Losing Nuka (Litmus Book 1) (26 page)

“Please don’t say it. I won’t be able to let you go.”

He nods. “This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

Wrapping our arms around each other tighter, he kisses me like he never has before.

What we’ve become … it’s something I didn’t know could exist outside of me and Declan. Declan may be my soulmate, but I chose a different path and fell in love with someone who’s just like me. He’s broken, weighted with baggage, and emotionally stunted. But we match.

He pulls back from me. “You need to go, Nuke.”

I shake my head. I can’t leave, not yet.

“Please. I’m so close to refusing to leave you, I can’t stand it.”

Sniffing, I wrap him in another hug. “Okay.”

“You can trust Drake. He’s one of the good guys.”

“Thanks, bro,” Drake says from the entryway.

“You didn’t let me finish.” Brett says, before focusing back on me. “He’s a good guy, even with his lame come-ons and serious lack of game.”

“Is that really called for?” Drake asks.

“It got her smiling, so yeah. It was totally called for.” He hugs me for the millionth time before stepping away completely. “You need to go,” he says, placing the car keys in my hands.

This is it? This is our end?

With one last look into Brett’s chocolate eyes, Drake wraps his arm around my shoulders as he escorts me out of the house and to Brett’s … no,
my
car.

“Wait!” I hear Brett’s voice as we reach the bottom of the porch steps.

He bounds down them, almost knocking me over as his mouth connects with mine in some desperate plea for me to change my mind and go with him. It almost works.

“I had to do that one last time.” He pulls away, leaving my lips tingling and my heart broken.

I stare after him as he walks back into the house. How can something feel so wrong, yet be so right at the same time? Why is doing the right thing so damn sucky?

I hand the keys to Drake.

“Really? Really, really?” He’s so excited, I can’t help but smile at the guy.

“I’m not exactly in the best shape to drive.”

“Oh my God! I could kiss you.”

“Please don’t,” I say, putting my hand up to stop him coming closer. It just makes him laugh.

We’re silent for the short drive back to the hospital. Drake helps me back inside and up to my ward where I try to sneak back into my room. Unsuccessfully.

There are two uniformed cops standing in the entryway talking to one another. I’m grateful that I don’t recognise either of them from growing up around cops.

I start shivering. I don’t know if my injuries are suddenly worse or I’m nervous the cops are here, but Drake has to physically hold me up.

Surely they haven’t found Silver yet?

A nurse rushes to my other side, helping us to get me to my room. We get pretty close before the police notice we’re there.

“Miss James?” one of them asks.

I nod and swallow hard.

“I’m Officer George, this is Officer Shay. We were alerted to your missing status after the hospital found your bed empty around ten thirty last night. Could you tell us where you were?”

“Do you mind if I lie back down first? I’m not feeling too great.”

They step aside so the nurse and Drake can help me to the bed. “I’ll go find the doctor,” the nurse says.

“So where were you? The hospital mentioned worries of an abusive fiancé,” Officer George says while giving Drake the evil eye.

I laugh. “He’s not my fiancé,” I say, pointing at Drake. “He’s my brother. I called him and asked for him to take me out. I couldn’t sleep, and I was hungry. Hospital food isn’t very good, you know.” I screw up my face.

“You were gone for a significantly long time, and now you’re covered in dirt, you’re bleeding, and you’re not looking too good.”

“Am I in some kind of trouble just because I left the hospital without telling anyone? I went out with my brother, I fell over, my stitches opened up, the car wouldn’t start, so we’ve walked a really long way just to get me back here, okay?”
I’m getting better at this lying thing.

Officer George is sceptical, but Officer Shay nods his head and says, “We’re glad you’re okay, Miss James. We’ll be in touch if we have any more questions. We’re glad this had a happy ending and that you’re safe.”

“Brother?” Drake asks with a smile when the officers leave.

I shrug. “You’ve made out with my sister, so …”

He cringes. “She told you about that?”

“Like the first day I ever met her.”

He shakes his head. “She’s going to get me killed one day.”

“You’re not like Flynn, are you? You’re not going to hurt her? Because Cade’s the last person you’ll have to worry about if you do. You’ll have to go through me first.”

He laughs. “Not possible, my friend. It’s not like that between us, and it’s never gone further than making out. She’s made it perfectly clear where I stand.”

“Do you want more with her?”

He shrugs. “That’s not important, because it’ll never happen. She’s too closed off to let anyone in. I’m actually surprised she warmed to you so easily. Growing up with your mother, not knowing her father, then her first boyfriend being a total dick to her … I’m glad—for her sake—that you didn’t go with Brett.”

“She’s the only reason I’m staying.”

Drake smiles and takes my hand. “You’re pretty awesome. You know that?”

“So are you, when you’re not trying to get into my pants.” I snatch my hand away, and he laughs.

“You know it’s all an act, right? Have I ever once tried to get in your pants while we’ve been alone?”

I think about all the times he’s said inappropriate stuff to me, and he’s right—someone has always been there with us.

“Why do you do that? Why can’t you be this Drake all the time?”

“We live in a world that’s all about image. They expect things, expect you to act a certain way.”

“That doesn’t mean you have to do it.”

“I think you can turn that accusation around on yourself there, missy.”

“Wha—”

“
Heatwave.
”

“Yeah, okay. You got me there.”

We’re interrupted by the doctor coming in. It’s the same doctor I had that first night I was brought in.

“Have a fun outing, did we?” His tone drips with condescension. He looks at Drake. “They tell me you’re her brother?”

Drake nods.

“You are aware that your sister has had major surgery? She shouldn’t be out gallivanting at all hours of the night. She needs rest.” He looks to me. “Don’t even get me started on you.”

Why do I feel like a child being scolded by her father? “Uh …”

“I’m sorry. That’s unprofessional of me. You just … you remind me so much of my own daughter, and if she was here, in your position, I’d … How about I check you over.”

I lift up my shirt for him, and his brow furrows as he takes in the sight of my bandaged wound. “Who—”

“I took a fall and the stitches popped open. They were bleeding and this was all I could find to cover them.”

He purses his lips, removing the bandage. I know it’s bad when he flinches.

“We’re going to have to take you for a scan, make sure no internal stitches have also torn. Infection is already setting in, so you’ll need a dose of antibiotics. We’ll need to redo these stitches, and you’ll be stuck here for a few more days I’m afraid.”

Sighing, I throw my head back on the pillow. “Dammit.”

“No more midnight adventures with your brother, okay? I’ll get those tests ordered.” He goes to walk out but turns back at the last second. “Your fiancé … is he …”

“He’s gone. For good.” It’s true, and it’ll get this weird overprotective doctor out of my hair.

The doctor nods once and walks out.

-21-

REPERCUSSIONS

After another three days in hospital, they’re finally letting me go home tomorrow. My internal stitches proved to be intact, so the issue was mainly with my outside ones. My weird overprotective doctor is still weird, but Sasha thinks he’s dreamy for an older guy and always gets the giggles when he checks on me while she’s here.

I haven’t told her about Brett yet. Whenever she’s asked where he was, I’ve lied and said Litmus.

I’ve been expecting the cops to come. Surely Silver’s body has been discovered by now. Really, that should be the last of my worries because from what I can tell, there’s no way to trace Silver back to me or Litmus. Brett has a connection, but he’s long gone.

I’m terrified of having to lie about Brett’s unknown whereabouts to Cade and Jonas. Drake picked his car up from the train station with no problem, so it’s confirmed. Brett and Paddy are gone—where to, I don’t know, but it’s probably better that way.

When I see Cade making her way towards my hospital room, I start to panic. She shouldn’t be here. She hasn’t visited me at all since I’ve been in here. I still had another day to prepare myself. I can’t do this right now.

What the hell do I do?

“You’re looking better,” she says in a motherly tone, entering the room.

“The doctors say I can go home tomorrow.” I’m frozen in my bed, my voice sounding stiff.

“I actually came to talk to Brett. I assume he’s been with you since he has neglected all of his Litmus obligations and security detail since you’ve been in here.”

“No?” I say with forced uncertainty. “He hasn’t been here for days. He told me he was at Litmus.”
Am I laying it on thick enough?

“Are you screwing with me right now?” she yells.

Temper, temper.

“Seriously. Are you joking?” she yells again.

“Why would I be—”

“His car’s outside, he must be here somewhere.”

“He told me Drake was picking him up and that he was going to leave the car here. I have his keys in my drawer.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “You didn’t think that was suspicious? Why would he leave his car here? How
dumb
are you?”

“I …”

“I don’t want to hear it, Nuka. This is all on you.”

“On me? Why? What am I able to do from a hospital bed? I know he was having family issues, maybe he’s at his home with them. I don’t know, I’m not his keeper.”

“Please. That boy would’ve done anything if you asked. What did you say to him? That you didn’t really love him? That your relationship was all still an act? There’s no doubt in my mind you did something. You’ve been stringing him along for months. It’s not like you could do any better, you should’ve just grit your teeth and accepted him.”

“Like you do with Jonas?” Yeah, okay, even I know that’s a low blow.

She takes two steps towards me, the sting of her backhanding me across the face hitting me before realisation does. Everything everyone has ever said about Cade comes crashing down in crystal clarity.

“You do
not
say shit like that. Jonas has been good to me and good to your sister. He’s treated you with more respect than any of his other fighters as a favour to
me
. You do not disrespect him, okay?”

“Okay,” I say, completely scorned. I guess Brett was right. They’ll be nice until I start pushing the boundaries, something I was already playing with before he left.

“Are you seriously telling me you have no idea where Brett is?”

“I can honestly, one hundred percent, tell you I don’t know where he is.”
Totally not lying.
And that’s why he didn’t tell me where he was going.

“Someone’s going to pay for this.”

Cade walks away, and all I can think to yell after her is, “I’m feeling a lot better. Thanks for asking.”

I rub my cheek where she slapped me, muttering to myself about not being strong enough to hit her back. Even if I wasn’t in the hospital with all these injuries, I’m not sure I’d have the guts to attack her, and that thought disappoints me.

A high whistling noise comes from the doorway. “She got you good. I swear I heard it from down the hall,” Drake says.

Sasha gives me a tight-lipped smile. “Just be glad she didn’t hit you with her massive wedding ring.”

“Does she do that often?” I ask her.

“Not since I learnt how to avoid pissing her off to breaking point. It’s a handy skill to have. You’ll probably want to learn it.”

“I guess I should stop refusing to obey every little thing she tells me to do.”

“That’s probably a good idea. At least for a little while,” Drake says.

“Okay, guys. Can you please tell me what’s going on?” Sasha says. “I haven’t seen Brett for days, Nuka’s been a mopey sack of potatoes, and you two are suddenly … nice to each other. It’s weird and freaking me out. Did Brett break up with you or something?”

“Can potatoes be mopey?” I ask Drake, a smile gracing both our lips.

“Shut up. Just tell me. I won’t tell Mum, you know I won’t.”

Drake and I exchange a glance, and he nods for me to tell her.

“Brett’s gone.” I manage to keep the tears at bay—barely.

“Gone?”

“Won’t be coming back, gone,” I clarify.

“Where is he?”

“We honestly don’t know. His nephew got into some trouble, and they needed to get somewhere safe.”

“But how could he afford … holy shit, you gave him your trust fund, didn’t you?”

“Crap. If you worked that out so quickly, we’re so screwed when Cade finds out.”
This is not good.

“You knew and didn’t tell me?” she asks, pushing Drake in the chest.

“Wasn’t my story to tell,” he says with a lame shrug.

Sasha’s face suddenly turns dark, her mouth dropping open in realisation. “They’ll kill you if they find out.”

“Which is why they won’t find out, right?”

She nods. “Got it.”

***

I’ve been home for two weeks, and so far, Jonas and Cade haven’t really asked too many questions. Drake’s and my story remains the same, so when they’ve asked, we’ve both maintained that neither of us know where Brett is.

My stitches are out and my bruises are healed, but my wrist and ribs are still painful.

I tried going back to my room when I got home from the hospital, but it made me feel disjointed and wrong somehow. It was on the fourth night of tossing and turning that I climbed into Brett’s bed and actually got a decent night’s sleep. I sometimes expect him to walk through the bedroom door any minute, climb in bed, and cuddle into me, but I know that’ll never happen. I’ve been pretty good at keeping it together around Sasha and Drake, but it’s embarrassing that I’ve ended up crying nearly every night. I just keep telling myself,
I did the right thing, I did the right thing,
over and over again.

As much as I remind myself that I have the right to wallow—at least for a little while—I can’t help feeling like one of those lame girls who do nothing but mope because she lost her boyfriend. But it’s not like I have something to distract me from thinking about him considering I’m still recovering and can’t
do anything.

Originally, I came looking for Cade because I thought she’d help me find my voice, who I truly am. In a way, I guess she did. She gave me Brett and he made me realise I can do so much in this world. He hasn’t had anything handed to him. Until my trust fund, he’s had to work for everything his entire life. Me, on the other hand, I had endless opportunities around me, and I rebelled against them, throwing them all away.

I may not be going about helping this world in a conventional way, but I’m doing something I know, something I love, and something I can accomplish. Even if that is beating the crap out of people. I can’t wait until I’m completely healed and can get in the arena again to start building my charity.

There’s a short knock on the door. “Meeting,” Drake says, opening the door just a crack.

“You can come in, I’m decent.”

He opens the door wider as I sit up in bed. “We need to get upstairs as soon as possible.”

“We?”

“They’ve called a meeting for the three of us. You, me, and Sasha.”

My heart leaps into my throat. “Why?”

He shakes his head, and shrugs. “I don’t know, but just stick to the story in case this is about to blow up in our faces. They can’t know we had something to do with him leaving.”

I get out of bed, which I’ve only just realised I didn’t get out of today—at all. When we start making our way out the door and up to the office, my legs feel like jelly.

Sasha’s already in Cade and Jonas’s office when we arrive. The lighting is dim in the early evening light, and it’s kind of eerie. I want to ask them to turn a light on, but the looks on their faces tells me I should tread carefully. Cade and Jonas look furious. Sasha looks terrified. Her eyes are wide, and her bottom lip’s trembling.

“So, would you two like to tell us again about not knowing what happened to Brett?” Jonas says with a startling calmness to his tone.

“We don’t—”

“Cut the crap,” Cade snaps.

Glancing at Sasha out the corner of my eye, I begin to wonder if she betrayed us. Tears have pooled in her eyes, and she’s giving me the most apologetic expressive I’ve ever seen on her.

As if she could sense my accusation, she subtly shakes her head before lowering her eyes, looking at the ground.

Jonas is glaring at Drake with a bemused expression. “Where’s Brett?” His voice comes out deep and gruff.

“We don’t—”

Drake’s cut off by Jonas swivelling the computer screen on his desk to face us. On it, there’s security footage of the hospital parking lot. It shows Drake and I getting out of Brett’s car. He rushes to my side, holding me up as he assists me inside the hospital.

“Still sticking with your story?” Jonas asks.

Trying to be quick on my toes, I say the first response that pops into my head. “Brett had left his car there, like I said. Drake and I went out for a bit. I was feeling claustrophobic being stuck in that hospital room.”
Pretty good for an off-the-cuff response.

“You’re forgetting one thing,” Cade chimes in. “Brett left with his car hours earlier. We have that on tape too.”

Shit.

“You all need to stop lying to us,” Jonas says.

“We’re not lying,” Drake says. “We honestly don’t know where he is … but … we know why he left.”

“And why didn’t you tell us this sooner?” Cade asks.

“We thought you’d blame us. And … he asked us not to say anything. His nephew … he got into some trouble,” Drake says, his usual confident voice shaking.

“We know,” Cade says. “We gave him the money to get him out of it.”

“Only, Paddy didn’t get completely out of trouble,” I say. “Brett needed to take his family away from everything. Start fresh. There was no stopping him.”

“How would he have been able to afford something like that? You can’t just pick up and leave if you have no money. And we know Brett’s finances; we know all of our fighter’s finances. Brett couldn’t have done it,” Jonas says.

“You don’t know everyone’s finances,” Cade says, glaring at me. “Nuka, how much is left in your trust fund?”

I swallow, hard. “Uh …”
Shit.

“Why was I not alerted to this trust fund?” Jonas snaps.

“It’s really not that much, Jonas,” Cade starts, suddenly getting flustered. I guess she didn’t think through blurting that out. “It was to supplement her income from us, seeing as she’s only receiving ten percent for herself.”

“That’s a lie,” Sasha says. “Mum didn’t want you to know because she planned on taking it for herself.”

Cade’s eyes—and I’m sure mine too—go wide.

“What?” I ask.

Cade rounds the desk and is on Sasha quicker than my mind can register what’s happening. She raises her hand, giving Sasha a backhanded slap, not unlike she did to me in the hospital.

“You’re really choosing her over me?” Cade yells. She goes to raise her hand again, but I’m quicker to react this time, catching it before it connects with Sasha’s face.

“Don’t fucking touch her,” I hear myself saying, immediately regretting it because I know what’s coming, but also proud of myself for standing up to Cade.

She tries to use her other hand to punch me. I’m able to get my guard up and push her hard, making her stumble backwards and trip. Her butt hits the ground with a thud.

The fast movements and sudden scuffle have severely hurt my side.

Cade looks up at me, her face scrunched in anger, her eyes trying to glare a hole in me.

I stand over her, holding onto my left side. “What did Sasha mean, you were going to take my trust fund?”