Love Deluxe (23 page)

Upstairs at the beachside bar, we watched the bottom edge of the sky flame neon bright and then fade to black. I realized that even though we clicked our glasses in a half-hearted toast, he wasn’t drinking.

I was already feeling my margarita and I asked, “Don’t like your drink, buddy? Want something else?”

He pushed his glass toward me and said, “Nope, I’m good, drink up.”

“Are you trying to get me drunk, cuz its working but you know I’m pretty easy, you don’t really have to.”

I slipped my hand under the table and onto his lap, he caught it, lifted it to his lips and kissed it tenderly.

“I know we have a lot of stuff to finish here, Cate, and I need you to stay focused and do as much as you can without me. I’m leaving tonight but I’ll be back soon.”

“You booked a flight? Why did you let me drink, I can’t drive like this. I need to eat something, then I’ll be okay.”

“No, buddy, listen to me, I’m driving to Biloxi tonight, I can win my money back, I know it.”

“You’re kidding, right? John, you’ve had a shock, you’re upset with your dad. This is not the time to risk more money gambling.”

“Shhh, I’m going. That old Jeep at the back of the driveway, can you drive it? It’s a stick shift, do you know…”

“Yes, go, I’ll be fine. It’s not a good idea, I wish you wouldn’t do it, you’re the one who said you can’t win with scared money.”

“I’m not scared,” he said. “I’m nothing but a winner; now tell me you love me.”

Chapter Sixteen

I rambled around the house after he left, channel surfed and tried to look at a design magazine, curled on the sofa and opened a book but couldn’t stay focused.
Damn, can I not be alone anymore?
I picked up the phone and stared at it. I’d called Maggie, Laura and Emily earlier and I didn’t want questions from my parents who still thought I was twelve years old, so… I dialed the number and he answered on the second ring.

“Well, Cate Stuart, world traveler, are you back?”

“In Seaside, how about you?”

“On my balcony, forgot to go back in after the sunset, it goes down early in winter, that always throws me off.”

“I have errands in Destin tomorrow, how about lunch?”

“Alright, should we sound like a Harold Robbins novel and make it ‘our usual place’?”

I laughed and said, “Good Lord, a girl in my dorm used to read those nasty books out loud to a group of us, they were old then, she stole them from her parent’s bookshelf. They were so sexist but tantalizing to young Christian girls, don’t you know?”

McKay’s laugh was deep and sincere, “I can just imagine. They’re complete trash and sometimes I have to pick one up and read it twice.”

“Well, anything’s better than Danielle Steele, always the same story, only the names and places have been changed to bore the unsuspecting. And don’t get me started on Rosemary Rogers; my idea of hell is an empty room with only books that are dull as dishwater.”

“Rosemary Rogers,” he laughed, “real bodice rippers! You might want to add Jacqueline Susann to that slush pile.”

We both laughed, enjoying our easy banter, “So our usual place?” I asked.

“Sure, noon? Eleven thirty?”

“Eleven thirty. Good night, McKay.”

*** 

We met in the parking lot at Pompano Joe’s, having arrived at the same time. He opened the creaky door of the Jeep Wrangler and asked, “Beach buggy?”

“You got that right, ugh, who on Earth invented manual transmissions and windows that you actually roll down? Look at my hair— this was a ponytail.”

“You’re still gorgeous,” he said and we went inside.

I made a beeline to the restroom, checked the mirror and thought,
Bedhead, I can handle it
.

“I’m starving and it’s so early. Hmm, I’ll have it all and iced tea with extra caffeine.”

“Late night?” He asked.

“Not really, I took a sleeping pill and it hasn’t worn off. I have to go to Smith’s Antiques, I need some special pieces of furniture for the cottage and I want to buy them, have them delivered and put that project to bed.” I glanced up at him as I said that and felt myself blush. “My sisters are counting on me to finish the redo before I leave and then I have to do some Christmas shopping. Where is the closest
Neiman’s
or
Nordstrom’s
?”

“Birmingham, maybe. I’ll check my phone, surely there’s something in Pensacola. Do you shop online? That’s what I end up doing, or rushing around on Christmas Eve.”

“You and my late husband, the two of you are exactly the same.” I felt my face getting hot again as the words left my mouth; I had no idea what to say.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said without looking up, and I knew that I’d spoken the truth.

“I think you could use a chauffeur.” he said after we finished lunch and stood outside and staring at the Jeep in the distance.

“I’m going to talk to the sisters about replacing that thing.”

“The benevolent sisters of the Catholic Church?”

“The beneficent sisters of Cate Stuart.” I said.

“You need a chauffeur today,” he said and held open the passenger door of his SUV while I climbed in.

“Smith’s please!”

“Yes, ma’am, I aim to please.”

At the store I moved quickly through the vast space, I knew what I wanted and had a knack for spotting what was good and passing over the rest. I found nearly every item on my list and made a mental note to have the last few pieces sent from my shop. I arranged to have the furniture delivered later in the week and left satisfied.

“You’re good,” McKay said as we drove away, “and fast, that was practically painless.”

“Well, I like what I like and I want what I want,” I said, shrugging my shoulders. “And right now I
want
to pull into that Sonic and I
would like
a Diet Coke.”

“Done. You know, I have two condos side by side in the Towers at the Yacht Club, I’m planning to knock some walls down and combine the two. I could use design advice, maybe if you’re back down here after Christmas you could help me out.”

“Yeah, that would be great, glad to help, have you started yet?”

“No, the plans are ready but the contractor is tied up until early spring. I’ll be going to Birmingham next week, one of my sons is having some marital problems. I want to be there for him and the holidays are coming up, as you mentioned.”

“Oh, right, Christmas gifts.”

We sat at the Sonic drive in and drank our drinks, the wind picked up and clouds had blown in blocking the sun, it was turning cold.

“That cold front the weather man has been talking about,” he said. “Guess he was right for once.”

I shivered, having drunk the cold drink too fast and he reached over and turned on the heater.

“What now?” he asked. “Where do you want to go?”

The wind howled, fallen palm leaves and pine needles skittered across the ground. It seemed like winter all of a sudden— holidays and snow skiing and families together.

“I better go before this weather gets any worse, I’m in that old Jeep, you know?”

“I do and certainly you understand I can’t let you drive all the way to Seaside in that vehicle with a winter storm blowing in.”

“McKay, I’m having a moment,” I said, trying desperately to fight the wave of despair that had swept over me. “Give me a minute and hopefully it will pass. The weather looks… it reminds me of other times, fireplaces, safe places. John went to Biloxi after telling me some difficult tales from his past, nothing horrible, just sad.”

I wiped my eyes and reached for my purse; I could tell he was struggling not to say something and really, I didn’t want to hear whatever it was.

He held my purse open while I fished around, looking for my blue pills, they were forgotten but not gone.

I swallowed one and took a sip of my drink. “Sorry about that,” I said, my head back against the seat, eyes closed to keep the tears in check. “I’m not a drug addict, it’s an anti-anxiety pill.”

“Xanax, I’m familiar,” he said. He put the car in gear and turned onto the road, “You have a few choices, Cate,” he said. “Josh can drive the Jeep, follow us to Seaside and I can take you home. You can come to my house and let this wind die down or we can shop some more.”

I teetered precariously on the edge of some huge emotional crash and was afraid to speak; “boat” was all I could manage.

He dialed a number and said, “Hey Josh, are you near the dock? Good, tighten the lines, will you? I’m with Cate, we’re going to wait out the storm on board. The boat doesn’t move much in that narrow slip so I think she can take it. Come join us, if she gets sea sick we might have to carry her ashore.”

The wind moved on taking most of the clouds with it, but the cold settled in to stay. The pill loosened the grip of my mood and I felt lighter as we stepped down into the cocoon-like cabin. The palm tree painting hung on the wall and looked wonderful.

“The painting is stunning, don’t you think?” I said.

He said he did, it was a great find, he’d read up on the artist, and it should prove to be a good investment as well. Not that it mattered, just good to know, he was really in love with it.

I settled into the curve of the sofa and Josh handed me a cashmere throw, “I’m taking this with me when I leave,” I said, wrapping myself in its creamy softness.

We all laughed and McKay said, “I’m fixing you a hot toddy.”

“I’ve given up drinking.”

“Really? Here, try this,” He said, handing me a warm heavy mug.

I took a sip and it was hot and delicious, some sort of exotic hot chocolate without a hint of alcohol.

“Well, aren’t you surprising?” I said. “No one has made me hot chocolate since…”

“Yeah,” he said, knowing who I was going to say. “Want a cup, Josh? It’s nonalcoholic, you’ll love it.”

Josh opened the refrigerator, grabbed a beer and held it up, “Think I’ll walk home if you don’t need me, this will keep me warm.”

***

The boat rocked gently and the night settled around us, McKay turned on some lights and the cabin glowed. I was warm and content, there with a man I barely knew, a man who was so like Henry, there was no denying it.

He handed me a control pad and said, “This is for the sound system, you’ll love it, just type in some songs or singers you like, it will do the rest.”

I tapped away and David Grey’s mellow voice crooned the words to
Babylon
from some unseen speakers.

McKay’s phone rang and he answered it, walked into a bedroom, talked awhile and returned. He sat at the end of the sofa, rubbed his eyes, looked a bit undone, “My son,” he said, “he’s hurting over his soon to be ex, the woman’s a real snake. She’s using the kids against him, sleeping around, making sure he knows about it, charging up credit cards, spending money they don’t have. Same thing his mom did to me for twenty years before I’d finally had enough. But, damn you don’t want your kids to make the same mistakes you did, the circle of life, I suppose.”

That was my undoing, “
the circle of life
.”

I tossed the blanket aside and rushed into the bathroom, turned on the water in the sink, let it run full blast. I leaned over and splashed and splashed my face, choking on sobs. McKay didn’t come after me and I was grateful, I’d been teetering on the edge all afternoon and had finally fallen over, so I gave in and let my soul grieve. Eventually, the sorrow backed away, I looked at my face in the mirror, it was flushed and my eyes were preternaturally bright but there was nothing to be done about it. When I returned to the sofa he’d replaced the hot chocolate with a snifter of brandy and held out my purse as I sat down.

I took a Xanax with a swallow of the drink, “Two in one day that used to be normal, I hate for anyone to see me this way.”

“Sometimes you have to let it out, I’m sorry whatever I said was the straw that broke the camel’s back. But I had a feeling you were headed to some dark place earlier, thought maybe it was better if you weren’t alone.”

“Yeah, those dark places are a bitch, sneaky as hell. I’d like to tell you something, if you want to hear, it’s no big deal, sort of my circle of life story.”

He stared down into his drink and said quietly, “I’d like to hear it.”

“The morning I found out my son was… gone, the phone rang early three different times and I could hear my husband talking in the other part of the house. I got out of bed and went downstairs, Henry had the phone to his ear and he kept saying, “Dead?” When he turned and I saw his face it was like a terrible mask. I just said “Brooks? Is he dead?’ and he nodded. How cruel, I thought, how can you think such a thing? I walked to the back door and looked out across the yard, it was six-thirty in the morning and the moon was still hanging over the trees.
This is how the moon looks on the morning my son died,
that’s what went through my head.”

“My mother was visiting and she was asleep in the little guest house.
She will know
, I thought and went to the door, my heart was beating so hard and I just knew she would tell me, “They’re wrong, I know where he is, our boy is
here
with me.” All my life I’ve hated to wake my mother from sleep, she likes to get up and ease into her day, have her coffee, you know, but she’s a light sleeper and at the slightest sound she’s up.

“I went into the guest house, it was dark and suddenly she was standing in front of me, putting on her robe and she said, “Cate, do you need me?” My voice sounded so odd when I said “yes” then her voice was pure fear and she said, “Is it Brooks?” I must have nodded my head ‘cause she asked, “Cate, is he dead?” When I said “yes” she began to scream and that’s when I knew it was true, if my mother could believe those words, it had to be the truth.

“Months later I was going through his baby pictures and there was one of me and Mother with newborn Brooks in the hospital and I remembered. The night I went into labor I was so scared and so young, not quite twenty one, I didn’t wake Henry, I wanted my mother. I was so afraid to call her in the middle of the night, afraid she might be mad at me for waking her up. I dialed her number and she answered right away and didn’t wait for me to speak, she just asked, “Cate, do you need me?” The same words she asked when my son was born, she asked when he died. He was her first boy and she loved him so, he was as much hers as mine. That memory is so dear to me, you can’t imagine, life is a circle after all.”

“Oh, Cate,” he said, wiping his eyes and downing his drink. “Bless your heart.”