Lost Innocence (12 page)

She sensed him turn to look at her, and waited for him to speak, but it was a while before he said, huskily, ‘You look sensational in that bikini.’

She smiled. ‘I’m glad you think so, because I had you in mind when I bought it.’

The sexual charge in the air sharpened and was suddenly burning hotter than the sun.

He said nothing.

Her eyes remained closed behind the dark lenses, her heart was thudding quietly beneath the hardened bud of her nipple. ‘No one will know,’ she said softly.

When he didn’t respond she turned to look at him and found him staring past her to the house.

‘We can’t,’ he said. ‘There’s too much at stake.’

‘Only if they find out, and if we’re careful, there’s no reason why they should.’ She wouldn’t tell him yet that the risk would drive her wild, he’d find out soon enough.

He looked away and more breathless, expectant minutes ticked by.

In the end, accepting that to do anything here, at the villa, for the first time would be too hard for him, she swung her feet to the ground, and said, ‘Come with me to buy something for dinner.’

His eyes rose to hers and as she brushed the back of one hand over her breasts she saw him swallow.

‘Where’s Nat?’ he asked.

‘Still playing chess with Robert.’

He nodded, and a note of irony came into his tone as he said, ‘For once he’s not playing draughts with Annabelle.’

Amused, she said, ‘Do you think that’s what they’re doing when they shut themselves up in her room?’

‘At their age, I hope so.’

Teasing him, she said, ‘At their age, is that what you would have done? Play draughts?’

He laughed. ‘I doubt it.’ Then getting to his feet he said, ‘I’ll go and see if either if them want to come with us.’

Hiding her dismay she watched him pick up his towel and book. ‘I’ll meet you at the car in ten minutes,’ she told him as he walked away.

His hand went up to let her know he’d heard, and presumably to say he’d be there. Hopefully alone.

Taking a side entrance into the villa, she went up to her room, tied a sarong over her bikini to form a dress, then rolled her hair into a clip before picking up her purse. She’d remove the sarong when she reached the car – maybe she’d remove the bikini as well, provided Nat and Robert weren’t there.

She found them still intent on their game when she wandered back through the sitting room. There was no sign of Craig. ‘Are either of you coming to the village?’ she asked, stifling a yawn.

Robert shook his head. ‘Craig’s already asked, and I’m about to be beaten so we’re staying here.’

She feigned a moment’s interest in the board, then feeling Nat’s eyes on her she looked at him and smiled. He didn’t smile back, and she could sense his antipathy. She’d known for a long time that he didn’t like her, mainly because he wasn’t sophisticated enough to hide it, and the feeling was mutual. She had no time for boys who considered themselves men long before their time, and who watched her with eyes that seemed to see too much. He couldn’t know about her and his father, because, as yet, there was nothing to know, but smug little bastard that he was, he always made her feel that he knew she wasn’t to be trusted.

Putting more sweetness into her smile, she dropped a kiss on Robert’s head, and sauntered off to the car.

It was parked in a clearing at the end of the drive, out of view of the house, but in full sight of the road that snaked past outside. As usual there was no sign of traffic, just a couple of geckos scuttling across the track to the shade of a cactus on the other side.

Craig was already in the driver’s seat with the engine running.

Untying her sarong, she slipped into the passenger seat next to him, and as their eyes met she knew with certainty that, at last, they had reached the point of no return.

Alicia was waiting close to the exit gate when Nat’s train pulled into Castle Cary station, bang on time. A clutch of anxious and excited butterflies were on a merry spree inside her, reminding her of how she used to feel when she was first dating Craig (and later, after the affair, but in an awful way then, when even to think of him would cause her insides to clench with dread). Today she was experiencing only joyful anticipation, knowing her son was on this train and for the first time in three days she’d be able to wrap him in her arms and know he was safe.

As the doors began to swing open and people to clamber down, she glanced searchingly along the platform, ready to wave as soon as she saw him. She could picture his face already, lighting up when he spotted her, and Summer, with her autumn-coloured hair and prettily freckled cheeks bobbing along beside him.

Minutes ticked by. The platform started to empty, and with each passing second the sparkles of her anticipation were turning to dust. He’d texted to say he was on this train, so he had to be here. Maybe he’d had to get off early for some reason, but if he had he’d have called to let her know. She must have missed him. Somehow he’d been masked by the crowd, and he was already outside, looking for her. But there hadn’t been a crowd, no more than a dozen people had got off, and she was right by the gate.

Panic welled up inside her as the guard began closing
the doors. She had to stop him. She couldn’t let the train go until Nat was off.

‘Excuse me,’ she said, her voice sounding shaky and shrill. What was she going to say? ‘Have you seen…? My son was supposed to be on this…’

‘Hey, Mum!’

She looked up and relief unravelled so fast inside her that she almost sobbed. He was here. Nothing bad had happened to him. Her precious boy was safe and swaggering towards her in his cool, teenage way, a heavy bag slung across one shoulder, his dark jeans and T-shirt tight enough to his body to show how close he was now to becoming a man. He was already almost as tall as his father had been, and shaving had lately become a daily event. Luckily his voice had long since shed all the lingering squawks of puberty and his complexion was, more or less, free of the spots that made some of his less fortunate friends’ faces look like the inside of a kiwi fruit, as Craig had once put it, making her cry with laughter.

As he reached her, his aquamarine eyes, a replica of her own, were shining with humour, while his dazzling white smile, so like Craig’s, turned her heart inside out. Carelessly dropping his bag he scooped her up in his arms. ‘We fell asleep,’ he told her, ‘and only just woke up in time.’

‘Typical,’ she chided, holding his face between her hands and gazing at him with motherly adoration. His dark hair was tumbling into his eyes and snaking down his neck, but she wouldn’t tell him he needed to get it cut, she’d given up on that a long time ago.

After hugging him again she turned to greet Summer, who at five foot three was much shorter than Nat, though the four-inch wedges she was balanced on brought her closer to Alicia’s height. ‘Hi sweetheart, how are you?’ Alicia said, embracing her fondly. ‘I’m so glad you were able to come.’

‘Thanks for letting me,’ Summer smiled. ‘I’m really looking forward to it. Nat says it’s a really cute house and the village is pretty cool too. It’s a great name, isn’t it? It was a real trip telling my friends I was going to Nat’s mother’s place in Holly Wood. They were like, no way.’

Laughing, Alicia said, ‘I’m afraid there are no walks of fame or avenues of the stars here, but we’ve got a nice pub on the high street and the Holly Wood Players have been known to put on the odd good show once in a while.’

‘Oh, yeah, like that travesty of
A Midsummer Night’s Dream
,’ Nat scoffed as they started towards the exit. ‘Do you remember when they performed it next to Holly Copse and Puck’s tail got stuck on a branch and he couldn’t get free?’

Alicia burst out laughing. ‘And Titania fell out of a tree in the middle of someone else’s scene.’

‘Oh God, I’d forgotten that,’ he cried. ‘We had to creep away in the end because we were laughing so much.’

Loving that he remembered it so well, in spite of only being twelve at the time, Alicia tucked an arm through Summer’s, saying, ‘We’ll overlook the fact that Brenda Lovejoy, who was playing Titania, fractured a rib when she hit the ground. My family were a disgrace to me that night…’

‘What! You were the one laughing the hardest,’ Nat protested. ‘Dad had to put his hand over your mouth to try and stop you…’

‘And then completely lost it himself when someone’s dog ran on to the set and stole the show. Gran was no better, sniggering away like a schoolgirl. I’m still not sure if Darcie really knew what she was laughing at, but she got so loud that it was mainly thanks to her that we had to go.’

Summer was clearly enjoying the moment. ‘Sounds like a really cool time,’ she commented.

‘We used to love coming here as kids,’ Nat told her, as they crossed the car park. ‘Gran had everything in her house, all the toys and stuff we wanted, and she’d take us places like Wookey Hole and Cheddar, and Glastonbury. I told you, didn’t I, that Dad and I went to the festival last year, and the year before, which was awesome, both times.’

Surprised, and heartened to hear him talking about his father when he’d barely mentioned him these past few months, Alicia began rummaging in her bag for the car keys.

‘Oh,’ Summer said, clearly startled when they stopped next to the Renault. ‘What happened to the Mercedes?’

Alicia’s eyes shot to Nat. He looked uncomfortable, but he was the one to say, ‘It wasn’t practical for down here in the country, and Mum needs an estate to transport her sculptures.’

‘Oh, I see,’ Summer replied, blushing slightly. ‘This one’s really cool,’ she added. ‘I love the colour.’

Since it was beige Alicia knew she was trying to makeup for the faux pas, and gave her a grateful smile. ‘Come on, let’s get you home,’ she said, opening up the back, and after dumping their luggage inside, she found herself spilling over with happiness as she closed down the hatch and Nat gave her another quick hug. Her life felt almost complete now he was here, and Darcie’s arrival would be a further source of joy – and over time, once they got used to Craig not being around, the awful, aching emptiness he’d left behind would, please God, finally start to fade.

Forty minutes later they were back at the Coach House and while Nat and Summer went upstairs to unpack, Alicia got the barbecue under way – chicken and home-made sausages for her and Nat, soy-marinated tuna for Summer who’d decided to become a vegetarian. The salads were already prepared, a crunchy Waldorf, one of Nat’s favourites; a creamy goat’s cheese with cherry tomatoes; and a tasty mix of crushed new potatoes, fennel and chives.

After lighting the gas in the cylindrical pod she and Craig had bought for her mother several years ago, she pushed the crowding memories to the back of her mind, and began setting the table. From the delicious aromas wafting over the high stone walls surrounding the back garden it was clear that one, or more, of her neighbours was cooking up a late afternoon feast of their own. She could hear the low murmur of their voices, peppered with laughter and the clinking of glasses, and somewhere in the distance someone was mowing the lawn. It was a perfect sleepy Sunday afternoon, with red admirals and painted ladies flitting around the aubretia and lavender, and the melodious trill of a song thrush coming from next door’s pear tree.

‘This place is so sweet,’ Summer declared, stepping out of the back door in more sensible flip-flops and knee-length
denim shorts. She had good legs considering her lack of height, and sumptuously youthful creamy skin, a lot of which was exposed thanks to a skimpy red polka-dot bikini top and no covering shirt. ‘It’s like the ones you see on postcards and old paintings of the countryside,’ she added.

Alicia smiled. She knew Summer didn’t mean to be condescending, so she wouldn’t take offence. ‘It was a lovely place to grow up,’ she told her, ‘and to bring the children for holidays when they were younger.’

‘Nat was just telling me on the train how it was absolutely the best, coming here for Christmas when his gran used to let him roast chestnuts in the fire and his dad used to keep pretending they didn’t have any presents.’

‘Yes, he was quite a tease,’ Alicia agreed. Then, unable to stop herself, ‘Does Nat talk about him much to you these days?’

Summer shrugged. ‘Not really,’ she answered, ‘but I think he should, because it’s no good bottling things up.’

‘Is that what you think he’s doing?’ Silly question, of course he was.

Summer coloured slightly, seeming embarrassed about being invited on to forbidden territory. ‘I asked him the other day if he’d cried at all since his dad died,’ she confided, ‘and he said it wouldn’t bring him back so what was the point?’

Alicia’s heart tightened. Though it was the answer Nat had given her when she’d asked, so was no surprise, it still disturbed her to hear it.

‘I don’t think you really need to worry about him though,’ Summer assured her, apparently feeling the need to brighten things. ‘He’s a pretty together sort of person, so I’m sure he’ll be fine.’

Alicia nodded and smiled. ‘I’m sure he will too,’ she murmured, wanting to believe it, but unable to. ‘Now, what will you have to drink? There’s plenty of fruit juice, or Coke. Or you can have wine if you prefer.’

‘Oh, let me,’ Summer offered. ‘If you just tell me where to find the glasses.’

‘They’re already on the table,’ Alicia pointed out, ‘but the drinks are in the fridge.’

‘I expect Nat will have a beer,’ Summer said, turning back into the kitchen. ‘He usually does at barbecues.’

Wishing the proprietorial air hadn’t grated, Alicia let her go and went to check on the barbecue. She’d have to get used to sharing him one day, so perhaps she should try viewing this relationship as a rehearsal rather than an intrusion, especially when she quite liked the girl. Which was just as well, she remarked to herself a few minutes later, when she turned round to find them smooching in the kitchen. Nat was pretty smitten, she’d never been in any doubt about that, and the fact that they’d been sleeping together for at least six months – Alicia only knew because Nat had confided in his father – didn’t seem to have got it out of his system. If anything it had brought them closer together, which would have been fine with Alicia if he was ten years older.