Lost Voices (12 page)

were steep, Luce realized, the underwater slopes precipitous; the ship would go down quickly. That was another reason Catarina’d picked this spot. She’d known exactly where to go.

It was horrible, Luce thought. But she was undeniably a part of it. Her voice was free and desperate, stretching out of her and pounding through the sea.

She closed her eyes and dove. Down into the cool, swelling gray, where she didn’t have to see what she’d done. Down, until her reaching hand brushed something soft, and her eyelids opened reflexively. Dark curly hair. The caramel- skinned boy looked up, his face at most a foot away from Luce’s as she plunged. She barely managed to keep herself from running into him. And still her song pulsed on and on, an immense beating heart made of music.

He gazed up at her, his eyes shining with joy. Luce remembered what her father had said about her mother:
She gave me more
and truer love than any human being can hope for in this life.
That was the way the drowning boy stared at her, Luce realized, with a fierce adoration that seemed too consuming to belong on Earth. She would never feel lonely again if only he would keep watching her with that glow in his eyes.
More and truer love than any human being . . .

But that was because she wasn’t human.

If she’d stayed human, no one ever would have loved her as much as the caramel- skinned boy did now. And then Luce saw that he was already dead, his brown eyes still locked on her face. His eyes were empty and gentle, watching nothing.

* * *

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When Luce broke through the water again the other mermaids were already gathering, swishing their tails with excitement.

“Look at our little metaskaza!” Samantha exclaimed. “Did you see that? She had them actually jumping overboard!” Luce was nauseous, trembling; it took her a second to understand that Samantha was talking about her.

“Even you can’t call Luce metaskaza anymore,” a blonde named Regan objected. “Not after that! I’ve never seen anyone do that before.” Luce felt choked and her eyes were hot, but she wouldn’t let herself cry while they were watching her. She looked around at the white scraps of debris still bobbing on the surface of the water, then up at the grassy crest of the island. There were obviously no human survivors, just as Catarina had said.

But where was Catarina?

Miriam noticed the way Luce’s gaze searched the waves.

“There was one kind of stubborn one,” Miriam explained.

Her eyes were blue- black, gleaming but also somehow sad, and a mist of pearl- colored light clung to her pale, bluish skin. “He almost made it to shore before we noticed. Catarina’s giving him some . . . some personal attention. She’ll be back with us soon. She took him straight down a little while ago.” As queasy as she was, Luce felt worried by this. “What if she goes too far down? If she’s all by herself . . .” Samantha thought that was funny. “I really wouldn’t worry about Cat, Luce. She’s better at swimming deep down than the rest of us. And besides, I kind of think she likes to be alone sometimes.” Samantha’s voice took on a cold, mocking tone, and something about it bothered Luce.

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“She always catches up with us pretty soon,” Miriam added defensively.

Luce gazed around at the other mermaids. There was an uncomfortable tension to the way they gazed back at her, Luce thought. It was almost like the way people had looked at her when she was still human.

“I’m going to go make sure Catarina’s okay,” Luce announced, and dove before anyone could stop her.

The sunlit water was full of random trash. There were pillows and diaries, shoes and boxes of cookies: anything that wasn’t heavy enough to sink straight down. There was a steep wall of rock just beside her, and a drowned young woman lay on a protruding shelf with her arm over her face, as if the light was bothering her. Below Luce the water darkened, dilating like the pupil of an immense eye.

She couldn’t see Catarina anywhere. Luce pushed farther down, and the water turned colder, its sun- flecked green gradually shading to somber dark emerald, its pressure increasing. Luce couldn’t justify the icy, unsettled feeling in her chest; of course what the other mermaids had told her was true. It was Catarina, after all, who’d swum to the depth where Luce’s own breath had started to give out on her first night in the sea, Catarina who had saved her life.

Then Luce saw something far below: red- gold hair like a single match flaring up in the green darkness.
Too far down,
Luce thought. She spiraled her tail and raced toward it. As she came closer she could hear Catarina still singing, but much more softly than before. It didn’t seem like any human could still be alive after such a long descent. Was Catarina singing to herself ?

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The fire- colored swirl grew in Luce’s eyes, and she saw that Catarina wasn’t alone.

A tall, black- haired young man of perhaps twenty was clinging to her, his hands circling over Catarina’s slender back, caressing her long waist. He must have seized hold of her as she sang, Luce thought, and she waited for Catarina to shove him away. Catarina’s song throbbed on in her throat, wild with longing, and a crown of bubbles broke from her and ob-scured Luce’s view for a moment. She was almost level with them now.

Catarina’s fingers were tangled in the young man’s hair, and her tail snaked and thrashed around his legs. There was another burst of bubbles as Catarina blew her own air into his lungs, the song humming on in her chest, while her mouth . . .

Luce stopped where she was. Her stomach was tight and cold with disbelief. Catarina and the black- haired man were locked in a frenzy of slow kisses, and his hands slid across her pale skin. She was breathing into him to keep him alive for just a little longer. Luce’s own lungs were beginning to ache. How much longer could Catarina keep on this way without drowning herself ?

How could she do this at all, after everything she’d told Luce? She’d said it would be better to die than to break the timahk! She’d said that if even one mermaid broke it, the whole tribe would be dishonored.

Luce pushed her way back to the surface, deliberately coming up at a distance from the rest of the tribe. Her whole body was trembling, and she knew she wouldn’t be able to hide her emotion from anyone who saw her face. She eddied on the sur-96 i LOST VOICES

face, unsure what she should do. The sunlight was gone, and the day was dimming.

After a minute Catarina’s flame- colored head splashed up twenty yards away, and Luce heard her gasping as she finally breathed in again. She had her back to Luce, and the man she’d held was nowhere to be seen.

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7

Forgiveness

Luce watched Catarina swim over to the other mermaids. Their heads were only visible as dots flocking up and down on the darkening sea. She saw them draw close together and confer, then turn to scan the waves. If she didn’t go back soon they’d come to search for her.

Luce didn’t know how she could stand to talk to anyone, with her stomach so knotted and sick and her nerves prickling with dread. But if they had to look for her they’d get worried and upset, and they’d ask more questions. And Catarina might start to suspect that Luce had witnessed her closed in the arms of a human male.

Luce forced herself to swim back to the group. She pulled her reluctant mouth into a smile.

“ Catarina! I was so worried when I couldn’t find you!” Catarina gave Luce one of her long assessing stares. Luce knew 98 i

Catarina was trying to read the look in her eyes, trying to guess what she’d seen.

“They said you went to look for me. Luce, that really wasn’t necessary. I can take care of myself.” Luce carefully brightened her smile.

“You’ve saved me twice already. I thought it was my turn.

But I guess I swam down in the wrong place. You’re really okay?” Catarina seemed to relax slightly, though there was still something cautious in her stare.

“Of course I’m okay.” She gave Luce a smile that was a little too warm and affectionate. “I’m not the one who likes taking crazy chances. Swimming headlong into orcas!” Luce made herself laugh. “Honestly. For
you
to be worrying about
me
that way.

It’s ridiculous.” She shook her head, and suddenly her warmth seemed genuine. “I bet you’re tired after all that. And everyone’s starving. Come on!” There was the flick and glint of long tails as the mermaids dove, and Luce went with them.

Sick as she felt, Luce already knew she would never betray Catarina’s secret. Maybe Catarina had destroyed the tribe’s honor by kissing that young man, but Luce would never be able to live with herself if Catarina was banished. She’d never stop thinking of her friend alone and adrift in a desolate sea. Even the idea of such abject loneliness made Luce want to cry. If she ever had to face expulsion, Luce thought, she might just feed herself to the orcas.

By the time they were all on the beach cracking mussels Luce gave up trying to act cheerful. She let herself stare out at the deep blue clouds surging across the sky, the crimson rim of sunset. She could just make out the island where so many young men and women had died that day, a dim pinnacle breaking the i 99

red streaks of the clouds. There was the noise of chopped air now as helicopters began to converge on the spot; men would climb out onto the rocks, divers would search the wreckage, all unable to understand why none of the crew had made it to shore.

Luce had never even spoken to the sailor with the dark curly hair, but somehow she missed him terribly. Catarina was quiet, too, with a look on her face that contained a mixture of drowsy satisfaction and hungry sadness; Luce wondered if she was dreaming of the man she’d kissed, and killed.

Luce couldn’t just mourn for the curly- haired sailor in peace, though. She was surrounded by the other mermaids, who seemed tired but still giddy. Their chatter kept interrupting Luce’s thoughts, and she realized they were talking about her.

“Did you
hear
that out there?” Samantha asked behind her. “I mean, how different Luce’s singing is? It’s like, ‘Come here, little human; you’re not so evil after all! No, really! I promise you’re not evil!’ You know what I mean?” Samantha’s laugh sent a chill up Luce’s back. “What a
joke!
But they fall for it like crazy . . .” Luce felt a fierce impulse to spin around and smack Samantha as hard as she could. She wanted to scream at her, lunge for her throat. Instead she stared down through the water at the silver shimmer of her own long tail.

Catarina seemed to stir from her reverie. “ Luce’s song promises
forgiveness,
” she agreed slowly. “Or what’s the word? Recon-ciliation. It’s interesting. It never would have occurred to me to try to sing that way, but I have to admit it’s effective.
I
certainly feel it when I hear her.” Luce hadn’t entirely grasped what it was that Catarina’s song promised until she’d seen the ecstatic way the black- haired boy had kissed her, but now it seemed clear enough.

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“Effective!” Samantha giggled. “You were way on the other side, Cat. You didn’t see how berserk she made them. Luce had like twenty humans throwing themselves overboard before the ship even crashed! Like they were just dying to get to her!” Luce’s hands were trembling, and her stomach seemed to be full of cold stones. Samantha laughed again. “It’s amazing how stupid humans are! Believing that a mermaid could
forgive
them . . .”
But I do forgive them,
Luce thought.
I meant everything I sang. I
forgive them no matter what they’ve done, and I wish they could forgive me.

She remembered the choice she’d made out in the sea that day, to reject the enchanted numbness that had tried to steal into her heart. Samantha had obviously chosen differently. Of course it would be much easier that way.

“I thought Luce’s singing was beautiful,” Miriam said softly.

“It made me remember all kinds of things . . .” Miriam hesitated, and Luce wondered if the things she’d remembered were from her human life. But what mermaid would admit to that? “Things from a long time ago,” Miriam finally said, and from something lost and wistful in her voice Luce knew she’d guessed right.

“Who cares if it’s beautiful?” It was Samantha’s cold, calm, sneering voice again. “What matters is that it works! We never could have taken that ship down before we had Luce with us, right? It was just too big. We wouldn’t even have tried!” Luce turned around in surprise. “ Catarina said you didn’t need me, though! She said the rest of you would sink the ship whether I came with you or not!” She tried to meet Catarina’s eyes, but the red- gold head swung away from her.

“Oh, no way!” Samantha trilled. “Cat, you seriously told her that? Why would you say that? You really don’t want Luce i 101

to realize how good she is, do you?” Catarina wouldn’t look at them. Her moon gray eyes were dreamily fixed on the horizon, but Luce knew she was only pretending not to hear . . .

Then Luce understood. Catarina had known all along that Luce wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to sing, not once she was surrounded by the voices of the other mermaids and their wild, rising song called to hers. Catarina had deliberately tricked Luce into swimming out with her because she’d known she needed Luce’s help. If only Luce had insisted on staying home in the cave, Catarina would have had to let the Coast Guard boat go on its way unmolested.

And maybe Catarina had reasons of her own for wanting to sink that particular ship so badly. Luce remembered the eager swishing of Catarina’s tail when she’d come to the cave, the barely suppressed hunger in her voice. She’d seen the crew of beautiful young men.

“ Luce? Are you sick?” Miriam touched her shoulder with her soft, icy hand. “You must be exhausted. You worked so hard today, and you’re not used to it . . .” There was real sweetness in Miriam’s voice, but Luce couldn’t look at her. Would she really get
used
to murdering strangers? Luce’s body doubled over as if she were about to vomit, and her trembling came in violent waves. “Cat! I think Luce is sick. Oh, she really wasn’t strong enough yet to come out with us today! We should have let her rest for longer . . .”