Love and Chaos (30 page)

Emma
was trying hard to control her temper, but it was getting harder. Nowhere in
this equation was there talk of feelings, or contentment, or even physical
attraction. It was all about his business, his social world, his reputation.
Nothing about her, her family, her needs, her future. Damn him, she thought.
She took a long drink of water, then leaned back in her chair, looking around
the room. He had brought her here tonight so that she wouldn’t yell, wouldn’t
make a scene. He had brought her here so he could have more control over when
she left, and how. He had brought her here to tell her that he had already
determined their future, without her input. And it bothered her.

“So
that’s it. No further discussion,” she said.

He
looked at her, no emotion readable on his face. “As I said, I did not need to
even tell you about this.”

“No.
You didn’t. But you chose to. Why?”

“It
was important to me that you heard it from me. I didn’t want you to feel like I
was deceiving you if you were to find out later that the conditions of the will
had been met after one year. I was concerned that if you found out about this
through some other means, it would upset you.”

“And
you don’t think this is upsetting?” she asked, incredulously.

He
looked at her as if she’d grown wings. “I honestly don’t see why, Emma. Nothing
has changed for you.”

No,
she thought. Nothing had changed. She was still trapped in a marriage with a
man who thought very little of her - certainly not enough to consider her
feelings. She was still tied to him for two more years, living a lie that
nobody but her grandmother and her sister was aware of. She had to live for two
more years under his roof, two more years of getting to know the man under the
icy exterior, but having him throw up barricades and firewalls whenever she got
too close. So no, nothing had changed. Except the knowledge that this would
remain a three year deal for him. No more, no less. A business transaction. A
way to keep his own social world intact. And for reasons that Emma couldn't
explain, his lack of consideration of her own feelings hurt her to the core.

Quietly
pushing back her chair, she gently laid her napkin on the table. “I need to go,
Mason. And if you don’t want the scene you were trying to prevent by bringing
me here, you need to let me.”

He
started to stand, but Emma shook her head quickly. “I mean it. I’m on the edge
here, and you do not want to push me over it. I’ll get a cab. Thank you for the
wine.”

“Emma,
I don’t understand why you’re upset,” he said, and for a moment, Emma felt
sorry for him. Because he really
didn’t
get it. She sighed, and reached
out briefly to gently lay her hand on his.

Then,
clutching her purse, Emma walked quickly to where she had checked her coat not
long before, and then left the restaurant, breathing hard as she did so.
Pulling the coat on as she walked, she headed to the corner and hailed a cab.
She’d go home, she decided. She'd pick up Chaos, check on Max, and then go out
for a while. She needed time to think.

Mason
watched her go. Once again, she had reacted in a way that he didn’t expect.
True, he’d brought her to the restaurant so that they would discuss this
quietly, he could explain his thinking, and they could have a nice meal before
they went home that evening. He didn’t understand her response. He thought that
she’d be relieved that he’d taken the long-term out of the picture. It wasn’t
that he didn't think about that sometimes, but that he didn’t want money to
ever truly be a deciding factor in his personal life. Not now that his personal
life included Emma.

But
now, Mason realized that she was truly upset, though he had no idea why.
Because she wanted out of the marriage? Maybe, he mused, but he wasn’t about to
let that happen. Not yet. And the contract that they had together was three
years, nothing contingent upon the stocks being in his hands.

Raising
his hand discreetly for the bill, Mason wondered if he’d done the right thing
by telling her about the codicil. He didn’t like the idea of keeping something
so big from her, and wondered about it. He’d never felt the need to share
anything like this with anyone before, so why did he need to tell Emma about
this? Had that been a mistake?

Emma
was still reeling with shock. There was no longer any reason for them to be
married. The original rationale for the union was no longer in place, and there
was absolutely no reason for them to stay together. She understood that it
might look bad for Mason to suddenly divorce his wife after one year, but
surely they could work out some sort of compromise - perhaps they could start
to live apart again. But what irritated her, frustrated her, and made her want
to pull her hair out was that he didn’t even consult her. She thought they’d
been close enough to a friendship for him to at least do that. He could have
asked her if she were happy, and asked what she wanted. He could have agreed to
a shorter time period if she expressed unhappiness. But he didn’t even ask. And
the fact that he just told her what he was planning, without even being willing
to discuss it, told her a lot about his lack of feelings and respect for her.

She
tried to picture what she might have wanted Mason to say. ‘Thanks very much,
but I no longer need you so goodbye?’ Or better yet, ‘want to stay married to
me and have kids so I can collect a few more million that I don’t need?’ No,
both those choices were unlikely. Circling around again to his decision, she
asked herself if divorce was what she wanted. If she were honest with herself,
she’d say no. So what
did
she really want?

The
answer came to her as she watched Chaos sniff around the bushes by the fence.
She wanted Mason. Not as a pretend husband. Not as a friend. Not as a
colleague. Not even just as a lover. She wanted him. For real. Because, God
help her, she loved him.
Damn him
, she thought. She loved him, even
though he was the coldest man she’d ever met. Even though he didn't give a damn
about her or her feelings. Even though he never ever could love her in return.
Even though he would divorce her in two more years without a second thought.
She loved him. And that was going to be a problem. Because two more years of
this would not only spoil her forever for all other men, it would kill her
soul.

Fifteen

Emma
and Mason spent the next two weeks steeped in politeness. Emma avoided Mason
whenever he was in the house, and Mason took some care to be away from home as
much as he could, knowing instinctively that Emma needed some space. He didn’t
intend for this relationship to go on like this for much longer, however. This
new dynamic was stressful for all of them, and it was not what Mason wished to
come home to each night. No, he needed the carefree and happy life they had
been building before the codicil to the will had been revealed.

Surprising
himself, he called his sister one evening and asked her to join him for dinner.
Amanda and Emma got along well, but Mason knew that Amanda understood his own
thinking and his own reasons for behaving as he did. So he’d just lay all of
this out for her, he thought. Amanda might be able to give him some good
advice.

Emma
was hunched over her desk, reading the latest psychological assessment of one
of the children that she represented when she heard a light knock on her door.
Looking up, she was pleased to see her sister-in-law standing in the doorway,
both hands wrapped tightly around the straps of her purse.

She
jumped up and circled around her desk, smiling warmly. “Amanda! What a
wonderful surprise! Come in! How’s Greg?”

But
Amanda didn’t look happy to be there. In fact, she looked incredibly stressed.
Emma looked at her in concern. “Amanda?”

Amanda
sighed. “Look. Emma. You’re my friend. But my brother just told me about the
will, and about what he said to you, and I needed to come over and talk to you.
Emma...”

“Amanda,”
Emma interrupted gently. “It’s OK. Come in, please. You look exhausted.”

“I
haven’t slept much lately, Emma. Look, if Mason were married to your sister, to
Jen, I would mind my own business and look the other way and to hell with it
all. But he’s married to you, and I happen to think of you as one of my very
best friends, not just my brother’s wife.”

Emma
took a deep breath. “Have a seat, Amanda,” she said as she led her friend to
the couch. “Let me tell my secretary to clear out the next hour or so, and
we’ll close my door and talk. Is that OK, or do you want to go someplace else?”

“No.
Here. It should be here.”

Emma
took a long look at Amanda, and then nodded. “OK. Be back in a sec.”

After
telling Rhoda that a family emergency seemed to be brewing, and to do what she
could to reschedule her afternoon, she walked back into her office and closed
the door behind her. Moving over onto the couch next to Amanda, she sat down,
curling one leg up underneath her and leaning her other arm on the back of the
couch.

“OK,
Amanda. We have all the time in the world.”

Amanda
didn’t seem to know where to begin, now that she was here.

“I
know about my uncle’s will. And the codicil,” she added, turning toward Emma
and looking directly into her eyes.

Emma
took that in, then nodded. “OK.”

“How
much did Mason tell you?” she continued.

“That
the codicil gives him permission to divorce me without losing his voting
rights. And that there is a promise of significantly more money down the road
if he stays with me and we have children.”

Amanda
nodded. “That’s it in a nutshell. Look, Emma. I think Mason is falling in love
with you. All of his life, he’s been closed off from all emotion. I was the
same for a long time, until I stopped caring what my father thought of me and
started going my own way. Mason has stayed in the same business as our father
and uncle – over time, he got harder and harder. More like my father. I think
my uncle saw that, and that’s why he wrote his will the way he did. He didn’t
see it as manipulative so much as caring.’

Emma
opened her mouth to speak, but she had no words. She shook her head and stayed
silent.

“If
he chooses to divorce you out of some misguided sense of duty to you, he will
be giving up on the best thing that ever happened to him, and doing it because
he feels guilty for pulling you into this in the first place. And if he were to
stay with you, without telling you about the will, that would be a secret that
he’d have to carry, and I think he knew that it would drive a wedge between
you. Particularly if you did end up staying together and having a family – if
the conditions of the will ever got out, you’d always wonder if it was because
he loved you, or because he wanted the money. So I think that’s why he took
that off the table right away.”

Emma
sighed. It was nice to talk about this with someone, she realized. Someone who
really understood the situation that she and Mason found themselves in.

“Amanda,
who else knows about our marriage? About the original will?”

“Just
me, Mason, Mason’s lawyer, and my uncle’s lawyer.”

“Not
your mother?”

“Good
heavens no.”

“I
didn’t think
you
knew, to be honest.”

“Neither
did Mason. But Uncle Frank had talked to me about it before he wrote the will.
I discouraged him from tying any of his fortune to Mason’s marital situation,
but the old man never listened to me.”

“He
didn’t care if you married?” Emma asked.

“He
knew that no amount of money would force me to marry anyone I didn’t love,”
Amanda laughed. “And since I wasn’t in the business, he had nothing to hold
over me.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“So
that’s why you weren’t taken aback by our having separate bedrooms,” Emma said,
recalling the night Amanda had come over to see Max.

“I
was hoping that you might have gotten together, but I wasn’t completely
surprised, no. Emma, Mason is who he is. He’s not an easy man to live with or
an easy man to love. But he has a heart of gold, and I have never seen him so
happy or so engaged in life since you met. I’ll admit that when I first met
you, I was skeptical. I knew about the will, but I couldn’t figure out how
someone as nice as you would agree to marry Mason. You didn’t fit the picture
of someone who was in it for the money. Mason told me later about Jen, and
about pushing you to honor the contract he’d signed with her, and I let him
have it.”

Emma
leaned back on the couch, putting her feet up on the coffee table. Turning her
head to face her sister-in-law, she asked, “So now what?”

“Have
you talked to him?”

“I
tried. He just said that we were staying together, and that was that. End of
discussion. Here’s the thing, Amanda. The will might be letting Mason out of
his end of the bargain, but it doesn’t let me out of anything, unless Mason
wants to let me out. The contract between us states three years. It doesn’t
have any contingencies related to the will.”