Love and Lists (Chocoholics) (14 page)

“It probably would have gone better if I had. He actually said ‘ouch’ and ‘be careful.’ I think I pulled too hard.”

“What the fuck were you doing with his dick? You know those things need to stay attached, right?” Rocco questions me in horror.

“SHUT UP! I told you, I have no fucking experience with this shit. I just reached in and started yanking on it.”

“I think my balls just ran away in fear. Oh look, there they go, right out the front door. GOOD-BYE, BOYS!” Rocco shouts with a wave to the door of the bar.

“I hate you. I really hate you,” I complain.

Rocco laughs and pats me on the back. “No you don’t. You love me. You’re just so cute when you get mad. I promise, no more comments about your inadequate dick handling. Carry on.”

I down the rest of my glass of wine and take a deep breath, determined to get through this horrific story quickly so I never have to speak of it ever again.

Getting up from the couch, I walked into the kitchen to see what was taking Gavin so long. I heard whispering coming from the other side of the fridge, so I headed in that direction. I really should have stopped after three beers. Alcohol gave me liquid courage, but I maybe had a bit too much at that point. All I could think about was ripping Gavin’s clothes off of him.

I heard Gavin say
balls
and figured he was on the phone with work.
Is it weird that I’m strangely turned on every time Gavin talks about what he does for a living?

Walking around the edge of the fridge, Gavin looked up at me in surprise with his phone still pressed against his ear. He didn’t say a word as I moved in closer to him, but I saw his eyes flash back and forth between my boobs and my face. Sweet! Maybe the list Rocco made was actually working. Showing more cleavage was a great idea after all. Wait. What if he wasn’t looking at my boobs? What if he was looking at a mole I have on my chest? Did I have a mole on my chest? Son of a bitch, what if it was a hairy mole and he was so overcome with disgust that all he could think about was this fucking mole?! Or it could be food. Oh holy Jesus, what if I had a piece of leftover pizza stuck to my chest? I could play it off, tell him I put a slice of pepperoni there so he could lick it off.

I decided to do the most logical thing and just pretended like I didn’t have a hairy piece of mole pepperoni sticking to my tits.

Gavin slowly lowered the phone from his ear and continued to stare at me without saying a word.

“Are you done with work stuff?” I asked.

He nodded his head.

“We kissed the other night.”

Might as well divert his attention from my pizza boobs.

He nodded again.

Fuck! Why won’t he just say something! At this point, I might actually prefer it if he points and says, “HOLY MOLEY!”

I tried again. “What were you feeling when we kissed?”

I leaned in closer, hoping to distract him by my proximity. It didn’t work. He looked away from my face and right down the front of my shirt.

“I HAVE NUTS!” he shouted suddenly.

Glancing down, I realized he was unzipping his pants.
Well, this escalated quickly. I guess we can ignore the talk and just go right for the good stuff.
I wrapped my hand around the back of his head and pulled his face to mine, slamming my lips against his.

I took my other hand and quickly tried to shove it down the front of his pants, but with my eyes closed, I misjudged where I was going and punched him in the stomach.

“OOOF!” he blurts against my lips. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I shouldn’t have unzipped my pants. I have no idea why I did that! Don’t hit me again!” Gavin said in a rush.

Shit! I don’t want him to think I’m offended!

“I totally didn’t mean to do that. I’m going to stick my hand down your pants now,” I warned him.

“Oh my God,” he mumbled as I cut him off with my lips and slid my hand inside his boxer briefs.

Oh fuck. I’m touching his penis. My hand is on his penis.
I was so excited I didn’t even realize how hard I was squeezing his penis. And thinking about it just makes me squeeze it even harder.

“Ouch!” Gavin winced and pulled away from my mouth.

Instead of letting up, I jerked in surprise when he shouted, bringing his penis with me. So basically, I was choking the life out of this thing and trying to detach it from his body.
WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING?!

“It’s okay. It’s fine. Just be careful,” Gavin said before pulling me back to him and kissing me.

Be careful. I can do this. Just pretend it’s a cat. Nice kitty. Nice, soft kitty.

Gavin pulled away again and I growled in frustration. I wanted his lips on me and he kept moving them.

“You’re petting my penis,” he stated.

Well, I WAS until you stopped me. QUIT IT!

“Stop talking,” I told him.

I couldn’t think when he talked. The sound of his voice made me feel all warm and gooey, and I wanted to do this right. I wanted him to feel good and maybe realize that by touching his penis, I love him.

Picturing every porn I’ve seen in my mind, except that weird one that Aunt Jenny showed me with people dressed up as Smurfs, I wrapped my hand around him and started moving it up and down slowly. Gavin groaned and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the wall.

I realized that we were wedged between the fridge and the counter, and it wasn’t the most ideal location to be doing this, but I didn’t care. This is happening right the fuck now.

Leaning forward, I placed my lips on his neck and let my tongue taste his skin. He groaned again and I picked up the pace with my hand, moving it up and down his smooth shaft.

I wondered if that slut Brooklyn really did all the things she said she did with him? I wanted to cut that whore for ever laying a finger on my Gavin. I didn’t realize I was channeling my anger to Gavin’s penis until he whimpered in pain.
Dammit. Focus, Charlotte! There are better ways to mark your territory than by dismembering the man you love.
Securing my lips to his neck once again, I nibbled and bit his skin before sucking it into my mouth.

There, take that, you skanky piece of trash! He’s mine!

“Oh shit, Charlotte. Slow down,” Gavin begged, wrapping one of his hands around my wrist and sliding the other into the edge of my jeans by my hip.

I ignored his warning and moved my hand harder and faster, up and down his length. He tried to hold my wrist tighter to get me to slow down, but I wasn’t having any of that. His hips thrusted into my hand, and it was the hottest thing I ever felt.

I am NOT stopping.

“Charlotte … Jesus … .I’m gonna … oh holy shit fuck …”

I felt his fingers graze the skin of my hip, and I wanted more than anything for him to just dive right in like I did with him. I wanted him to touch me, but I was pretty sure he was beyond rational thought right now. His fingers tangled into the fabric of my thong resting on my hip, and he clutched it so tightly the fabric ripped.

He’s going to come! I’m totally making him come! This is the best day ever!

“Okay, so aside from the fact that you pet his dick like a cat, I don’t see what the problem is,” Rocco says when I pause with my story. “You might be surprised to know that I’ve had my dick pulled by a few of the ladies back in the day. You’re not the only one who has no idea how to use one of those things. At least you got the hang of it.”

“Sure, I got into a nice rhythm and he finished pretty fast. That was awesome. But in porn, they don’t tell you what to do when it’s all over. The scene just ends and there’s no cleanup involved,” I complain.

Rocco stares at me for a few minutes and then the light bulb comes on and his eyes widen.

“Oh dear God. What did you do with the jizz in your hand? Charlotte! What did you do with the jizz?!”

Biting my lip and squeezing my eyes closed so I don’t have to see Rocco’s face, I blurt it out quickly.

“I pulled my hand out of his pants and then sort of whipped my hand in his general direction to get it off. Then I just turned and walked out of his apartment.”

Opening my eyes, I see Rocco with his hand over his mouth trying to contain his laughter.

“Oh no you didn’t. Oh, Charlotte. You Spidermanned the one you love.”

“Ava, are you home?” I shout into my parents’ house as I walk through the front door.

Moving into the living room, I see a flash of naked, white ass streaking down the hall to the guest bathroom and Ava rearranging her skirt on the couch. Not one piece of her long, dark brown hair is out of place, and she looks like she just stepped off the pages of a fashion magazine. Her make-up is flawless and her blue skirt and matching tank top are perfectly pressed. Not at all what someone should look like who was just doing what I KNOW she was doing.

“Oh my God. Ava! Were you having sex on mom and dad’s couch? That’s disgusting. I sit on that couch,” I complain.

She rolls her eyes. “Fuck off, twat. I laid a blanket down.”

Glancing underneath her, I see the blanket in question.

“Son of a bitch! That’s the comforter from my bed!” I yell with a stomp of my foot.

“Ooooh, the older sister. This is like a porn dream come true. Can I be on the bottom?”

My head whips around to the door of the hallway and I see Tyler standing there buttoning his shirt.

“Oh my God. I’m going to have to burn that blanket now. And the couch.”

Tyler finishes with his shirt and walks over to the couch, plopping down next to Ava and throwing his arm over her shoulder.

“Don’t worry, Charlotte, I only got a little Tyler juice on your blanket. It’s all good.”

Ava shoves Tyler away from her and gets up from the couch. “I’m finished with you. You can leave now.”

Tyler pouts and stares up at her. “Babe, that wounds me. I’m delicate after my run-in with Claire the other day. Be gentle.”

Ava rolls her eyes and walks over to the door, opening it up and pointing outside. “Aunt Claire made you wash her kitchen floor with a toothbrush and mow the lawn with a pair of scissors. Go away or I’ll make you gargle toilet water.”

Tyler stands up and saunters over to her. “Ooooh, kinky. I like that. Until next time. Unless you gave me the clap. In that case, call first.”

Tyler whistles as he walks out the door and Ava slams it shut behind him.

“I cannot believe you had sex with that thing,” I tell her as she comes back into the living room.

“You should be thanking me right now, you whore. I took one for the team to see if I could get any information on Gavin after you threw a web of spooge on his shirt,” she complains.

“God dammit! Will you stop bringing that up!”

Ava shrugs, gathers up the blanket, and throws it behind the couch before taking a seat. “I’m sorry, but that’s some funny shit. You threw sperm at him. You’re like the creepy guy in Silence of the Lambs, throwing goo through the jail cell bars. At least you didn’t hit him in the face with it.”

I should have never trusted Ava with this information. She’s my sister and I love her, but she never lets shit go. She still brings up every single time I’ve ever tattled on her when we were growing up in casual conversation. She’s got the memory of an elephant and can tell everyone who asks the exact date, time, and outfit we were both wearing when I told Mom that she drew a picture of a penis in crayon on the back of my bedroom door when she was twelve.