Love and Lists (Chocoholics) (17 page)

Oh sweet Jesus his fingers …

Working for a sex toy manufacturer has definitely given him some skills. He uses just the right amount of pressure as his fingers gently circle my clit, and I can’t stop the sounds escaping from my mouth as he slowly pushes one inside me.

My best friend is diddling me. This is totally happening!

“Fuck, you feel amazing,” Gavin whispers against my lips as he holds his finger still inside of me and moves his thumb back and forth right where I need him.

Keep talking. Holy hell, keep talking.

“You’re so wet and soft and it’s so cool you don’t shave or wax.”

Wait, what? That’s not hot.

“Did you just say I’m hairy?” I question on a gasp as he adds a second finger to the first.

I have a hairy wildebeest vagina. That’s what he’s saying, isn’t it?

“What?! No! That’s not what I meant!” he quickly adds as his fingers continue sliding in and out of me.

This feels good. Fuck no, this feels AMAZING.
But all I can think about right now is that he thinks my vagina feels like an English sheepdog. All that hair falling down over the top of its eyes so it can’t see where it’s going. You know, if my vagina had eyes. It could be a scary movie: If the Vagina had Eyes. Rogue vaginas pissed off because they’re so hairy, hiding in abandoned houses, waiting to bring down their wrath on unsuspecting townspeople. Wait, didn’t Big Bird have a dog like that named Barkley on Sesame Street? Gavin is going to start calling my vagina Barkley
.

I’m so preoccupied with my sheepdog vagina that I don’t immediately notice Gavin is reaching his one arm down to the floor; the arm that isn’t busy reaching into the horror story that is my vagina. He fumbles around for a few seconds before coming back with a condom in his hand.

“I swear I don’t always carry these around with me. Aunt Jenny gave them to me a few weeks ago and they’ve been in my wallet ever since,” he reassures me as he sees me staring at the little foil packet in his hand.

“I’m fine. It’s totally fine. Of course you should carry condoms. You need those for sex. The sex that you have. The sex that everyone has,” I ramble.

Everyone but me. Oh shit, I should really come clean and tell him I’ve never done this before.
I don’t have time to confess that little white lie, though, because he’s back to kissing me again and putting on the condom at the same time. This is happening.

He positions himself at my opening, and since his nimble fingers got me nice and wet before Barkley made an appearance, he starts to slide right in like it’s no big deal. This is really happening and it’s a big deal and oh my holy fuck JESUS MOTHER OF FIRE BURNING HELL THIS HURTS!

My thighs clamp down like vises on his hips, and I squeeze my eyes closed as he pushes the rest of the way inside me.

Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, fucking holy shit ouch.

“Holy shit. What the fuck? Oh my God. Charlotte, why the hell didn’t you say something?!” Gavin curses as he holds himself still and winces like he’s the one in pain. FUCK YOUR MOTHER! The only pain being had right now is by me and my vagina.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh my God I’m sorry. Are you okay? WHY DIDN’T YOU SAY SOMETHING?!” Gavin shouts.

“Telling you I’m a virgin is not exactly romantic,” I fire back.

“God dammit! The only reason I even had sex with Shelly in high school was because I thought you had sex with DJ! Fuck! Your dad is going to kill me!” he complains.

“Can we NOT talk about my father right now?” I shout.

“We can’t talk about your father, we can’t talk about you being a virgin, what the fuck CAN we talk about?!” he yells.

“Are we really going to argue about this right now when your penis is inside of me?!” I scream back.

We lie there, breathing heavy and staring at one another, until Gavin’s shoulders droop and he leans his forehead down against mine.

“You should have told me,” he whispers before pulling back and kissing my cheek. “I hurt you.”

He kisses my cheek, my nose, my eyes, and finally my lips. “We should stop. It shouldn’t be like this … in the back seat of your car. You should have music and candles and flowers.”

“We are not stopping. I’m okay now, I swear. The deed is done. I am no longer a virgin, thank you very much,” I remind him.

“I want this to be good for you,” he pleads.

“It IS good for me. I swear.”

I pull him back to me and kiss him. After a few minutes, he begins to move against me and this time, I’m vocal with my
ouch
.

“Okay, maybe it isn’t going to be THAT good. I’m sorry. It’s not you, it’s me. We’re parked next to a corn field and I’m pretty sure there are killer children out there waiting to bust in the windows and stab us,” I tell him.

“I knew you said Malachai before. And don’t worry, I can totally fix this situation,” Gavin says.

I start to protest as he moves away from me again, but he just reaches down to the floor and fumbles around again for a few seconds. He pulls his arm back and in his hand is the world’s tiniest bullet vibrator.

“Did you just pull a vibrator out of your jeans?”

“Yes, yes I did. See? My job is TOTALLY awesome,” he says with a smile as he presses a button and the little silver ball fires up.

“Don’t guys feel like less of a man if they have to use a vibrator on a woman?” I question.

“If you have an orgasm, that’s all that matters to me. And you WILL have an orgasm. Ten out of ten women surveyed got off with this little guy,” he tells me, sliding his hand between us.

“It’s so hot when you talk shop,” I tell him with a groan as he gently presses the bullet to my clit.

“Holy hell, make that eleven out of eleven women,” I moan as he holds the bullet in place and slowly starts to move inside me.

It only takes me thirty seconds to have my first orgasm with a guy. And not just any guy–Gavin. And luckily, he doesn’t take after his best friend and shout the names of My Little Pony when he comes during sex; he just shouts my name.

“I want to try something,” Gavin tells me later that night as we lie curled up together on his bed.

All in all, losing my virginity went pretty well, if I do say so myself. There was no awkward silence after it was over and nothing felt weird at all. It just felt … right. Everything feels right, aside from the fact that I had sex with my best friend and I haven’t come clean yet about what I did to get us to this point. Gavin assumes I broke up with Rocco. Gavin doesn’t know Rocco is my gay fake boyfriend and that I used Rocco just to make him jealous. How in the hell does one even start an admission like that? I need more time to figure this out before I tell him. Not a lot of time, just enough to make him fall madly in love with me and not care about the fact that I deceived him.

Gavin’s palm runs up the inside of my thigh and I forget all about my fake boyfriend.

“I’m pretty sure you already tried that and it was a success.” I laugh as he pushes my skirt out of the way and runs his fingertips along the edge of my underwear.

Kissing my cheek, he scoots his body down the bed and situates himself between my legs with his chin resting on my thigh. I watch his face as he stares at his fingers that continue to lightly skim over my underwear. My breath catches at his fierce concentration. He places a kiss on the inside of my thigh and then kisses his way up my leg, his fingers working their way under the edge of my underwear.

“What are you doing?” I whisper, following it up with a soft moan when he pulls my underwear to the side and then presses his lips right to my clit.

“Shh, just close your eyes,” he tells me.

I have no choice when I feel his tongue dart out and circle me. My eyes close automatically and I arch my back as he licks me slowly.

So this is what I’ve been missing all these years. Holy Jesus.

He flattens his tongue and adds more pressure as he laps at me, like he’s licking an ice cream cone. A vagina-flavored ice cream cone. Dairy Queen should put that on their menu. I would buy one for Gavin every single day.

He leans in closer and his lips join his tongue as he sucks and licks at me. It feels amazing … for about ten seconds. And then something weird happens. I know he’s still down there because I’ve opened my eyes and I’m staring right at the top of his head between my legs, but suddenly, I don’t feel him there anymore. I see his head moving, I witness his tongue darting out every few seconds as he goes to town on me, but I feel nothing. This isn’t a dream is it? One of those weird wet dreams where you’re just about to come and then wake up? What the fuck is going on?

Bringing my hands up to my face, I rub my palms roughly against my eyes, pulling them away and looking back down between my legs.

Okay, I’m awake and this isn’t a dream. Am I suddenly paralyzed from the waist down? Oh holy shit, I’ve just gone paraplegic! I read about that happening to a woman in Brazil. She was just sitting there at the dinner table when all of a sudden she couldn’t feel her legs, and now she’s in a wheelchair. I DON’T WANT TO BE IN A WHEELCHAIR THE REST OF MY LIFE! Can oral sex cause paralysis?

Glancing over to the nightstand next to Gavin’s bed, I see my iPhone. He’s still busy so it’s not like he’s going to notice if I pull up Google on my phone. I can wiggle my toes so it can’t be that bad.

Damn, I need a pedicure. I should schedule one for tomorrow.

I haven’t made any encouraging noises in a few minutes; I should probably do that so Gavin doesn’t think anything is amiss. I don’t want him to never do this again. The first couple of seconds were mind-blowing. Maybe that’s how oral sex is. You have to build up your tolerance for it. Maybe next time he does this, I’ll feel it for thirty seconds. Then after that, a full minute.

Fuck, why did I put my phone so far out of reach?

“Oh yeah, just like that,” I say, trying to keep the boredom out of my voice.

Do you have to wait a certain amount of time between orgasms? Maybe it’s like swimming after eating. Lifting my arm up, I check my watch. It’s been two hours since my last orgasm. Is that too soon to have another one?

“You taste so good, baby,” Gavin says in between licks.

“Um, thanks?” I mutter.

It makes me feel all warm and fuzzy that he called me
baby
. Too bad that warmth doesn’t travel to my vagina. What if it’s broken? Did we break it when I lost my virginity?

“Mmmmm, yeah,” I add in a breathy voice so he doesn’t stop.

I’ve heard girls say that in pornos when they’re getting oral. That sounds about right. I don’t want to tell him to stop. What if he thinks I don’t like what he’s doing? I’m assuming I would like what he’s doing if I could feel it. He’s got a great tongue and he knows how to use it. I think.

Did I remember to turn off my straightening iron at home? Mom will kill me if I left that thing plugged in again.

Pretending like I’m really into this, I moan some more and start moving my hips, angling myself closer to the nightstand at the same time. Reaching my arm out slowly and making sure he’s still preoccupied with my broken vagina, I grab my phone.

Gavin glances up at me and I quickly bring both of my hands to my chest, hiding my phone against me. “Oh yeah, that feels so good. Keep going.”

He looks away from me and keeps on keeping on. I make sure to continue moving my hips against him as I pull up the message app on my phone and send off a quick text to Molly.

Can u make sure I unplugged my straightener? Thx.

Pressing
send
, I glance down at Gavin. Man, he’s really working it. Lips, tongue, fingers … if only I could feel it. My phone vibrates and I hide the noise with another loud moan while I check my messages.

It’s unplugged. Whatcha doin? I’m bored. - Molly

“Don’t stop,” I mutter as I type a reply to my sister.

Eh, nothing much. I’m prob not going to be home till late. Wanna go shopping tmrw?

I wonder if those shoes I wanted are still on sale at Macy’s? They were so cute. Rocco would love them.

“Does it feel good? Are you close?” Gavin asks.

Quickly hiding my phone next to my hip, I smile down at him and nod my head. “Oh, so good. I’m really close.”

He dives right back in, and when I’m sure he’s not paying attention to me, I bring up Google and type in
numb vagina
.

Hmmm, sitting for long periods of time can cause a numb vagina. I didn’t really sit down today for more than a few minutes, so that’s not it. Nerve damage? Oh fuck no! What if I have damaged nerves? That doesn’t sound like something easy to fix. “Hey, Doc, so I have this problem with broken nerves in my vagina. Get your scalpel, STAT!”

Certain yeast infection remedies have ingredients in them that soothe and cause numbing. That sounds about right, but I don’t have cottage cheese vagina so that isn’t it either. Clicking on the ingredients, I see one right at the top called Lysine. I’ve heard of that before. It’s in a few of my plumping lip-glosses. Looking away from my phone and down at Gavin, I ponder this for a few minutes while he slurps and licks away at my vagina. I look back at my phone and then down at Gavin. Back and forth, back and forth.