Lost in You (17 page)

Reverend Monroe comes over
, slapping me on the shoulder.

“Coffee, sir?”

“If you’re offering, I wouldn’t mind a cup.”

I press down on the pump, watching the hot liquid fill the Styrofoam cup. I can’t stand the smell of coffee and don’t know how people stomach it. Dylan loads hers f
ull of sugar, not sure why she just doesn’t eat a candy bar. I hand the Reverend his cup and pretend to be interested in the packets of sugar. I don’t know why he’s lingering, I hope that mom didn’t ask him to talk to me. I mean, if she’s worried about me doing something with Hadley, she shouldn’t be. Hadley won’t let me even touch her like I want to.

Never have I thought about being with a girl before until Hadley and now I can’t stop thinking about it.

“Did you learn anything from today’s sermon?” he asks.

Yes. I learned that I want to find out what my girl tastes like thanks to your sermon about sweet and sinful desire, I want to say, but I don’t.

“Yes, sir,” I reply without making eye contact. If I look at him, he’ll see right through me. I peek over his shoulder, looking for Hadley. She’s with my mom, talking with others. Reverend Monroe looks behind him and smirks.

“That’s exactly what I was talking about. Young men like yourself getting involved with the poisoned apple.”

I look at him, confused. What’s he talking about, poisoned apple?

“I’m sorry?” I ask, this time making eye contact. I want to see him when he tells me that Hadley is poison and that I have to stay away from her.

“Just saying that girls like her, they are poison. They lure you to their wells only to drown you when they’re done with you.”

I scratch the back of head, wondering what the hell he’s talking about. I don’t remember him saying any of this stuff. Maybe I zoned out more than I thought I did. I don’t know, but he isn’t making an
y sense. Hadley isn’t poison. She’s far from it.

“Um… I think I’m going to go –”

He steps closer, leaning in. “Your father knows about your little friend. It might be best for both of you if you cut your ties before things become too complicated.”

I step
back and look at him. He raises his eyebrow before he turns, walking away. I’m left standing, rooted as if my feet were buried in cement. I don’t like the idea of my dad knowing about Hadley. Nor do I care much for the subtle message that Reverend Monroe just gave me.

I need to talk to my mom, find out what she knows. I don’t want my father talking to Hadley or knowing anything about her. I’m not ashamed of Hadley, just afraid of my father and what he might do.

I look over to where mom and Hadley are standing, only to see Hadley stalking toward me. Her eyes are pinched, her mouth in a straight line. I’ve never seen an angry Hadley, but I have a feeling this might be it.

“We need to talk,” she says as she walks by me. I have no
option but to follow. I’m a few steps behind her as she stomps up the steps. She pushes the door, hard. It hits against the outside wall and bounces back in time for me to stop it with my hand before it hits me in the face.

I follow her to her car. The d
river is resting against the side, trying to look nonchalant against this blacked-out car. He looks up when he sees us coming and opens the back door. She slides in. I hesitate until I hear her sigh loudly. The door slams just as I sit down. Good thing I moved my leg in time. I reach for her hand, only to have her pull away. I knew a relationship like this wasn’t going to last. She realized today, being with my mother and meeting the parishioners that she can do so much better.

“Do you have something to te
ll me?”

I look at her, confused, and shake my head.

She turns her head slowly, her eyes penetrating. Whatever it is that I
should
be telling her and I’m not is pissing her off. I slowly inch away from her gaze. For the first time since I’ve met Hadley Carter, I’m completely uncomfortable. She turns and looks out the window, shaking her head.

“I should’ve known a long-distance relationship wouldn’t work.” She says this so quietly I almost didn’t hear her.

“Why won’t this work? I mean, I know I can’t drive or fly to see you, but soon –”

“It’s not about you being able to drive or fly to be with me. I’d do that if you asked.” She turns her body, resting against the door, bringing her knee up and hooking it behind her leg. I so want to run my finger along the
curve of her knee to the hem of her dress, but don’t know if I can take her shying away from me again.

I don’t know what to say so I stay quiet, just like I do at home when my dad is harping on me.

“Are you in love with Dylan?”

“What?” I squeak out like
a girl. I clear my throat and ask her again.

“You heard me.”

“I did, but not sure why you’d ask me that question.”

“Because Dylan said that you asked her to the homecoming dance the other day and I’m trying to figure out why you’d ask her if you have a g
irlfriend.”

“I didn’t ask her.”

Hadley shakes her head. “So you’re not going to homecoming with her?”

“No, I didn’t say that. She asked me. She said she couldn’t find another date and didn’t want to go alone or something like that. I’m so used to saying ye
s to her that I didn’t really understand what I was agreeing to.

“She told my mom before I had a chance to tell her that I really didn’t think you’d like the idea of me going with her and I’m gathering from the way we’re talking, I was right.”

Hadley bangs her head against the car window. Her hands cover her face. When she pulls away, her eyes are glistening.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know how.”

“Do you want to go to homecoming with her?”

I shake my head.

Hadley comes over, straddling my lap. “You can’t ever lie to me, Ryan. If you don’t want to be with me or want to date other people, just tell me. Don’t worry about my feelings or breaking my heart. I’m falling in love with you, but if you don’t want me, just tell me and I’ll go away. I promise.”

I look around for the driver and notice that he’s no longer standing near the car. I drag my hands up her legs, under her dress. I’m waiting for her to stop me, but she doesn’t. My hands rest on her ass, pulling her closer to
me. I lean my head back, my eyes rolling, when she pushes down on me. The feeling of her against me, it’s something I want to explore. Her hand trails up my chest, around my neck and into my hair. Soft lips press against mine and as much as I’m enjoying the feel of her in my hand, I need her closer.

My hand finds her hair as her tongue touches mine. I hold her face softly in my hand. My other hand grazes over the side of her breast. She pushes into me more, urging me. Leaning forward, I take a chance. Movi
ng my hand to the top of her dress, my fingers trail over the swell of her breast. She bites down on my tongue, lightly, but enough to keep me going. I want to tear away from her so I can see what I’m doing, but I don’t dare stop. I move one strap, then the other and finally move away from her lips to her neck until I reach her breast. Her hand pulls at my hair. It should hurt, but it feels good and I want her to pull harder.

I move the top of her dress, exposing her pink bra. I kiss along the lace, moving
it a little each time until her hand stops me and her face is buried in my neck.

“I want you, Hadley,” I say into her ear, taking a chance with my words. “I know I’m not experienced, but I know everything in my body is telling me that you can help
get rid of this ache I’m feeling.”

“I can’t, but I want to.”  

“Can you look at me?”

She lifts her head, kissing along my chin to my lips before she’s upright. She moves my hair away from my eyes; her touch is tender and loving.

“I’m falling in love with you, too.”

“Yeah?” she asks, her eyes beaming.

“Yeah,” I say, matching her expression.

“I can’t wait to be with you.” Her lips find mine again and all I know is that my birthday can’t come soon enough.

Hadley

It’s been a month since I’ve seen Ryan. Actually, it’s been thirty-seven days, eight hours and forty-two minutes and I hate every second of it. The last day that I saw him, I was angry at him. I thought he was a no good two-timer, but he isn’t and I have to remember that. Just because Cole cheated on me, doesn’t mean Ryan is going to.

We’ve officially begun the countdown until his birthday. I don’t have anything planned, other than to see him. It will, however, be a welcome relief to kiss him in public without the threat of being arre
sted. Right now all we can do is video chat or text. By the time we can actually meet up on the phone, he’s either tired or doing homework or I’m exhausted. The time difference doesn’t help, either. All of this has made me crabby or a
royal bitch
, as Ian says.

I knew my occupation was going to be a problem, I just didn’t expect it to be something like this. When I came back from my impromptu trip, Ian was pissed and completely unhinged. Apparently, my escape from my life cost me dearly. I missed an importan
t interview with a high profile magazine and they aren’t willing to reschedule. In fact, they ran with an expose and went as far as saying that I was shipped off to rehab, causing a total uproar.

This prompted Ian to call my parents. I could’ve asserted m
yself and reminded him that I’m an adult and his employer, but he was right. My decision to just up and leave had a repercussion on my career and I can’t afford bad press, which brings me to my latest dilemma, Ryan. He’s angry, hurt and anxious for me to visit. I can’t blame him and I feel the same, but there isn’t anything I can do. Ian has me on a short leash and each time I tug, he tightens the collar a little bit more. The last thing I want is Ryan’s mom thinking I’m some junkie.

Alex is another story.
Her mom fell ill so she has stayed back in New York while I’ve been in Los Angeles working. It kills me that I want to be in three different places and can’t be. I should be with Alex and her mom, but I also want to be with Ryan. Work calls though and with Ian watching me like a hawk there’s no way I can sneak off for a weekend.

“Hello?”

“Good morning, sunshine.” I pull my phone away, look at the screen and roll my eyes. With the invention of caller ID I should never have to talk to someone I don’t want to and yet, here I am, doing just that.

“What do you want, Ian?”

“You have a meeting today.”

“No, I don’t.”

“You do. I just scheduled it and you won’t miss it.”

I sit up and adjust my pillow. I know I pissed him off, but I think he’s being a bit
extreme. “It was one interview Ian, that’s it. I don’t understand why you’re being like this.”

“You have no idea what it is I do for you on a daily basis, do you?”

“I guess you’re about to tell me, aren’t you?”

“You’re right, I am. When you took off to do
God knows what with that underage boy, I was left to pick up the pieces. This isn’t the first interview you’ve missed. Remember last year when you blew off the talk show because they had Coleman on the hour before and you didn’t want to run into him? How about the day you showed up to your photo shoot and looked so doped up because you hadn’t slept in two days? Is any of this ringing a bell, Hadley? Each and every time I’m there to fix your mistakes. The pregnancy rumors, the drinking, the drugs, over and over again I’m putting out fires that you’ve started because you’re too stubborn to think before you act.

“This time, you blew off the same reporter from the TV show so she instantly ran with how unstable you are. You can’t afford this. You can’t have moth
ers telling their daughters that they can’t listen to your music. You can’t have movie directors wanting to take a chance on you, only for them to think you’re some high-society socialite who doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone but herself.”

“None of thi
s happened.”

“Why, because you didn’t hear about it?
There’s a reason for that, Hadley. You and Alex have your heads so far up your asses you don’t know what the hell is going on around you. You go around doing whatever it is you want without any repercussions, leaving me to pick up the pieces.”

“Well I guess that’s why I pay you the big money, isn’t it?”

“See, that’s what I’m talking about. You don’t care. Maybe I’ll stop caring, especially when reporters are sniffing around you and this boy toy. Maybe I’ll let it drop that he’s only seventeen and you aren’t exactly keeping things PG.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I would. Now get your ass over here, pronto.”

“Fine!
Who is the meeting with?”

“Another musician.
It’s for a small tour, starting immediately. You need this tour to fix your reputation before it tanks. Hadley, don’t be late. I’m getting sick of your games.”