Love and Lies (19 page)

I turned to Eric when he wrapped his hands over my shoulder and brushed feather-light kisses across the back of my neck.
“Stop that,” I mouthed.

“You can't say something like that, Alec, and expect me to leave it alone.” Kissing noises filtered through the earpiece. “Sean's there, isn't he?”

Another giggle.
“Yeah, and yes I do expect you to leave it alone, because I'm pretty sure we have better things to do right now than talk to each other.” The sounds of skin hitting skin made me choke back a laugh. Only Alec. “Now go enjoy that stud you have with you, and I will enjoy mine.”

“
Fine, but we will talk later. Bye, Alec.”

I didn't have time to put my phone on the entry table before Eric's hands fell from my shoulders, down my back
, and wrapped around my waist. He continued caressing my exposed skin with his lips, lighting up my nerves.

After relishing in his touch I came to my senses.
“What are you doing, Eric?”

“
Well, I thought I was kissing you.”

“
But...is this, I mean are we...”

“
Spit it out, Carissa.”

“
I mean, is this all we have now? Kisses and stuff? I wanted to spend time with you, watch TV, relax. Just be together. No promises, remember?” Warmth from his hands seeped through my cotton shirt when he laid them on my shoulders and pulled me toward him.

He
kissed the top of my head, then tilted my chin and kissed my cheek. I felt tingles run down my arms. “We have more than kisses, we can do all that. In a minute. I want one more kiss.”

His next kiss was behind my ear where he lingered, then blew a warm breath across my neck
, effectively making me shiver. He chuckled and pulled me closer. My resolve weakened and I leaned into him. His lips hesitated on my lower jaw before making their way to my lips. His kiss was soft, tentative.

“
Okay, maybe two or three more.”

“
Eric.”

“Okay, I’m done.” He held his hands up in surrender and smiled. Thank goodness, too. Because I wasn’t sure I’d have the will power to stop him if he hadn’t.
He was right—I did want him. I wanted him to kiss me, hold me, and touch me. Just the feel of his hands on my shoulders caused the hair on the back of my neck to rise. But while I wanted more kisses and tastes of Eric, we needed to take things slow. Get our feet underneath us again.

“
Thank you. You know I want you, right? This isn’t about that. But aren't you afraid if we do this every time we get together that we won't figure out if we really have something, or if it's just sex?”

“
Believe it or not, no. I'm not worried at all. Hypothetically, if this were just sex, then all the shit we've put each other through wouldn't have happened. We never would have shared secrets, exposed our pasts, hurt each other. If all I wanted from you was a quick bang I wouldn't have quit a very good paying job with your parents.”

When I moved, I
’d dreamed of finding a guy to love. Maybe settling down and getting married one day. I knew in my mind that what Igor had done was something I could get over. There were no lasting wounds or impressions. Or so I thought. Yet as I sat on the couch with Eric, listening to him talk I finally realized Igor had hurt me. I was scarred. Eric and Alec wanted me to see a counselor, but I still wasn't convinced they'd help. But there was something else that might. Could I take that leap? It meant facing my parents. Deep down, I knew that was exactly what a counselor would say. Face your fears, quit burying what happened. Only then would I be able to move on.

“
Look at me please.” His voice was gravelly, like he was trying to keep from yelling and crying at the same time.

I pulled my hands from my eyes.

“
You ready for the movie and popcorn? Enjoy each other that way for a little while. I’m staying over, right? We’ve got plenty of time.”

Once again
, I was reminded he was the man I needed in my life. The person who saw through me. He knew when to push and when to back off. Our relationship wasn't only sexual, he was right. Again. Damn him...it was a good thing I loved Eric as much as I did. Otherwise, how would a girl handle admitting she wasn't right all the time?

“
And we can take it slow?”

“
If that's what you want and it will make you feel better, yes. We can take it slow. You lead and I'll follow. But slow doesn't mean non-existent. I want you, Carissa. It'll kill me to not at least be able to hold your hand or get a taste of your delicious mouth here and there.”

“
I can handle that.”

“
That sounds good.”

We cuddled on the couch
, watching TV. Eric was on his best behavior for the most part. A couple of times his hand slid a little higher up my thigh that it should have. When it did, I smacked him and placed his hand back in safe territory. He laughed before kissing me again, each time getting better and better. I tried to hold back, but he wasn't having it.

CHAPTER THIRTY
-ONE

Eric met me outside my
building, coffee in hand Monday morning. When he saw me, his lips curved upward in a smile.

“
How long have you been here?” I glanced at him as I walked down the steps.

He shrugged and tilted his head to the sky as if it could give him the answer he was looking for.
“I dunno, a few minutes. Coffee's still hot, so not too long.”

I tilted my drink to my lips. Sure enough, it was still ho
t and burned my tongue. “Shit.”

Eric
sniggered.

“
Shut up. It's hot.”

“
I told you it was. I can kiss it and make it all better, if you'd like.”

“
No.” I adjusted my backpack and made my way to the main hall of classes.

We were still on shaky ground.
Yet Eric kept his promise—no matter how hard I tried to pull away, he wouldn't have it. When I put distance between us, he pulled me back. In my lifetime there hadn't been one person who I felt would force me to stick by them regardless of how scared I was. Alec and I were close, always would be, but one day I knew he'd leave me for the person he could love. I waited and dreaded that day. We all grew up, we all moved on. Now I needed to do the same with Eric.

“
Umm, Eric.” I noticed my hands shaking. This was going to be tougher than I thought. For my own sanity, I needed to see him with my parents. Watch their interactions. Only then would I truly know the honest answer to whether or not he still worked for them. His words had been honest, but in my experience, actions were the real truth.

“
Uh huh.”             

“
I wanna go to New York.” I adjusted my bag again.

“
You want to do what?”

“
I want to go to New York.”

He stopped and stared, scrutinizing me. I'm sure he questioned my sanity.

After a few seconds he lowered his head, cracked his knuckles, and murmured, “Okay, what can I do to help you plan?

T
aken aback by his willingness to help, I arched my eyebrows. Not that I doubted he would, just that he’d conceded faster than I planned. I had a whole argument ready to go. “I need your help getting flights and the hotel.”

“
Fine, when are you leaving?”

Me? Didn't he mean we? I guess I
hadn’t made it clear that I wanted him to come along. “Um, well...”

Eric eyed me with suspicion.

“I kind of hoped you'd come with me.” Suddenly, the sidewalk captivated my attention.

“
You want me to come with you?”

“
Yeah.”

“
I can't leave, Carissa. I want to finish school here. The only way I'm going to have a chance at a career in dance is to graduate. If I leave now, I'll lose that opportunity.”

I took a startled step back. Did he think I wanted to move to New York? Why would he think that?
Despite how hard I tried to stifle a giggle, my lips betrayed me and let it loose. “Eric, I don't want to move back to New York. Quite frankly, I'm not even sure how you'd come to that conclusion. I just want to go visit. I think maybe you should meet my parents in person.”

He let out a sigh.
“Good. I thought you...never mind.”

“
You thought what?”

He shook his head,
“Nothing I didn't—just never mind...We're gonna be late for class. We should probably keep moving while we talk about this.”

“
Yeah, sure.”

Now I was curious about what he thought and surprised he didn't ask why I wanted to go. That would have been my first question. Hell, it was my first question, when the idea weaseled its way into my thoughts. I was sure
he would ask why when he was ready, sometimes he took longer than most to get to the most obvious question.

“
So when were you thinking about making this trip?” Eric asked over his shoulder.

“
I haven't really worked out all the details. That one included.”

“
Oh, well, we can work it all out together.” He shot a grin and a wink my way.

We approached the steps to the main hall. Eric dangled his hand at his side,
and when our hands touched, he interlaced his fingers with mine. Our morning classes weren’t the same, so we parted ways after he said goodbye with a toe-curling, melt-my-panties kiss.

Later that afternoon
, I crashed into my seat with a bounce. Eric eyed me suspiciously, his eyebrows forming a ‘V’ when I looked at him. “Everything all right?” he asked.

“
Yep,” I boasted. “Better than ever.”

His eyebrows smoothed
, and his lips formed a small, yet adorable, curve. “Good, so when are we going to discuss New York?”

I paused
and lowered my gaze to my bag to pull out a notebook and pencil. Thoughts of returning to New York scared me since I didn't know what kind of reaction to expect from my parents, but when I looked back at Eric, I saw something I needed—confidence. I knew he'd help me deal with my parents and face my fears.

Professor Jurgensmeyer began his lecture. I opened my mouth to answer Eric's question, but he motioned for me to write it down. Then pointed to the front of the class. As I shifted in my seat, I saw Professor Jurgensmeyer eye me with anticipation, ready to pounce as soon as I said something. The old man never missed an opportunity to call out a student.
To avoid the lashing I'd get if I talked to Eric, I silently tore a piece of paper from my notebook. I wrote:
after school your place
, and turned it so Eric could read what I'd written.

By the end of the day, the only thing on my mind was New York. Where to go, what to do, who to see. I wanted to shop, eat at some of my favorite restaurants
, and take Eric to at least one Broadway show. Sure, I was going to talk to my parents too, but Eric and I needed a little time together.

Okay, we didn't need it, I wanted it.

I ran all the way to Eric’s apartment, excited to see him sitting by the door waiting on me.

“
Hey.” Breathless as I was, I didn't want to be rude.

“
Did you run here?”

“
Yep.” With shaky hands I unlocked the door, and we both went inside. “Annabelle?”

She didn't answer, not a surprise. I sometimes thought I'd like a different roommate. One
who was actually around, but then I realized if she wasn't there I had the place to myself. I could invite whomever I wanted over and do what I wanted to do without worrying about how my roommate felt or her plans.

“
So have you thought about this trip at all? Beyond seeing your parents?”

“
All day long. I want Alec and Sean to come with us. I think it would be good for them. Oh and I want to catch a play on Broadway. Have you ever been? I love going. Then there's food. I've got a list of places I want to eat. It's too bad we can't get reservations to Tavern.” I tapped my chin. “Shopping. SoHo misses me and needs my money.”

“
Whoa. Slow down. Let's start from the beginning. When do you plan on seeing your parents? Beginning or end?”

Why did he have to ruin all my
fun and focus on the one part of the trip I wasn't looking forward to? Eric almost got an earful from me, but at the last minute, I realized he was right. Depending on when I saw them, I may or may not want to do anything else after what they'd have to say.

“
The last day is when I'll see them. Might as well get the most out of the trip first, just in case they ruin everything. Before I forget, thank you.”

“
For?”

“
Everything. Putting up with me, going to New York, giving me time and space when I asked for it. It means more than you realize.”

“
Carissa, one of these days you will understand what I mean when I say I’ll do anything for you. The past is the past. While it won't be forgotten, I'm going to do everything I can to keep you focused on the here and now.”

We sat at the little card table
, and Eric leaned across it to kiss me. This would work. With him and Alec at my side, I'd make it through.

“
We should call Alec and let him know, so he and Sean can make arrangements.”

Eric
passed me my phone, and I called Alec. The squeal on the other end when I told him my plans was answer enough. San Francisco was fun, but this trip would be one I'd never forget. If only I'd known it'd be memorable for the wrong reasons.