Losing Virginity (24 page)

"I
don't mind," Mario muffled into the pillow.

I
could see his bare ass and it was a nice one, but not something I wanted to
confess my loss of virginity to.

"Well,
you better get your story all laid out in all its gory detail for me
tonight," she said.

"I'll
bring the wine," I said.

I
got dressed and on the way out Jess held up her hand and I gave it a satisfying
high-five as I walked out into the world as a woman who no longer held her
V-card.

………

When
I walked back into We Can Do It, I strutted.

I
barely made it past Veronica and the front desk before she shouted, "
Oohhh
, shit. Alex!"

I
could not believe those two. Even as the newly impure woman, everything that
came out of their mouths made me blush. I tried to hurry back into the
accounting office before they caught me and Alex blocked the way. He just had
the biggest, silliest, happiest look on his face that I couldn't help but smile
back to.

He
wrapped me in a big great hug.

"I'm
so proud of you, my little girl," he said, rocking me side to side.

Veronica
came up from behind and joined in on the hug.

"Okay
guys, stop molesting me already. While it is a bit weird to be publicly hugging
me for losing my virginity, thank you," I said, brushing a little tear
from my eyes. These two were great friends and I am not sure what I would do
without them.

They
drew me over to the water cooler and each pulled out a stack of five dollar
bills. You have got to be kidding me. This is the love/hate duality of friends.

"So
dish," Veronica said, and I did.

I
am not sure how much money changed hands between the beginning and ending of my
story, but apparently there was a running bet on how many times we did it in
the night, if there was 'good morning' sex, or oral sex. Apparently Veronica
accurately predicted that I would come down in one of his shirts and neither of
them predicted that he would be naked. Alex predicted he would be making
breakfast, but the odds on that one were pretty good. It was like a freaking
movie okay!

By
the end they were both clapping me on the back and giving me big hugs like I
was some sort of sports champion. Veronica recommended a Planned Parenthood to
get birth control and Alex spilled a handful of condoms into my bag, which
apparently he had stashed in his pocket.
Strange…

"So
drinks tonight, then," Alex said. "As much as you want to, you can't
have a two-nights-in-a-row sort of thing."

Veronica
agreed.

"Yeah,
it's best not to rush in. Fools do that," she said and Alex gave her a
high five and mouthed 'nice one'.

"Okay,"
I sighed. I knew they were right. I didn't want to scare Ryder off, but I just
wanted to run back to his bed right now and call his work if I knew where it
was. "Margaritas after work and if I get too drunk, then I'm allowed to
make a booty call."

"Look
at her with the big girl talk," Alex laughed.

"We'll
decide that," Veronica said, smiling.

She
and Alex hooked arms and walked back to their workplaces, talking about what
their next betting venture was going to be.

I
hope I wasn't the subject of the next one.

Bartok
better not be here to ruin my day. I know I saw her at the restaurant last
night, but there was no way for that ice queen to know anything was any
different. When I walked into her office, she was sitting at her desk, pen in
hand and hard at work.

"Spurgeon,"
was all she said.

Apparently
there weren't going to be any theatrics today. The bitch was off my back! For
one day!

"Get
to filing," she said. "And double time it. We got a corporate meeting
at eleven."

I
was grateful for the lack of drama this morning, so I went at my filing without
complaint. Maybe things were going to go my way today. I could leave work at a
reasonable time, skip out on classes for the afternoon and meet Alex and
Veronica for drinks later.

I
had already convinced myself that I would have a 'few too many' cocktails and
give Ryder a call. I didn't care if it was too soon. As long as I was a bit
drunk it couldn't be misconstrued as the obsession it really was.

I
still smelled like him.

I
smelled my hair and smiled and I remembered the night before.

I
slipped into a daydream, remembering the date on the beach, then the amazing
dinner at The Maria Rosa and then onto the best part. I didn't realize that I
was just staring off into space until Bartok's voice came crashing through my
daydream.

"Spurgeon,"
she said sharply, like she had needed to repeat it several times. “Conference
room, five minutes."

I
shook out of my daydream and finished up the short bit of filing I had left.
When I got out into the hall, I met up with Alex and Veronica who were also on
their way to the conference room.

"Apparently
all twenty five of us need to sit through this lecture," Alex said,
pointing his thumb down and making a farting noise.

"Yeah,
no offense Olivia, but accounting is about as boring as watching me paint
guys," Veronica said.

Alex
cocked his head. "That actually sounds interesting."

Veronica
thought for a moment.
"Yeah.
I think my metaphors
have run out," she finally said.

"Me
too," he said. They shrugged and continued onto the conference room.

The
small little conference room was packed and Alex, Veronica and I had to stand
in the back. This was probably about the new non-profit filing policies
required. I wasn't too bad at my job.

When
I looked up at the door… Bartok walked in… Talking to none other than… Big
Stick… I nearly had an aneurysm.

What
was he doing here? Why the hell was he talking with Bartok? I started panicking
inside.

When
Bartok and Ryder reached the head of the table, that bitch just looked straight
up at me and the corner of her mouth twitched up in how I assume the devil
would smile when he knows he's got you caught.

"What's
wrong, Spurgeon?" she said. "It looks like you've seen a ghost."

Yeah,
you look like a damn ghost you piece of shit! Several of my coworkers looked at
me and noticed that the blood had drained from my face.

"You
alright, honey," Veronica said, holding my arm. "You're all white.
Are you sick?"

I
couldn't speak. I just stared straight at Ryder.

Ryder
looked up and saw me. His face didn't change an inch.

He
knew. He goddamned knew.

My
shock was replaced by fury.

How
could he have known and not told me! Was this why he never talked about his
job?
 
Shiiit
! I
wanted to scream right there and didn’t care what any of these fools thought of
me.

"Shut
up everyone," Bartok shouted with her usual social abrasiveness.
"Ryder Dawson is here from corporate who now runs this entire office. He’s
going to teach us about the new filing forms for non-profits and everyone needs
to pay attention."

It
must have been a pretty easy puzzle to put together because Alex sucked in a
breath and Veronica said "Oh shit" as they realized why I had gone
white as a sheet. They could tell I knew Ryder... They could tell I knew him
intimately… And they could tell my heart was breaking… I couldn’t hold it in
any longer.

“
Noooo
!”
I screamed.

No.
Not Ryder. I didn’t want him to be this kind of guy.

Everyone
turned their heads and stared at me including Big Stick.
This
had to be the most awkward and devastating moment of my life.
Big Stick
cleared his throat, looked at me, and then started explaining the new filing
forms as if he didn’t hear me.

“No,
no, no!” I shouted.

This
was the temper tantrum of a lifetime.

My
head whirled with more thoughts. I couldn't keep them all together. I didn't
know if he was the man I knew or someone else altogether.

I
needed to get some air.

I
marched out of the room with Bartok starring sadistically at me. The sickest
part of this was that she loved it. I was down for the count. Maybe even ready
to quit. Never mind that. I was going to be fired.
Big
fucking whoop at this point.
And that bitch seemed to be the mastermind
behind it. It made me sick to my stomach as I headed down the hall.

Veronica
and Alex followed me, knowing the score and knowing Bartok wasn't going to do
anything. She had already won… Why didn’t I have the guts to just slap a
bitch?
 

I
went to my office and picked up my bag, trying to hold back tears. I was an
ugly crier and no one likes one of those. It's uncomfortable for all parties
involved.

I
wasn't sure what this meant, but neither answer could be good. Either the guy I
had just fallen in love with was lying to me to take advantage of my naive
stupid self, or now one of us needed to quit their jobs and I was pretty sure
which one of us that was going to fall on… I was going to be fired for my
temper tantrum what the hell was I talking about? I made the choice simple.

I
was just a stupid college student looking for a good screw. I’d fall for
anything. Show me a good time and take me on a couple sappy, romantic dates and
I’ll hand virginity over in a heartbeat. I was stupid and easy like all the
other college whores… Just a horny squirrel… No brains, just bounce…

Alex
and Veronica came running after me, but I rushed out of the building before
they could catch me. I didn't need any comforting, not now. I needed to get
home so I could cry in private…

Of
course Jess was at home, naked as a jaybird with her faithful man…JESUS FUCKING
PENUS! That wasn’t an option.

Alex
shouted after me that they were going to find me later for cocktails no matter
what and that I should keep my chin up.

I
tromped off into the woods pretending not to hear them, tears running down my
face.

I
should have known there was something wrong when he never spoke about his job.

He
was…
My Boss’ Boss…My ACTUAL boss.
How did we never
even talk about our jobs?
College?
Oh yeah… We did…
In the elevator…
Before I knew he was, “Big Stick.” I
sighed. Why did I miss that? He could have been the boss of anyone for all I
knew.

I
felt so naive.

This
is what happens when you get your hopes up.

I
turned in to the nearest liquor store and picked myself up a pint of pretty
peach Schnapps. Then stomped my way into a glade in the woods and sat down on a
log. Confident I was totally alone I took the bottle out of the brown paper bag
and took a long swig. The burn felt good.

Then
I sobbed. I didn't know what else to do. I must have sat there for hours.

………

When
Alex and Veronica came tromping into the woods after work I had long sobbed out
all I needed to and was holding an empty pint and deep into the "fuck the
world" stage.

When
they entered my little clearing, I leveled my glare at them.

"Uh
oh," Alex said, his wide eyes leveling at me. "You, lady, are a hot
mess."

Veronica
was carrying a nearly full bottle of Southern Comfort and they sat down next to
me. At this rate I was going to become an alcoholic. They looked at each other,
unsure if they should crack the seal on this new one or take me home. I made
the decision easy for them, grabbing the bottle and twisting the top with all
my drunken might. After a couple of passes around the group everyone was as
depressed as I was.

Alex
laid his head on my shoulder and Veronica put an arm around me.

"It's
okay, honey," she said.

"So?"
I said. “Tell me
th’truth
. I’m no longer a virgin… I
can take it…” I slurred sloppily.

They
both looked at each other and laughed a little.

"Veronica
thinks there's a chance he might be playing you. But, she also thinks that
maybe he
jus
’ doesn't want to see you get hurt,"
Alex said and Veronica nodded. "I think he didn't tell you because he
jus
’ wanted it to work. The guy did seem a bit shell
shocked at the end of the conference and you should have seen his face when you
walked out. Right, Alex?"

“
Thass
right, V. You should have seen hiss face when you
walked out. Right V?”

“Hell
yes.” Veronica agreed.

That made me feel
better… Both
times they said it… Maybe it was the alcohol…

"It
doesn't change that he lied to me," I said. “It doesn’t. It doesn’t change
that he lied.
Once a liar, always a liar.
You lay down
with that dog and then YOU get fleas.” I was spouting scripture… What the hell
was I becoming…? A dick loving alcoholic, that’s what.