Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2) (13 page)

“Apple juice and coffee, please,” Alexander added politely.

“Are you sure you are okay?” he asked as soon as the flight attendant left for the galley.

I was busy massaging my temple when he placed his hand over mine and stopped me.

“Sorry. What did you say?” I asked.

“I asked if you were okay.”

“Yeah, sure. I’m great.” I tried to give him a reassuring smile, but judging by the amused look on his face it must have looked more like a grimace.

“You’re almost hyperventilating, Maya. I thought you would calm down after takeoff, but it looks like you are changing color by the minute.”

I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes.

“Flying is not exactly my favorite thing to do. I’m not afraid, but I can’t say I’m enjoying myself either.”

He linked our fingers together, and I opened my eyes to stare at our connection. This time my smile was more genuine.

“Can I do anything?” he asked, kissing the back of my hand.

I dropped my head onto his shoulder before answering. “I don’t think so. The last time, I took half a sleeping pill and slept the entire flight, but I don’t want to leave you alone. I’ll get used to it in a few hours. Maybe if you talk to me it will take my mind off the fact that we could die a painful death any moment now.”

“Maya.” He chuckled. “What is it with you and this strange fixation on falling to your death? Trust me; you are less likely to die in an airplane than in a car crash.”

“Because statistics are always a big help to calm people down,” I muttered under my breath.

“Your drinks, sir.”

“Can’t you sleep without the pill?” he asked as he let go of my hand to take our drinks from the flight attendant.

I sat up straighter and took my apple juice from Alexander as he reached out to take his coffee from the tray.

“Thank you,” I murmured, both to Alexander and to the flight attendant. She gave me a small smile and walked down the aisle to the passengers behind us.

“No, I’m too stressed out to go to sleep.”

After carefully folding out his tray table, he added sugar to his coffee. “Go ahead and take your pill then. I don’t want you to feel sick the entire way.”

“Are you sure?” I asked as I took a sip of my own drink.

“Tastes good?” he asked, his eyes focused on my mouth.

As I leaned toward him, he met me in the middle and kissed me. “You taste better,” I said, licking my lips after I reluctantly pulled back.

“We’ll agree to disagree on that. And, yes, I’m sure, sweetheart. I’m behind on my emails so I’ll work while you are sleeping.”

“Okay,” I agreed and reached under my seat for my bag.

After taking the pill and watching him power on his laptop, I asked, “So, you are sure about this? About me staying with you?”

He turned to me, his expression serious. “I won’t let you stay anywhere else, Maya. Quit asking me.”

“Okay. Down boy. Just triple checking.”

“I’d say you’ve done enough checking since this morning,” he returned, entering the password to his laptop.

“But, you know, other than Helen, I don’t know anyone in the city. Which means I’ll be pretty much stuck to you the entire time I’m there.”

Leaning back in his seat, he quirked his eyebrow. “Are you already complaining about being stuck with me?”

“No. No. I’m just trying to make sure you realize that you’ll have to see me every day.”

“I don’t know about you, but that’s what I’m counting on.”

“I’m just saying, if you get tired of having me in your space, you can tell me, and I’ll…I’ll do something about it.”

“Come here, Maya,” he said, motioning for me to lean back against his chest. His arms hugged me around my waist so I closed my eyes and my body relaxed against his welcome body heat.

I felt his lips brush a soft kiss on my hair. “Is this better?” he asked, knowing I was starting to freak out again.

“Yes,” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I just want to make sure.”

“You did. Now you can let it go.”

“Okay.”

“Is something else bothering you?”

“Like what?” I asked, turning my head to capture his eyes.

“Like leaving your friends behind. You even cried for that crazy dog.”

He was right. Leaving everyone behind—even if it was only for a few months—had been tough on me. While I knew Linn would take good care of the café, it didn’t stop the guilt trickling into my heart. Essentially, by going with Alexander, I was leaving the last thing that connected me to my dad. I was leaving home.

But when I thought about it, wasn’t that the same thing my father had done for my mother? Hadn’t he left everything behind just for a chance to be with her? Then again, what they’d had was love. They’d known it was worth it.

What exactly did
I
have with Alexander?

“Where did you go?” asked Alexander, his lips touching my ear.

“It doesn’t matter. I’m here now.” I let my fingertips aimlessly caress his forearms. “You never talk about your family. Is there a reason?”

His body stiffened, then just as fast relaxed against mine.

“You’ve already met Jackson.”

“Yeah, well, let’s say I don’t count him as your family. Could he be adopted or something?” Although I wished his answer were yes, Jackson was most definitely Alexander’s brother; I remembered how their eyes were too similar, down to the shade of the blue.

“Good. Neither do I. But unfortunately, we do have the same father.”

“Oh.”
Shoot!
“Your mom?”

“Lives in France. Married and moved away. We don’t talk too much. Maybe once or twice a year.”

“I’m sorry, Alexander,” I said, half turning in his arms to see his face. “I’m sorry if I’m being nosey. I just want to know more about you.”

“It’s okay. You’ll learn everything you want to learn and probably more.”

“I don’t like your half-brother. That’s for sure.”

“I’m afraid you won’t like the rest of my family either.”

“Your dad still married to Jackson’s mom?”

“Yeah.”

“If the tone of your voice is any indication, I’ll take a guess and say you don’t like her either.”

“Something like that. I’m assuming your anxiety is over?” He pulled my hair away from my shoulder and pressed a soft kiss on my skin.

Starting to feel the effects of the pill I’d taken, I yawned and said, “You’re assuming that because I’m asking questions?”

“Something like that. Excuse me?” Alexander stopped a different flight attendant as she was passing by us with an empty tray. “Can you bring a blanket, please?”

“I’m a little drowsy,” I said, yawning again.

“Do you want me to wake you when it’s dinner time?”

“Yes, please. I can manage to be awake for a few hours before landing.”

Taking the thin blanket and a small pillow from the woman, he gently tucked it around my legs. When he tried to lift my head for the pillow, I said, “I don’t want the pillow. Can I stay like this? At least for a little while?”

“Of course, baby,” he said, his arms finding their way around my waist again. “I didn’t think you were comfortable.”

“I am.” I snuggled deeper into him. I would have been more comfortable if I could curl up on his lap and sleep against his chest as his heartbeats lulled me to sleep, but I was afraid the other passengers would find it inappropriate.

When he rested his cheek against my temple, my eyes were already closing, and I was seconds away from falling into a deep sleep.

“What is the one thing you want the most in this life, Alexander?” I murmured, yawning again.

As I slowly started to drift away, he kept quiet. “It’s okay. You don’t have to answer,” I whispered. “For me, though…I think it’s you.”

Seconds passed, and then he whispered, “I want a family.” I smiled to myself.

“I hope you’ll find one, then,” I muttered, patting his chest.

Unfortunately, when he woke me up to have something to eat, I didn’t remember asking him the question. Nor did I remember enough of our conversation to realize the importance behind the answer he’d given me.

And the food? The turbulence freaked me out enough that I chose not to eat anything but some crackers. After all it wouldn’t look pretty if I puked all over him when the plane was crashing.

***

“I can’t believe that after sleeping for eight straight hours on the plane, I’m still sleepy,” I said, leaning against Alexander in the elevator as we were going up to his penthouse.

The second we’d stepped into the lobby, every memory I had of us together came back to me in a rush. Walking in here hand in hand with him as his employers welcomed him felt more than a little weird. However, I can’t say that a little smile didn’t touch my lips when more than a few females glanced at him longingly.

This time it was me that was in his arms, waiting in front of an elevator, not a random blonde woman he had gone out with to get over his ex-wife. This time it was the girl he was letting into his world, the girl he had gone after to bring back home with him.

I yawned again.

“I know. You are barely managing to stand straight.”

“I’m sorry,” I apologized, taking a step away from him.

“Come back here,” he sighed, drawing me back into his arms.

I closed my eyes and grasped the untucked end of his blue button-down, literally hanging on to him.

“What time is it? Can we go straight to bed?” I mumbled.

He checked his watch. “Almost nine. Now that I’m back, I have to make a few phone calls and head down for an hour or so. We’ll order you dinner and you can get ready for bed. I’ll join you as soon as I get back.”

“Oh,” I said, straightening. “If you have stuff to do, I’ll be okay. You don’t have to come back on my account. I’m sure you have a lot of things to take care of since you took off unexpectedly.”

“Nothing that can’t wait until tomorrow. I just need to call Adam, and my assistant, Mandy to make sure they have everything in order for tomorrow. It’s going to be a long day, can’t say I’m looking forward to it.” He sighed and looked down to me. “Actually, I was thinking of visiting Natalie if I can find an opening tomorrow. Would you like to come with me and meet her? I think she will like you, and she can use all the friends she can get.”

“Of course,” I said, giving him a small smile. Natalie’s phone calls had multiplied the last few days, and after every phone call, it broke my heart to see how much it affected Alexander. It was the way his shoulders slumped a little, the way you could see the light dim in his eyes. “I would love to meet her,” I added, hoping I could take some of the weight off of his shoulders on that end.

“Thank you,” he murmured and kissed my temple, hugging me tighter.

The elevator doors dinged open and he dragged my carryon bag in with him. The other suitcases would come up later.

“Wow,” I said, my eyes scanning the place as we stepped in. “It looks amazing, Alexander.” I looked over my shoulder and smiled at him. “The last time you brought me here, there wasn’t much…erm, anything, but now it actually looks like a decent place.”

Behind me, he laughed.

The place was amazing. The furniture, the open style kitchen, the huge U-shaped couch in the middle of the room, the enormous flat screen tv, the industrial lights hanging down from the high ceilings, the view.

Jesus
, the view.

I stood near the windows and took in my fill.

His hands circled my waist, and I remembered the night in my hotel room where we’d stood much like that, staring out at nothing and everything as his touch made what I was going through a tad bit easier to handle.

“I can’t believe I’m here,” I whispered, holding on to his forearms.

“I can’t imagine you being anywhere else,” he whispered back.

Turning my head to look into his eyes, I asked, “You still think this is a good idea?”

“You want me to be honest?”

I nodded.

“I think it’s the best damn decision you ever made.”

I laughed and rested my head back against his chest. “I really hope so,” I whispered. His lips started to drop small kisses on my neck and I let out a happy moan, but my voice got lost when we heard someone else in the room and Alexander’s entire body tensed behind me.

“Alexander? Is that you?”

“Fuck,” I murmured under my breath. Finding Claire there, in my suite, was the last thing I was expecting. I hadn’t seen her around for at least a month before I left New York to find Maya, and I was starting to believe that she had given up on her useless pursuit.

When I heard footsteps coming from upstairs, I let go of Maya and tried to think of a quick way to get rid of Claire without getting into a fight in front of Maya.

“Alexander?” Claire repeated when she didn’t get an answer the first time.

I ran my hands through my hair as she started to descend the steps that led to my bedroom.

Instinctively, I stepped in front of Maya, thinking if I could hide her from seeing my ex-wife, she wouldn’t feel like I had anything to do with Claire’s appearance there.

Stupid move.

The second her view was blocked she moved from behind me and took a step to stand next to me. I couldn’t blame her, not really. I could only guess what I would do if I found some guy in her home, her
bedroom
, when it was supposed to be just the two of us.

Feeling angry that Claire was doing this to me again, I tried to grab Maya’s hand to assure her
and
myself that it was still just us, that nothing else mattered, but to my surprise, she pulled her hand back.

The heels Claire was wearing clicked against the clear glass steps, and I forced my gaze from Maya to my ex-wife when I finally saw her perfectly made up face round the staircase and come to a full stop. First, I saw the shock of finding a woman with me play on her face, and the smile slipped from her lips. Her gaze jumped to me, and fuck me, but she actually had the audacity to look hurt.

As if she had any right.

If this had happened a few years before, I would have gone to her side and done my best to take away the hurt. Whatever was causing it, I would have tried to make it better. Every inch of my heart and soul had belonged to her back then.

Now, she was simply nothing.

“What’s going on?” she asked slowly, her gaze alternating from me to Maya. If I hadn’t been so damn angry with her, I would have laughed.

“I could ask you the same thing, Claire,” I said instead of answering her question, my temper slowly rising.

“I couldn’t get a hold of you this week, and Jackson said you were keeping your whereabouts under wraps. Not even that boy—what was his name again? The one you were adamant about helping last year? Andy or whatever, I can’t remember. Even he wouldn’t tell me where you were when I asked him.”

“His name is Adam,” I snapped. Adam had been with me for two years now, ever since I’d helped his mother. She should’ve damn well known his name by then.

“Whatever, that’s not important,” she repeated airily and took a wobbly step toward us. “After Lucas’ death, I was worried about you, Alex.”

I wasn’t fast enough to hide the flinch her words had caused, and I felt Maya’s inquisitive eyes glaring at me from where she was standing. I couldn’t even begin to guess what she was thinking right then. Out of everything we had talked about the last week, sharing my past with Claire had never been a priority for me. I knew she would be curious about it since she’d managed to capture Claire’s unwanted attention when she was in New York a few months back, but I didn’t think we would find Claire acting like I was still the love of her life whom she had sent off for a quick business trip overseas.

“You didn’t even come to the funeral, Claire. I don’t see why you would be worried about anyone but yourself.”

Noticing Maya’s sharp intake of breath, I considered calling security on Claire’s ass before she could ruin everything when she spoke up again.

“I couldn’t reach you Alex, and I didn’t want to just show up without you knowing I was coming. I know how much you cared about the boy.”

“When did you become so thoughtful, Claire? Oh, wait, you didn’t. My bad.” She lifted her brows in mock surprise, as if she was offended at my words. “You didn’t come to the funeral, not for me, but not even for Natalie. And you think it would be okay to just show up here? Where you know damn well you are not welcome?”

Did I mention that she was wearing a sparkling black mini dress with red high heels? She was most definitely dressed to impress someone, which meant she was partying. Which of course meant she was drunk off her ass, if not high.

She wasn’t here because she was worried about me.

“This is our home, Alex,” she whispered.

“This hasn’t been your home for a long time, Claire,” I said, suddenly feeling exhausted by everything she was putting me through. “And it never will be. You know this.”

Maya stepped up next to me, but my eyes were still hard on Claire. “I should go,” she said, and my head snapped to her. “And wait downstairs maybe,” she added softly.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I was done dealing with Claire’s antics. I had been done with them for a long time. When I looked at Maya’s beautiful concerned face, I let go of the breath I was holding in. I deserved to have her. I didn’t want to feel pain anymore.

This time she didn’t pull back from me when I held her hand in mine and kissed her palm. She gave me a small encouraging smile.

“It’s okay, Alexander. Looks like you have things you need to talk about. I’ll stay somewhere else tonight.”

It wasn’t okay.

With Claire in the picture, it rarely was, but I wasn’t going to let her ruin this for me. Not when I was feeling everything I thought I would never be able to feel for a woman again.

“That may be okay for you, baby, but for me it isn’t. I won’t let you go. I won’t let you out of my sight since you already proved how good you are at disappearing on me once.”

Her soft gaze warmed my heart. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t mind waiting downstairs.”

Completely forgetting that Claire was watching our every move, I leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her temple. “I’m sure. You go ahead and get comfortable. I’ll escort Claire downstairs and come back as soon as I can, okay? I’ll wake you if you are asleep so you can have a few bites of something. I don’t want you to feel sick tomorrow.”

“I won’t sleep.” She glanced at Claire for a quick second. “I think we should have our own talk, too.”

Yeah, I didn’t think there was an escape from that. I was going to have to talk about the reasons for my divorce.

Giving her a small nod, I turned back to Claire. To my surprise, her eyes were shining with tears. That answered my earlier question. She always got emotional when she was drunk, as if she was an angel and everyone else was against her.

Walking to her side, I firmly grasped her arm and dragged her toward the elevator. She sniffed beside me and I tensed, not ready or willing to deal with the obvious shitstorm she was planning to start.

I didn’t want to do this. Not now. Not ever. But I knew as soon as we were alone she was going to pry open my old wounds.

My ex-wife had a sick sense of humor.

“You don’t want me anymore,” she said once we were alone in the elevator, and I dropped her arm as if her touch was poisonous to me. “Why don’t you want me anymore, Alex?”

If I’d had it in me to glance at her, I knew I would have found tears trickling down her face.

“We’ve been over this so many times, Claire. I don’t have anything new to say to you.”

“I tried so hard for you. I tried so hard to be what you want, what you need. It was never enough for you. You always blamed me for what happened.”

Willing the elevator to go faster, I leaned back and pushed my hands into my pockets so I wouldn’t punch a hole in the wall.

“Who do you think was to blame, Claire? It wasn’t me lying to you was it? You always knew what I wanted. You married me knowing everything about me, and my family. And I believed that you wanted the same things I did.”

She whirled to me, her eyes pleading. “I did want the same things, Alex. But I was scared. I was scared you would stop loving me. We can try again. We can make it work. I’ll make sacrifices for you.”

That did it.

I laughed right at her face. I felt nothing at the way her face flinched; she deserved way more than that.

“Sacrifices? Are you fucking with me? When did giving up partying, drugs, and excessive drinking become a sacrifice? I’m not as gullible as you seem to think, Claire. After what you did to me—not only do I not love you anymore, I hate you for what you took from me. Nothing you’ll ever do or won’t do will change my feelings toward you.”

The elevator doors opened, and grasping her arm again, I walked us out into the lobby.

“You don’t mean that, Alex. You love me more than everything,” she whispered urgently.

Her tear stricken face started to gather attention from people around us so I walked faster toward the exit.

“Trust me when I say this Claire, those days are long gone. You already know the day you killed everything I felt for you. I’ve been telling you this for over a year now, but go on with your life as if I never existed. I don’t want to see you anymore. I don’t want to remember all the ways you hurt me. At least give me that much, and stay away for good.”

“It’s her, isn’t it? She was in the next room to yours a few months back.” She twisted her arm out of my grasp as soon as we were next to the entrance. “You’ll fuck her a few times and get over her just as quickly as you did the others.”

I didn’t respond. I just stared at her angry face. Even from this far the smell of alcohol was strong on her breath.

“She isn’t your concern. If I’m lucky enough, she’ll be the constant in my life. I did get over you, Claire, but I’m afraid I won’t get over her. So, if you cared about me at all in all the years we spent together, don’t hurt me by showing up where you aren’t wanted anymore. You did enough damage as it is.”

I held her gaze to make sure she understood how serious I was this time.

Leaving her with my last words, I walked away. I doubted she would remember anything I’d said in the morning, but I wouldn’t let a next time like this happen either.

Itching to get back to Maya and do damage control, I stopped at the front desk.

“Tell Mark I need to see him in my office first thing tomorrow.”

Mark was the head of my security team for the hotel, but his job also included providing security for me when it was needed for one reason or another. Claire had started to become a problem for me, especially now that I had Maya with me.

“Of course, Mr. Ross.”

“Can you please order room service up to my room to be delivered in…” I checked my watch, “half an hour or so?”

“Anything specific you want Mr. Ross?”

I sighed. I didn’t know what Maya would want to eat at this hour, and I didn’t think calling her to ask was a good idea either. At least not until we talked about what had happened with Claire.

“Doesn’t matter. Do one cheeseburger and one turkey sandwich. Oh, and make sure to ask for apple juice, too.”

Apple juice was her favorite choice of drink, that much I’d learned. Soon, I would learn every little thing that mattered to her. I would make it my job.

Going up to my office at the top floor, I made a few phone calls that couldn’t wait until the next day. I checked up on Natalie, promising to visit her the next day, then headed back to Maya.

***

“Hey there,” I said when I found her on the terrace, her arms protectively around her stomach.

“Hi,” she said back, glancing at me over her shoulder before gazing out at the view again.

I couldn’t take my eyes off of her as I walked to stand beside her. Claire was a beautiful woman—anyone with eyes could tell that—but she was only beautiful when she put effort into it. But Maya… Maya was silent even with her beauty. She didn’t need to show off anything or put any kind of effort into it for you to take notice of her. She didn’t need a crap load of makeup to start the day. As far as I was concerned, her beauty was hidden behind a small smile.

Even her pain was beautiful to me.

“I assume you have questions for me,” I guessed after the silence stretched for too long. My arm was almost touching hers.

After the stunt Claire had pulled, I was afraid she would regret trusting me, but I felt myself relax a little when she didn’t pull away from my touch.

“And I assume you don’t want to talk about it,” she countered, turning her body toward me.

“You assume correctly,” I agreed, looking out at the dark night sky, my hands in my pockets. It was a shame you couldn’t see any stars in New York City, not with all the flashy lights illuminating the sky.

I had felt more relaxed in Sweden when it was just the two of us. Now, back in New York…I was afraid my life would get in the way.

It had already started as soon as we’d gotten back.

“But it doesn’t mean I won’t answer everything you want to know.”

“I don’t want to ask you anything if it means you’ll be like this. Become this.”

“Become what?” I asked facing her.