Read Lost in You Online

Authors: Sommer Marsden

Lost in You (20 page)

BOOK: Lost in You
7Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

I laughed. How easy that leap was for him. How simple it was just to walk away from it all.

‘I have my grandmother and I –’ The phone went off again and I finally whipped it out. It said HOME. I held up a finger to him. An icicle of fear plunged into my heart when I saw the two rejected calls had been from there as well. ‘Hello?’

‘Clover? Go to the hospital. Gladys fell.’ It was Brani.

‘Is she OK?’ I stammered. I backed up and my ass hit the desk. I gave in to my knees’ urge to buckle and leaned against it.

‘She’s on her way to the hospital, but she should be OK. They’re taking her in just to be safe. She felt lightheaded and went down before I could get to her. Rapped her head on the coffee table. She has a small cut, but don’t panic. They said it doesn’t look like she has a concussion or anything serious. They think that new blood-pressure medicine might have made her woozy.’ Brani cut herself off. ‘Just meet me. St Joseph’s. Got it?’

‘I’m on my way,’ I said. My tongue felt too big for my mouth.

When I hung up he was standing close but not touching me. I think he could tell he couldn’t. Shouldn’t. He held his keys in his hand. ‘Let’s go, Clover.’

‘I can –’

‘You’re in no condition to drive. I’ll take you wherever you need to go. And we’ll press pause on this conversation until things are calm again.’

‘My grandmother,’ I said softly. ‘She fell.’ Together we headed out towards the front desk so I could gather my bag.

‘Let’s get you to her,’ he said softly. ‘Whatever you need, I’m here.’

Despite the talk we’d been having. I believed him. And I was grateful. It just made our whole situation that much worse.

* * *

He drove a newer model Thunderbird. It was metallic turquoise and seemed like some magical mix of old school and new. I felt like I was in a spaceship, but part of that was probably the dull, thudding, stunned feeling I had, knowing Gram had fallen and hurt herself.

‘We’re getting close,’ he said.

I nodded, watching my fingers war with each other nervously in my lap. I was waiting for the sheer panic to come and take over, but it didn’t. I simply felt disconnected. Would I have to call my mother with bad news? Or could I wait and call her with good? Brani said Gram would be fine, but … I needed to see it for myself. For now it felt as if she were already lost to me.

‘This is so unimportant right now, Clover, but I have you here with me. I need you to understand something …’

I nodded again. When he put his hand on my thigh and give me a reassuring squeeze, something inside me broke. A tear rolled down my cheek and I didn’t even bother to brush it away.

‘The first thing I need you to understand,’ he said, not looking at me, but instead staring straight ahead at the red light that was holding us up, ‘is that I’m here for you. If you need anything at all, you call me. Even if things are still … off with us. I am still here for you. Do you understand?’

I didn’t trust my voice so I nodded. He squeezed my leg again and another tear broke free. I’d give anything to have him wrap his arms around me and hug me, and yet it was impossible to ask.

‘Second, I need you to understand that …’ He sighed, his jaw growing so tight it looked painful. I watched him from the corner of my eye, wishing he’d just grab me, kiss me and make it all better. Go there with me and hold my hand. I had put this wall between us and suddenly, in that moment, I hated it. But I didn’t know how to break it down. ‘I need you to understand that I’m at a loss. I’m not sure what to do with myself.’ The light turned green and the car moved.

I could sense that he wanted to drive faster. We were close to St Joseph’s. I could also feel his need to get me to my grandmother. His urge to help me was like a palpable presence in the small sports car.

‘You’re in my head, Clover. Like an echo I can’t shake. You’re in my heart …’ He squeezed my thigh once more and then moved his hand as if touching me hurt him somehow. ‘Like fucking smoke. You drifted in there and I can’t get you out. I’m not a stalker kind of guy. I don’t bombard women with flowers and hunt them down and trick them into talking to me. I usually do not care.’ His eyes found me and I saw the hurt there. He piloted his car to the emergency drop-off.

‘If a woman doesn’t want to see me, so be it. It’s fine. But you …’ He shook his head and put the car into park. ‘You’re you. You’re different. And God, how I miss you.’ He pressed his lips together. ‘But that doesn’t matter now. Go to your grandmother. We’ll talk soon. Will you talk to me soon?’ he asked, cocking his head.

‘I … yes,’ I said. The urge to throw myself into his arms and cry was crushing me alive. Instead I grabbed the car handle and opened the door.

‘Thank you. Do you need me to come in with you? Do you need
anything
? Can I do anything for you, Clover, so I don’t feel like such a waste of air and flesh?’

I bit my lip and willed myself not to cry. ‘I’m fine. Thank you. Thank you for the ride –’

He laughed bitterly. ‘The least I could do.’

I got out before I came unglued and begged him to take over and pilot me through this. I got away before I could give in to the things I wanted instead of the things I knew logically could never be.

Chapter Twenty-Four

When I was nineteen I had a friend named Pam Snyder. Pam dated a boy named Jake Beevor. Jake was big and tattooed. His parents didn’t really give a shit so he often forged their signature on the tattoo consent form. The tattoo place didn’t care much because they knew. Jake was a rule breaker, a brawler, a drinker, a smoker and a shitkicker. He made a habit of stirring up trouble. One night they left a party early. I happened to watch them go. Standing on the porch, sipping an illegal beer and watching their tail-lights flash red every time he slowed.

The next day Angel, the hostess of our little party, called me in hysterics. Jake and Pam had been driving home, he’d lost control of the car and they’d swerved into a chain-link fence. Any other fence in the area probably would have been harmless. It would have stopped their car and left them banged up and bruised and most likely answering to the police.

But it had been a lumberyard fence. They’d hit the chain-link, the car had easily broken through and it had crashed into stacked pallets of two-by-fours. The wood shifted and penetrated the windshield. Both Jake and Pam were beheaded.

One minute they were leaving the party, the next they were dead. It was a story that haunted me whenever things took an unexpected or uncomfortable twist. My life could end in a blink. What would I do with today?

Gram came home and was pretty much fine, but for some recurring wooziness and some physical therapy for her shoulder that had been injured in the fall. A few days trickled by as I juggled some part-time hours at the Rotunda and my grandmother’s doctor and medicine schedule.

When Dorian texted me to see how I was, I answered. When he asked if we could talk soon I simply texted back
SOON
. It was all I had to offer him at the moment. It was all I had inside me to give.

It hurt me to think that I was hurting him. He was a good man and had a good heart. I just wasn’t sure if I was capable of giving mine to him. Was I strong enough to weather the sneers, the subtle and not so subtle digs? The –

‘Where are you?’ Brani sat the paper on the table and I quickly moved it to the seat next to me.

‘Bran, that’s dirty. It’s been on the ground,’ I sighed. I was exhausted. My body ached from lack of sleep and I felt mildly buzzed despite being stone-cold sober. It occurred to me my schedule was very much like that of a new mother who’s returned to work. Then I wondered how the hell they did it. The zombie feeling of being up with Gram in the middle of the night and then dragging myself to work was not a pleasant one.

Brani frowned at me. ‘Sorry. Now, answer me, where were you?’

‘I’m right here. What does that mean?’ I snapped.

Her eyebrows went up. ‘Little Clover’s in a bad mood.’

‘I’m not little and I’m not a child any more, Brani. I’m tired and I have to be at work soon. The final step is looking at the marble steps to the top floor and the debate whether or not the wrought-iron railing up there is safe enough or if we need something higher.’

‘Sorry. I’m not picking, Clover. I’m just … you’re not yourself, is all. Even allowing for the stress of what’s happened with Gladys. Who is sleeping fine, by the way. Right in the living room in her chair with her feet up and a book in her lap.’ She smiled. ‘So you deal with whatever you need to. I’ll be here hanging out and all that jazz.’

I nodded, sighed gratefully. ‘Sorry I snapped.’

She shrugged and poured herself a cup of coffee from the pot. ‘You have a lot on you. And that was the first real scare you’ve had with your grandmother. The first time you’ve probably considered that –’

‘Don’t say it, Brani,’ I sighed.

‘Just that time is time. It passes for us all. It’s scared you and you’re tired on top of it. Now go on. Get dressed and get going. I’ve got this.’

I dragged myself to my feet and towards the bedroom. I wished I could curl up in the matching recliner to Gram’s and sleep too. Instead, I shoved my body into grey trousers, a white linen shirt, a masculine-cut vest in grey pinstripes, and black flats with a silver buckle. If I’d had a fedora I’d have crushed it down on my head and put my hair in a messy knot. As it was, I had to do something with the hair so I put it in two loose braids and kept long tails on them. Minimal make-up and a pair of sunglasses.

‘That’ll have to do, pig,’ I said in the mirror, putting on my best tough guy accent. ‘Get through the day, Clover. Then come home and snuggle up with a bottle of Moscato and the TV remote.’

To be honest, I couldn’t wait to get to the down-time part of my day.

Instead I grabbed my bag and kissed the girls. Gram had woken up and was sipping a cup of coffee and watching the morning shows. ‘Behave, ladies. No binge drinking, no wild parties, no sneaking boys in.’

‘Damn, Gladys,’ Brani said. ‘There goes our whole day.’

My grandmother chuckled and waved me over for a second kiss. ‘Thanks for taking such good care of me, lovey. I love you.’

‘I love you too, Gram,’ I whispered. Tears flooded my eyes and I felt that stab of fear at losing her that I’d managed to repress for days.

Brani must have sensed it because she saved me by cutting in. ‘Well, damn. Doesn’t anyone love me?’

I went to her quickly and kissed her a second time as well. She squeezed me. Before I straightened up she said, ‘Don’t reroute your whole life over this, honey. Gladys would whip your behind if she thought you’d do that.’

I swallowed hard and stood up. I waved to them and locked the door on my way out. I had not addressed Brani’s statement.

‘Right. Hold it together,’ I said and got in my car to go to work.

* * *

I sat in the small recess in the wall. Once upon a time it had probably held a bust or some other piece of art. It was currently empty and big enough for me to snuggle back into it and swing my legs above the marble slab floor.

‘See here,’ Matthew said, rocking back and forth. ‘It’s moving.’ He was the marble guy. Or as I’d come to think of him, the marble god. He was adorable. Chocolate-brown hair and big blue eyes. ‘We can fix that. Not too difficult. It will be more secure. I know that up here you only have, what …’

‘Professional offices,’ I said. ‘Well, we will. The only offices on the upper floors right now are the actual Rotunda offices. But we will be renting out the office suites on the upper floors after renovation is complete.’

He studied me. Smiled.

‘What?’ I asked. I knew that look. I felt not only a flattered kind of excitement at seeing it, but a dread too. My stomach turned over nervously. I realised I’d barely eaten all day.

‘Nothing.’ He shrugged and it made his broad shoulders more obvious. His flat belly. His chest …

‘Please tell me,’ I said. Even though part of me didn’t want to know. Flirting with him was making my chest ache for Dorian. Making my heart shiver. I missed him. It was a horrible realisation.

‘Well, Clover, I was thinking how pretty you are. As pretty as this place is … you are the main attraction for this job.’

I looked down and away. I could feel that my cheeks were red. ‘Oh … I’m … I’m a mess today.’ I knew that’s how I felt. I was a mess, but I should have just said thank you instead. It made it sound as if I were fishing for compliments. Which I wasn’t.

‘No. You’re really not. You’re beyond beautiful. I like the hair,’ he said. Somehow while we talked he’d closed the gap between us. He tugged the end of my braid and my insides turned to heated lust. Not for Matt, as cute as he was. For Dorian. I remembered vividly him pulling my hair.

‘Sorry to interrupt this super-important work meeting –’

Both Matthew and I jumped. I didn’t need him to move to know who it was. The voice scored right through my skin and clenched my heart.

‘Who –’ Matt started but Dorian cut him off.

‘Who I am is your boss. The owner of this joint. Dorian Martin,’ Dorian said, putting his hand out to shake, but it seemed anything but a friendly gesture.

‘Mr Martin,’ Matt said softly. ‘Good to meet you.’

‘The marble, can you fix it?’

‘I can.’

‘Good. Same price quoted in the papers I was looking at downstairs?’ Dorian asked. His eyes slid to me but only for a heartbeat. Just long enough to make me chew my lip nervously. My body throbbed to a slow and eager pulse. It wanted him. Even though he was sort of being a jerk.

‘Yes, sir,’ Matt said. Now he just looked confused. He’d lost control of the situation. Dorian had gained it.

‘Good, you can go then. That price is fine. If you can start tomorrow the job is yours.’

‘I … Well.’ Matt looked at me and I felt myself shrug. ‘OK. Thank you. I’ll be in touch, Clover.’

‘Thanks, Matt,’ I said. I could barely hear my own voice over the war-drum beat of my heart that seemed to block out all other sound.

When his footsteps faded on the marble steps and we couldn’t see him any more, Dorian moved towards me. My hands were damp, my breath short. I wanted him to touch me. Just touch me. I wanted him to kiss me until my brain puddled into nothingness. I found I was holding my breath.

BOOK: Lost in You
7Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
ads

Other books

The Harem Midwife by Roberta Rich
Crimson by Ben Wise
Night Must Wait by Robin Winter
Filaria by Brent Hayward
Assignment - Lowlands by Edward S. Aarons
Shirley by Charlotte Brontë
A Matter of Principle by Kris Tualla
The Infinite Moment of Us by Lauren Myracle