Losing Nuka (Litmus Book 1) (3 page)

“That’s not true,” Declan says, bringing me out of yet another long internal struggle with the science of Defectives. I don’t even know why I bother thinking about trying to make sense of it anymore. “My parents don’t like you because you’re a smartass. It has nothing to do with the fact you’re a walking microwave.” He loves making that joke.

“You know what’s funny? I used to think it was such a coincidence that my name reflected my ability, but my bio dad changed my name. He named me Nuka, because I can nuke things.”

“Lucky your ability isn’t to control lightning. He might’ve called you Striker.”

I nudge Declan with my elbow. “Shut up.”

“Make me …
Striker.
”

“No. That’s not becoming a thing.”

“How about we forget this Cade business, just for a few days. You’ve been obsessing over this woman for three years. You need a break. So let’s go for coffee and put a ban on speaking Cade’s name for the next twenty-four hours, at least.”

“You know I hate coffee.” I grimace.

“But
I
don’t,” he says, giving me a cheeky grin.

“Fine. I don’t really want to go back to your place and deal with your parents anyway. We’ll do coffee now and apartment hunting tomorrow.”

After arriving at Declan’s favourite coffee place a short time later, he grabs a table outside while I go in and order.

The barista hands me the two drinks, and as I turn to walk away, they’re almost knocked out of my hands by some big lug not watching where he’s going. I quickly twist so he doesn’t bump my hands, but some of Declan’s scalding hot coffee spills on my wrist.

“Ugh, son-of-a—”

“Whoa,” the giant says. His voice is soft, and his gentle hand on the small of my back startles me, making me forget what I was going to say. His voice is warm and inviting for someone who is so big and … muscly. A smiling face stares down at me when I finally make eye contact. “That was close. Are you okay?” His brown eyes hold my gaze for a moment before he catches sight of my hand. “Ah shit, sorry.” He runs his hand over his hair. “Let me buy you another one.”

A small blush floods my cheeks, although I don’t know why. “Uh … nah, don’t worry about it.” I fumble for words. “It was only a little spill, and it wasn’t even my drink.” I try flashing a polite smile, but I don’t know if I’m pulling it off. My hand really friggin’ hurts.

He glances in Declan’s direction. “Oh, boyfriend’s drink?”

“Yeah … I mean, no. He’s not my boyfriend, but it is his drink.”

His lip curls up into a smile. “Lucky for me then.”

“Yeah … uh, lucky.”
What does that even mean?

We stand there looking at each other for a few moments before he finally breaks his gaze. “I should probably let you pass so you can get back,” he says, stepping aside.

“Yeah, probably.”

“Sorry again,” he says as I walk by him.

“No worries,” I call over my shoulder, making my way outside to my table.

“What was that all about?” Declan asks when I sit down.

“Nothing. I just almost spilled your coffee everywhere is all.”

“Oh.”

Declan starts talking to me about something-or-other, but I’m still focussed on the brown-eyed, dark-haired guy standing inside the coffee shop, waiting for his coffee. They hand it to him, and on his way out, he looks over and smiles at me, nodding goodbye. I smile back but don’t attempt a nod in reply. I’ve never been able to pull that move off. I always look like I have a nervous tic.

“Hello. Earth to Nuke,” Declan says, waving his hand in front of my face.

“Sorry, what?”

“Are you going to go see your parents anytime soon?”

I shrug. “I don’t really have to anymore.”

Declan tilts his head to the side disappointedly. His sky blue eyes bore into my purple ones. My stupid purple eyes.

I was born with hazel eyes, but they started turning around the time I hit puberty. Lia and Jayce took me to numerous doctors, none of which helped explain why my eyes were changing colour. The best explanation they could come up with was because of the higher levels of radiation coursing through my body due to my ability to heat things, my eyes had some sort of reaction to the radiation. They assure me I’m completely healthy, though, and the radiation hasn’t caused any other changes in me. I do have to go for regular checks, however, and will have to for the rest of my life. Apparently, I’m at high risk for developing cancer, but it’s not like that’s not curable these days—depending on which type it is.

“They’re your family, Nuke.”

“They stopped being that when I turned eighteen.”

“Really? Because they won’t help you find the woman who gave birth to you? Haven’t you ever wondered why they wouldn’t help? That maybe they’re protecting you?”

“I just want to know why I am the way I am. Answers—that’s all I want. I know that sounds totally cliché, a girl not knowing who she is. Trust me, if it wasn’t me going through this and I didn’t actually know how this felt, I’d want to punch myself in the face. But, what if … what if I’m not living the life I was meant to? I feel like an outsider with Lia and Jayce, like I don’t belong. It may be unfair on them, but it feels like they’re not really mine, like I don’t have a real family.”

Declan leans forward, placing his hand on top of mine on the table. “That’s not true. You have me, and I will
always
be your family.”

I nod absentmindedly.

“I mean it, Nuke. You’re everything to me.”

His reassuring words give me an idea. “We should get a place together.”

Declan sighs. “You know I wouldn’t be able to afford my half. It’s why I still live with my parents, and not in the dorms like a normal uni student. Not all of us were blessed with rich bio dads.”

“But I can use my money for it. You won’t have to pay for anything.”

“I’m not taking money from you, Nuke. And you already know how I feel about you buying an apartment, but you’re so stubborn I know you’re not going to listen. You shouldn’t buy an apartment with it, you should do something smart with it.”

“How old are you? Twenty-one or fifty?”

“Just be careful. I know it’s got to be a lot of money.”

“I’m not going to blow it on something stupid.”

“So you’re really not going to go home anytime soon?”

I shake my head.

“You’ll have to see them soon to get the remainder of your stuff, right? Why don’t you go tonight? Make peace now that you’re officially moving out … not that you’ve really lived there for a long time anyway.”

“Why are you pushing for me to go back there all of a sudden?”

“They … You …” Declan stutters.

“Spit it out, Dec.”

He breathes in deep, letting go of a whole lot of words at once. “You disappear every other week, you don’t call them, you don’t let them know you’re okay, and yet they still support you when you come home. That’s got to count for something. Don’t shut them out completely just because you’re financially free of them now.” He sits back in his chair, letting go of my hand I forgot he was holding. His guilty expression gives everything away.

“They asked you to get me there, didn’t they?”

“They want to see you for your birthday,” he says quietly.

“Unbelievable,” I mutter. “I’m not going. I can’t … I can’t face them. Not yet. Maybe one day I’ll be able to look at them and not wonder what else they’re hiding from me, but right now? I just … can’t do it.”

“They miss you, Nuke. It’s been three years.”

“I don’t care.”
Liar!
I wish I were telling the truth.

-3-

MY BEST FRIEND

“Come on, Striker,” Declan yells through the bathroom door. “Birthday celebrations are going to start in five minutes.”

“Yeah, because nothing says fun like needing to stick to a schedule,” I yell back. “And that name’s still not becoming a thing!”

I’m looking forward to this. I need a night out to relax. Declan’s right, I’ve been obsessing over finding Cade for three years, and I’m completely exhausted.

I check myself over one more time in the mirror. My blonde hair is styled into long curls and flows down my back. My black halter top sits perfectly thanks to some strategically placed double-sided tape so I’m showing off just enough side boob, and my tight dark short-shorts and five-inch heels make my butt look awesome. I’m ready. The only thing I’m missing are my contacts. Declan friggin’ hid them on me, claiming I had to look like “myself” on my birthday. Even though, technically, my birthday was days ago now.

He likes my purple eyes, but he doesn’t have to answer all the questions I get about them. The irony isn’t lost on me that I have to wear coloured contact lenses to escape being asked if I wear contacts.

Declan’s ready and waiting for me when I get out of the bathroom. He’s dressed in dark jeans and a black shirt, his dark hair purposefully styled to make it look like he just rolled out of bed. His mouth drops open when he catches sight of me.

“What’s with the face?” 

“You’re going to make tonight torture for me, aren’t you?” he says in a flirty tone … at least, I think it was flirty.
Is Declan flirting with me?

I raise my eyebrow at him, staring silently at my best friend, the person who’s been there for me ever since I met him at the playground up the street eleven years ago. I shake my head. There’s no way Declan looks at me that way.

When I met him, we’d just moved into the neighbourhood, and Lia was heavily pregnant with Illy. Jayce asked me to take Will out so he could unpack without the help of an overactive four-year-old. Declan was at the skate park next to the playground, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off him. I was in awe of him from the moment we met. He’s the best person I know, inside and out.

But it’s pretty safe to say, if nothing has happened between us in eleven years of friendship—not even a kiss—nothing ever will.

“You’re going to be all over me
all
night because every single guy in the club is going to be hitting on you, and you’re going to be all ‘Declan, save me,’” he imitates me in a high-pitched voice.

“Is that your way of telling me I look good?”

He takes a step back, rubbing his stubbled chin as he mockingly assesses me. “You’ll do. Let’s go. We’re already late.”

We get a taxi into the city, and as I go to pay for it, Declan pushes my hand away. “You don’t pay for anything tonight,” he says with a smile.

I loop my arm through his as we enter the newest club in the city and have to navigate our way through a massive throng of people.
This place is packed!
Declan grabs my hand and holds it tight, leading me to a cordoned-off area with balloons.

“Surprise,” he whispers in my ear.

It isn’t until I hear my name being yelled that I recognise the group of people occupying the area as our old high school friends. I run towards the group and start hugging everyone. I haven’t seen most of them since school.

Thanks to Lia’s stance against segregating Defectives, I went to a normal high school. She said we should set the standard that we won’t cower and won’t remove ourselves from society. So that means none of my friends here are Defective like me.

Declan’s arms wrap around me from behind as he places a drink in front of me. I thank him with an appreciative smile. The rest of the group stare at us, their expressions full of hope and suspicion.

“Please tell me you two have finally got your act together?” one of the girls asks in a high-pitched, excited tone.

“No, Gabs. Still just friends,” I say.

All of their faces drop in disappointment, but this is typical. Even in high school, everyone was pushing for Declan and me to get together.

Eventually, as the night goes on, we all disperse from our little hideaway in the corner of the club for the bar, the dancefloor, or the bathrooms from having drunk so much. The drinks are coming freely, and before long, I find myself on the dancefloor with Gabby, both of us laughing and practically falling over one another.

My eyes find Declan at the bar, being approached by a girl. Declan’s not one to be rude, and I can see him politely flirting back, but surely he can’t actually be interested in
her
.

I know I have no right as the best friend to pass judgement, but seriously, he has the worst taste in girlfriends.

An arm wraps around me, some guy grinding against me. I try to pull away, but he grips me tighter. With a strong elbow to the ribs, I make him take a step back, and just before I get the chance to turn around and punch him in the throat like Lia taught me, a hard body slams into me from the side, moving me away from him. Declan’s eyes find mine, his arms wrap around me, and our faces come so close they almost touch.

“You looked like you needed some help,” he says, smiling.

“You know, I could’ve handled that myself.” I smile back.

“Yeah, and got us kicked out in the process.”

We start moving to the beat, our arms still around each other. It’s not exactly a slow song, but we’re making it one.

“So, having fun?” I ask. “The girl at the bar is probably missing you.”

He pulls his head back, confusion marring his features. “If I didn’t know you better, I’d say I detect a hint of jealousy, Miss James,” he teases.

I hang my head in sudden embarrassment.

He brings his hand up to my face, brushing my fringe behind my ear. He leaves his hand cradling my head, and part of me doesn’t want him to move his hand away. The other part is screaming at me,
“What the frick is happening right now?”

Swallowing hard, I look up into his eyes only to see they’re no longer trained on me.

“Shit,” he swears, dropping his hand from my face.

“What?” I follow his gaze and there
she
is. Standing at the edge of the dancefloor giving us an evil stare is Cassia, the wicked witch of an ex. With her long legs and fake blonde hair … ugh. “You’re not going to go talk to her, are you?”

“You know it’ll only be worse if I don’t, Nuke.” He pulls completely away from me and walks off the dancefloor, leaving me alone.

Gabby’s no longer on the dancefloor anymore either. Storming off in a huff, I head for the bar. Maybe drinking more will help.
Yeah, because alcohol is so known for making things better
. I probably shouldn’t have any more, but oh well, it’s my birthday and I can do what I want to.
Real mature.
I tell my inner voice to shut up.

I lean over the bar, trying to get the bartender’s attention by making my cleavage more noticeable. It’s despicably un-feminist of me, but it works and I want a drink. At least, it usually works. This guy isn’t giving me any attention.
I need bigger boobs.

Some guy approaches on my left, raising his hand to the bartender who promptly places two beers down. I turn to ask how he managed to do that when I’m met with a familiar face. Coffee Guy is standing beside me.

He smiles at me, handing me one of the beers he just bought.

“Thanks,” I manage to say, although it comes out quieter than I would’ve liked.

“I thought you said he wasn’t your boyfriend?” He nods towards Declan who’s now sitting in a booth with the witch, getting into an overly heated discussion. Her arms are flailing about, and he’s wearing a permanent scowl.

“He’s not,” I say, turning back to Coffee Guy.

“Didn’t look that way on the dancefloor.”

“Have you been watching me?”

He leans in and says in my ear, “I haven’t been able to stop watching you since I got here.”

I feel myself start to blush, so I take a swig of beer, hoping to cover my schoolgirl-like crush that threatens to take over me. He’s got to be at least twenty-five. I’m sure he’s used to women who can take a compliment.

“So what’s the story?” he asks, leaning on the bar and taking a drink.

Following his lead, I lean against the bar next to him. “There is no story. We’ve been friends since we were ten.”

“Oh, I bet there’s a story there. If I had to guess, I’d say that’s an ex-girlfriend who broke up with him because of how close he was to you. She thought he was cheating with you and so she cheated on him as revenge, only, you guys weren’t hooking up—even though you want to—and now she feels guilty for not trusting him.”

I gape at him. “Damn, you’re good. Apart from the wanting to part. We’re just friends.”

“Mmhmm.”

“What’s that supposed to mean? And how did you know all that anyway?”

“It’s completely obvious,” he says, smirking.

I grimace at him, unconvinced.

“Okay, fine,” he says rolling up his sleeve and uncovering his Defective mark. “We match.” He lightly runs his finger down my arm and over my mark. “I can hear everything they’re saying.”

“Oh. I was beginning to think I was the only Defective person in here.”

“You dare say the D word?” he asks, more amused than shocked like most people are at that word.

“What can I say, I like the D.”

He almost chokes on his beer.

My eyes widen. “I didn’t mean
that
.”
Oh my God,
I could die.
“I just mean that everybody else says it. Maybe not in public, but they do.”

He takes another swig of his drink, trying to hide his smile.

“So you can really hear them from all the way over here?” I ask.

He nods.

“Can you hear every single conversation going on in here right now? Wouldn’t that give you a headache?”

“I’ve learnt to turn the volume down over the years. I can focus on who I want to listen in on.”

“That seems a bit rude. Weren’t you ever taught that eavesdropping isn’t nice?”

He laughs. “Maybe. But without doing it, I wouldn’t have learnt your name, Nuka.”

“You could’ve just asked me like a normal human being.”

“I could’ve,” he agrees but then shrugs. “But where’s the fun in that?”

“Well, that’s just a little unfair. Now you know my name, but I don’t know yours.”

“Brett,” he answers quickly. We smile at each other, and I can’t seem to tear my gaze away from him, but then his smile suddenly drops. “I’m sorry to say, but your boy is about to abandon you here.”

“What?” I turn to face Declan who’s glaring at me from across the room. Cassia climbs out of the booth and stands there waiting as Declan climbs out too. He shakes his head subtly and breaks his gaze with me, walking towards the exit with Cassia.

“You know what’d really make him jealous?” Brett says in my ear.

“What?”

“If you come home with me,” he whispers in a husky voice.

I down the rest of my beer. “Let’s go.”

Brett grabs my hand and starts leading me out of the club.

We don’t get far through the crowd on the way to the exit when I start doubting my decision.

What am I doing? I’m not the kind of person to just go home with some random guy.

I wonder if he’d still want me after I told him I’m not exactly experienced. I’m not a V-card-holding, wait-for-marriage type of girl, but the one and only guy I’ve been with was in high school, and it was a one-time event. One I haven’t had the courage to try again. Thankfully, Cameron wasn’t here for our little high school reunion tonight. I don’t think I could face him.

It’s something I don’t like to be reminded of. The whole experience was awkward and fumbly. It was more painful than I was expecting, and well, my ability kind of made me react a little defensively. I didn’t mean to burn him, but it was reflex. Having to call an ambulance for second-degree burns to the guy’s special place is not something I want to have to do again.

Brett and I make it out into the alley behind the club before I really begin to hesitate and stop walking.

“What’s wrong?” he asks, turning back to face me.

“Uh … maybe this isn’t such a great idea.”

He closes the distance between us, his arms wrapping around my waist. “Are you sure about that?” His lips are teasingly close to mine, his scent filling my senses.

My legs wobble beneath me as a lusty dizziness takes over my body. “No.”

He smiles and starts pulling me down the alleyway, our bodies still firmly up against each other. We stumble into the shadows, and he pushes me against the wall of the building. His body blankets mine and he’s staring at me with lustful eyes. He smirks when he sees the hesitant excitement in mine.

His lips come down on mine, his mouth hungry for more. And he clearly knows what he’s doing as his tongue dances with mine, sending shivers all over.