Lost in You (9 page)

Alex pulls me away from where we are standing. She sets her arm inside the crook on my elbow. She makes it look as if I’m guiding her when in reality I’m following her, hesitantly. I trust her not to take me too far away from Hadley. We stop at the b
ar and she orders us two Cokes, handing one to me, before leading us to the terrace.

She sets her coke on the table nearby and looks at me. “We have a problem.”

I’m taken aback because I thought the night was going well. “Um… okay.”

“It’s not what you thi
nk, or maybe it is, I don’t know, but I can tell by the look on your face that you’re scared. Hell, maybe you should be.” She shakes her head and takes a deep breath. Hadley and Alex are so different. Where Hadley seems calm, Alex is on edge. “Your age is going to be a problem. Her uncle isn’t going to like any of this when he finds out.”

I look at her, not knowing what to say. I know I’m only seventeen, but surely Hadley knew this before inviting me.

“Hadley likes you, Ryan, and she has no intentions of letting your age affect a relationship between the two of you.”

Hadley and I haven’t discussed anything, let alone a relationship. I’m not stupid. I know she can do better than me. I’m just a boy from a small town who has nothing to offer her. I’m here makin
g memories that will last me a lifetime. Ones I’ll only be able to share with myself.

“I can tell you’re confused.”

“Maybe a bit,” I reply.

Alex turns me so I’m facing her. Her hands are firm on my biceps. “She likes you a lot. If you think yesterday and t
onight is how she is, you’re sadly mistaken. The only reason you’re with me now is because you’re seventeen. She needs to protect herself.”

“She’s embarrassed?” I ask.

“Hell no,” Alex says. “She’s breaking the law if she pursues you.”

I hadn’t thought
about the law or how being underage affects her. All I’ve thought about is how Hadley makes me feel when I’m next to her. Not even next to her, but in the same room. It’s like I’ve never seen the sunshine before until I met her.

I stuff my hands into my po
ckets and step away from Alex. I don’t know how to respond and I’m still confused about something Alex said. “What did you mean by ‘how she is’?”

Alex reaches for her Coke and takes a drink, keeping the glass in her hand. “Hadley doesn’t pick up fans, ever
.”

“I’m not a fan.” I blurt out.

Alex shakes her head. “Anyway, you’re someone special, even I can see the way she looks at you. Hadley likes you and I don’t think she’s going to let you go.”

A group of people approach us, silencing our conversation. Alex
turns and leans against the railing, chatting animatedly with the group. She doesn’t introduce me and I’m okay with that. I’d rather not know any of these people. Alex is working, I can tell. She pulls out her phone and starts talking about Hadley’s appearances. It dawns on me that this could very well be the last time I see her. She has a life away from here, a real one. One that requires her full attention and that’s something I can’t compete with.

She’s not going to have time for a high school senior. I
should’ve told her no when she asked me to attend this party with her. I should’ve left her on the balcony last night and saved myself from hearing what I’m sure she’ll be telling me later tonight.

I step away, Alex doesn’t even notice and I walk back int
o the party. I scan the crowd for Hadley, but don’t see her. That’s my sign. I know it is. Taking a deep breath, hands in my pockets, I resign myself to accepting that whatever this is, or was, with Hadley is just a dream. With one last look around and a silent goodbye, I head for the door.

“Why is it that every time I go looking for you, you’re about to walk out of my life?”

I turn and find Hadley behind me. Her dress is bunched in her hands, as if she’s about to start running. She motions toward the room we were in earlier. She looks behind her briefly before walking over there and opening the door. I follow her in and shut the door behind us. She opens the second door, the one leading to her room. She waits for me to enter before shutting and locking it behind me.

“You were going to leave without saying goodbye?” she turns, her brown eyes penetrating mine.

“I was just trying to save myself from the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ speech I’ve heard about before.”

“That’s not fair,” she says as she moves closer to
me. She lets go of her dress, her finger in my face. “I want you here with me. I wish I could show everyone out there that you’re
my
date and not Alex’s. You don’t know what it did to me to see you treat her so well.”

My eyes immediately go to her mouth. I
can’t help it. I’m a guy. She licks her lips and leans toward me. She knows what I’m thinking and maybe she wants me to kiss her again. Her hands rub up the lapels of my jacket, her eyes on me.

“I don’t want you to leave, Ryan. In fact, we need to figure
this out tonight so I can see you tomorrow and make plans to see you again on my next break.”

“You can have anyone—”

She silences me with her lips. My hand finds her waist, holding onto her as if I’m afraid she’s going to go away. Her hands leave my jacket, one moving into my hair and the other pressing under my jacket against my white dress shirt.

Her tongue traces my bottom lip, my mouth opening on instinct. When her tongue touches mine, my mind explodes. Heat soars through my body, urging me on. My han
d grips her waist tighter, pulling her closer. My free hand cups her face. My thumb gently rubs along her cheekbone until I spread my fingers out behind her head, holding her to my mouth. 

She pulls away. I’m not ready. I’m desperate for her. Hadley rests
her forehead on my chest. Her hands leave my hair and circle my waist. I hug her back, taking advantage of her exposed skin. I place small kisses on her shoulder, her neck, purposely staying away from her mouth because I know if I return there I’ll want more.

“I’m here for one more day,” she says, tilting her head, giving me more access to her neck. “I want to see you tomorrow.”

I stop and pull back. This is exactly why we can’t work. Someone like Hadley Carter shouldn’t have to stoop to be with someone like me.

Looking into her eyes, I want to get so lost in the magic they hold. I drop my hand from her cheek, her expression changes immediately and she steps back.

“If you don’t want to be here, Ryan, then just go.”

“It’s not that. Believe me when I say tha
t. I’m just confused.”

“About what?”

“This,” I say, motioning between us. “It doesn’t make sense.”

Hadley steps forward and picks up my hand. She places it over her heart, my fingers brush against her breast. I attempt to control my breathing in front of h
er. I’m having so many firsts in such a short amount of time and each one with her. She makes me feel amazing.

“Do you feel this?” she asks as she taps my hand with her fingers. She smiles when I nod. “You do this to me.”

“But –”

“No buts. Just
hear me out. I heard what you said the other night and I remember. Material things don’t mean anything to me. This…” she rests her hand against my heart. “Means everything to me. It’s one thing if you don’t feel the same as me – and if you don’t, I’ll walk away, but I have a feeling that you do.”

“You could get into trouble.”

“It’s a risk I’m willing to take. We’ll be careful.”

“My parents won’t like this, they won’t approve.”

She steps closer, my hand moving with her body, cupping her neck. “They shouldn’t. I’m too old for you, but I’m willing to try and play by the rules for the next few months.” Hadley kisses me full on the lips. I wrap my other arm around her, pulling her as close as I can.

“Can I see you tomorrow?” she asks, breaking our kiss.

“I have church.”

“I like church.”

I can’t help but smile and start nodding like a love-struck teenager. Now I know why Dylan acts the way she does when she says she’s in love. I’m not sure how it’s going to work, but I don’t want to fight her. She drags me over to the love seat and we sit and talk about my town and how behind-the-times it is. When I put my arm around her, she snuggles into my side. I rest my head on top of hers and close my eyes, dreaming of what life can be like with Hadley.

Hadley

“How do I look?” I ask Alex as I straighten out my dress. Alex French-braided my hair this morning before we made the two-hour drive to Brookfield. Ryan wasn’t lying when he said time had forgotten his town. Half of it’s modern and thriving, but the other end is full of dilapidated housing and buildings that look like they’re functioning, but barely able to stand.

“You look fine.” Alex slams the car door and meets me in the front. She’s none too thrilled to be going on four hours of sleep and about to sit
through a church service. I can’t remember the last time I went to church, maybe for my cousin’s wedding. I thought Alex was going to kill me when I told her we were going. I believe her eyes turned red.

“I’m nervous,” I say as I adjust the large hat I ju
st put on. The last thing I want is for people to recognize me.

“You should be.” She links her arm with mine. We start walking toward the church. People stop and stare as we pass by. I’m not sure what they are looking at. Maybe the fact that we're wearing
sunglasses and the sun is still sleeping. Or is it simply because we don’t belong here?

“I can’t believe we are doing this,” she mutters as we step into the church.
It’s small compared to the church my cousin was married in. This has about twenty pews on each side and there isn’t a balcony like the churches I’ve been to in New York. There is a choir singing. They're all wearing white robes. I didn’t even ask Ryan what denomination he is, not that it matters. I just hope we aren’t inside some voodoo sect.

A
fter I convinced Ryan that I wanted to attend church, he finally relented. He probably thinks of me as some stalker willing to attend a service just so I can see him. I’m not, at least not yet. I think as long as I figure out a schedule that works, I’ll be okay.

What worries me is the rest of my tour. I’m not sure how I’m going to handle the next month. I’ll be on the west coast, a place that I used to love and look forward to visiting, until now. Alex asked me on the way here, “why Ryan?” And all I could s
ay was, “why not?” I can’t describe how he makes me feel and I’m not talking about when he touches me, but when he looks at me. It’s like we were meant to know each other. Maybe not be together, but definitely be part of each other’s lives forever.

Althou
gh, not being with him isn’t an option for me, at least not right now. Last night when he was with Alex, I felt anxious and uncomfortable being in that room full of people. In a matter of twenty-four hours I’ve become dependent on someone. Someone that society says I can’t have.

I spot the back of Ryan and tug on Alex’s sleeve as I start moving toward him. This part isn’t planned. We didn’t talk about what I’d do when I got here. We walk around the back of the church, staying clear of the center aisle. My e
yes are trained on Ryan as he sits forward, either mesmerized by the choir or asleep. If it were me I’d be sleeping. I walk in first, my movements catching his eye. His expression is one of shock and quickly changes into the smile I’ve grown so quickly to love.

I sit next to him and look at his parents, but keep a safe gap between us. This is as close as I can get. His mom wears her blonde hair down, the top pulled back into a barrette. Her dress is gray, solid in color and she holds a Bible in her hands.
His father is in an old, brown suit jacket. The color is so faded the elbows look almost white. I look around and see others similarly dressed on this side of the church, but on the other, people are dressed in new, flashy clothes.

I jump slightly when his
fingers touch mine. I wasn’t expecting a display of affection and I’m a bit sad when he pulls his hand back. He looks at his parents before turning his attention back to the preacher.

There is distance between us during the sermon, which I expected. What
I didn’t expect was the tingling sensation coursing through my body. When the service ends, his mom looks at me. She doesn’t smile, but appraises me. Her eyes travel up and down as if she’s never seen another female before.  

“Mom, I’d like you to meet my
friends, Hadley and Alex.” Ryan looks at me and smiles. “This is my mom, Sally Stone.”

“Mrs. Stone,” she says, without offering her hand. Alex pinches my side briefly.

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Stone.” I offer her my hand and should’ve taken her hint that we weren’t going to shake hands. She looks down at my hand as if I’ve dipped it in meat sauce. I drop my hand and smile. I’m a performer, winning her over shouldn’t be this hard.

“Are you new in town?”

“No, ma’am, we’re just visiting. I met Ryan –”