Lost Soul (21 page)

Jessica’s excitement grew when Michael wouldn’t let her choose her own dessert, insisting instead that she try the special treat he had arranged for them.
 
She expected to find a diamond ring when Michael told her there was a surprise inside her chocolate cake but instead there was only a lava flow of molten chocolate.
 
She consoled herself with the decadent dessert and the hope that the night wasn’t over.

“Are you ready to go back to the hotel, Jessie?” Michael asked eagerly as their table was cleared.
 
“There’s a Jacuzzi tub in our room.”

“That sounds great,” Jessica replied.
 
He probably just wants to propose in private, she assumed.
 
It was more his style than a flashy public display.

Jessica was a live wire of excitement by the time they got back to the hotel.
 
She barely noticed the luxurious silk curtains framing the large window that overlooked the water or the satin, down-filled comforter that made the bed look like a fluffy cloud.
 
As soon as they shut the door Michael began kissing her, taking off his suit and tie and unzipping her dress, all while his lips made love to her mouth.

“How about a dip in the hot tub?” he asked and Jessica eagerly agreed.
 
Someone from the hotel staff had come into their room while they dined and filled the tub with steaming, sudsy water that gurgled invitingly as the jets forced piles of bubbles to the surface.
 
Candles and rose petals lined the edge of the tub and a bottle of champagne chilled in an ice bucket nearby.

Michael removed his shirt and pants before sliding the dress from Jessica’s shoulders, his eyes following the fabric as it slithered down her curves.
 
Jessica shivered from the intensity of his stare.

When his desire to feel her skin next to his outweighed the hunger in his eyes, he drew her body close to his and began to caress every inch his hands could reach.
 
Jessica’s hands mimicked his, slowly sliding down the broad muscles of his back till her fingers cupped his taut cheeks.
 
Michael did the same, then lifted her up, wrapping her thighs around his waist as he carried her to the waiting tub.
 
The caress continued as they settled into the foaming water, their legs entangled and their hands stroking and massaging one another as their lips met.

The spell was broken when Michael’s elbow connected with a candle, knocking it into the water and raising a shriek of surprise from Jessica.
 
They both laughed as Michael jumped up like a man on fire in response to the candle’s immersion in the tub.
 
When the candle was safely recovered and placed back on the ledge, Michael leaned back with a groan and covered his face with his hands.

“Michael, what’s wrong?
 
What is it?” Jessica asked, sliding through the water to his side.

Michael dropped his hand and chucked her under the chin with a sad smile.
 
“It’s just, this has been the best day I’ve had in more years than I can remember and I hate that it’s about to end,” he explained, a drop of moisture beading in the corner of his eyes.

As his words sunk in, Jessica’s hopes plummeted.
 
Her fantasy shattered like a cheap wine glass and her face fell as she pushed herself back to the other side of the tub, desperate to break free from her addiction to him.
 
Why couldn’t she give him up?

“Jessica?
 
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin it for you.
 
I should’ve kept my mouth shut and just enjoyed the moment.
 
Please forgive me.
 
We still have all night.”

Jessica couldn’t even stand to look at him anymore.
 
“I’m tired, I’m going to go to bed,” she said, pulling herself out of the tub and wrapping a towel around her chest.

“Jessica, what’s wrong!?” Michael begged, scurrying after her.
 
“What did I do?
 
Please, tell me so I can fix it!”

“Nothing, it’s nothing, Michael.
 
You didn’t do anything…..I just thought….maybe you would,” Jessica said, climbing onto the bed.
 
Her voice dropped to a whisper at the end and she rolled over, facing the wall so he wouldn’t see her tears.

Michael lay down behind her and cradled her with his body, his hand stroking the hair away from her face as he leaned in.
 
“I don’t understand, Jessica.
 
What didn’t I do?
 
I tried to think of everything.
 
I wanted your day to be perfect.”

“It was, Michael; don’t you see?” she explained, rolling over to face him, wiping the tears from her eyes.
 
“It was the most perfect day anyone has ever had.
 
And it was too special for just a birthday, so, I thought……maybe you had something else in mind.”

Michael shook his head, still confused.
 
“Like what, Jessie?” he asked, his voice hoarse with sorrow at her pain.

“I thought you were going to propose,” Jessica whispered, covering her face with her hands.

“Oh, Jessica,” Michael’s voice faltered as his heart disintegrated into a thousand jagged pieces.
 
“Oh God, I…I didn’t think…I never meant to….oh, Jessica….,” Michael groaned, desperate to comfort her but unable to find the words.
“I understand, Michael.
 
After all these years I should’ve known better.
 
I should never have gotten my hopes up.
 
It’s my own fault.”

“No, Jessica!
 
None of this is your fault!
 
ALL of it is mine!
 
I should never have let myself get close to you in the first place because I knew I could never be yours completely.
 
It was wrong of me to lead you on like this.
 
I’m so sorry, Jessica.
 
Believe me when I tell you I would marry you this instant if I could.
 
I’d drag you to a chapel wrapped in that towel!”

Jessica chuckled at the image his words created and a tiny corner of her sadness lifted.
 
Michael pulled her close and kissed away her tears.
 
“Do you want me to leave, Jessica?
 
I’m so sorry I can’t be what you need.
 
I’m sorry I let you down.”

Jessica turned into his embrace and entwined her arms and legs with his.
 
“No, Michael, don’t leave.
 
I don’t regret a moment I’ve spent with you and I don’t want you to, either.
 
It was just a silly fantasy.
 
I’m happy just to be with you when I can.
 
I understand your job demands most of your time.”

She didn’t really understand why he didn’t look for some other kind of work or ask her to come live with him if he really loved her, but he’d never actually said the words.
 
When he was with her, he lavished her with affection, but clearly he loved his own life more.
 
She loved him too much to give him up, though, so she was willing to take whatever time he could give.

Michael felt the pain lingering behind her words, but he knew there was nothing he could do to ease it, so instead he pulled her close and held her while his hands caressed her face and hair.
 
He wanted to tell her to let him go and find someone else who deserved her, who could give her everything she truly wanted, but he knew it would devastate him if she actually did.
 
He would tell her in the morning, he decided.
 
He would make her see he could never meet all her needs.

For once they didn’t end the night in passion, but fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.
 
When the dawn broke, Michael woke her with a kiss and said his goodbyes.
 
Her face fell as he told her it would a long time before he saw her again.

“I’ll understand if want to find someone else, Jessica.
 
I don’t deserve to have you wait for me,” he said, cradling her cheek in the palm of his hand.

Jessica just shook her head sadly.
 
She knew no matter how hard she tried to forget about him, for some reason she never could.
 
He would aways have her heart.

When Michael returned home, his heartbreak was made complete by the sight of Maxwell with a broken leg.
 
It wasn’t a life-threatening injury by any means, but Michael’s guilt tore at him till he thought he would go insane.
 
Maxwell was homebound for several weeks while he healed and Michael spent the endless hours pacing the floors of Maxwell’s uptown apartment, berating himself for his stupidity, the luxury accommodations a prison for his anguish.

Jessica’s disappointment left a gaping hole in Michael’s heart that haunted him every time he thought of her.
 
He hated himself for leading her on, for claiming her heart when it wasn’t his to take, but his longing for her was a never-ending hunger that roared in his belly till he thought his soul would consume itself with desire.

He vowed to stay away from her, to give his full attention to Maxwell and to allow her time to give her heart to someone else, and for several years he managed to resist his desire to be with her.
 
When his need for her grew too intense he would sneak a glimpse into her life, visiting her in her home or the restaurant but never showing himself in the flesh.
 
She seemed all right, if a little sad, and he wondered if it was his absence that left that tiny frown on her beautiful face.
 
He didn’t go to see her often, but when he did he never saw her with anyone else.

He wished she would find someone else who would love her, even if just a fraction as much as he did, but she never opened herself up to anyone else’s affection, never let her heart warm to anyone else’s touch.
 
Her solitude tore at him, making him long to give her his affection and driving him crazy with his need for her touch.

chapter nineteen

“I don’t want to buy anything and I don’t need religion,” Jessica announced, closing the door on the two teenage girls and one boy who rang her doorbell on a Saturday morning in the spring of 2015.

“No!
 
Wait!” the handsome boy begged, sticking out his hand to stop the door from shutting.
 
“We’re just doing a project for school and want to ask you a few questions!
 
I promise it won’t take long.”
 
The boy turned on his boyish charm as he smiled hopefully at her.
 
Jessica paused just long enough for him to take it as an invitation to continue.
 
“See, we’re doing this survey for history class, and we need to ask a bunch of random people these questions,” he explained. “Nobody wants to talk to us, so if you could please just give us a few minutes, that would be really awesome.”

Jessica caved at his adorable, puppy dog grin and opened the door again.
 
“Okay, I guess I can answer a few questions.”
 
She glanced at the dark room behind her then turned back with a shrug.
 
“What the heck, come on in.
 
This is about as good as it gets,” she explained leading them into her dreary living space.
 
Everything was old and well-worn, but at least the room was tidy.
 
She waved her hands towards the sofa, indicating the kids should sit down.
 
The three settled uncomfortably on the low cushions and the boy got down to business.

“For the record, could you tell me your name and age, please?” he asked studiously, pencil poised above a fresh sheet of notebook paper.

“Uh, Jessica Reynolds, I’ll be 37 in a few weeks,” she answered and his smile grew huge.

“Nice to meet you, Ma’am.
 
I’m Rider and this is Rachel and Paige.”
 
The girls waved limply.
 
They were both beautiful, but different as night and day.
 
The blonde girl, Rachel, was tall and thin with a look on her face that said she’d rather be anywhere else, while the other girl, Paige, was short and curvy with black ringlets that bounced with each eager smile.

“Are you married?”

“No,” Jessica replied.

“Any children?”

“No, just me.”
 
She always felt guilty answering that question.
 
A simple yes or no never seemed adequate.

“Occupation?” Rider asked.

“Uh, I’m a waitress, down at the Night Out night club,” she answered, nervously smoothing her perfect hair.
 
Their questions weren’t that invasive, but for some reason Jessica felt self-conscious.

“Great, that’s perfect,” Rider encouraged, noticing her reticence.
 
“We’re supposed to have a wide spectrum of participants, you know, for a more accurate cross-section of society.”
 
Jessica thought she saw the blonde girl stifle a giggle at his scientific verbiage.
 
“This project is about the theory of superpowers and the average American’s concept of them and the possibility of their existence.
 
Do you believe that it’s possible for some people to have what we would call superpowers, Miss Reynolds?
 
You know, talents that are extraordinary.”