Love and Other Wicked Games (A Wicked Game Novel) (30 page)

“Oh. Yes,” Ellie whispered, putting her hands to her cheeks.

Her mother smiled knowingly but a line of concern appeared between her eyebrows. “Is there—is there anything I can do? Anything at all?”

“No,” Ellie shook her head and smiled softly. “But there is something that I must do on my own.”

“What?”

“There’s somewhere that I need to go. Someone I must speak with.”

“Are you sure, sweetie? You’ve been in bed a full day…”

Ellie patted her mother’s hands. “I’ll be fine. Actually, I finally feel strong enough.”

“Strong enough for what?”

“For so many things. But right now, for one thing in particular.” Ellie paused. “I suppose there is one thing you could do…”

“Anything.”

“Call me a carriage?”

“Of course.” Her mother shrugged. “You’re a carriage.”

Ellie and her mother both laughed. “There you go,” her mother said with relief as she reached out for Ellie’s hand. “And yes, I’ll call a carriage for you…. On one condition, that is.”

“What would that be?”

“Don’t give up. Whatever it is.”

“
Never.
” Ellie squeezed her mother’s hand.

Her mother nodded then and left Ellie alone in her room. Exactly one half hour later she was dressed and inside a carriage, and exactly twenty minutes after that her feet landed back on the ground.

She took a deep breath as she walked inside—going through the pub, and out into the grand courtyard she loved so much, then up the stairs holding on to the cool wrought iron railings, where she finally stopped at the door of Cal’s room. After another deep breath she held up her hand and rapped her knuckles against the door in three staccato knocks. She plaited her fingers together in front of waist, waiting.

Cal threw open the door. “Uncle, I swear to God, I am not in the mood for... Oh...”

Ellie finally found her voice and her strength. “If you’re going to say goodbye, you’re at least going to do it properly.”

Before he could protest, Ellie stepped inside and closed the door behind her.

She stood before him, fingers woven together in front of her body in a tight braid. She looked down at her hands and picked at her fingers while biting her lip in deep concentration. She was the last person in the world he had expected to see today, even though she should have been the person he expected to see first. Especially after the way he had left things.

God.
The thought of it all twisted his stomach up in knots.

He shouldn’t have kissed her. Not this time, not again. But this seemed to be a theme with him. Kissing her when he should be doing something else and then regretting what he had done while simultaneously having no regrets at all.

He’d kissed her at some pretty inopportune times before, but this time was the worst of them all. This time he’d really messed everything up. He’d hurt her, which was exactly what he’d been trying to avoid since the day they met. He would have rather been jabbed with a hot poker than cause her pain. And seeing her in pain like she was right now… Bloody hell, that was even worse. At this moment, the poker would have been a welcome exchange.

“Is that what you thought, then? You thought, I was going to say goodbye?” his voice cracked and hitched up around the words. “Tell you that I didn’t want to be yours anymore?”

“Oh.” She said softly as a small smile jerked at the corners of her lips. “Is that what you’ve been all this time? Mine? And—And that would make me… yours?”

As usual, he couldn’t help himself, even now, and he stepped towards her and took her hands. Such sweet satisfaction. She flinched just slightly but she didn’t pull away. She looked up at him with a determined and fixed gaze.

“Well, that answers that question.”

“You didn’t know that?” Cal asked but he immediately felt ridiculous. Ellie might be perceptive but she couldn’t read his mind, and like so many other things, Cal hadn’t been honest. To her, or to himself. It was only in the last few days that he’d even allowed himself to realize just how much she meant to him and just how deeply he needed her.

She broke his hold and shoved his shoulder. “Of course, I didn’t know that!” she said with a slight crack in her voice.

All Cal could say was, “I’m sorry.”

But Ellie shook her head and he knew what was coming. “Then why? What was that about, in the carriage? What was I feeling? Because it felt like goodbye to me and it was—it was—” one sob escaped her “—
it was the most excruciating feeling I’ve ever felt in my life!
”

Goddammit.
The hot poker dug inside of his stomach and twisted around several times. He couldn’t stand this feeling anymore. “Oh, Ellie. My Ellie. I wasn’t going to tell you goodbye. I will never,
never
leave you… as long as that’s what you want.”

This admission surprised her. “And why wouldn’t it be what I want? Of course it’s what I want!”

“No,” Cal shook his head and took a step back from her, reluctantly letting go of her other hand. “You don’t understand. What you felt yesterday was real—the fear, the feeling of goodbye—that was real. Everything you felt was real.”

“But—I don’t understand—you said—but I—” Her faced twisted up in confusion as she attempted to figure out what he was trying to tell her.

“I wasn’t going to leave you…” he said at last, his words catching inside of him once more. “I was afraid that you would leave me.”

Her eyes opened wide with wonder and confusion, but that was all overshadowed by a blanket of relief. As if suddenly everything felt right in the world for her and there was nothing he could say or do that would change how she felt. But he knew the truth. And it ached.

“There’s something I need to tell you, Ellie. Something I’ve been keeping from you for too long. Something I should have told you from the beginning. And I can’t keep it from you anymore…” Cal shivered and set his shoulders rigidly. He just had to say it, spit it out as fast as he could or it would never happen. He couldn’t drag this out any longer, for her sake. He closed his eyes, preparing the words in his mind. Then he opened his mouth to speak and—

“No.
No.
” Now she was the one who shook her head. “I’ve changed my mind. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to know what secrets you’ve been keeping from me. If you kept them from me then there must have been a good reason… so I don’t need to know. It’s not important and I don’t care.” She motioned her hands in front of her chest to reject the idea. “All I care about is that you’re Cal and I’m Ellie. All I care about is us being together. And nothing, not even you—especially not you!—is going to stop that from happening!”

She lunged forward and threw her arms around him, and
she
kissed
him.

Cal found himself in a state of shock. His already tense body stiffened even more. He stood there, fists clenched at his side, unmoving, but willing himself to push her away.
He had to. He must!
This couldn’t be happening again. But the universe apparently had other plans for him and for some reason those plans didn’t include telling Ellie the truth. Or perhaps that was just him. Once more, looking for excuses, once more shying away from doing what was right.

Yes, that was it. It was all him. He held up his hands to push her away but she wouldn’t allow him to do it.

“
No!
” she murmured fiercely, her lips soft and warm against his. She pinned his hands at his side.

“Ellie,” he pulled his mouth away from hers with a painful sensation of loss, “I must tell you—”

“No!” She said again, with more grit. “I’ve lived too long doing only what I thought others wanted me to do. I absolutely refuse to do that any longer. And right now, I want you. And I want to kiss you. So dammit, that’s
exactly
what I’m going to make happen!” With that she threw her arms back around his neck and brought her lips down on his.

There was a strength and a need coming from her that wrapped Cal up in a fury of feelings. The underlying tenderness that had always been there in their kisses was gone now and it had been replaced with a fervent, ravenous need. Her gentle charm was no longer gentle. It had evolved into raw strength, and it pulled him to her, a moth towards a flame.

Damn.
And just like that he was powerless to resist.

He returned her kisses and he could feel how her body relished in his submission. He wrapped his arms underneath hers, bringing his hands up behind her and winding them in her hair. Several hair pins came loose and fell to the floor with soft
clinks.
Ellie leaned back and shook her head, allowing the long, soft waves of her hair to fall loose around her shoulders. He stroked them, with delicate fingers. Her mouth opened with a coy parting of pink lips. Cal held her at arm’s length for just a moment, shoulders hefting up and down with breath, as he took in everything about her.

“You’re beautiful. God.
So beautiful…
And not only on the outside.”

A lovely blush of pink touched Ellie’s cheeks as a smile took over her face. Damn all the ‘shoulds’ and ‘should nots.’ Life was too short. And he loved her too much.

My God.
My God.
He did. He loved her. He loved Ellie and he always had. The feeling echoed out from the center of his chest in waves of electric desire. He had to have her. Right now. He couldn’t wait any longer.

Without wasting a second he scooped her up. One arm under her legs and the other behind her shoulders, cradling her, as he strode towards his bed. She laughed and smiled excitedly as her feet left the floor. Caught up in the moment he nestled his face against hers, biting and licking at the sweet skin. She shivered. Shocks of pleasure shot straight though him and the intense vibrating feeling bid him to hold her closer and tighter. As he nibbled on her ear he unconsciously whispered, “I love you.”

Her body tensed and her hands clasped at his face, eyes locking with his.

Shit.
He’d made a horrible mistake. Damn.
Damn.
Bloody hell. He wasn’t sure what to do.

But instead of jumping out of his arms as he thought she would do, she circled her arms around his neck and kissed him. Voraciously. Her mouth yearned for his. She traced the line of his lips with her tongue, seeking deeper entry. Then she jutted her tongue inside his mouth, massaging it against his, and he returned the caress with soft sucks.

She moaned, her muscles tightening. He felt her body quiver and shake with arousal. She tried to say something but the words were caught up in the tremors. When at last the shaking subsided enough for her to speak she pressed her lips to his and echoed, voice wavering, “I love you, too.”

That was all he needed to hear. He threw her onto the bed and she gasped.

Standing above her, he unbuttoned his shirt and bid her to do the same. “Undress yourself,” he said, though it felt like more of a command. And it was.

Her eyes held disappointment, with his brevity and speed.

“You’ll be more disappointed if you don’t hurry.”

“Oh?” She pushed herself up on her elbows as her plump lips formed a soft circle.

“I swear to you. I can’t wait any longer.” He pulled his shirt over his head, which momentarily shielded his eyes. When his vision was no longer blocked he saw that her eyes had drifted down his body to the place where his longing was growing. She licked her lips as her eyes massaged him in a not so gentle or covert way.

His erection pressed against the inside of his trousers with a powerful throbbing of blood. He closed his eyes to center himself and took one deep breath. Then he looked at her again with an even gaze. “Do you understand what I mean, now?”

“Oh. Oh, yes. I… think I do.”

Cal was fairly confident she didn’t completely understand. “Do you now?” he asked.

“My cousin Mary… well—well she’s told me—told me some…so I won’t be shocked or—or surprised…”

Cal nodded his head, feeling a bit better, but with heavy voice he added, “Oh, you’ll be shocked and surprised… and you’ll love every minute of it.”

That set her to work at the fastenings of her dress, her eyes never leaving his body. With fumbling fingers she managed to undo some of the ties on the back. She shrugged her shoulders out of the clothing and worked at the ties of the corset she’d decided to wear today, of all days. Cal wasn’t going to complain, though. There was something about corsets that set his blood on fire and put his head in the clouds.

His heart jumped in his chest and his hands twitched, needing to feel her. “God, you’re so... Lord, I need you, Ellie…”

She smiled, but she was embarrassed. He saw it in the vibrant red hues painted on her cheeks, but there was something more inside of her. Heavy lashes flickered down over her baby blues and she flashed him a tempting smile as she undressed. When at last she completely removed her corset, revealing two beautifully perky breasts, and leaned back on her hands, biting her lips, he realized that she was enjoying this. The slow act of undressing in front of him. And so was he. It made a low growl rumble up inside of him.

Lord in heaven, how did he end up this lucky?
Every inch of her screamed out with wanton desire and it was all for him. All for Cal.

“Forget about it,” he said as he saw her begin to work out how to remove her skirts. “I can’t wait any longer. I’ll just lift them.”

She sucked in her breath with a soft, excited whimper. And only then did he go to her.

With a careful motion he moved low between her legs, lifting the layers of her skirts and unwrapping her like the gift she was until, at long last, her raw beauty was revealed to him. A sudden fit of modesty struck her and she tried to press her knees together, but he would not allow her to hide from him. She was too beautiful and he had too much he wanted to give her.

“Shhh, no, my love,” he whispered, with calming strokes. “You don’t want to do that.”

Through a long exhale of breath she said, “I’m yours.” And she surrendered.

His heartbeat echoed in his ears, low reverberations stretching out through his entire body, as he watched her open up and give herself over to him. Through pounding pulse, Cal lowered his lips to the smooth skin of her thighs. He kissed one side and then the other, nibbling along the delicate flesh, reveling in the quiet moans and mews she made. Into him, because of him, for him. Sounds of excitement and palpable pleasure that he was finding and freeing, sounds that made him quiver with fulfillment.