Lost World (11 page)

“I’m just gonna write it in the middle of the road,” Axl says, heading into the street.

“Keep it vague,” Winston calls after him. “We don’t want anyone picking up our trail.”

Everyone else is already in the back of the truck and ready to go, so Winston pulls the door down while Axl writes the message on the road. The hiss from the can sounds louder than a car alarm when it cuts through the silence.

“I hate how every little noise makes me jump,” I say.

Winston nods and leans against the truck. He doesn’t talk, and he doesn’t look at me or Axl or anything, really. He looks ancient, standing here in the middle of nowhere with his tattered clothes and scraggly, unkempt beard. His face is thinner than it was a few weeks ago, and he has circles under his eyes. His dark skin has taken on a gray quality that makes him look unhealthy. Like he’s slowly starving to death.

“I’m so sorry, Winston.” I can’t stop myself from saying it. Even though I know he doesn’t need to hear it and it might even hurt him more to talk about it right now, the words are out before I can think better of it.

“We’ve all lost,” he says. “You’d think after everything that’s happened it would get easier. I thought I’d accepted that I might one day lose her. Thought I’d dealt with it. Maybe you can’t ever really prepare yourself for something like that, though. With my wife and son, it was so sudden that it almost knocked the life out of me. If Jess hadn’t survived the virus, I’m not sure I would have ever left that apartment in San Francisco. But she did and it gave me something to live for. Then the dead came back and I knew all this was only temporary. How long can we really expect to survive when every sound we make could bring death to our door?” He pauses and finally looks up. His dark eyes meet mine, and for the first time, I can see exactly how little hope he has left. How long has he been hiding it from the rest of us? “I didn’t give up, don’t get me wrong. I made up my mind to fight for as long as I could and do everything in my power to keep Jess alive. To help the group and forge a future for us out of this mess. But inside, I knew we were living on borrowed time. I knew this day would come. Somehow, I thought knowing it would make this less painful when it happened. I was wrong.”

I didn’t know he felt that way. Winston has been so strong this entire time. Never negative. Always ready to move to the next place. Always ready to reassure everyone that we’ll find more water, more food, more gas. That eventually we’ll get to a place that will be able to sustain us all. Keep us going.

If he doesn’t have any hope left, then we’re really screwed.

We stare at each other for a few seconds before Axl comes back to stand at my side. He shakes the can once, and this time when the ball bangs around, it doesn’t make my heart beat faster.

“We ready?” Axl asks, looking back and forth between Winston and me.

Winston nods and pushes himself off the truck, then heads toward the driver’s side. When he’s out of sight, my entire body slumps and I have to lean against Axl for support. Suddenly, the future seems bleaker than ever before.

“You okay?” he whispers, his lips brushing against the top of my head.

I have to force my legs to move. “Yes. Let’s get out of here.”

We walk toward the passenger side of the truck, and as I pass by I glance toward the note Axl left for Hadley.

H & J – Got overrun. Need fuel. Head back to the 1
st
town.

It’s short and sweet and should get the point across if they show up. The problem is, I’m not sure they will. Not now. Not after everything we’ve been through and everyone we’ve lost.

I’m worried we’re never going to see Jon and Hadley again.

8
WE’VE BEEN SQUEEZED INTO THIS SAME damn spot for what feels like hours. I swear, if Jon says we’re screwed one more time I’m going to cut his balls off and shove them down his throat. It’s not like he’s using them anyway.

“It’s been quiet for a while,” I say, moving to get the blood flowing to my arm.

“I was thinking the same thing.”

He shifts positions, and his arm shoves my head back. It also sends up a puff of dust and dirt that tickles the back of my throat when I inhale. I cover my mouth when I cough, hoping it will stifle the sound. It seems insanely loud in the tight space.

“Let’s get out of here.” I twist my body until I’m able to wiggle out from under the stairs. My knee makes contact with Jon’s spine and he grunts. I just shove him harder. “Move it.”

He slides forward, and it gives me a chance to get free. I swear, my back creaks like old floor boards when I stand up. My arms and legs are stiff, and I suddenly know how the damn Tin Man felt in
The
Wizard of Oz
. Only an oil can isn’t going to help me.

“How long have we been here?” I whisper as I tiptoe my way across the room.

“Hours.”

Shit. I stand on my toes and shove the curtain aside so I can look out through the tiny cellar window. It was still light when we climbed under those stairs, but now the street is dark and the moon provides just enough light to show me it’s empty. But that means shit. It was empty when we got here with Angus, Parv, and Darla. We drove right down the main street and didn’t see a single moving thing. Dead or alive.

“What do you think?” Jon asks.

I pull my backpack up higher on my shoulders as I turn to face him. It’s so dark I can only see his outline. “We have to go out the back. It’s a risk, but the front is too open. It’s right on the main road.”

“Then what?”

“We need to get to the pharmacy. Try to find the others.” I head for the stairs, and Jon’s footsteps pound against the ground at my back.

I can’t wait to get out of this cellar. Not only is it musty and full of cobwebs, but being this close to Jon is starting to make me feel like I’m going to suffocate. Especially being alone like this. There are times when I need his closeness so much my skin literally itches for his touch. When the memories come back so strong I’ll do anything to erase them. Then there are times like this when just hearing his voice makes my insides feel like they’re made of stone.

The stairs groan under our weight as we make our way up. I hold my breath when we get to the top, waiting to make sure there isn’t any noise. Whoever these people are, they hung out in the store for a while. Their footsteps above our heads made my body so tense I found it difficult to breathe. That’s why Jon and I wedged ourselves under the stairs. We didn’t know if they were from around here and if they knew about the cellar.

The only thing I knew for sure was there was no way in hell I would let them take me alive.

When I don’t hear a sound, I slowly ease the door open and stick my head out. The store is dark, but the moonlight shining in through the front window helps me get a good look around. Empty. At least as far as I can tell.

“Looks good,” I whisper. “But be ready.”

I ease the door open with one hand, holding my gun with the other. When I pull myself out, I’m holding my breath, waiting for someone to jump out of the shadows. Ready to pull the trigger and take him out. Or myself. Either way, if we get attacked one of us is going to end up dead by my hand.

Nothing happens, though. Jon comes up behind me and carefully shuts the door. I kick the rug back over it just in case we need to use the cellar again. You never know what’s going to happen these days.

“It’s clear,” Jon says.

I nod and head to the back room. The small window overlooking the alley reveals more of the same. Nothing.

“Let’s make a break for it,” I say.

Jon doesn’t answer, so I turn the knob and ease the door open. The air is cold. Crisp. Just like it feels before the first snowfall. I exhale, and a puff of steam rises up in front of me. The tip of my nose starts to tingle, and within seconds it feels like ice. The temperature really took a nosedive while we were in there.

“This way,” I say, taking off through the alley.

I keep close to the walls, staying in the dark shadows. The air is clear of the stench of death and the night is more silent than a tomb. Every little sound is magnified, but none of the noises can be attributed to people or the undead. Birds. Trees rustling in the wind. Possibly some other animals. But that’s it.

We make it to the end of the road, and that’s when things get sticky. The pharmacy is on the other side of the street, which means we’re going to have to be out in the open for at least a few seconds. I don’t like it, but there’s no way around it.

I crouch down next to a dumpster and study the main street. Jon kneels next to me, and neither one of us says a word for a full minute. I’m sure he’s looking at the same thing I am. The Nissan. Or what’s left of it, anyway.

“That must have been where the explosion came from,” he says.

I nod and swallow when my throat tightens. Shit.

“We’re going to have to make a break for it.” I move forward a few inches so I can get a better view. “It looks okay, but it did when we got here too.”

“Yeah.”

Jon sounds like he thinks it’s a horrible plan, but I don’t see him coming up with anything. I swear, I had no idea he was such a pussy when we met. He was hard as nails then. The way he acted in that van after he grabbed Vivian and me from the hospital. He was rough and in charge. I don’t know if that person died along with his sister, but I’ve barely glimpsed him since. I’m sure before all this I would have found his personality attractive. He’s thoughtful, gentle, caring. Now I just find it annoying as hell.

Give me a man like Axl any day.

I exhale and squeeze my eyes shut. Damn.

Please let us make it back to them.

I hate how I left things with Axl and Vivian. Things have just been off. So confusing and horrible and painful. I wasn’t myself and I want to be able to explain that. To give them a reason so they don’t remember me the way I was before we left on the run. A cold, selfish bitch.

“You ready?” Jon says behind me.

I open my eyes and take a deep breath. Starting at ten, I silently count down. When I get to one, I dart across the street without giving Jon any warning. He swears behind me, and within half a second he’s right on my heels. My heart’s beating so hard it almost takes my breath away, and it doesn’t ease up when I make it to the alley.

Jon runs up behind me, and we slam our backs against the wall. Neither one of us moves, talks, or breathes while we wait. Listening for gunshots or talking or the sound of footsteps running after us. Anything. But the night is as silent now as it was before.

I can’t believe it.

“Now what?” Jon asks.

I fight against the annoyance building inside me. It should be flattering that Jon thinks he can depend on me. That he believes I’ll bring him through. But it isn’t. For once, I want him to take control and give me a break.

“Let’s head to the back.”

I push myself off the wall and jog through the alley. Jon follows, and every breath he takes sounds like a scream compared to the stark silence of the town. I keep moving though, trying to ignore how tense everything is making me feel. Trying to ignore the heaviness in my limbs and how dry my throat is. The headache that has worked its way over the back of my skull to my forehead. The way my stomach lurches without the slightest provocation.

We reach the back of the pharmacy, and I let out a sigh of relief when I see that the door is wide open. But as soon as it’s out, dread spreads through me. There’s no way Angus, Parv, and Darla would be hiding in there with the door wide open like that.

We don’t even slow, which I know is foolish, but at this point my insides are so tense from the suspense of the situation I feel like they’ll implode if I wait a second longer. I charge inside, and the second I’m through the door I know the place is empty. It has the same hollow feeling most of the world has taken on. Our footsteps echo through the emptiness, and the air has the stale smell of neglect that I’ve almost gotten used to.

Shit.

I stop in the middle of the store. “They’re not here.”

“What do you think happened to them?”

“I don’t know, Jon. If I knew, we wouldn’t be here looking for them. Shit! Why does everything have to be on my shoulders? Can’t you fucking help me out and take on some of the responsibility for a change?”

I walk away from him before he can answer, heading to the front of the building. As if it holds any more answers than the back does. It’s just as empty. Just as silent and depressing and lost as everything else. I sink into one of the old, wooden chairs lining the walls and close my eyes.

Jon sits in the chair next to me, but I don’t look up. “They could be okay, you know. Maybe they got out.”

I nod but keep my eyes closed. My mouth fills with saliva, and suddenly my stomach is so uneasy I’m not sure I’m going to be able to keep it from emptying everything I’ve eaten today. I suck in a deep breath through my nose, then slowly exhale through my mouth. Trying to keep myself from throwing up on the pharmacy floor.

“We should see if they left a note,” Jon says when I don’t respond.

I nod again, keeping my face down. “You check. I’m not feeling so great.”

Jon doesn’t ask me if I’m okay. He gets up, but I don’t open my eyes or really pay attention to what he’s doing. All I can focus on is the churning in my stomach. The exhaustion in my bones. The hopeless feeling swirling around in me.

Sometimes, I wonder if I should just end it.

“Hadley.” Jon’s voice is so full of excitement I have to open my eyes.

There’s light coming from between the rows of pills at the back of the pharmacy. I pull myself up and head that way, and when I get closer I can see the beam from his flashlight more clearly. It’s focused on a few words scrawled across one of the shelves. All the pills are on the floor like someone shoved them aside so they had room to write the message.

Headed back.

It’s simple and straight forward and provides us with enough information without giving the assholes who live in this town a way to find our camp. And it lets me know we have one hell of a long night ahead of us. We’re going to have to walk. We can’t risk tiptoeing around this town to look for a car, and there wasn’t much between here and the hot spring. Maybe we’ll get lucky, but maybe not. Either way, we’re on foot for a few hours at least.

My legs ache just thinking about it.

“So I guess we head out,” I say.

Jon nods and looks up. He doesn’t turn off the flashlight, and in this light he looks devastatingly handsome. Like someone playing a role in some post-apocalyptic movie. His five o’clock shadow and dirt-stained face seem perfectly scripted. His green eyes are enough to make every female—and some male—moviegoers swoon.

But Jon wasn’t the movie star in this group, I was. Only, I have no idea who that person is anymore. It seems like a million years ago.

Jon gets to his feet and lets out a deep breath. “Might as well get moving.”

I nod slowly, but instead of heading to the back, I turn and go to the front of the store. There’s something I need to get before we leave. “I have a killer headache. Let me grab some Tylenol first.”