Lost and Found (12 page)

She
grabbed her overnight bag from the closet floor and tossed it on the neatly made bed. She pulled open
the
drawers where Richard had put away her clothes
,
and she yanked them out
,
stuffing what she could in the small bag.

She
froze when she realized what he’d done. How could she forget Richard was a master at deflection
?
She nearly laughed, after all
,
she
was no longer pursuing his mysterious meeting.
So he did have something to hide. She knew it. There was a meeting. The question was with who and where? And what was it about?

Richard was a man of mystery
,
one
of the qualities that drew her to him. But facts were facts
.
He
no longer had the right to tell her what to do.
She
zipped up the black bag and hefted it over her shoulder. “Who the hell does he think he is…”
She
jumped as Richard loomed in the doorway, his eyes narrowed as he pushed away from the doorframe, taking slow predatory steps toward her.

“You’re not leaving so put the bag down.”

Her heart pounded, but it wasn’t from fear. There was something possessive about him that hadn’t been there when she’d needed it most. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

He stood so close she could feel his heartbeat as he cupped her face and then spliced his fingers through her messy hair. He lowered his head
,
the tension
,
the heat filling the space between them. His breath so warm and sweet
,
mixed with hers. He leaned closer watching her, yet their lips barely touched. Her lips trembled wantonly until he touched hers
.
His
message clear
,
and
she
couldn’t help herself for leaning into
his
mind-blowing kiss. His hands slid down her back
to
her waist
,
skimming over her derriere
,
and then
he
lifted her
.
As
she wrapped her legs around his waist
,
he walked to the bed. Their clothes disappeared in a frenzy. Richard
’
s possessive hands explored every inch of her in a fast hurried
fury
.
Then he was inside of her
,
and it was hot, hard and fast. She urged him on, begging between their
deepening
kiss
es
. They came together
,
both crying out the other
’
s name.
His
weight collapsed on top of her before he rolled to the side pulling her tight against him,
sated,
their legs tangled together, her muscles
and
her bones limp. She shut her eyes and floated away into the darkness and slept.

Maggie rolled over in bed and blinked at the empty spot beside her. She smoothed her hand over the rumpled sheets and stretched as the bright morning sun filled Richard’s large master bedroom—their bedroom. A sense of peace filled her belly when she remembered
last
night. Richard woke her once when he slid inside her, tender and gentle—a slow ride full of love. He kissed her long and deep and explored every inch of her. This time a deeper connection linked them together and opened a hole she sealed long ago in her heart.

She wiped away the tear that slid down her cheek when fear licked at the hope she had for something good and strong with Richard. Maggie
had
buried her pain behind a wall of nothingness for so long
,
she didn’t know if she was strong enough to take a chance. Where was this going anyway? She wiped
the front of her face with
her hands
,
feeling anger
at
these cowardly thoughts. But then she knew her heart would never survive another tragedy or Richard turning his back on her again.

She loved Richard—she knew
it
in her bones. In fact
,
through all of this
,
she’d always loved him. But the ghost of Lily remained here in this house, on this land
,
and forever between them. How was it possible to get past all the cruel
and
hurtful accusations, the blame—an obstacle between them. At least it was in Maggie’s mind. After merely surviving for fourteen months, she wondered if she was strong enough to expel the desolate emptiness that filled her heart
and
head.
She knew
she thought too much—always had. Her stomach rumbled while she lay naked
,
curled up under the warm duvet. After all
,
she hadn’t eaten anything last night.

Maggie showered and dressed in a peach sweatshirt and blue jeans and
then
wandered into the kitchen to find it clean and restored to its original show home condition. Richard was a stickler for keeping everything organized and tidy.

The coffeepot beside the sink was full. Her favorite pink and white mug was sitting beside the pot. She filled her mug with the dark roast blend. The aroma was intoxicating
.
She
took a heady sip and gazed out the kitchen window at the empty spot where Richard’s truck should be
,
and then
out
over
the acres of land and forest on this property. She really loved this place.

Maggie was sitting at the kitchen table chewing a piece of toast when she heard Richard’s truck pull
up
. Her heart hammered a little harder when she heard both doors open and close and Ryley’s incessant chatter. She flattened her hands on the table and scooted her chair back when
they
strode in the back door together. Richard searched her out
,
and for a heated minute
,
his bright eyes connected with hers
,
and she was positive he sensed her need to run. Ryley hesitated only a second before hugging
her
where she perched on the edge of her chair. And when her little boy—big boy
—
pulled away
,
he was grinning ear to ear
as
he glanced back at his father.

Richard dumped his keys on the kitchen counter.

When Ryley glanced down at
her,
his innocent eyes darted in a hesitant way as if he remembered something that bothered him. “Dad said you weren’t feeling well. You okay now
,
Mom?”

Richard and
she
never discussed the pills
,
and she didn’t know what he told Ryley. She’d never taken them around him. And she kept them stashed in the medicine cabinet with all her toiletries. He was only eleven years old
;
he couldn’t know.

“
Your mom’s
still a little tired. So don’t push her
,
Ryley. Okay?” Richard tossed his tan jacket over the back of the chair and gripped Ryley’s shoulders.

Ryley leaned into his
dad
, an exchange and bond they shared without her that tripped a deeper loss inside Maggie’s heart. When had this strong welded change happened? Ryley had always been her boy. They used to share dreams, have long talks. But then she realized she couldn’t remember the last time they sat together
as
she listened to what he said. Her heart tore at the growing gulf between her and her child—because she didn’t know how to fix it.

“Maggie?”

“Huh
?
” She blinked and gazed up at Richard.

“I asked if you ate. You okay?”

Ryley peaked around his Dad watching her, so she forced a smile for his benefit.

“Dad said he’s going to make a big breakfast, I’m starving.” Ryley rattled on
,
and Richard glowed as Ryley wrapped his arms around his waist and hugged him again, and the entire time Richard’s eyes were fixed on
her
.

She
picked at her fingernail and then reached for her empty mug on the table. Ryley dumped his red and black jacket over an empty chair and tore out of the kitchen
,
bounding up the stairs to his room while shouting, “Call me when
the
sausages are ready.”

He never acted that off the wall with her
.
He
was quiet, watched TV, played his
Gameboy
, read
,
and went to bed.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Richard placed a fry
ing
pan on the burner.

She
stood up with her mug and walked the long way around the kitchen island to the coffeepot.

“Maggie?” Richard dumped sausages in the hot fry
ing
pan
and then
pulled
the eggs from the fridge and a loaf of bread from the freezer. Richard had always been good in the kitchen
,
and watching him now
,
she
couldn’t figure out what to do. Where to be
,
where to stand.

“Richard
,
I don’t belong.”

“What are you talking about?” He
popped two slices of bread in the toaster.
He
continued
making breakfast,
crack
ing
eggs in a bowl
and
whipping them with a fork
.

“I lost Ryley.”

He dropped the fork in the bowl and set it down.
He
stepped around the island toward her.
“What are you talking about?”

She couldn’t stand still
.
Her
throat burned
,
and those damn never ending tears blurred her eyes. “He…with you there
…
never does that with me.”

Richard shook his head. “You lost me
…
?”

“Then you hugged and joked and talked
,
and the way he took off excited up the stairs shouting for breakfast
…
And even
the
other night when I left
…
the way you two were talking. He doesn’t do that with me.” She couldn’t stop the choked sob, but shoved a shaking fist to her mouth to
try to
silence it.
Don’t let Ryley hear.
The warning echoed in her head.

“Shit Maggie
,
is that what this is about?” He pulled her roughly to him
,
and she pressed her face into his chest to stifle her sobs.

She clutched at his shirtfront and held tight even when she pulled back. The fresh air from the outdoors lingered with his scent
;
he smelled so good. She realized she depended on Richard, and he was fast becoming her crutch. And that may not be wise.

“Maggie. I didn’t want to get into this now. But you put a wall up with everyone…including Ryley. After Lily died
,
I wasn’t much use, but I pulled it together
 
cause I saw how bad our boy hurt. I let you take him. But you didn’t see him.”

Richard held her shoulders
,
and when she tried to interrupt, he squeezed her gently. “Let me finish. I think it’s time this
was
said. You don’t realize how bad he still hurts. Did you know he blames himself for Lily’s accident?”

“What! It’s not his fault
.
It
was mine!” She covered her mouth with her shaky hand.
“Was it me
?
Did
I blame him?” She rested her palms on Richard
’s
biceps.

“
Stop
the blame. You’re going to have to talk to him. And if he says something that hurts
,
you’re going to have to deal with it. No more running away and hiding. You scare him.”

She paled and stepped away. Richard didn’t try and
stop
her.

“What?”

“I didn’t say it to hurt you. You need to take a hard look at yourself. How long has it been since you stopped living
?
You popped pills to get through the day, pills to sleep.” She felt the heat in her cheeks and knew her face must be bright red. She covered her ears with both hands and stepped back again, but this time he stepped closer and pulled her hands down.