Love and Truth (16 page)

“Nicole.” Chills spread over me like wildfire. I turned toward the voice that I knew was Jonathan’s. He leaned his right shoulder against the wall in the hallway outside the restrooms, both hands shoved in his pockets, his ankles crossed casually. I swallowed and turned away.

“Nicole, stop. Please stop and talk to me. Mina…this…what you think isn’t what it looks like.”

I turned around and stopped him mid-sentence. “No, don’t explain yourself to me. You don’t have to do that.” He stood up, pulled his hands from his pockets, and stepped toward me. I took a step back and watched his eyes grow dark with desire. It was like he was closing in on his prey. “Jonathan, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be. It doesn’t matter who you came here with or why. You aren’t my boyfriend. I’m not your girlfriend, we don’t belong to each other. We never did.”

He continued toward me. Before I could react he wrapped me in his arms, crushing his lips on mine. The kiss was so savage, I tried not opening up to him. My blood raced and my legs quivered. His fingers were intertwined with strands of my hair as he softly tugged at it near the nape of my neck. He pulled my head back slightly and looked into my eyes.

“Kiss me back, Nicole,” he commanded. I traced his face with my eyes and stared at his beautiful full lips. He licked them, making the muscles between my legs tremble. My resolve moldered and I visualized him pushing me against these walls, kissing me senseless. I leaned forward, closed my eyes, and brushed my lips against his. I felt his mouth open as his tongue licked the outline of my lips. He gently sucked on my bottom lip and his tongue surged into my mouth. I heard him moan as I surrendered to him. His hands glided down my sides, pulling my hips into him. I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around him. My right hand moved slowly up the back of his neck into his hair and I gripped it lightly. He groaned again and I felt him press harder against me.

The idea that my kiss could drive him crazy made me want him more. He tasted like beer and salt, and I never desired anyone more. I was vulnerable to his spell and I didn’t care. I didn’t

care that we were in a bar full of people or that this made no sense. I didn’t care that I was a non-believer in relationships or that Jonathan Hayes might be the end of me.

He withdrew and turned as someone called his name.

“Jon?” I turned and saw Mina and felt renewed resentment toward her. I scowled uncontrollably at her.

“Oh,
gomen nasai! Watashi wa shirimasen deshita
” she said, looking down and fiddling with her fingers. She looked up with embarrassment and bowed slightly.

“
Konbanwa, Gomen
, Nicole San.” I looked at Jonathan who seemed fearful of my reaction.

“She says she’s really sorry,” he said. “She didn’t realize who I was back here with then she greeted you with good evening and apologized.”

I felt horrible. I hated this girl for the past hour without even knowing her or what was really going on. I had been such a judgmental bitch. Now she was standing here, apologizing. I smiled humbly and looked at Jonathan.

“Please tell her it’s okay. She has no reason to apologize. You came here with her, so I should be the one to apologize to her.” He frowned and looked confused.

“Nicole, I’m not
with
Mina. We’re just friends. We worked through all of our past issues and she just wanted to get away from her parent’s house for an evening. After being away for so long, she has lost touch with most of her friends. I come here almost every weekend, so I just brought her along as a friend. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Mina stood awkwardly a few feet away. I looked at her and smiled.

“
Daijōbu des
, Mina,” Jonathan said. “
Shinpai shinaide kudasai”
He turned to me and smiled.

“I just told her everything is fine, that you’re okay.”

Suddenly, Emiko walked up and stopped, her heels clacking in the tiny hallway outside the bathroom.

“There you are,” she said. “You scared the crap out of me. I thought you left without me.” She turned and looked at the three of us. “Is everything okay here?”

I felt badly for poor Emiko. I was sure this had been a bad night for her. She was so excited to have a girl’s night out with me and it had been a disaster.

“Yes, I’m fine. Jonathan and I were just….” I paused a moment. “We were just talking… and Mina came up. Jonathan just introduced us.” I couldn’t tell her the truth.

“Okay,” Emiko said with arched eyebrows, as though she knew I wasn’t being truthful.

“Jonathan,” she said, waving her hand near his face and smiling. “Red lipstick is a good color for you.” She giggled and I blushed. Jonathan brought his hand to his mouth and wiped it, looking down at his fingers and chuckling.

“Why thank you, Emiko. It felt good when it was being applied.” He looked sidelong to me with a flirty grin and I knew he was going to be the death of me. Emiko said something to Mina and they walked toward the karaoke stage.

“Take all the time you need to talk, guys. We’ll be out here listening to the karaoke.” We watched them walk away and I bit my lip. I buried my head in Jonathan’s shoulder.

“Well, that was embarrassing.” I said. He stood back from me and looked me up and down.

“You look amazing tonight, even though that skirt is a little short. When I looked up and saw you I thought I was imagining it. Then I realized it really was you standing there looking like this, in this hot ass outfit. All I wanted to do was rush straight over to you, throw you over my shoulder and take you right out that door.”

He tilted my chin up to meet my eyes. He stared at me intently. “Don’t be embarrassed. It was beautiful. You’re beautiful. That kiss was… it was….” He shook his head, grasping for the right words.

“It’s like when I kiss you or hold you, everything that’s wrong feels right. It makes me crazy because I can’t piece it all together.” He ran his hands nervously through his hair. “Forgive me, Nicole but I want you. I want you to be mine. I want to be yours. Because even though none of this makes sense, it just
feels
right. No matter how hard I try to make sense of all these feelings swimming around inside me, I
can’t
.”

He placed his hands on each side of my face, cradling it with those emerald green eyes. His eyes were pleading with me.

“I know. I feel the same way.”

“Please forgive me,” he said. “Say you will be mine. I promise I won’t disappoint you again. Give me a chance to prove it to you.”

He leaned down and softly brushed my lips with his. He trailed kisses across my cheek to my ear. “Just say yes,” he whispered, before kissing me under my earlobe and down my neck. I closed my eyes and put my hands against the wall to brace myself. It was all so overwhelming and I couldn’t absorb everything at once. It was all too much.

“Jonathan, stop.” I shoved him slightly, with two hands on his chest. I looked up at him and touched his chin. “I can’t think straight with you touching my like this. My body is overloaded right now, and I don’t know how to handle it. My mind is tangled up with doubt and fear. I can’t answer your questions while you’re touching me. I’m sorry.” I was afraid he was going to be mad, but he wasn’t. He leaned against the wall and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“You don’t have to apologize. You told me to go slow, and here I am practically mauling you in a dark hallway in the back of a club. I should apologize.” He grinned innocently. “It’s like when I get close to you I go crazy if I don’t touch you. Like right now, if I don’t keep my hands in these pockets they’re going to be all over you. Restraint is very difficult for me, but I promise I’ll behave the best I can.” His grin widened and I blushed.

“I understand. I mean, I know.”

”So are you going to answer my question?”

“Jonathan, can’t we just be friends for right now? Get to know each other better? This has all been such a whirlwind and we barely know each other.”

His face fell and he looked upset. He ran his fingers through his hair and threw his hands up. “Sure, Nicole. That sounds perfect. Because being friends with you and nothing more is exactly what I’ve wanted since the day I saw you.”

I could tell he was being sarcastic and he was hurt. I didn’t know what to say, but he continued before I could say anything.

“I don’t know about you, but I’m not usually
just friends
with people that I can’t stop thinking about. I’m not
just friends
with someone that ignites every nerve ending in my body every time I’m near her.” He stepped closer and leaned in, coming inches from my face. “I cannot be
just friends
with you.”

All I wanted to do was cry, my life was always so organized and controlled. All of a sudden, I was a complete wreck. It felt like my life was spinning in twenty different directions at once. This situation wasn’t me. I was starting school the day after tomorrow and I couldn’t be distracted.

“Jonathan, I’m sorry you feel that way, but it’s either friends or nothing right now. It’s your choice.” He backed up and glared at me. He looked confused, as though he was trying to process a foreign language. He was speechless, and I knew his answer.

“So I guess that’s it then,” I said, and started in the direction of my table. He grabbed me by the arm and tugged me.

“Nicole, wait.”

“Ouch, Jonathan. That hurts, Let go!” He ignored me and gripped harder.

“You can walk away from me right now if you want to, but I’m done chasing you. I’ve laid it all out there for you. I put my heart on the line for you and I’m not doing it anymore. You know how I feel, you know what I want. The ball’s in your court now. I start my summer job soon, and you start school and we’ll both be busy. Emiko knows where I live. If you change your mind you know where you can find me.”

He let go of me and walked away. I saw him motion for Mina and she grabbed her purse. She said goodbye to Emiko and they walked out the front door. I stood staring at the door like a fool.

“Nicole, what happened?” Emiko asked as I sat back down. “I thought it was going good? I thought you guys worked things out?”

I shook my head and stared into my watered-down soda. A moment passed and I could sense that Emiko knew I didn’t want to talk about it.

“My brain is fried,” I said. “I just want to go home.” We got up and she put her arm around me.

“Sure, let’s get out of here.” We walked outside and she hailed a cab. We rode home in silence and I rested my face against the cool glass. I watched the nighttime scenery pass, but the only thing I could see was Jonathan walking away from me.

Chapter Twelve

I awoke the next morning hoping it was all a dream. Maybe Jonathan would come and say he was sorry and we could be friends. I pulled the blankets over my eyes and realized it wasn’t that simple.
I must be crazy.
I wondered if I really wanted more, since the moment I saw him from the balcony, but why couldn’t I just tell him that? He made me feel like I was in a pressure cooker; being with him felt so intense and it made me uncomfortable. I had to regain control. I needed it, or maybe I just feared losing it. But being in control was just as frightening. What if I never got another chance with him? I felt panic rise in my chest and I realized I had probably just threw away the most special thing in my life.

I forced myself out of bed and into the shower. I hid out in my room all morning, not wanting to face anyone. I didn’t want to have to explain everything to Emiko. I opened my laptop and checked my emails, finding four from Mom and six from Dad. There was also one from Annie and I opened hers first.

From:
Annie Richards

Subject:
Hot guy drama update puuuuhlease!