felt very strongly towards the Alpha male, and not just physically, but emotionally as well, as was proven by her act of intimacy she had shared with him a few nights before.

Bridgette remembered the pain, even now.  She remembered throwing up and then – it was black. 
But oh, so painful.  When she regained consciousness, Abigail was there to provide every answer to Bridgette's questions. And there were many. Bridgette seemed to have guessed some of the answers, but others she didn't know until just then. Like the fact that she and Marcus had both consensually made love on a full moon, which was what triggered the transformation process in Bridgette. Because her mind was ready to accept being transformed, her body decided to follow through and change. She also realized that a mark itself could not make people love one another, not even two werewolves. There had to be a strong underlying attraction between both the male and the female which was why when werewolves chose mates, they chose mates for life. It was too hard to find someone that caused such a stir in body chemistry, but instinctually, once a wolf had found his or her mate, they lost themselves in the process and just let go.

Their voices woke a sleeping Marcus, - currently using the foot of the bed as a pillow - and w
hen he found out that Bridgette was all right and that she would survive, he smiled.  Full on, one hundred percent, canine teeth and everything smile.. His whole entire face lit up and as he was about to sweep Bridgette up in his arms, he was stopped by Abigail who had stepped in front of him.

"Sorry, but she's incredibly weak," Abigail explained. "No strenuous physical activity, and no offense sir, but due to your overwhelming strength, your hugs would be considered strenuous."

It stopped Marcus from hugging her, but he weaseled around Abigail and took a seat next to Bridgette, gently wrapping his arm around her shoulders and pulling her close. He rested his chin on the crown of her head, and for a long moment, the two sat there silently. No words were spoken, but none were needed.

Within the next couple of days, Bridgette ate as much as she could put down. The transformation had heightened her metabolism, and it was necessary that she digest as much food as possible in the next few days to gain her strength. On the third day, when she felt stronger, Abigail drew her bath which was where she was at that moment. She had been in there for at least forty-five minutes, but she was trying to rest her plaguing thoughts. The only thing that was important was the fact that she would be with
Marcus for the rest of her life.

Now all she had to do was tell him that she loved him.

---

While Bridgette was in the bathtub, Marcus was pacing up and down the floors of his bedroom, waiting as patiently as he could for Bridgette to get out. He had so much that he wanted – needed – to tell her. It had been a few days since the two had actually had a conversation that consisted of more than a few words, and he wasn't sure how Bridgette was responding
to being a werewolf. She couldn't go back now. Marcus was worried that the transformation yielded negative effects, and that she wanted to return to being human, her feelings towards him resulting in anger and resentment. He tried to ask Abigail what Bridgette's reaction had been so far, but Abigail repeated the same thing over and over again: "It is not my place to tell."

Of course, Marcus wanted to retort that yes it was her place to tell because she lived under his roof, but he refrained and tr
ied to use context clue about how Bridgette felt. However, his logic always seemed to intervene, as well as his guilt, and because he couldn't get a clear answer, he was frustrated even more. So he decided to isolate himself in his room until Bridgette got out of the tub and was relaxed; he didn't want to continuously snap at Abigail if he didn't have to, and it appeared as though she had no qualms about snapping right back, something that amused him to no end.

A knock on the door broke through his thoughts, and before his hopes could even rise, he knew that it wasn't Abigail or Bridgette. As he opened the door, he came face to face with Julianne.

"May I come in?" she asked, widening her eyes so they were big, like a puppy’s.

Marcus arched a brow and took a step back from the doorframe, but said nothing, indicating that she could
, in fact, come in.

Julianne smiled as though she had just won something, and closed the door behind her, keeping her blue eyes in his hazel ones.

"I just wanted to voice my concerns about the prospect of you marrying that… that
human
!" she exclaimed, her emotions getting the better of her. "She isn't worthy of you, Marcus. She isn't worthy of bearing your children. You must know this. I know you are compassionate, and you are letting her recover here because you feel inclined to do so, but once this is finished, you must release her. You cannot keep leading her on."

Before Marcus could answer, the door was shoved open and there, standing in only a towel wrapped tightly around her body, was Bridgette, her eyes immediately narrowed in Julianne's direction. The sensations she was experiencing as a newly transformed werewolf were still hard to process, but one thing that seemed to come almost naturally to her was how she handled her heightened senses, especially scent.

"Well, Julianne," she said in a low, firm voice. "I should have expected something like this from you. You were the one who threw me out of the house when those hungry wolves were out back and closed the door on me before I could get back in." Bridgette wasn't sure if she was pacing around Julianne, or what, but something territorial was taking over her senses, something she definitely couldn't control.

"That was you?"
Marcus asked, his voice gravelly as he, too, narrowed his eyes in Julianne's direction. "You were the one who forced her out of the house?"

Julianne opened her mouth
, looking as though she intended to argue, but she stopped herself. "You shouldn't be our queen," she said hastily, making sure not to turn her back on either of them. She didn't know if they would pounce on her or not, and such a thing could be very deadly, especially with such a recent change. "You are not a wolf. You are not pure! You would taint the bloodline! Your presence would make a mockery out of what we are!"

"Enough!" Marcus growled, and even Bridgette was intimidated by his voice. "Do you realize," he began, keeping his eyes focused on the raven-haired beauty before him, "that what you have done could be considered treason, trying to execute the woman who is your queen? I don't care if she was human when this happened or that she wasn’t mine yet. Especially when
you knew that there was a strong possibility that in the end, she would be by my side, ruling over this pack." Marcus took a step towards her. "I should have you arrested."

Julianne flinched at his words, but then Bridgette did something nobody saw coming, least of all Julianne. She reached out and placed a calming hand on Marcus’ forearm, causing everything in his body to freeze.

"Don't arrest her," she murmured, still staring at Julianne.

"What, all of a sudden you like me now?" Julianne asked as tears poured down her face.
  She sounded as though she didn’t trust that this wasn’t some sort of trick. "I don't need you to save me!"

"Don't address your queen in such away,"
Marcus said stone-like, but still furious.

"She is not my queen!" Julianne exclaimed. 
Her breathing became ragged, her voice strained, and something that he thought was impossible touched her features: ugliness.  She looked wretched right now. "She will never be my queen!"

Bridgette gently squeezed Marcus’ forearm, continuing to calm him down. "Julianne, I suggest you keep your mouth shut because I am going to offer you something you are going to want to hear," Bridgette told her. When Julianne said nothing, Bridgette continued. "Julianne, I'm not going to have you arrested, and don't worry, it's not because I like you. Instead, I'm going to give you an option that you have five minutes to decide." She released Marcus’ arm and took a step forward, her eyes looking deep into Julianne's. "I want you to run, Julianne. I want you to run and never look back. You will not be a part of this pack anymore."

Julianne opened her mouth once more, but shut it as tears continued to eclipse her cheeks.

"You have not bonded with anyone here," Bridgette reminded her. "You could start over again, or you could stand trial for attempted murder."

It took Julianne a long minute before she finally nodded her head once, biting her bottom lip as she did so.  It wasn’t a difficult decision to make.  She wasn’t tied to anyone here, and she would certainly never see Bridgette as her rightful queen. "Fine," she murmured. "Fine. I'll go."

And just like that, she was gone.

The next morning, Bridgette woke up due to Marcus gently tracing patterns on the small of her back with his rough fingertip. Goosebumps had erected throughout her body, and though she had yet to actually open her eyes, a sigh of content slipped past her lips before they curled up into a smile. As Marcus watched her face, he grinned wolfishly down at her, despite the fact that she couldn't exactly see him, and leaned forward so his lips could caress her forehead.

"Good morning," he whispered, his lips causing small vibrations against her skin.

"Good morning," she murmured, her voice laced with sleep, causing his smile to deepen even more. She opened one eye so it locked with his, furrowing her brow as she suppressed a yawn. "Did Julianne really leave?" she asked before blinking her sleep away and looking at the man next to her.

"I think so," he assured her with a swift nod of his head. Marcus was currently lying flat on his stomach, his arm around Bridgette's waist, his fingers still dancing along her back as though she were piano keys.  Her skin was soft and silky. "How did you know she was in my room anyways?" he asked her, his eyes shining with curiosity.

"I could smell her," Bridgette explained. "I was also planning to come into your room anyways because there was something important I had to tell you, but I found her there instead."

Marcus furrowed his brow. "I don't remember you telling me anything important," he murmured.

"I must have forgotten," Bridgette replied.

"Well, what is it?" he asked her, trying to read whatever it was she wanted to say from the light of her eyes.

"I love you," Bridgette said simply, and she realized that it was easier to say those three words than she had originally thought. "I came to tell you last night that I love you."

Marcus arched a brow, this time surprised, as a smile touched his face. He was pleased nonetheless and he pulled her closer to him. "Is that right?" he asked her, his eyes dancing with obvious mischievousness.

"That is right," she assured him, reaching up and locking her hands around his neck, making sure to keep eye contact with him.

"Good," he said softly, tilting his head down once more so that it was the tip of his nose gently touching her forehead. "That is very good news because I happen to love you as well." For a moment, neither of them spoke. Instead, they stayed there, holding each other, thinking about everything they had gone through. Then, without warning, Marcus opened his eyes. "Marry me," he whispered in a low, husky voice. Bridgette furrowed her brow but looked up at him, trying to read his eyes. "Marry me," he said again. "Be my queen. Stay by my side."

A smile touched Bridgette's lips. It was absolutely crazy to say yes to a man's proposal when they had so recently confessed merely their love for one another. They hadn't gone on one single date together, but they've made love more than a few times. Bridgette knew that if such a proposal took place before she had met Marcus, she highly doubted she would accept, whether or not she had been together with him for a long time. But then again, Marcus wasn't a normal man – he wasn't even a man at all. And somewhere, deep down inside of her, she wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with him.

"Okay," she agreed with a shy nod of her head. "Yes, I'll marry you."

It took much longer than either of them had anticipated before they decided to leave the bedroom.

---

That afternoon, Marcus and Bridgette decided to take a stroll together through
the forest. This was becoming a habit between the two; nearly every day they were there, following old trails and making new ones. Bridgette didn't even worry about getting lost when she could smell her way back to the manor. The heightened senses really did come in handy, especially when it concerned survival skills. The day was bitter cold, but there was no snow on the ground. She didn't even seem to feel cold, and she hoped she wouldn't miss the sensation of it.

Currently, they were walking in front of the house, Bridgette's arm slipped through
Marcus’, laughing about something that only the two of them seemed to know about. A small silver band rested on Bridgette's ring finger on her left hand, but they had yet to make any formal announcement on the update of their status. Soon, though, they would.

Marcus didn't care; he wanted to marry her as soon as possible. Hell, he'd marry her tonight if she let him.
However, he knew that it was important that they wait for a bit and let Bridgette adjust to being a werewolf, let alone engaged. So to pass the time, the couple spent it together, talking about their future.

Suddenly, a car drove up, one that was unfamiliar to Marcus but quite familiar to Bridgette.
He tensed as it pulled up to them, and like she had the previous night, Bridgette squeezed Marcus’ forearm, indicating that everything was going to be all right. When he saw Clive get out of the car, Marcus started to growl in a low rumble, like thunder from a far-off storm slowly making its way to them.

"Don't worry," she whispered, her eyes never leaving Clive. "I'll take care of this." She took a couple of steps towards her friend, offering him a friendly smile before crossing her arms over her chest. "Hey Clive," she greeted. "How can I help you?"

"Bridgette," Clive said, his blue eyes flickering over to Marcus with uncertainty. "May I talk to you alone? It's very important."

"Anything you say to me can be said in front of Marcus," Bridgette said, glancing back at her fiancé and giving him a secretive smile.

The couple exchanged a look and Clive furrowed his brow. "I don't understand," he murmured.

"Clive, Marcus and I are engaged to be married," Bridgette said. Clive’s face turned red, a clear indication he was upset about what she had just told him, and before he could open his mouth to interject, Bridgette held up her hand, cutting him off. "Before you say anything Clive, make sure you're careful about what actually comes out of your mouth. I am marrying Marcus because I love him, though I highly doubt you would believe such a thing."

"How can you love this guy, Bridge?" Clive asked in disbelief, pressing his brow together as he regarded her with earnest eyes. "This guy bit you without your consent. This guy
turned
you into one of him. It's that mark that's clouding your judgment." He pointed at the mark almost accusingly.

"If you don't watch it," Marcus said, taking a step forward, "this guy will snap your neck in two seconds."

Bridgette reached out and placed her hand on Marcus’ chest, preventing him from coming any closer but kept her focus primarily on Clive. "Actually, Clive, my mark has nothing to do with how I feel emotionally towards Marcus," she said, her tone firm. "Yes, it does significantly connect us, especially when our feelings at any given moment is particularly strong, but when it comes to emotions, those are made up by my own free will. The mark has more to do with physical situations, and the enhancement on those particular experiences."

"I don't want to hear about your sex life!" Clive exclaimed with absolute disgust. "I don't want to hear about how dogs mate! You know you're a dog now, don't you? You're one of them.
  It doesn’t matter that we bagged the two wolves thanks to you.  None of what you’ve done matters anymore.  You’re one of them."

Marcus took another step forward despite Bridgette's hand on his chest and growled threateningly.
Bridgette did not think it was wise that Clive was insulting her in front of Marcus. If she weren’t so insistent, she knew he would have liked nothing better than to rip this guy to shreds.

"I know I'm one of them," Bridgette told him, her voice still calm despite the insults he had just hurled at her. "And I'm okay with being one of them. Whatever Marcus is, I want to be. As long as I'm with him, I'm happy."

Clive shook his head, still in denial about everything. "No," he said. "No. You have no idea what you're talking about. You don't. You're delusional." He paused, pressing his lips together before regarding Bridgette once again. "The Bridgette I knew wouldn't give her job up at the NDS. The old Bridgette I knew loved what she was doing and would never in a million years think of dating the same dog she was supposed to arrest months before. The Bridgette I knew wouldn't get married after the few months of knowing him and despising him all the while."

"That may be so, Clive," Bridgette allowed, her words soft. "But I've changed. I know I'm giving up a lot, but I feel I'm gaining so much more." She took a step towards Clive and dropped her hand from
Marcus’ chest, locking eyes with the man before her. "Clive, it is important that you hear what I say now and heed my warning. You are never to return here. Ever. And if you do, I will not stop Marcus and our pack from doing whatever they want to you. I thought that maybe we could remain friends, but I see now that that isn't possible." She took a step back, as though to show him where her loyalties laid. "Now leave Clive. And don't come back."

“What about Kendell?” he asked as his last resort.  Bridgette could smell the desperation on him
, could hear it in his tone.

“If Kendell shares your beliefs regarding my kind, she, too, is not welcome here,” she replied.  “But if she is open to sustaining a relationship with me, with whom I am now, than she
is free to come here whenever she wants.”  A beat.  “Now go, Clive.  Don’t make me say it again.”

Clive looked like he wanted to argue, but he stopped and did as he was told.

Bridgette glanced back at Marcus and smiled at him, reaching up to close her fingers in his thick hair.  Her mind drifted to her old life.  Her heart constricted at the thought of what she was giving up; a good job, her friends, her old life as she knew it.  But she couldn’t go back.  Not when she was different.  Not when she was Changed.  She only hoped Kendall would know it was still her, still the same Bridgette she had always been.

“You didn’t have to give up your job,” he told her, cupping her cheek with his hand.

“I want to focus my attention here,” Bridgette said.  “Maybe I could help train the pups and the servants in self-defense.”  She smiled at the thought.  Her mother would certainly have no qualms about that.  She shrugged her shoulders, a light brush pinching her cheeks.  “If everything goes well with Kendall, I could work on bridging a gap between the pack and society.  Maybe integrate us more.  We could all learn, you know?  I don’t know.”

“Hey,” Marcus said with a soft smile.  “Whatever you choose to do, I support.  I know how stubborn you can be.  When you set your mind to something, you do it.” 
A pause.  "Did you mean what you said?" he asked her.  “I would understand if you needed more time to think about giving up everything I know.”

"I meant every word
," she promised him. "It’ll be hard, I know.  I’m going to miss my home.  I’ll have to return so I can pack up my belongings and make a life over here, with you, with the pack.  But I love you, Marcus.  You’re worth everything.  Now come on.  We should probably tell everyone before news breaks back in Somerset about our engagement."

Marcus grinned and agreed, swooping up Bridgette in his strong arms and leading her back to the manor. He had no doubt his pack would take the news much better than Clive did.