Love and Truth (36 page)

“Oh really? You were consoling her? Like you consoled me that night on the beach, practically in the same damn spot? I was bawling my eyes out, Jonathan. My heart shattered and you never even looked over at me. You didn’t touch me. You completely shut me out that night. But she gets your embrace, your compassion. Nicole gets shit on. That’s what I got.”

“Tell me where you are. Let me come get you. We need to talk to face to face. That’s why I didn’t call you back. Please, just let me come get you. You have no idea what it felt like to look up and see you tonight. You looked like an angel standing there. It took my breath away until I saw the disgust in your eyes. Please give us a chance, Nicole. Let me come get you.”

The inner battle my heart was having with my brain was a tug-o-war of momentous proportions. I wanted to see him so badly; to let him hold me and make it all go away, make it all better, but I couldn’t. Not after seeing him with her.

“No, Jonathan. You can’t come get me. I don’t want to see you right now. I thought I knew what I wanted when I came to see you tonight, but that’s all changed now. You coming here won’t make any difference in how hurt I feel.” I let out a frustrated sigh. “Goodbye, Jonathan.”

I pulled the phone away from my ear and looked at the screen with unshed tears welling up in my eyes. I tapped the end button and handed it back to Izo. He looked with confusion. Tears spilled down over my cheeks and I angrily wiped them away.

“Sweetness, you have got to stop crying. I can’t stand to see you cry.”

I wiped another tear away and looked up at him.

“Izo, do you even know my name?”

“Yes, of course I know your name,” he said, laughing. “Why would you think otherwise?”

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe because you never use it. You’ve called me everything but my name this evening.”

He thought I was funny because he kept laughing.

“Well, it’s so much more fun to call you sweet thing, sweetness or baby doll. You look much more like a sweet thing than a Nicole, don’t you think?” He put his huge arm around my neck and pulled me into a bear-like hug. “It’s all going to be okay, sweet thing. You just dry your pretty little tears. You’re much too pretty to be crying and messing your face all up like that. Plus, I can’t do the crying stuff. I have a strict cry rule. No one can cry in my presence unless I’m crying too, which is never. So you just can’t cry around me anymore, got it?”

I figured I had just become fast friends with the bull-headed, egotistical Izo. He had a cry rule too and he’d been really great to me tonight; aside from his mouth, which I thought was endearing after all.

“Izo, I think you might actually be an okay nice guy.”

“Shhh, don’t ever repeat that. You’ll ruin my stellar bad-boy jerkoff reputation. I have worked hard for it, so this is just between us, hear me?” He hugged and squeezed me tight.

“Can you take me home now, Izo? I’ve had a very long day and this night has really drained me. I just need to sleep.”

“Sure thing. Hop in and I’ll take you home. Are you sure about ditching my boy tonight?” We got into his car and closed the doors.

“Yes, Izo. I’m 100% sure. There’s no way I can just let him come get me and act like I didn’t see him out there all snuggled up with his ex, an ex that he once asked to marry him. That’s just too much for me to wrap my brain around.” He started the engine and we backed out onto the road.

“Okay, baby doll. Whatever you want. I just think you should keep in mind that Jon is a softy when it comes to you chicks. Leah coming here and laying it on him about her dad dying was a sure-fire way to get his attention, but I can tell you that it’s not the kind of attention you’re thinking it is.”

I rolled my eyes and groaned. “It doesn’t really matter. He didn’t have to be all hugged up on her like that, with his arm around her on the beach in front of a romantic fire. I saw what I saw. It was definitely intimate and definitely not something a guy who’s supposed to be into someone else does. At least in my book, they don’t. I’m not going to be that girl; the girl who lets a guy trample all over her self-respect. I just won’t do it.”

Izo was quiet for what felt like forever. Then he spoke up.

“You are a strong girl, Nicole. You don’t take any shit and that’s admirable. Just don’t let pride cloud your judgment. Because pride is a greedy bitch that can really screw shit up. It can cause you tons of regret in the end. Trust me, I know all about regret and letting pride kick you in the ass. It’s not worth it. If you’re making choices based off of self-respect, that’s one thing. But don’t let pride snake its way into your psyche, because it’s poison.”

Once Izo dropped me off, I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. This day was exhausting and emotionally draining. I shuffled in the door and up to my room, collapsing on my bed. I heard my phone buzz and saw the picture of me and Jonathan. I let it go to voicemail and tried to push away the image of him on the beach with her, his arms wrapped around her so lovingly. I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow, wishing that I had never let myself go this far. How could I let myself get so tangled up in a guy? Now I had all of this unwanted drama

to deal with, not to mention a pain in my chest that I was certain wouldn’t go away anytime soon. My phone buzzed again but this time it was a text.

Jonathan
:
I’m not letting you run away from me this time. I’m not with Leah, I was being a friend and that’s it. I’m not letting you make this into something that it isn’t. I want you in my life Nicole, I know you want that too or you wouldn’t have come here tonight as soon as you got back. You can’t let us get away, don’t give up because I won’t give up that easily. This is NOT over. It wasn’t over the night you left, it hasn’t been over for me all the time you’ve been away and it’s not over now.

His words punched me square in the face and I realized that I had no response. It wasn’t over for me either, but exactly what Izo was talking about was happening. My pride wouldn’t let me say those words to him. I re-read his text over and over again before it buzzed again. It was a link to a YouTube video,
One Last Chance
by Daughtry. My phone buzzed again with one last text from him.

Jonathan
:
I know we can put this back together.

I sighed and grabbed my earbuds, plugging them into my phone. I tapped the link and listened to the song. It was a beautiful song, one from Daughtry that I had not heard before. He wanted another chance. It seemed like ever since we met he had been asking me for another chance.
How many chances should one person give to another?
I wondered.

Jonathan
:
Please let me come get you. We need to work this out. You have to stop shutting me out. I love you Nicole Harrison. I’m in love with you and I know you love me too. Don’t do this
.

Chapter Twenty-Five

I couldn’t believe I caved so easily. I let him pick me up and I kept teetering back and forth between regretting it and feeling good about it. We pulled up at his house and went inside. The air was thick with the tension that loomed over us all the way here. My heart raced and I cursed myself because all I wanted to do was let him hold me. I didn’t want those kinds of feelings for him right now. Not until he told me what I wanted to hear about Leah. I sat on the futon, watching him shuffle around the kitchen cleaning up trash.

“Damn, they left a mess in here,” he said. He sneered and looked up at me. We stared at each other for what felt like forever. Then he walked over, sinking down onto the futon next to me.

“You’re tired,” he said. “Do you want to talk this all out tomorrow after you’ve gotten some rest? You can have my bed. I’ll sleep out here.” He was completely avoiding the last question I asked him in the car and I wasn’t going anywhere or doing anything until he did.

“Answer my question, Jonathan. It’s her or me. I can’t stay here and continue all of this if you can’t tell me she’s no longer an issue; that she’s out of the picture.”

Tears streamed down my face again. I was afraid of what he was going to say. He tilted my head up and brushed away the tears with his thumbs. Feeling his touch made my entire body crave him. His thumbs brushed back and forth over my cheekbones and he softly pressed his lips to mine. He wrapped his arms around me as he moved his mouth against mine. I opened up to him, giving him an invitation, and he obliged me completely. My stomach clenched and I ran my hand over his white cotton T-shirt. We pressed our bodies into one another and his hand went up and into my hair while the other grasped my hip. He pulled away from my mouth and looked deeply into my eyes.

“It’s simple, sweetheart,” he said. “There’s only you and me. No one else. Only us now, only us tomorrow, only us forever.”

His words awakened every desire and yearning that I had felt since I knew I loved him. I crashed my lips back into his, pouring weeks of longing and resistance into one single kiss. I reached out and started to pull his shirt off, wanting to feel his warm skin. He helped me and the fact that he wasn’t running away sent waves of excitement through me. Our kiss broke momentarily as he pulled his shirt over his head. I rubbed my hands over his biceps and broad shoulders. He trailed kisses sporadically down my neck and collarbone. He suddenly pulled away and I looked at him, half expecting the same thing as always and for him to put the brakes on, but he stood up, reached down and scooped me up into his arms. He put his lips back to mine, kissing me again as he carried me to the bedroom.

He put me down and I felt my feet touch the cold hardwood floor. He held my face between his hands, still kissing me and pouring everything he could into me all at once. I reached down and pulled his hips into mine. His breaths came hard and fast, and I could feel his need for more. All of a sudden, he reached down and pulled me up, wrapping my legs around his waist. Then he guided us down onto the bed. His lips moved fiercely against mine. He kissed down my neck and I arched my body up into him. His lips trailed down further to my chest and stomach as he skimmed his hands under my tank top, pushing the fabric up.

“God, I love you so much,” he whispered against my skin. I loved him too, with every fiber of my being.

“I love you too.” I reached down and pulled my tank top off. My skin felt like it was on fire as he moved slowly down my body. I felt like I might go insane if he didn’t give me more, and faster.

“Jonathan, please. I want you,” I groaned. He looked up at me and rolled over to open his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a condom and I knew in that moment that he wasn’t running away this time. It was real; I was really going to have sex with him. My eyes widened and my heart hammered in my chest. He set it on the bed and suddenly there was no more haste in his demeanor. He stood up, unbuttoning his shorts as his eyes never left mine. He stared at me with a dark desire that I had never seen there before. He slowly lay back down on the bed, resting on one elbow before he fluttered his fingers down my neck to the center of my chest where my bra was.

“Turn over,” he whispered. I turned over and he unhooked my bra before pulling the straps slowly down over my shoulders. He leaned down, pressing a single kiss between my shoulder blades. It sent shivers through me. I slowly turned back over to face him as he scanned every inch of my body.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said. He gradually extended his arm to grasp the waist of my skirt. He carefully removed it as he pulled it down past my feet, dropping it to the floor. I lay quietly, wearing only a silk pair of panties. He began placing soft kisses one by one down my chest, across my stomach, and down to the edge of the lace trim of the panties. He looked up at me as he hooked his fingers under the thin silky material.

“Are you sure, Nicole?”

I could see he was struggling with his need to make the right choice here. “Jonathan, I love you. I know what I want and what I want is you.” He skimmed his hand down gently, beginning to remove my panties.