Lost Desires (2 page)

The rest of the day passed in a flash, and before I knew it, Ian was home sitting at the table eating his dinner. I put the kids to bed early so I could take a few minutes to myself. I changed into a pair of nice jeans and a loose top that I thought helped accent my breasts. Deciding I didn’t want to look like a dowdy housewife, I put a swipe of blush on each cheek and a touch of eyeliner with mascara before returning to the kitchen. Ian was where he’d been when I left.

“So, who is coming over? You keep avoiding the question.” Ian asked
, pushing away his plate. He had asked me a few times since I’d told him. I picked it up and took it to the sink to rinse it before placing it in the dishwasher, giving myself a few more moments before answering.

“Well, I called and set up an appointment with a therapist.” I said
, wiping my hands on a towel. Ian let out a loud sigh.

“Brit, I thought you would let it go after last night. A therapist means something is broken and needs to be fixed. There is nothing wrong with us.”
Pushing back from the table, he straightened his tie, a sign that he was agitated. “Please tell me that is not who is coming over here.”

“Uh, yeah.” Before I could say anything else, the doorbell rang
, followed by a soft knock, letting me know that our guest had arrived. I gave Ian a reassuring smile; well, as reassuring as I could since I was extremely nervous. “Guess he’s here.”

“He? It’s a man? Oh
, this ought to be interesting.” Ian plopped down on the couch in the living room as I moved to answer the door.

My mouth fell open at the sight in front of me when I opened
it. I didn’t know what I expected, but certainly not a six foot something, tall, dark and handsome. Maybe dark was the wrong term. His hair was light brown and pushed back off his forehead. When his eyes met mine, I saw they too weren’t dark, but a brilliant blue. He was definitely tall and handsome.

“We
ll, hello. You must be Brittany,” the man said with a light British accent.

“Ahh…” I knew I was practically drooling, but really
, you didn’t run across men that looked like him every day, let alone about to welcome him in to talk to you and your spouse about sex. Shaking myself, I cleared my throat and said, “Yes, yes, I’m sorry. You just surprised me is all. Please, come in. John, right?”

“
Yes. Thank you.” John nodded his head as the corner of his lips lifted slightly before stepping in through the door. I quietly shut it and took a deep breath to calm my rapidly beating heart. Turning around, I gestured towards my husband, who looked none too pleased.

“Ian, this is John, the therapist. John, this is Ian, my hus
band.” I gave Ian my best, stop-pouting-and-play-nice look. He sighed and got up to greet John.

“Nice to meet you
, I guess, although I didn’t have much choice in this.” Ian said, making me roll my eyes.

“Well, let’s all sit down and get comfortable. Then I’ll get into some details and we can talk about where we want things to go, okay?” John gestured towards the couc
h as if it was his living room that we were in. Ian and I sat next to each other on the couch while John sat in one of the arm chairs. “Let’s talk about what the issue seems to be.”

“T
here isn’t one.” Ian spoke as I shook my head. This would be the biggest hurdle. I knew once Ian admitted there were problems in the bedroom, we could move on and make progress.

“Okay, then let me ask your wife.” John leaned forward
, resting the elbows of his muscular arms on the knees of his jeans. The black t-shirt he was wearing gaped at the neck, letting me see no hair poking up from his chest. Ian had short springy hair that lightly dusted his chest, so I wondered what it would be like to run my hands up a hairless chest.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” I asked when I rea
lized that I’d missed a question. I needed to get my head straight if I was going to get anything from this so called therapist.

“What do you think is wrong in your relationship?” John repeated his question. I closed my eyes and looked at the ceiling before looking right at John.

“Our sex life sucks.” There, it was out. I’d said it. I heard Ian turn in his seat to look at me, but I kept my eyes on John.

“What is bad about it?” John kept his eyes locked on mine, feeding me strength to open up on such a delicate matter.

“I feel like since we’ve had kids, things have just gotten… I don’t know. Monotonous? Routine, I guess works best. We rarely have sex, and when we do, it’s
always
missionary.” I closed my eyes as it was almost painful to say such things out loud.

“That’s not true. Just last n
ight we had sex with you on top,” Ian interrupted.

“For a few seconds before you were tired of looking at me
, so we switched to missionary, like always.” I sighed. I didn’t want to fight. I loved my husband, but I wanted to love sex again. I wanted
him
to love sex again.

“Ah. I see where the issue is. So let me see if I get this right.” John stood and smoothed his pants. I felt a bit like I was going to receive a lesson like I
used to in school. Should I have gotten paper to take notes on? Shoot, I didn’t think of that till now. John’s British inflection broke into my thoughts. “Brittany, ever since you had kids, you don’t feel as sexy as you once did. Different body, different responsibilities, changes all around, right? Especially in the bedroom.”

“Yes, I could agree with that.” I shrugged. Wasn’t exactly how I would’ve phrased it, but close enough.

“Ian, you on the other hand, have two new mouths to feed along with a wife to care for and all the same stresses of work to handle, which in reality have more than doubled because you are the main breadwinner, correct?” John turned to look at Ian as he spoke. I heard Ian clear his voice before agreeing. “It’s rather simple to fix this. After a few sessions with me, you will be surprised at the changes you’ll see. However, my sessions are
very
hands on, and I will push you to overcome these boundaries that have come up between you two. There will be a few uncomfortable moments at first, but if you want to have the same love life you had before kids, then it’ll be worth it.”

John explained what he expected for his next visit
, which would be in exactly one week. We would meet at a hotel this time though, so we would have to find someone to watch the kids for the night, or at least a few hours. I was to show up twenty minutes before Ian, and then before Ian came in, I would be blindfolded so that Ian could get his ‘lesson’ from John. Then John would let us have sex however we desired while he watched so he could find out where he needed to help us ‘improve’. Just from him talking about it, I was incredibly turned on and scared all at the same time. I’d been with men before my husband - he wasn’t my first - but never had someone watched my husband and I together. Surprisingly, Ian stood before I did to shake John’s hand and thank him for coming over.

Once John was out the front door and it was locked again, Ian turned to me and pulled me close to him, a hand sinking into my hair. “I don’t know about you, but I’m incredibly turned on just with the thought of someone watching us.”
Closing the distance between our lips, Ian gave me one of the hungriest kisses I’d ever received. I melted into him as his free hand caressed the soft flesh of my ass, squeezing and pulling me against him while his tongue tempted and teased me. Finally, he pulled back, gazing in my eyes. “Let’s go to bed.”

Those four words used to excite me
, but now they cooled my body. It was a sign that we were still stuck in that rut. The same thing happened as usual - granted, we hadn’t had sex two nights in a row in forever - but the most amazing kiss was followed with the same missionary position, him getting off before me, and then rolling over and going to sleep.

The week slowly passed as I filled with excitement and nerves. Ian a
nd I didn’t talk about it again; we went back to our normal pattern. Days filled with kids and work, nights filled with work and sleep. One day after another dragged on until finally it was Thursday again. In the morning, I called and checked in with my mother-in-law to make sure she could still take the kids as I had set up with her last Friday. I told her we were going to see a movie and dinner; she didn’t mind watching the kids for a night for us though, so it really didn’t matter what the excuse was.

Once I finally got both kids to take a nap, I jumped in the shower and took the time for once to blow dry my hair and do a full face of makeup
. Not heavy, but I rarely took the time to put on concealer, eye shadow, lip liner, and all the other little touches that made me feel beautiful. Without makeup I wasn’t bad looking, but I wanted to look special for our special night. I had straight, fine brown hair, big hazel eyes and a small straight nose that had a spattering of freckles on it. Back when I was thin, I had a nice chin and jawline, but now I had a slight double chin and not-so-discernable jawline. Looking at myself in the mirror once I’d done all the makeup that I knew how to do, I shrugged. This was as good as it was going to get.

Focusing on
think sexy, feel sexy, be sexy
, I pulled out one of the only thongs I owned. It was black and it was lace. I didn’t wear it often because it was uncomfortable to sit in for long periods, which I had a tendency to do most days. Then I pulled out a solid black bra. It was the closest thing I had that would match. Yes, I know; it was a girl sin to not wearing matching panties and bra, but when I had kids, I just didn’t have time to worry about that anymore. I was lucky to get into a bra most days. I slipped a simple sundress over the top and went to carry out the rest of my day.

When Ian arrived home, we packed up the kids and took them ov
er to his mom’s and then headed out to the hotel. The car ride was completely quiet. I think both of us were a complete bundle of nerves.

Once we arrived at the hotel, Ian said he would eat a quick bite in the hotel restaurant while I went up and he would be up in
exactly
twenty minutes. I gave him a quick kiss before slipping into the elevator. John had texted me the room number earlier in the day. I pushed the floor button and leaned against the side of the elevator, looking at the ceiling, breathing hard. When the bell dinged to announce that I was at my floor, I jumped and wiped my sweaty palms on my dress before exiting the elevator. Gathering all the courage I could, I walked confidently down the hallway and knocked on the door to John’s room.

“Welcome. Come on in.” John eyed me as he opened the door. He was dressed in a pair of slacks and a black button down shirt that was rolled up
, revealing his thick forearms. My entire body was trembling as I stepped across the threshold and wiped my hands against my dress again. “Stand by the bed so we can get started.”

“O…O… Okay,
” I stuttered, wiping my sweaty palms on my dress. I took small steps until I was standing next to the bed. He walked in front of me. His large, warm palms came to rest on my shoulders.

“Breathe. Absolutely nothing will happen here tonight that you don’t want. I am just here to help you bridge the gap that has come between you and your husband. Since your husband doesn’t see the gap, I want to help you show him how much better things could be so he will no longer be satisfied with the way things are, but want to change them the same way that y
ou do.” John gave me a smile that calmed my heart and slowed my breathing. I nodded in response. Slowly, his palms slid down my arms until he was gripping both my hands in his. “Now, I would like for you to take off your dress so I can see what you have on underneath.”

Before I could think too hard about it, I pulled my dress
up and over my head. As it hit the floor, I squeezed my eyes closed. I didn’t like seeing myself naked, let alone allowing this sexy stranger. I wasn’t the twiggy little thing that most men found attractive, but I was doing this for my relationship with my husband. I wanted our marriage to be the one everyone envied. We had everything but a hot sex life, and if this was what would take to get there, I’d do it.

“Don’t close your eyes like tha
t. You are incredibly beautiful,” John said from in front of me, but I could hear his shoes moving along the carpet as he moved behind me. I jumped when his hands came to rest on my hips. “You have these wonderful hips to hold onto.” His hands skimmed up my sides to cup my breasts in my bra. “And these luscious breasts. Any man would be lucky to have these to feast upon.”

I hadn’t had someone
compliment me in so long, let alone tell me that I was beautiful. My face was burning a bright red, but my panties were getting damp at the same time, just from a few simple words and tender touches. I swallowed and tried not to let it show in my voice, “Um, thank you.”

“No. Thank you for letting me
rest my eyes on such a wonderful sight. You are a true woman with beautiful curves. Now, we have to get your husband to appreciate them and show it. I don’t think that’ll be very hard though.” John gave me a smile as he took one of my hands and slowly lead me closer to the bed. He turned me so that the bed was at my back before he dropped my hand. He stepped closer to me, close enough that I could feel the brush of the slacks on his thighs against mine and the soft cotton of his shirt against my peaked nipples. “Now I want you to lay down on the bed, face up, legs spread, hands above your head. Show him the piece of heaven that awaits him there.”