Love and Language (7 page)

Ben needed to know who’d broken her trust. It didn’t seem as if a bad Dom had done it. “She doesn’t seem inexperienced as a sub. She’s played with someone at some point. Jane knows what she wants and likes.”

“You’re the Dom. Nudging her to open up and trust you isn’t out of line. You’re not pushing too hard when you’re playing, are you?” Nelson asked.

“No, I’ve tried to casually chat during dinner or whatever. And then I tried after the play, but she shuts down both ways.” Ben was all for getting advice from the experienced Dom. Still, Jane was his puzzle and his treasure to discover.

“Then dial it back to basics. Give her what she needs. Push her a bit in the play to show she can trust you and she’ll be rewarded. If that’s where she comfortable, that’s where you meet her.” Nelson leaned back in his chair. “Some women take more time.”

Ben shook his head. “I’m in love with her. It’s so fast it’s insane. What if she walks away?” Ben realized it’d happened fast, but he was sure.

“That’s why you get her addicted to the play. You make yourself part of her life and show her your feelings when it’s right. She’ll eventually crack and tell you who hurt her and why she’s afraid. First, she has to believe you won’t walk away when she does.”

“It’s like a relationship at warp speed.”

“So slow it down if you have to. Let her catch up.” Nelson smiled.

“Thanks.” Ben felt as if he could calmly face the world again.

“Any time,” Nelson called as Ben left.

Chapter Six

Packing up for the day, Jane was ready to zone out and play. She hoped Ben was coming by for their
normal
tutoring, dinner and kink. Of course, she couldn’t blame him if he was done with her. She wanted to be honest, but it was too soon to dump all her past crud out there.

When she opened the door to leave, she found Nelson Cannon standing there. “Got a second?” he asked.

“I guess,” she said.

Letting him into her office, she had her guard up. It’d been a very odd day of people wanting to talk. Nelson was the one who’d cracked or hacked her post and found out it was her.

“I know Ben is younger than you and no one is perfect, but don’t give up on him.” Nelson shrugged. “He really likes you.”

“Did he ask you to come and talk to me? Because that’s a little high school.” She folded her arms snuggly.

“No and he’d kill me if he knew I was here.”

“I should kill you for hacking my email or blog or whatever you did and setting this whole insanity in motion.”

He knew what she liked and did. On one level, it was embarrassing, and on another, it was liberating.

“I was trying to help. When I see names that are local, but the people don’t show up for fet group stuff…how can you possibly find someone if you never show your face? The internet is fine, but you have to meet people in person to find chemistry and passion.” He seemed so serious it was almost touching.

“I’m a chicken. Fine. I don’t like putting myself out there in a small town that revolves around the college where I work. Is your sub on campus? A little coed who crawls for you?”

Nelson grinned. “No, I don’t date undergrads, either. Ben is a couple weeks away from being just like us. A professor in a small college town trying to have a life. If you two clicked, I wouldn’t be so quick to walk away because of a little age difference or family disparity.”

Her guard went up double, and her face tensed. “What do you know about my family?”

“Nothing. We’ve all got stuff. I don’t have a sub. I’m still looking. Don’t think I’m not jealous of Ben for finding someone he’s crazy about. I’m out there at every event trying. I took over the blog from the original poster to help people meet, and yes, if I find something for me, I’d be thrilled. Some don’t appreciate it and sometimes it doesn’t work out, but don’t set yourself up to fail because you’re afraid to win.”

“Men. You think it’s so easy. Doms stick together, but I don’t know people in the lifestyle here. I can’t talk about this to you. I’m sorry.” She backed up.

“It’s okay. I know we’re not exactly best friends. Bridget is a good person to talk to. She gets it.” Nelson went for the door. “Don’t tell Ben I came by. I’m really hoping for the best for you two.”

She nodded. “Bridget? Really?”

“Who do you think started the blog? Just keep it to yourself or she
will
kill me.” Nelson left with a smile.

Jane sat for a second. All her life, she’d never had anything permanent. No one had stuck around, or she’d had to move on. Even men who enjoyed the same play she did never seemed to want what she did, when she did. They were always going off, wanting something else. Looking for the right one with the right kink had frustrated her so much in college that she’d given up. It was easier to not trust and not get attached. Though she didn’t want to be alone, distance had become her habit.

Like it or not, Nelson and Bridget were right. She owed it to herself and Ben not to set them up to fail because of a number or her messed up childhood. Tonight, she’d cook, and if he didn’t show, she’d find him.

* * * *

When Ben showed up that night, she was relieved and scared, but he was all business even as they ate pasta and she tried to make small talk. She’d even burned the garlic bread a little. That wasn’t a good omen.

“Have you heard about your defense date yet?” she asked.

“It’s tomorrow at ten,” he replied.

“That’s soon. Are you sure you want to play tonight if you have that tomorrow? I understand if you need a good night’s sleep.” She wanted to be fair in life and in bed.

His body language was tight and chilly. “I’ll be fine either way. You have to pass your drills first. You were very chatty today so maybe you didn’t study as well as you normally do?”

Part of her was hurt, and part of her was turned on by his stern side. “I didn’t mean to be so harsh in my office. I just don’t want to be out there and criticized until we know what this is.”

He finished dinner and put his plate in the sink. “This is a tutoring session.”

He got his bag and pulled out nothing but papers.

She put away her dishes and sat back down. No orders to strip. No blindfold. He was mad, and she was being punished. Maybe, he was like the rest the people in her life. When she wasn’t perfect, he’d be mean until she ran away or he left her.

“You don’t want me naked? Blindfolded?” she asked and instantly wished she hadn’t.

“If I did, I’d tell you. Let’s begin.” He sat across the table from her and drilled her on the phrases quickly.

Every time she stumbled over one, he added two more. She wished she were tied up instead she fidgeted. Her eyes darted to him over and over, but he stared at the paper. The quizzing went longer than it ever had, and finally, she got them all correct.

“Very good,” he said.

She half-expected him to get up and leave right then. “Do you want dessert?” she offered.

“No. Do you want to play or would you prefer we keep our relationship strictly professional from now on?” he asked.

“If you’re not in the mood, it’s fine.” This wasn’t the Ben she wanted.

“It’s part of the deal as a reward. You earned it, but I’m not sure you want me around.” He pulled the paddle from his bag.

Her body relaxed. “Please, tie me up and spank me. I said things today I didn’t mean.”

“Why?” he asked.

“I’m afraid,” she answered.

He moved closer and ran a hand over her cheek. Finally, she relaxed.

“It’s okay to be afraid, but if you don’t tell me the truth, I can’t help you.” He kissed her.

“I know you want to help, but you can’t fix everything. There are no guarantees. It’s just too soon.” She shrugged.

He squared his shoulders and stared her down. “Stand up and strip. Bend over the table, hands behind your back,” he ordered coolly.

“Yes, Sir.” She could breathe again as she obeyed him.

When she bent over the table and gave him her hands, he tied them tightly. “What are you afraid of?”

Fear fluttered in her stomach. “Not now, please.”

“What’s your safe word?”

“Red,” she replied gratefully.

The paddle came down forcefully, and her body vibrated as a yelp escaped her lips.

“Tell me,” he said.

She couldn’t admit her feelings about him. It was too soon, and she’d scare him away. As would her sad history. She played it safe. “You’ll find a younger woman and dump me.”

“No, I won’t. You know I want you.” He landed another swat, and she trembled.

The pain was delicious, and his power made her feel free. But she couldn’t tell him what he wanted.

“Tell me the truth.” He kissed the small of her back.

He still wanted her. The intimacy hit her harder than any paddle could. A tear formed, and she licked her lips to hold back the truth. “If you knew the real me, all of it, you’d leave or send me away. Everyone does.”

The paddle clattered to the floor, and he kissed her back and up to her neck. “Thank you.” His hands cupped her breasts.

He didn’t ask why or push for details. Relief flowed through her as he pressed his body to hers. She turned her head and kissed him hard without permission.

When he broke the kiss, he rolled off of her. “Go to the bedroom, and sit on the bed.”

She obeyed quickly. Maybe, the hard part of the night was over. He untied her hands then tied her spread eagle to the bed. Watching him undress made her wet and anxious. They needed to be together however it worked. Forget the talking and drama. She needed the release.

“Please, Sir. Fuck me!” she begged.

He smiled and climbed on the bed, lying next to her. “I promise I will. I need you to know you’re safe with me. I’ve always told you the truth. I don’t want to leave you, but I can’t force you to share with me.”

Her stinging ass would beg to differ, but she held her tongue. Ben wanted more.

“I just want the truth, so I don’t step on wounds when I mean to play. How else can I avoid repeating something someone else used to hurt you.” He kissed her and wrapped his shirt over her eyes as a blindfold.

She relaxed in the darkness with the scent of him so strong in the fabric. “You won’t hurt me like this. I’ve never had a bad Dom or anything. Play is where I’m totally safe.”

He kissed down her neck and sucked her breasts. Moaning, she wasn’t going to give in and tell him stuff now. She’d enjoy what she was actually good at. He pinched her nipples and rubbed her slit.

“Tell me who hurt you. Whoever it was.” He kissed her thigh.

Pressing her lips together, she laid there ready to be his sex toy and submit in any way. Her lips, however, were sealed.

Then she felt his weight leave the bed. She couldn’t see and refused to call after him. Maybe, that had been a test she’d failed. She shivered. It was cold now without his body heat. If he was the type who could push her too far too fast, she needed to know now. Trust was a huge issue for her, and she had to be sure. Loving him was scary. Alone was safe. Alone no one rejected her.

Then she heard his feet padding on the wood floors and hope sparked in her. Maybe, it wasn’t over. She immediately dampened her hopes. Maybe, he was going to untie one hand, so she wasn’t left like this.

Ben couldn’t leave her. He sat on the bed and saw the surprise in her face. “I said I’d never leave you. You don’t trust me.”

“I do for this but—” Her speech was suddenly blocked by a ball gag.

He hooked it on quickly and watched her frustration. “If you don’t want to tell me the truth, I don’t want to hear it. When you’re ready to speak, hold up two fingers on your left hand. If you want me to stop what I’m doing, hold up four on your right hand since you can’t say your safe word. Understand?”

She nodded. Ben had no intention of doing anything extreme, but he wanted to verify. “Show me your fingers when you’re ready to speak.”

She held up two on her left.

“Good. Now in place of your safe word?”

She gave him four fingers on her right hand.

“Excellent.” Ben took his time and licked her all over. Kissing her full breasts, he took his fill of her body. He’d worked so hard to please her, get her off and tease her that she didn’t realize how much he wanted to explore her on every level. To love her.

She moaned and wiggled her hips. He tested her wetness, and she pressed for more. The horny woman wanted sex. He slid his hand underneath and pinched her bottom until she winced.

“I’ll let you talk if you tell me the truth. Then I’ll fuck you senseless in every hole. You have to trust me, Jane. We’re moving fast, but this is right.” He licked down her stomach and sucked on her outer pussy lips. She was shaved perfectly, and her pink slit begged for attention.

Her frustrated noises told him she was holding out, but he checked her hands every few seconds just in case.

“Whatever it is, it doesn’t matter, Jane. I was a wimp growing up. My brothers played sports, and I was studying languages and going to museums. I got beat up plenty by kids around the world.” He gave in to his own needs and licked her pussy.

She lifted and, finally, held up two fingers on her left hand. He released the gag immediately and pushed up the blindfold. A tear slid down her cheek, and he kissed it away. “It’s okay.”

She shook her head. “Not tonight. Tomorrow.”

He pulled back. “Don’t play games.”

“I’m not; I swear. I can’t talk about that and do this. One has nothing to do with the other. Please, I will tell you tomorrow after your interview. I’ll make lunch and bring it in. We can eat in my office for privacy.”

He studied her eyes for a second and believed her. “If you back out tomorrow, it’s over. I can’t keep getting closer to a woman who won’t talk to me.”

She smiled. “Most men don’t want to talk.”

“Those are the wrong men.” He kissed her hard.

“Prove to me you’re the right one,” she challenged.

Ben could punish her or further addict her to him. He ran his tongue down and ate her pussy as if he’d never stop. Her gasps and moans were a relief after the silence. He hated gagging his subs. She tried to move, but he had her strung up tight. As he fucked her with his tongue, he groped her breasts.