Losing Myself in You (5 page)

When Bridgette walked into work the next day, she was still angry at her entire situation. After Dr. Cooper went over her test results and handed her a copy, she faxed them to her superiors with a scrawled note the physician wrote that explained everything.  A couple of days later, the sent her an email, informing her she could stay in her current position at the company until her body started to
“
change
”
(if she changed at all). Then, they would decide where to put her, if they were, in fact, going to keep her with the company.

Bridgette tried not to worry about it, but honestly, she couldn't help it. In circumstances such as these, normally it was Bridgette who was calming somebody else down,
assuring them that everything would be all right. Hell, not even her coworkers gave her that much courtesy. Everybody looked at her as if she had already changed, becoming a werewolf. People looked at her with wide eyes, full of sympathy or disgust. She was already being discriminated against and she was still human!  If she wasn't the center of attention, it would have been interesting to study the human psyche. They were always afraid of things they couldn't explain, and Bridgette was definitely something they couldn't explain. Though the amount of Marcus Sterling's venom that currently inhabited her body was a miniscule amount, it seemed to be enough to cause her body to transform…

They just didn't know when.

The Research Department of NDS had spent years and years determining when a normal werewolf bite caused change in a human. Standard results said it took thirty days due to the strong moon cycle, but they had never studied a bite given by an Alpha male. In werewolf society, Alpha males were supposed to keep their line pure, and that meant mating with a female werewolf. But then again, it wasn't as though he could necessarily control himself around someone he was strongly attracted to. He was too animalistic. And she was his innocent prey.

Bridgette hated Marcus Sterling for putting her through this. Why did it have to be her and not someone else?

Roughly a week after the news broke of her attack, and everyone knew it.  Clive probably got overtly-excited at the prospect of studying her like a lab rat and spilled everything, causing everyone to get excited.  And scared.  And judgmental.  She couldn’t even walk in headquarters without hearing whispers about her – thanks to her new hearing. 

Bridgette silently strolled
across the lobby until she reached the elevators. Once she stepped inside, she pressed the button for the third floor. This was where Bridgette's department was – Field Agents. When she stepped out, five heads snapped towards
the elevator's direction, enigmatic expressions written on each and every face.

Well… that was weird. She knew she was now labeled as some kind of freak but were people already afraid of her? She was still the same Bridgette Barker, just with some werewolf venom in her. Not a big deal…really.

"Bridgette," Clive said, standing up from the desk he currently occupied, closest to the elevator.  Normally, he would have been at his own office, but for whatever reason, he was sharing a cubicle with a junior agent, helping the kid out or something like that. Except Clive, narcissistic extraordinaire,
never
assisted junior agents. It was his version of hazing rituals. "I need to discuss something with you. Can we go to an early lunch?"  From the corner of his eye, Bridgette noticed his finger twitch and her body immediately tensed.  Clive was antsy about something.

Bridgette continued walking to her office
, putting on a façade of nonchalance.  She passed the rows of cubicles until she made it to her office at the far end of the floor, Clive trailing behind her the entire way. "Clive, it's not even nine o'clock," she chided, trying not to make it obvious how curious she was to his intentions. "Sometimes, early is just too early."

"Wait, um, maybe you shouldn't –"

But all of Clive's warnings were ignored (and completely misunderstood) because Bridgette opened the door to her office, walked in, and then shut it behind her. What the hell was that about, exactly? She had a lot of work she needed to –

Oh. Oh
fuck
.

Standing there, in the corner of her office, was none other than the werewolf in question.  The very same one that sunk his teeth into her nec
k and inserted his venom into her neck and had also inhabited a very intimate dream with her a few nights ago. His hazel eyes were burning into hers, as if he were glaring at her, but upon further notice, she had a feeling that no malice laid behind that intense gaze. His arms were crossed over his chest and his shoulders were hunched forward, taking away some of his height. To anyone else, Marcus Sterling might have looked intimidating, but to Bridgette…

Well,
she didn't know what he to think of him, but she certainly wasn't afraid of him.

"What, may I ask, are
you
doing here?" she demanded of him, walking over to her desk and setting her briefcase down. She was still reeling from exhaustion from her dream, but had been afraid to back to sleep in case it happened again.

"I have come to talk to you," Marcus said in his deep, gravelly voice and arched a
left thick brow, as though he was asking permission to continue. Of course the Alpha male would never actually ask verbally. He was an Alpha male for goodness' sake!

"What could you possibly want to talk to
me
about?" Bridgette asked him, as she slid into her comfy black leather chair and leaned back against it.  His big, hulking frame blocked out the accolades she had collected in her eight years of being a service agent from view.  She gave him a pointed look. "You
bit
me. You sunk your feral canines into my skin and injected – without my consent, by the way - your venom in me."

"It's not venom," Marcus denied
with a growl, offended at the label these humans had placed on something so natural.

"Is it
?" Bridgette questioned. Her brows furrowed as she felt her anger slowly start to increase and she curled her fingers into tight fists. "Do you realize that even though you only put a small amount of whatever you want to call it into me, I'm still going to transform into one of you?"

"One of us?"
Marcus asked, balking at her use of diction.

"Yes, one of you," she snapped, standing up so she was on more equal footing with him, though he was still a good head taller than she
was. "Look." Her voice quieted into its normal tone, but her anger was still there. "I'm not prejudiced against you guys. Don't get me wrong, but you can't just bite me and expect me to be ecstatic over something like this."

Marcus looked at her for a long moment, and though his face
was still contorted into a hard look, his eyes softened. He understood and maybe agreed with what she was saying. He couldn't even imagine what she was going through –

"And don't think you can toss me over your shoulder and take me back to your mansion in the woods," Bridgette continued, her eyes looking down at the papers on the surface of her desk. "Just because you've marked me doesn't mean I'm yours or anything like that."

Though Marcus had no interest in claiming her as his own, he felt himself get defensive. There was still that attraction he felt for her, and the fact that she just outright refused him left him feeling unsettled. His eyes narrowed on her neck, but for the life of him, he couldn't find the mark.
His
mark.

"Where is it?" he asked suddenly, reaching out and placing his large hands on the corners of his desk, leaning towards her with a demanding look in those eyes. "Where is the mark?"

"I covered it up," Bridgette replied, sticking her nose up, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You couldn't possibly expect me to walk around with that bull’s-eye on my neck that screams I'm practically a werewolf."

"You covered up the mark?" Marcus asked
, and his mouth went slack for a moment.  She had thrown him off, and she had a feeling Marcus Sterling was not one to be thrown off all that often.

He opened his mouth as though he were ready to yell at her when he clamped it shut and growled. Finally, in a low voice, he said, "You can say and do whatever you want, but that doesn't take away from the fact that you are mine. You won't notice it yet, but you will. With my
venom
in you, not only will you change into
one of us
, but no other man will ever satisfy you. You'll be craving something only I can provide."

"I thought you didn't want me," Bridgette said through gritted teeth, hoping her face wasn't as red as it was warm.

"I don't," Marcus snapped. "But that doesn't mean you're not mine."

Bridgette was about to respond when Clive snapped the door open. Both Bridgette and Marcus
glared at him, and though Clive could be quite brave when he wanted to, he certainly felt intimidated by their stares.

"Should I escort him out, Bridge?" Clive asked, and Marcus's sensitive hearing immediately picked up the tone of familiarity between the two.

“Why can’t we arrest him?” Bridgette asked, throwing her icy stare onto Clive.  “He was a target, yes?”

“
For interrogation purposes,” Clive said with a curt nod of his head.  He purposefully avoided any sort of eye contact with Marcus.  “But we don’t have hard evidence to actually arrest him.  That’s why we wanted…”  He let his voice trail off and pushed up his brow, indicating she should know what he was talking about.

And she did.  They wanted the two wolves beneath Marcus to rat their Alpha out.  Marcus was only a target for questioning, and somehow,
it was worth the risk of their lives.  Two agents lost their lives.

"I'll go," Marcus said, refraining from adding anything biting to his tone. His eyes went back to Bridgette and
she thought they were warning her about something on some level. "But don't forget what I said."

And without another word, Marcus pushed past Clive
, making sure to knock shoulders with the leaner man, and walked out the door.

It was dinner time, and Marcus was still
wearing a scowl on his rough face. To be honest, he couldn't quite believe he actually walked through the doors of the Nocturnal Defense Society headquarters. Stranger still, no one questioned him or tried to stop him. Hell, no one had even attempted to arrest him, the sole purpose for Bridgette Barker's presence at his home in the first place.  Not arrest, apparently.  Questioning.  Even though they claimed they were there to arrest him.  What a joke.  It seemed Bridgette hadn’t been in on the plan, either, which was odd, since he assumed she excelled at her job.  At least, judging by the multiple awards on honors littering the walls of her office. He wasn't sure where he had been going once inside the building, but he could smell her scent throughout the building.  She was an agent here, after all.  But the strongest place it resided was a certain office on the third floor; naturally, he assumed it belonged to her.

The occupants of the third floor were afraid of him, a fact that made him grin. They never asked him why he was there, who he wanted to see… There was only one man who looked like he might have done something about it – some brute with black hair and blue eyes
, who was hunched over a computer until Marcus walked in – but he didn't. He was the same man who asked if he should escort Marcus out. Marcus would have loved to see the guy try.

Bridgette hadn't been afraid of him. She didn't
seem to care about his presence, and during their heated exchanged, she stood up to him and had no problem talking back. Her ice-blue eyes ignited a fire deep within him and he wanted nothing more than to sweep the surface of her desk so everything scattered to the floor before taking her right there. She angered him, his temper rising with each moment he had been in her office.  Somehow, this only increased his desire for her. After the dream he had experienced, how could he not want her.

No, he didn't want to marry her, but his hormones rivaled those of a fourteen year old human boy when he was around her.

It was almost like a weakness.

But he didn't want to think about that. Not now, at least.

He turned his attention back to his roast beef, mashed potatoes, and goblet of red wine, back to his pack.  The dining room in the mansion was one of the largest rooms in the manor. Breakfast and lunch weren't required for the clan to eat together, but dinner was, so the table (and the room, of course) had to accommodate to at least twenty people. The pack was always growing, whether it was with pups or mates, it didn't matter. As usual with most families, there was a special table reserved for children, which really had no structure to it.

The dining table for the adults, however, did. Since Marcus was the Alpha male, there was no question that he was seated at the head of the table. On each side of him sat the Elders, or those that Marcus went to when he had troub
le making decisions for his pack. Marcus's authority went without question, but he always took the opinion of those older and wiser than he was. He didn't always follow their advice, but the fact that he asked in the first place showed a great amount of respect. Some Elders weren't even considered in certain packs.

Besides the Elders was the usual mix of adults. There was no assigned seating, but people tend
ed to gravitate towards those like them, so the arrangement was always similar with little discrepancies. When he did marry, however, his wife would take her rightful place on his left side and the Elders would move across the table, so they sat next to each other on his right.

After the first course was served and the glasses were filled with an assortment of drinks, Marcus stood. It was a sign that he wanted
to address them all, so his pack quieted and gave him their full attention. He had never liked speaking in front of them, but when it was necessary, he forced himself to do it. And if anything, this particular topic was quite necessary.

"I know many members of this pack
are wondering when I am going to take a wife," Marcus began. He never spoke with a preamble, instead going straight for the point. He could be quite blunt when it came to what he wanted to get across, but his pack respected him for his honesty. "I have put it off for a long time because I wanted to concentrate on the betterment and advancement of the pack, as well as the fact I have yet to actually experience phasing. But I do want to reassure everyone that I do know my responsibility concerning my position as Alpha male, and just because I have yet to actually take a mate does not mean I won't in the future."  He plopped back down and started cutting at his food, clearly done with saying anything more on the matter.

"We are just worried," one of the Elders, a man named Thane, said. "There are just so many women out there
who would suit you and this pack quite well…"

"Maybe our expectations of you were higher than necessary," the other Elder, a woman name
Razi, put in. "Your parents, may they rest in peace, found each other just when your father inherited the title of Alpha male. They had you shortly thereafter, and you were raised during his best years. Without your mother, he may have never made certain decisions that helped our pack prosper and gain the respect that we have."

Marcus felt him growl softly at the mention of his paren
ts. They had died a hundred years ago. Because of their shocking and abrupt death – Marcus never found the hunter that shot them - Marcus had to take control of the pack at a young age, and instead of turning his attention to potential mates, he focused on attaining as much knowledge as he could in order to be a great leader. He didn’t like anyone mentioning his parents; he felt like he failed them.

"But he
has
chosen a mate," Julianne said, speaking up for the first time. Everyone, including the Elders and Marcus, turned to look at her. Marcus clenched his teeth together in order to gain some sort of control.  His first piece of food was left forgotten on his fork. How could she possibly know…?

"She’s a human. I saw her.
”  A gasp from someone down the table.  Marcus didn’t even turn his head to see who it was.  His hazel eyes were set on Julianne, narrowed, calculating.  Her rose-red lips were turned up and her eyes sparkled brilliantly.  She was enjoying this. “She came to talk to him, but I intercepted her, unsure of her true intentions. His mark was there, though, on her neck."  She tilted her head down to draw eyes to her own slender neck, her finger brushing her pulse.

E
veryone turned to look at Marcus. How could Julianne have known and not spoken of Bridgette's presence, especially when she had supposedly wanted to speak to him? He couldn't exactly reprimand her now, and she knew this too, because most everyone was looking at him for some sort of explanation.  Some were looking at him with their full mouths hanging open, while others avoided looking at him altogether.  As though they were ashamed for him… or of him.

"If I had my head on straight, it never would have happened," Marcus said, attempting to defend his actions as best as he possibly could. "Something just took over me, and I bit her. It was more animalistic than anything else."

"A human?" Thane asked, completely ignoring Marcus's defense.  He didn’t sound too disgusted by it, Marcus noted.  Curious, sure.  Definitely weary.  But not disgusted.

"I have never heard of an Alpha marking a human,"
Razi murmured, her face losing color.

Murmuring pierced the silence.  Silverware clattered to the china plates.  One pack member – on older fellow – gulped down his goblet of wine.  The pups were still chattering away
at their table on the other side of the room, as though nothing happened.

"I'm not exactly sure what to say to this," Thane continued, his e
yes focused solely on his mate sitting directly across from him.  Razi stared back.  They didn’t need to speak to each other to communicate.

"
It’s a travesty is what it is,” Razi said, her face contorting up into a snarl.  She didn’t notice the errant strands of greying brown locks escaping from their confines of the clip currently holding her hair into place.  “Our pure line has been tainted with human.  How could you do this, Marcus?”

“He didn’t have much of a choice, my dear,” Thane pointed out before Marcus had a chance to defend himself.  He was grateful for it, truth
be told; arguing with Razi was like arguing with a brick wall: exhausting and impossible.  “Phasing can occur between any two people, regardless of race, sex, and age.”

“You cannot tell me you approve of this?” she asked him in disbelief.

“Approve?”  He shook his head so his thick, shoulder-length blond hair followed his movements.  “No.  But what’s done is done, Razi.  Our Alpha phased with a human.  He already marked her.  What else can be done about it?”

She was silent for a long moment, letting her mate’s words sink in.  Then,
"We will need to meet her," Razi said, turning her head so she locked eyes with Marcus. "Before you go through with your decision, however animalistic it was, we will need to meet her and give you our approval of the match.  Just because you’ve phased with someone does not mean she’s entitled to be your Alpha female, especially because she’s human.” 

"There's no need
to meet her!" Marcus exclaimed, his temper getting the better of him for a moment. When he realized his outburst, he lowered his voice. "I have no desire to marry her. She is obnoxious and annoying and I have no idea why I bit her in the first place!"

"It doesn't matter that you don't want her or that you don't understand why you did what you did,"
Razi explained.  She took a sip of her wine and let it linger in her mouth before swallowing. "Love is incomprehensible, something the mind cannot understand. So, our body reacts for us because it has a better understanding of the emotion."

"You are saying I love her?" Marcus asked in disbelief.

"She is saying that though your mind won't allow it, your body already knows," Thane answered. "You know that when a wolf bites anything – human, wolf, whatever – the victim experiences a hunger that cannot be satiated by anyone else but the wolf, correct?" Marcus said nothing but nodded, listening intently. "Well, the same goes for the wolf. He will never be fully satisfied by anyone other than the woman he bit."

Marcus's mouth dropped open upon hearing that. He had expected it would just be one way, not…

"It is imperative that we meet this woman and give her our approval," Thane told him, and though his voice was light, Marcus could tell the Elder was quite serious.

"And if you don't?" Marcus
asked. His breathing hitched at all of this new information. "If you don't approve of her, what will happen? You say I will never be satiated by anyone else… Will you throw her out?"

Thane pressed his lips
together, not willing to be the one to tell Marcus what will happen.

Razi
took over, as she usually did. "We will take a vote and you could be expelled from the pack because of a decision that could negatively affect us," she told him, her demeanor softening as she continued to regard him with fierce eyes. Though she was usually a hard woman, she was quite fond of Marcus.  “In all likelihood, we will reject her.  She’s human, after all, regardless of your body’s response to her.  From there, you can either choose a wife from this pack and live a long life with someone who isn’t your true mate, or you can choose to withdraw from your Alpha position, from this pack, and be with her."

Marcus felt his heart constrict at either choice.  From the corner of his eye, he noticed Julianne with that same smirk stained on her porcelain face, like a pristine doll.  She didn’t even bother to hide the fact that she was enjoying the show.  His pack was resuming eating, and now most couldn’t look at him.  Some outwardly refused to do so.

He concealed a growl and gripped the wooden arms of his chair to keep from tearing his cloth napkin to shreds.  What had he gotten himself into?