Love at Second Sight (16 page)

Tracey O’Neill and Chantelle Robinson made their entrance next. Tracey had come as Peter Pan, a fictional character so not possibly someone she might have been in a past life but it
didn’t matter, especially not to the boys, most of whom did double takes when she walked past. Her amazing, curvy body, tiny waist and great legs were shown off to great effect by the short
tunic she was wearing with a wide leather belt slung round her hips. She’s very pretty with cropped auburn hair and as I watched the boys ogling her and Chantelle, who was wearing nothing but
a bath towel, I wondered if I should have insisted on wearing a sexier outfit. I liked the dress the girls had found me but with its high neck, I was beginning to feel a tad prim and proper in
it.

‘Who are you supposed to be?’ Tash asked Chantelle.

‘The invite said come as you were. I was in the bath about half an hour ago,’ she replied, ‘so I’ve come as I was.’

‘Brilliant,’ said Tash.

Tracey pulled a bottle out of her bag and offered it to me. Vodka.

‘Oh, no thanks,’ I said.

She shrugged then laughed. ‘Staying in character, are you?’

Now I really did feel prim and proper.

Effy was busy Egyptian dancing with Mark so I went through to the garden to see who was out there. Behind me, there was a sudden round of applause. I looked to see what was happening and saw a
group of people gathered at the door. I went back inside and jostled my way through the crowd to see that the commotion had been caused by Finn’s grand entrance. He wasn’t dressed as my
romantic hero, instead he’d come as a ballet dancer in a pink tutu and a diamante tiara on his head. His costurne didn’t cover his hairy legs and sneakers though. He was prancing around
doing the dance of the dying swan. Curiously, even though dressed as a girl, he looked more attractive than ever.

He noticed me, grinned and pirouetted over. ‘What do you think?’ he asked.

‘Very . . . pretty,’ I said as Elvis Presley handed him a drink.

I looked down at his Converse Allstars. ‘Didn’t they do ballet shoes in size ten?’

‘Afraid not. Hey, you look good. I always fancied Mary Poppins.’

‘I’m
not
Mary Poppins,’ I said as Owen passed by. He heard what Finn had said and glanced at me. In an instant, I knew he could see that I was attracted to Finn.
He’d known me all my life. He attempted a grin but I could see it was a cover-up. He spun around and headed back inside almost knocking Effy over on his way.

She came over to join us. ‘Congratulations, Finn,’ she said. ‘You’re the first person to come in a different gender to the one in this life.’

Finn looked mystified. ‘Meaning?’

‘Apparently souls don’t always stay the same sex on their joUmey through time. We have some lives as women, some as men. You may well have been a woman in a past life.’

Finn looked at me, then back at Effy, then put his arm around her. ‘Jo, your mate doesn’t half talk some shite.’

With that he wandered off towards the drinks table where he’d seen Ben. I also noticed Tracey appeared to be adding the vodka to the punch.
Like a moth to a flame,
I thought as I
saw her clock Finn then go into full flirt mode and, the cheek of him, he even glanced over at me to see if I was watching. I stuck my tongue out at him but it was Ben who saw it and nudged Finn.
For a moment, I thought Finn was going to come back over to me, but then Effy and Tash appeared with a big cake with candles and everyone sang a rousing chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’.

‘Make a wish,’ said Effy when they’d finished.

I took a quick look around the room at all my mates looking at me with affection: Owen, Dave, Mark, people from school and Finn’s smiling face there amongst them. It didn’t get any
better.
I wish that Finn is The One,
I thought as I blew out the candles.

Everyone cheered, then a great fuss was made of cutting the cake and making sure everyone got a piece. I looked around to find Finn to give him an extra-large piece but he seemed to have
disappeared. I realised I couldn’t see Tracey either.
Doesn’t mean they’re together,
I told myself.
Doesn’t mean they’re together.

I chatted to various people but was finding it hard to focus. I had a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach. I made my way into the hall where there was a queue for the bathroom. It was
occupied.

Dave banged on the door. ‘Come on, there are people bursting out here.’

I heard a stifled giggle as the door was unlocked. Out came a dishevelled Finn, his tiara in his hand and his lippie smeared up his cheek. He wasn’t alone. Tracey was with him, leaning
into him with one arm slung around his neck.

I turned away and came face to face with Owen. He saw what was happening straight away and that I was upset. He looked over at Finn, then back to me, and the expression on his face mirrored
mine.

As if things couldn’t get more awkward, Ben appeared behind Owen. He also registered what was going on and looked at me to see my reaction. And then Finn noticed me standing there. With
Tracey still draped around him, he shrugged his shoulders and gave me a helpless look as if to say, what can I do?

I looked from Owen to Ben to Finn. They all seemed to be looking at me as though they felt sorry for me.
I guess the whole world knows that I’m just another sad loser with a crush on
Finn O’Brady,
I thought as I pushed past them.
Why oh why does love have to be so complicated and the one boy I truly want is with another girl?
I asked myself as I made a dash for
the garden where I burst into tears.
Happy Birthday to me. Not.

I woke the next morning with a throbbing head. It felt unfair as I hadn’t even had any of the spiked punch last night. I heaved myself out of bed and caught a glimpse of
myself in the mirror opposite. Peering back at me was a blotchy face with dark circles under bloodshot eyes. ‘Perfect English rose,’ I told my reflection. ‘Wilting and eaten by
greenfly.’

I cast my mind back to the party. After I’d seen Finn and Tracey, Effy and Tash had rallied round and done their best to cheer me up. I tried to put a brave face on, like, oh I don’t
care, but they saw through it and I felt a killjoy after all the effort they’d put in.

‘He would have done your head in anyway,’ Effy’d said as we cleared up the debris after people had gone.

‘You have to let love go,’ Tash had said as she gave me a big hug. ‘Let it go and if it comes back to you, great. If not, it wasn’t meant to be.’

‘Not meant to be then,’ I’d said as I dumped a pile of paper plates in a bin.

Finn and Tracey had disappeared soon after the bathroom incident, taking with them any feeling of excitement I’d felt earlier at the party. Owen had made himself scarce too and I felt his
absence just as strongly. He was one of my best friends and I’d hurt him as much as Finn had hurt me. Ben must have disappeared too because I don’t remember seeing him later either.

Love sucks,
I thought as I splashed my face with water. Maybe my outfit had been the problem. I should have worn something more revealing, more seductive, gone as a femme fatale like some
of the other girls, and then maybe Finn wouldn’t have gone off with someone else. Edwardian governess? Hardly hot. What boy wants to snog Mary Poppins when there’s a scantily clad
five-star babe like Tracey in the vicinity?

As I got dressed, I tried to tell myself that Finn wasn’t mine anyway. We weren’t in a relationship, so what was my problem? I felt wretched about Owen too. I wished I could feel for
him what I felt for Finn. What was wrong with me? Owen was a boy I liked and who liked me so why was I so hung up on another boy who clearly wasn’t into me and appeared to collect girls like
other boys collected CDs?

Because Finn’d flirted with me, that’s why. And when he did, I’d felt alive, like we could have had something special.
Argh. I have been an idiot. I am so over you, Finn
O’Brady, I told myself. End of. Amen. Fini.

Maybe it’s true,
my mind nattered on.
Just as Betty said. I have the belief that love is unrequited on my brain, and like poor old Henrietta, I will always be alone.

‘No.’ I told my reflection. ‘I am not Henrietta. I am me. Jo. And I will find love. I will. Someone who doesn’t mess with my head. I am not going to give in to loser
mode.’ For the briefest second, I had the weirdest sensation. I was looking in the mirror but someone else was looking back at me. A girl with dark hair like me, but a different face. It was
the girl I’d seen in my hypnosis session lying on the bed.

I bent over and splashed my face with cold water and looked in the mirror again. She’d gone.
I’m just tired,
I told myself.
Imagining things after an overemotional
night.
‘I am not Henrietta,’ I said out loud.

A knock at my door made me almost jump out of my skin. Mum opened the door. ‘Who are you talking to?’ she asked.

‘No-one. Er . . . myself.’

Mum shrugged. ‘You haven’t opened your pile of cards from last night,’ she said, handing me a small stash of envelopes.

Had Finn left one?
I wondered as I ripped the envelopes open. Maybe written an apology. How would I feel about that? Would it make everything all right?

Mum went down to make us some tea while I ripped open the cards. Lots of lovely birthday greetings from friends. I came to the last card. Would this be the one from Finn?

The card was a black and white shot of children playing with balloons on the Heath, their laughing faces upturned to the sky. A happy photograph taken on a summer’s day. I looked at the
back. As I’d thought, it was one of Ben Fraser’s. I looked inside.

Sweet,
I thought but I couldn’t really appreciate it. I was too disappointed that there was nothing from Finn.

My mobile bleeped that I had a message and then another one. I pulled my phone out and glanced at the screen. The first was from Owen.

I will always be there for you, Owen X

Owen,
I thought as I remembered that he’d said he wanted to talk.
What am I going to do about you? I can’t bear the thought that I might hurt you more than I have
already.

My heart skipped a beat when I saw that the second text was from Finn.

It wasn’t what it seemed. Call me. Finn.

Yeah sure,
I thought as I switched the phone off and sat on my bed.
You might cause a major meltdown inside of me, Finn O’Brady, but are you worth it?

Five minutes later, I turned my phone on and read the message again. Despite my earlier resolutions, I was intrigued to know what lame excuse he was going to come out with.
Should I text back
or call?
I wondered.
Or should I leave it a day or two, or a week even, to show I really am cool and don’t care. I could call then and say, oh yeah, you texted? Sorry. Been busy . . .
But can I wait that long? I want to know
now
what he has to say.
Effy’s words from the night before came back to me. ‘He’ll do your head in,’ she’d said.
Already happening,
I thought.
Argh. What to do? Be strong. No boy wants an emotional wreck. I know what I’ll do. I’ll show you just how unaffected I am by you, Finn
O’Brady.

I picked up Ben’s card, went back to my phone and called his number before I could change my mind.

I’d arranged to see Ben in Costa in Highgate village. He was already there when I arrived, seated at a bar stool at the window overlooking the street.

‘You recovered from the party?’ he asked as I took the stool next to him.

‘Oh yes,’ I said.
‘Well
recovered.’ I meant from Finn not just the party. ‘You left early?’

Ben shrugged but didn’t elaborate. I wondered if I’d imagined his face when he saw how upset I was over Finn, but he wasn’t giving anything away. He asked what I’d like
from the counter and went off to get me a drink.

‘I liked your photos,’ I said when he came back with two steaming mugs of hot chocolate and a huge slice of carrot cake with lemon icing and two forks. ‘The ones in the
exhibition.’

‘Thanks.’ He half smiled. ‘You like carrot cake?’

‘My favourite actually.’ I wasn’t lying.

Ben handed me a fork. ‘Mine too. Tuck in.’

‘And . . . about you sitting with me all those years ago. Back in junior school. I never got to thank you.’

Ben shrugged again. ‘No need. Anyway, long time ago, hey?’

‘It was just after my dad died. We never spoke so you must have wondered what it was all about.’

‘I figured something like that. I seem to remember hearing about it. You know how news travels at school.’

‘I liked that you didn’t say much. Everyone was telling me that I should eat. I should talk. I should feel this or that. You didn’t. You were just with me, you let me be and
that’s what I needed. I know it’s a few years late but thank you.’

‘You’re welcome.’

We both stared out of the window for a while as if we were wondering what to say next.

About the article . . .’ we said at the same time, then laughed.

‘You start,’ said Ben.

‘OK. So. Yes. You asked what angle I was going to take. I thought I’d just write up the clairvoyants Effy and I visited without giving my opinion, just state the facts and let the
reader decide.’

‘And the facts are?’

I laughed. ‘Hah. Bit of a muddle really. Some of them went on about past lives I’d supposedly had. I’m not sure where I stand on that. What do you think?’

‘I think we live, we die. All we can be sure about is that we’re alive now.’

‘So you don’t believe in reincarnation then?’

‘I don’t,’ he said, then he smiled. I liked him when he smiled, like he lit up from inside. ‘Imagine what chaos it would be if we all remembered our past
lives.’

‘Meaning?’

‘Oh, like ... say someone who’d done something in a past life, like a writer or artist, who’d died in poverty then later their work became really successful, what if they
remembered who they were and wanted to cash in on it?’