Love Finds You in Hershey, Pennsylvania (37 page)

Mac eyed her sadly. She felt queasy in her stomach.

“Come inside, Sadie,” he urged before reaching to draw her in.

She let him, feeling rather helpless as well as hopeless. He got her settled at Jasper’s kitchen table and rummaged around for something to drink. Neither he nor Jasper was very adept at grocery shopping. The best he came up with was a glass of water.

Sadie only stared at it, remembering the words she had prepared.

“Air and water,” she mumbled to herself, but Mac didn’t comment on the phrase. Instead he announced what she already knew.

“He left for Colorado already. Moved his flight up by a week.”

“When?” Sadie listlessly asked. “When did he do that?”

Mac sighed. “After he went to talk to you at the restaurant that day.”

She nodded in complete understanding.

“I’m too late,” she muttered. “Too, too late.”

“I have his new address,” Mac offered. “Or you could call his cell phone,” he suggested hopefully.

She shook her head. “No. It was one thing to ask him not to go. It’s another thing entirely to ask him to come the whole way back. Especially after…everything.”

“He would do it, Sadie,” Mac determined. “He would come back for you.”

Her eyes drilled into the tabletop, searching for the words to explain. “I know he would. But it’s
why
he would do it that would bother me. Would he feel guilty? What would he expect from me? What would I expect from him? It’s too much pressure. He’d have to find another job or beg for his old one back. He’d have to leave the boys’ academy in a tough position, which I know he’d hate to do.” She sighed. “It’s too much to ask of him. Maybe I’ll send him a letter eventually, once he’s settled. Maybe he could…”

Her face suddenly scrunched up in anguish as she left the thought unfinished.

“I’m really sorry, Dad,” she choked out. “All these years I’ve been judging how you lived your life, and look what a great mess I’ve made of mine.”

She laid her head on her arms, leaned into the kitchen table, and wept. Mac came around and knelt beside her, patting her back gently and holding her while she cried. These actions, as loving as they were, caused her to cry harder. For years, this was what she had longed to experience. She had wanted Mac to be there and hold her while she cried. It was a moment of bittersweet proportions.

“I’m so sorry,” she began repeating. “I’m so sorry.”

He let her cry it out for a good long while before he finally pulled her up and drew her face toward him.

“I love you, Sadie girl,” he told her. “And if I could make your pain go away, I would. But I can’t. So all I can tell you is—Jasper Reeves wouldn’t give up on you, so don’t you give up on him. You fight for that boy, Sadie. I guarantee you, you’ll win.”

She didn’t know if she believed him or not, but she’d never heard a better speech from anyone in her entire life. Sadie threw her arms around her father’s neck and hugged him so tightly she thought she might choke the life out of him. But he never uttered a word of protest.

“You’re not going away, are you, Dad?” She pulled back to see his face. “You’re going to stay…for Kylie? We’d really love it if you stayed, you know.”

He smoothed the hair back from her forehead. “I know you need to ask that, after all the times I walked out on you in the past. But I promise you, I’m staying right here, Sadie girl, for as long as you’re here. And if you pack up and move to Colorado or Asia or Timbuktu… that’s where I’m going.”

There was a part of her that Jasper’s departure had left broken. But there was another part that felt whole and pure. She hugged him again.

“I love you, Dad,” she whispered. “I always have.”

He held her tightly. “I know, Sadie girl. I always felt it…because I loved you too.”

And as she talked with her father long into the night, Sadie wondered at the miracle of a heart—how it could be broken and restored all at the same time.

The day after Sadie’s reconciliation with Mac, Kylie sat quietly playing in her bedroom. She didn’t bother looking up from her toys as her mother came into the room but continued to arrange the Barbie she held into different positions, bending the doll’s legs as far back as they would go. Sadie entered the room and watched for a moment, wincing. Kylie remained silent as her mother settled herself on the floor beside her and picked up a doll gown at random. Sadie toyed with the shiny fabric for a long time, running the scarlet material through her fingers.

“Kylie?”

“Yes, Mommy?”

Kylie continued to contort Barbie’s limbs until Sadie very gently reached out and took the toy from her fingers.

“Mommy has something very important to say to you.”

Kylie folded her hands and politely gave Sadie her full attention. She watched as her mother met her eyes and then looked away again.

“You’ve been a very good girl lately. Ever since Jasper…ever since Jasper took you for a walk, that day at the restaurant.”

Kylie didn’t comment on this. Her last day with Jasper was not a memory she felt like sharing right now. After a moment of silence, Sadie began speaking again but kept her face lowered, just like Kylie herself did when she had done something wrong and didn’t know how to admit it.

“Mommy’s been—” Sadie cleared her throat and started again. “
I’ve
been very bad recently. I haven’t”—she drew a breath—“I haven’t listened to you the way I should have. I’ve had a hard time…getting things in order.”

“Priorities,” Kylie supplied.

Sadie’s eyes darted to her daughter’s face and stared at her for a long moment. “Who taught you about priorities?” she asked with curiosity.

Kylie blinked, feeling a rush of sadness. She dropped her eyes and sighed.

“Oh, right,” Sadie whispered. “Jasper.” She cleared her throat. “Kylie, the truth is…” Sadie laid aside the doll and the dress she’d been holding. “The truth is, I sent Grandpa away. And it’s my fault that Jasper moved to Colorado.”

Kylie looked back up at this confession but said nothing. Sadie’s voice began to tremble as she continued.

“I haven’t been very smart lately, but I’m going to get better. I’m going to pay more attention, but sometimes…sometimes when you mess up your priorities like Mommy did…sometimes you can’t change some things.”

Sadie drew a shaky breath. “You c–can’t…get…everything back.” She sniffed. “Now the
good
news is that Grandpa’s coming back. He wants to see you again, and I want him to too. In fact, he’s going to be watching you after school some days in case I have to work late at the restaurant.”

Kylie felt a rush of joy at this. She liked having another grampa. She had Papa Clay, of course, but he lived the whole way down in Alabama with Nana Belva. Just like her daddy who lived way up in heaven with Jesus. It was hard, saying good-bye to Jasper, but it helped to know that now she had Grampa Mac too.

She smiled in relief at her mother’s words.

Sadie continued, “The
bad
news is that…Jasper’s gone to Colorado, and I…well, I…” She began wiping at her eyes as the tears started to fall. “I—I don’t know when we’ll ever get to see him again.” A sob broke loose, and Kylie frowned with concern.

“So, I—I need to ask…” Sadie was full-out crying now, seemingly unable to stop. “I need to ask your forgiveness.” She drew a deep, shaky breath. “I need to tell you I’m sorry. But I’ve prayed about it, and I’m going to try harder from now on. I’m going to hold onto the things that count, Kylie. Just like your daddy told me.”

Kylie felt a lump in her own throat as her mother continued to cry, softly murmuring, “I’m sorry, baby…. I’m so sorry… .”

Distressed to see her mother in such a state, Kylie scooted across the floor and climbed into Sadie’s lap. She began to stroke her hair as she’d seen Jasper do a thousand times before and whispered, “There, there, Mommy. Is all right. Don’t cry. Shh.”

Sadie cried harder, wrapping her arms tightly around Kylie and holding her close.

“I forgive you, Mommy. I was never mad, not really.” She drew a tiny breath and offered, “Sometimes I think you’re mad, but you’re really not. Sometimes you’re just scared. And hurt. Like you were with Grampa.”

Sadie sniffled and brushed a hand along the top of her daughter’s head. “How did you get to be so smart?” she asked her.

Kylie sighed as if this were common knowledge. “Jasper. He ’splained it all.”

Kylie felt a few more tears fall from her mother’s eyes and into her hair. They sat together for a long time until Sadie calmed and Kylie felt no more tears falling. And then Sadie rocked her back and forth, and Kylie curled tight into her mother’s stomach, warm and comfortable.

“Mommy?” Kylie finally whispered.

Sadie rubbed her back. “Yeah, baby?”

“Kylie loves Mommy.”

“And Mommy loves Kylie,” Sadie whispered, and Kylie thought she heard a smile in her mother’s tone as she began speaking of herself in third-person once more.

“And Jasper loves Mommy too,” she added. “You’ll see.”

Sadie pressed a kiss, hard and long, to her daughter’s forehead.

“As long as I still have you, Kylie girl…that’s enough.”

As Sadie had wished, life returned to a normal routine—or as normal as it had ever been in Sadie’s world—after all that had happened. It was a sweet time, but Jasper’s absence left a bitterness there as well. Still, the world didn’t stop for a broken heart, and Sadie found herself swept up into so many things that at times there were whole hours where she didn’t devote more than a passing thought to Jasper being gone.

Following their family dinner and a few more days of visiting, Belva returned home to Alabama. The anniversary of Ned’s death had passed, and with it came a sort of benediction. Whatever Belva had come looking to find, Sadie believed she had found it. It showed in the peace radiating from the center of her eyes, engulfing them in a well of love and understanding.

Kylie was sad to see her grandma go, but the installation of her grandpa as her new playmate invited all sorts of new and exciting possibilities. She bounced back from the farewells with all the enthusiasm a five-year-old first grader could muster.

It helped that Mac had started visiting nearly every night, in addition to the afternoons he served as babysitter. Plus, Dmitri was coming around more too, always with some sort of sweet in hand for her and Sadie to taste. The only thing missing was Jasper. But his absence no longer seemed to weigh on Kylie as it once had. This became clear to Sadie one night as Kylie was in the kitchen, sampling the petit fours Dmitri had brought while explaining the hierarchy of elementary school.

“Kindergarten is for babies, Uncle ’mitri,” she loftily informed him.

Sadie inwardly smirked at this. After all, it was only due to an advanced placement test that Kylie had begun school a year ahead of other children her age.

Dmitri’s lips twitched. “I see. But first grade is different?”

She nodded. “First grade is for big kids.”

“Like you?”

She shifted on her stool and daintily nibbled her dessert. “Like Kylie,” she confirmed.

Sadie grinned as she left the room, carrying a mug of coffee and a petit four to Mac, who was upstairs disassembling pipes in an attempt to retrieve the latest sacrifice to the volcano—Kylie’s toothbrush.

When she returned to the first floor, Kylie had evidently changed topics. Sadie approached the kitchen just in time to overhear her daughter announcing, “But Mommy shouldn’t worry. It’s okay. Jasper will be back.”

Sadie had stilled, just beyond the kitchen’s threshold, her hand clutched to her chest at her daughter’s confident assertion.

Sadie possessed no such illusions. She hadn’t heard one word from Jasper since his departure, although she was certain he and Mac kept in touch. If Mac had told Jasper how she felt, it certainly hadn’t been enough to provoke a response from him. It confirmed some deep dread she’d harbored—that, secretly, Jasper was glad to be rid of her. She was glad she hadn’t asked him to come back.

She kept herself busy by investing a whole new interest in Kylie’s life and by taking care of Mac and Dmitri, drawing them out into the community around them. They went with her to church, and Sunday lunches at Suncatchers became an even larger event with Dmitri, Mac, Pastor Samuel, and a myriad of others joining her and Kylie each week.