Love and Chaos: A Growing Pains Novel (31 page)

He studied her quizzically
.
"You're...one of a kind."

"That's what they say
—though usually behind my back so I'm not offended. Ass." She chugged her beer to try and drown her aching heart. She made a circle in the air at Jace as she beamed the bartender with her stare—international sign for ‘another round’. She might go down, but she wasn't going down sober.

J
ace continued to stare as she ordered another round. And stared through its delivery. And stared after she'd had a sip.

"Keep it up and you'll be staring at my fist in 3D." Cassie gave him a sideways glance.

"I fulfilled one of your fantasies. Do you have any others?"

Cassie choked on her beer and started coughing spastically.

"You okay?" the bartender asked from down the bar.

She threw him a thumbs up as she wheezed out
, "That came out of nowhere
. What?"

"I fulfilled a fantasy. I want to know if I need to work
on any more?" Jace moved his hand to her thigh, starting a low pulse deep in her core.

"Enough about my fantasies," she sidetracked, her face a furious shade of red. "What about yours?"

"What about them?"

"Have you fulfilled those yet?"

"Most."

She raised her eyebrows when he didn't elaborate. "Mind sharing?"

A smile flitted across his full lips. "I went through college and knocked a few of the less important ones out. You might say I was...less than respectable at that age."

"Three-some? Back door? Tying a girl up? Naughty librarian? Spill
—I want to hear it."

For the first time she could remember, a red hue colored his face. He had a sip of his beer. "Yes. Yes. Yup. No
—all the librarians were older. I didn't want to know if they were naughty."

Her mouth dropped open. He
was
a bad boy. A player, too, she'd bet. Someone she would've gone for, and gotten her heart broken. The question was, had he changed?

She gave a noncommittal answer. "Huh
."

"Cas
s, don't judge me. That's not how this honesty thing works."

"Oh, I am
so
judging you. I'm just going to try not to hold it against you. Guys like you grossed me out in college. Even though I still had to have them."

His eye
s, deep pools of brown and honey, drew her in, connecting with her in an extremely intimate way. "I experimented. I had a lot of...willing partners. I wasn't thinking with this." He touched his index finger to his temple. "I was young and horny and out from under the watchful eyes of my father. I went nuts."

"
You
used
your nuts."

"Yes."

A tightness formed in her chest with the extensive implications. With the worry he might not have grown out of that wild streak. "Did you knock anybody up?"

His brow furrowed slightly. "No, of course not. I was always safe. Always."

"You weren't yesterday."

The furrow
intensified. "No. It felt right how we...went about things. I trust you. I trusted that you would stop for protection—which I had in my pocket—if you wanted it. Since you didn’t…”

“I’m on the pill. I trusted you, too,” she said quietly.

He nodded like he’d expected that. ”College was living without the feelings I have for you. It wasn't spent with any feelings at all, actually. My first love was in high school, and my last love fucked my best friend. Those are the only two women, besides you, that I have...made a similar decision with. That I’ve trusted enough to let her take the lead."

If she were on a roller coaster, her stomach wouldn't have gone for any less of a ride. Her breath caug
ht as she plunged into a free fall, vertigo and delirium making her head light.

Did he just almost admit to loving her? Did he feel that deeply?
Did she?

All she could think to say was,
"Huh"

"Have you knocked out any other fantasies?" he asked. Trying to even the score, probably. Not feel like such a man-slut.

"I experimented plenty, but with one partner at a time, and way vanilla."

"Why one partner at a time?" he asked in a light tone, moving onto his second beer.

"You're judging, I can tell. If I said with two or three partners at a time, you'd paint a big red 'A' on me, is that it?"

"No, actually." He placed his beer on a napkin with too much focus. The sigh wasn't so silent this time. "I've developed some hang-ups with women choosing other men over me. Knowing you
’re more-or-less a one man woman eases my..." He fell silent as he searched for the right word.

"Worry? Fear? Paranoia?" Cassie helped.

He grinned. "Something like that."

“Well,
I am. I had the option for a three-some with a couple of guys. I wondered about it, and I don't like girls, but when it came time, it made me feel weirdly vulnerable. Like they were taking advantage of me or something. I didn't like it. I'd rather one guy take care of all my needs. It's also why I don't bother with one-night stands. I'm not saying I never have—I'm not a saint or anything, but the guy is usually all about himself. What's the point? I have a vibrator that gets me where I need to go, doesn't snore or steal my sheets, and doesn't talk. Perfect."

Hunger flared in
Jace's beautiful eyes. "So your experimentation is with toys?"

Cassie gulped, seeing that r
aw desire kindling in Jace's stare. Her body started to hum. Not trusting her voice, she nodded.

"Still?" he pushed, his tone
low and quiet.

"I don't have to experiment anymore. I know what works. What I like.
Although…I do still…always wonder about a three-some."

"And do you show your guys what you like? Do you use your toys during sex?"

"I haven't in a while. A lot of men are threatened by them," she answered in a heady voice she barely recognized.

"I'm not threatened. Not when I can watch you get off. Watch you pleasure yourself."

The bar suddenly felt like it rested on a lava field. Cassie cleared her throat, then gulped, then fanned herself, her red face sporting a sheen of sweat. Her groin throbbed so hard she wondered if it would detach itself from her body and catapult itself toward Jace.

"Don'
t be embarrassed, baby. I'm not," he said quietly.

His gaze burned into hers. His hand, once
resting near her knee, had rubbed upward, and now kneaded at the very top of her thigh. His pinky rubbed against her jean-covered sex, sending shooting bursts of pleasure throughout her stomach. She opened her legs, wanting more. Wanting him, any part of him, inside her.

But they were in a bar! The man was no
t bashful, which was good, but Jesus!

"Your fantasy. Let's talk about your fantasy," she tried desperately.

A knowing smile drifted up his face. "The wolf and the lamb."

"Don't be weird. And stop
—" she paused, because he'd applied more pressure between her legs, massaging just right. Her body wound up quickly, so hot and turned on it didn't take much. The soft buzz of the few people having conversations fell away. She leaned over onto the bar, trying to hide Jace's hand working at her core. Rubbing faster. Harder.

Her stomach tightened up, and then her groin did, waves of pleasure centering
around that hand. Around the friction. She...was...almost...
there!

S
he shuddered against his arm, her eyes drifting closed as her body disintegrated.

"My fantasy..." he said softly, planting a kiss to the side of her head.

"Mhm." She shivered again in an aftershock and ran the back of her hand over her forehead.

Jace watched her get a hold of herself with a satisfied smile.

"Dirty boy," she mumbled, reaching for her beer and glancing around him at the other patrons. If anyone had noticed, which would’ve been difficult around Jace’s big body, no one had let on.

"My fantasy is coming home and finding my wife on the couch, or bed, with our baby curled on her chest fas
t asleep. Since I thought I’d get married, that has been the thing I've wanted most. It's why I held on with Marlene for so long. I wanted a family. I want a family."

It took a second for those words to curl through Cassie's brain. When it registered, she turned incredulous eyes on the ultra macho man sitting next to her, with his tattoos and muscles, and his air of extreme masculinity. She knew he had a soft core, but she never
imagined a man would say that, let alone this man.

She had no words.

Unabashed by his revelation, he asked, "Do you want kids?"

"Yes," she whispered. "I love kids."

He nodded like he suspected that. "You're good with them."

"I've always wanted to be a better parent than my parents. Which, granted, wouldn't be hard. But I've wanted a few kids of my own with a man who wanted to play an active role. I've always wanted a sister
—Krista is fulfilling that role—and tons of cousins and nieces and nephews and the whole thing. Since it was basically just Sean and I—
is
Sean and I, I should say—I've wanted to work on a big family."

"How many kids, ideally?" he asked quietly.

"Three. If I started younger I might've gone for more, but..." A lump settled in her throat. "Have to find someone to marry me, though, so... I guess as many as I can in the time constraint."

A quiet hum settled between them. Beer forgotten, all Cassie could do was stare into his eyes, floating and anchored at the same time. This conversation was heavy but natural, enlightening instead of damning. The grounded look in his eyes, the possessiveness, the soft, gooey-quality
—

She didn't want to put a name to it. Instead, she knocked on her head
with her fist, hoping these feelings were real. Hoping that look in his eyes was real.

"What are you doing?" he asked
, still using a quiet voice, only now his tone was colored with bemusement.

"Knocking on wood."

He put his hand to the back of her neck lightly and pulled her closer, connecting his lips with hers. After a slow, deep kiss, he said, "What's next on the conversational agenda?"

"When
will you quit evading me and finally let me whoop your ass on the ping pong court!"

That evening, after the three of them had made it back to the house in a cab—Peter had joined them for a few stress-relieving beers—and spent the afternoon lounging in the backyard chatting and sobering up, they found themselves in the basement, Cassie squaring off with Jace on opposite sides of the ping pong court, each with a paddle and a determined scowl.

"What do I get if I win?" Jace asked in a flat tone.

"My respect."

He shook his head. "Not good enough."

"BJ's whenever you want them for a month."

"None of that talk, you harlot!" Peter admonished from the side of the room where he sat in a chair with one of her books. "His brother is in the room. Plus, anyone could hear."

"Not sexual," Jace said.

"Okay, fine. Three back massages."

"Five."

"Two."

Jace smiled. "Fine. Three."

"You managed to find the most stubborn woman on the planet," Peter said, flipping a page. "Ca
ss, this book is ridiculous. There is a dragon in it, for God’s sakes. Did you bring any magazines? I already read mine."

"Mom has some magazines on the shelf," Jace helped.

Peter dropped the book to the side and crossed the room to the odds-and-ends shelf.

"
What about me?" Cassie asked.

"Same deal?"

Cassie's body called up an imaginary feeling of Jace's lips closing around her nipple. Or his tongue licking up her thigh. Or his fingers—

"Not sexual
—that stuff I'll do for free," Jace said in a low growl. Even from her distance, she could see his pupils dilate, the gold around the iris almost lost to the black. He'd known what she was thinking.

"You have t
o go for a run with me tomorrow," Cassie said quickly, squeezing her thighs together to squelch the ache.

"I already said I’
d do that," Jace contested.

"Fine. You have to…massage my feet. I love a good foot rub.”

“Just once?” Peter asked as he sat down with his magazine.

“Good call. Five times. Feet are smaller than a back. Especially your back.”

“Thanks a lot, Peter. Not that it’ll matter…” Jace zeroed in on Cassie. “But a back isn’t sweaty and stinky.”