Love After Dark (7 page)

Jackson showed the first sign of interest in something other than Seamus when Shane held out his arms to him and his brother. Both boys went to him and then Mac, allowing the two men to provide what comfort they could.
 

Mac had tears in his eyes when he released the boys.
 

Caro came into the room, and her tired eyes met his.

Seamus smiled at her and held out his hand.

She took his hand, gave it a squeeze and sat next to him. “Hey, guys,” she said to the boys. “I made some of the lasagna you love, and Grace brought brownies. Do you think you might feel like eating something?”

As he always did, Jackson looked to Kyle to decide for both of them.
 

“Yeah, sure, thanks,” Kyle said.

Caro gave Seamus’s hand another squeeze before she got up to lead the boys into the kitchen with Burpy hot on their heels.

Jackson looked back over his shoulder.

“I’ll be right here, buddy,” Seamus said, hoping to reassure the boy. They were so darned cute with their white-blond hair and big brown eyes that were sadder today than any child’s eyes should ever be.

“How do they seem to be doing?” Shane asked.

“It’s minute by minute,” Seamus said, relaxing into the sofa while he could.
 

“What can we do for them?” Mac asked. “I feel so helpless.”

“We need to add on to this place, and we need to do it fast. They’re all jammed into our tiny guest room. They need some space—a bedroom, bathroom, playroom.”

“We’re on it,” Mac said, glancing at his cousin, who nodded in agreement. “Our cousins Finn and Riley are sticking around for the off-season, too. We’ll make it our top priority.”

“I can’t thank you enough, and I know Lisa would, too. She thought the world of
 
you both. In fact, she asked that you be pallbearers at her service, if you’re willing.”

“We’d be honored,” Shane said gruffly. “And we’ll do whatever we can to support those boys. Not just now, but always.”

Mac nodded in agreement.

“Appreciate that. Caro and I will take all the help we can get. To say we’re in well over our heads here is putting it mildly, but we wouldn’t want them anywhere else if they can’t be with their mom. We’re crazy about them.”

“And vice versa,” Mac said. “They’re lucky to have you both, and they know it.”

Grace Ryan came into the room, looking for him.

Seamus got up to hug his friend.
 

“I’m so sorry about Lisa,” she said. “How’re you doing?”

“Hanging in there and trying to help the boys, but it’s a tough thing, sweet Grace.”

“It sure is. How can I help?”

“I heard you brought brownies. That helps.”

She smiled and kissed his cheek. “That’s the easy stuff. I’m here to help with the hard stuff, too.”

“We could use some help picking songs and readings for the service. Lisa never got around to doing that.”

“I’ll take care of it. I’ll get Maddie, Katie, Hope and Mallory to help me. We’ll make it lovely for her.”

“I have no doubt it’ll be lovely in your hands.”

“Stephanie wants to have everyone to the Bistro after,” Mac said. “She asked me to let you know to count on that.”

Seamus had held it together for the boys’ sake all morning, but the generosity and support from their friends had him wrestling with his emotions. It had been a long time—he’d left his home in Ireland more than twenty years ago—since he’d felt so at home anywhere else. “Thank you. Thank you all so much.”

Mac and Maddie spent a couple of hours with Seamus, Carolina and the boys. Mac and Shane even got the boys to go outside to toss a football around for a while, their puppy darting between their feet, making both boys laugh at his antics. But laughter had turned to tears when Kyle fell, skinned his knee and wailed for his mother.

His heartbroken sobs would remain with Mac long after today.

Maddie reached across the center console for his hand, and Mac took comfort in the gesture.
 

“Sort of puts some things into perspective, doesn’t it?” she asked after a long period of quiet.

“Yeah. Not that our grief isn’t real and valid.” It had only been a few weeks since they’d lost their unborn child, and they were both still coming to terms with the loss.

“At least we’re adults and know how to deal with it,” she said. “For the most part. Those poor babies will never understand this.”

“Seamus and Carolina will help them through it.”

“They won’t remember much about her.” Maddie wiped away a tear. “They’re too young. It kills me to know that if something happened to me today, Thomas and Hailey wouldn’t remember me.”

“Don’t even say that.” The very thought of something happening to her was enough to send Mac into a full-on panic. “Please don’t even think it.”

“This is a big reminder that we need to talk about these things, Mac. We were just recently off the island for a couple of days. What if something had happened to us? We need guardians for the kids. Hell, we need a will.”

“I have a will. I leave everything to you.”

“That’s nice to know, but what if we both die at the same time? What happens to our kids?”

“Do we have to talk about this today when we’ve just come from the saddest thing I’ve seen in a really long time?”

“No, but we do need to talk about it. I want to make an appointment with Dan to go over this stuff.”

“Okay.”

“We have to decide who’d get the kids if something happens to us.”

“That’s easy. They’d go to my parents.”

“What about my parents?”

Mac glanced across at her, and the challenging expression on her face indicated this might not be as easy as he thought.
 

“You see? We need to have this conversation. What if your parents don’t want to raise their grandchildren?”

“Of course they would. If they couldn’t, Janey and Joe could.”

“Or Tiffany and Blaine.”

“Are we going to fight about this?”

“There’s a very good chance we will if you automatically assume they’re going to your family, as if mine doesn’t exist.”

“Point taken. And you’re right. We do need to talk about it. Just not today, okay?”

“Okay. I know you cared a lot about Lisa, and you love those boys.”

“I really do, and Shane and I were so happy to be building that house for someone who truly deserved the break. This whole thing is so unfair.”

“It’s made me extra thankful that I have you, because if anything happened to me, you’d be there for our kids.”

“I’d be a disaster without you, so please don’t let anything happen to you. For the sake of your children, you have to stick around.”

“I’m not going anywhere. Don’t worry.”

They arrived home to an empty house. The kids were with Ned and Francine for the afternoon. Mac trudged up the stairs to the deck behind Maddie, feeling exhausted and drained after seeing the boys. He ought to go back to work at the marina, and he needed to start getting his shit together on the addition he’d promised to oversee for Seamus. But right now, he couldn’t seem to summon the desire to do anything other than be with his wife.
 

She made sandwiches that they took out to the deck to eat.
 

“It’s such a beautiful day for something this sad to happen,” Maddie said.

The day was so clear, they could see all the way to Newport from the deck, a view that was often obstructed in the summer by fog and the humidity that hung like a drape over the island. “Sure is.”

“I’ve been thinking…”

“About?”

“Trying again.”

Mac sat up a little straighter in his chair. He’d avoided the subject of trying for another baby in the weeks since they’d lost a child in utero. To hear her say she’d been thinking about trying again had his full attention. “Really?”

She bit her lip, which made her look madly vulnerable as she nodded.
 

“Not because you think I want to, right? Because you do?”

“Hopefully because we both do. Do we?”

“Hell, yes, I want to. I want as many kids as you’d like to have. But I’m also perfectly satisfied with the two perfect babies we already have.”

“You’ve certainly changed your tune by saying as many babies as I want. Have you forgotten your moratorium after Hailey was born?”

Mac shrugged. “Everything is different after losing one. Now the only thing that matters is that they—and their mother—are healthy. But…” He hesitated, unsure of how to say the one thing he felt he had to say before this went any further.

“What?”

“You scared me with the way you checked out after we lost Connor,” he said of the baby they had decided to name out of respect to his memory. “You scared me bad.”

“It took me a while to bounce back, but I did.”

“It wasn’t that so much as the way you punched out of this.” He moved his hand between them. “
Us
. That scared me more than anything. If that happened again… I don’t know, Maddie, it kinda made me crazy to feel like you’d left me even though you were right next to me. I never want to feel like that again.”

She got up from her chair and came over to his, making herself at home on his lap.

He put his arms around her and held her close.

“I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I didn’t mean to. I was just a mess after losing him.”

“I know. I was, too, but you turned away from me rather than toward me. That was almost worse than losing the baby, because I lost you, too.”

“I won’t let that happen again. I promise.”

“Even if the worst possible thing happens with this new baby we’re talking about having?”

“Even then.”

“You gotta promise me.”

“I do. I promise.” She sealed her sweet words with an even sweeter kiss.

“In that case, it’ll be my extreme pleasure to try to knock you up again.”

Her laughter filled him with unreasonable joy and hope on a day that had been filled thus far with sorrow.
 

“And this time,” he said, nuzzling her neck, “it’ll be entirely on purpose with no booze involved and no little eyes catching us in the act.”

“I never want to forget about the night Connor was conceived.”

“Neither do I, honey. That was one for the ages.”

“Yes, it was. Maybe someday we’ll be able to think of it and laugh at how funny it was without our hearts breaking over what was lost.”

“We’ll get there. And in the meantime, we get to make new memories and a new baby to love.”

“Could we maybe start on this project of ours now?”

“They said you had to wait.”

“Until I’d had a regular period. I’ve had one.” She ran her finger down the front of him, over his chest and stomach. “So what’re you doing this afternoon?”

“I thought I was going to work, but apparently I have to help my wife with something at home.”

Her caramel-colored eyes sparkled with delight as he kissed her. “Yes, you do,” she said, “and no one else will do.”

“No one else had better do anything to you, Mrs. McCarthy.”

“I don’t want anyone but you, Mac. Take me to bed.”