Love for Scale (25 page)

“Like I’ve been hit by a tree, which as it turns out, is exactly what happened.” He attempted a smile, which ended up being more of a wince.

“I’m serious, Dad.” Rachel scolded softly, her eyes darting to where Pearl sat dozing.

“I’m fine, honey. Come here.” He held out his hand. Rachel entwined her fingers into her father’s, mindful of the IV tube. “I’m glad you’re here. Talk some sense into your mother. Take her home, get her to eat.”

“Don’t you want me to stay?” Rachel was a bit hurt; she had planned on spending time at her father’s bedside.

“What? To watch me sleep? God, they’ve given me enough drugs to take down an elephant. No,” he shook his head slightly as it rested on the pillow. “Go. Get out and take your mother with you.”

Because of the swelling and discoloration, Rachel almost didn’t notice the wink.

She smiled. “Okay Dad, have it your way, but I’m coming back tonight, I don’t care what you say.”

Harry gave her hand a squeeze. “Oy, you’re your mother’s daughter, I don’t think I could stop you if I tried. I’m sorry I ruined your dinner last night.”

Rachel nodded, “I know dad, you told me last night. And there’s no need to apologize.”

Harry frowned. “Oh, sorry I was a bit out of it.”

No kidding
, Rachel thought.
You spilled the beans about me moving out
. Well, it didn’t matter. She was going to do it anyway. She had his blessing and no matter that it was drug induced; she didn’t think he would have said it if he didn’t really mean it.

“It’s okay, Dad. I’ve got Finn here out in the hall. I’m going to wake Mom up but we’ll be back later.” She squeezed his hand and placed it gently down on the bed at his side.

Rachel walked around the bed and put a gentle hand on her mother’s shoulder. “Ma? Wake up, Ma.”

Pearl’s eyes opened and took a second to focus onto Rachel’s face. “Oh, hi dear. I didn’t hear you come in. Is something wrong?” her eyes widened as she hopped up out of the chair.

“No, Ma, I just came to say hi to Dad and take you home. You need to shower and get something to eat.”

“Go, Pearl. The girl’s right. I’ll be fine, you can come back later,” Harry said, his voice suddenly heavy with fatigue.

After staring at Harry for several long moments, sizing him up, Pearl finally nodded and grabbed her purse. She leaned over the bed and brushed Harry’s unlacerated right cheek with her lips. “I’ll be back soon, Harry. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Harry said giving his wife a weak smile.

Rachel turned away; her parents had always been close, but it seemed the accident had rekindled something. It was a good thing, but too intimate for her eyes.

After a few moments, she turned back, took her mother’s elbow and led her out of the room.

Once they were in the hallway, Finn pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning on. “Hi, Mrs. Stern.”

“Oh, Finna…Finne…Finn.” Struggling with his full name, Pearl settled for the short form. “Did you bring Rachel here?”

Rachel interrupted. “Yeah, Ma. He took Aaron and I home last night and then picked me up this morning.”

“You’re a nice boy.” She smiled at him before turning to Rachel. “You gave him some food, I hope.”

“Of course,” Rachel said, rolling her eyes.

“And it was delicious, Mrs. Stern. Why don’t I go get the car for you, ladies?”

Rachel would have preferred the walk, but her mother looked exhausted. “Okay, we’ll wait here, thanks.”

“He’s very respectful. I like that boy,” Pearl said as Finn disappeared out the door of the hospital.

Rachel smiled
. So do I
, she thought.

“So tell me,” Pearl said suddenly. “What’s this about you moving out?”

Rachel’s heart sank. “Well, uh…I’m twenty-seven now…”

Pearl interrupted. “Spare me the speech, Rachel.”

“I just think maybe it’s time.”

“Your father and I had a talk about this last night.” She bobbed her head. “Well, he was knocked out from the drugs, so I’m lying, but I’ve decided that you can move out under one condition.”

Oh God, what now? “What’s that, Ma?”

“You have to let me help you decorate.” Pearl grinned but was dead serious.

Rachel thought about the atrocious baroque decor in her parent’s house: the black shag carpet and the puce flocked wallpaper in strong contrast to the light maple furniture. The décor often raised eyebrows, and certainly wasn’t something Rachel had ever envisioned in a place of her own. She looked at her mother’s hopeful face.

Thankfully she had a good reason to respectfully decline.

“Well, for now, I’m just going to be subletting Sheri’s place because she’s having a trial move-in with her new boyfriend, but as soon as I get something permanent, I’d be happy to have you help.” Maybe her mother would forget by that time…

Pearl took her daughter’s hand and squeezed it just as Finn pulled up to the curb.

“And I need to know more about this as well,” Pearl nodded toward Finn’s car. “Where is this going? A spring wedding? Should I book the
shul
? Rabbi Rosen will be disappointed that he will only be
officiating
at your wedding, but
nu
, a doctor?” She waved her hand dismissively. “The rabbi will get over it.”

“Ma, shush and get in the car! And keep your mouth shut, I don’t want you being rude to Finn,” Rachel hissed, shaking her head.

Pearl winked and reached for the door handle.

“Oy, Jewish mothers!” Rachel lamented aloud.

Chapter 33

The rest of the weekend was a blur of trips to and from the hospital. Rachel was held responsible for picking up her grandmother from her apartment and taking her to see Harry. That in itself was a stressful nightmare, as Harry’s injuries looked so much worse than they actually were, totally upsetting his mother. Rachel had ended up spending most of Sunday afternoon at her grandmother’s place, trying to calm the woman down enough to get her to stop sobbing.

By the time Monday rolled around, Rachel was eager to get back to work, even though it was the week before Christmas and the kids were off school. Monday was the first day of her special holiday project at the library and she was excited to be working on the new program that she had planned from scratch. 

Her excitement wore off when it quickly became a day from hell, full of screaming, crying, foot-stamping, defiance, belligerence, and mess. Rachel knew she had gotten herself in deep when at only four minutes after nine, finger-paint was spilled all over the floor in the project room. Before she even had a chance to grab the paper towels to clean it up, three of the children were down on the floor, tracing their hands in the bright red glob. Two of them even transferred the imprints of their little red palms onto the walls, despite Rachel’s desperate shrieks. 

Come quitting time, she was ready for some relaxation. Grabbing an energy bar to tide her over, she headed to the gym early so she could have a few minutes to herself in the hot tub before Aquafit.

Shoulder-deep in the hot water, allowing the bubbles to take away the knots and stress, Rachel felt good for the first time in a while. She closed her eyes and thought about nothing, unwinding in the simple pleasure of the soothing water around her, enveloping her body in warm comfort.

“Hey there,” Finn said from outside the other side of the tub, startling her.

Her eyes bolted open. “Hi.” She smiled, glad to see him.

“I’d join you in there, but it’s almost time for class. You coming?” Finn jerked his thumb toward the pool. Most of the seniors were already arranged in the shallow end.

“I’d rather stay in here.” Rachel frowned. “Shitty day.”

Finn smiled. “You’ll feel better after jumping around in the pool. C’mon.”

After the class, Rachel did feel better, but the energy bar she had eaten had worn off, leaving her with an insistently grumbling belly.

“Got any plans?” she asked Finn as they met up in the lobby.

“Nope, what’ve you got in mind?”

They headed to Wendy’s for a salad. It didn’t matter how tempting the fries and hamburgers were; Rachel knew that with her unofficial Weight Watchers coach with her, she’d stick to her diet.

“So any more appointments to look at apartments?” Finn asked once they were seated, her with a big salad with chicken and he with a side salad and chili.

Rachel shook her head as she chewed, wondering if he had deliberately waited to ask her the question until the exact moment she shoved a forkful of food into her mouth. She held up her finger until her mouth was clear enough to speak. “No, actually, I think I’m going to take over my friend Sheri’s place. She’s moving in with her new boyfriend.”

“That’s great, what’s the place like?”

“Well, it’s a one bedroom on the second floor of a three-floor walkup building. Nice living room, kitchen. You know, all the standard features.” She popped a tomato into her mouth. “And the best thing is that she’s going to leave her furniture, at least for now, so I can add things gradually. I’d like to settle in a bit before I decide what I would like to do to make it my own.”

“That’s great,” Finn said again, nodding as he stirred his chili. “I’d like to see it.”

Rachel glanced at her watch. “She’s probably home if you want to swing by there now…” Rachel felt bad for neglecting Sheri recently; although she had done it to Rachel dozens of times thanks to her intermittent bouts of
NBS
, Sheri wasn’t used to being on the receiving end. And knowing how desperate Sheri was to meet Finn, (anyone who would brave walking in on a Stern family dinner just to meet a new friend
had
to be desperate, in Rachel’s eyes) she thought dragging Finn over under the guise of seeing the apartment would be a good idea.

It seemed to take forever to get to the bottom of the massive salad, especially with Finn watching her after inhaling his own meal. But once she did, Rachel got out her cell and dialed Sheri’s number.

“Hey Sheri, I just finished my Aquafit class with, um, that new friend I told you about and we were thinking about dropping by. He’d like to see the apartment. If that’s okay, of course.”

“Oh!” Sheri squealed. “Yeah, come on over. I’m dying to meet him. Brian’s here too, but that’s okay, right?”

“For sure,” Rachel said, eager to get off the phone in case Sheri said something embarrassing that Finn might overhear. “Over in a bit.”

Once they were in Finn’s car, Rachel gave him directions to Sheri’s building.

“You know, if you need to paint or anything, I’d be happy to help,” Finn offered.

Rachel looked over at him. He was looking at the road but turned to see her staring at him.

“What?” he asked.

“Why? Why are you being so nice to me?” Rachel frowned.

“What do you mean?” he asked, taking his eyes off the road to glance at her again.

“The drives to the hospital, coming with me to look at apartments, offering to paint…What do you want from me?” It wasn’t a fair question. But if Rachel had had the guts to ask it in the past, maybe she could have avoided some heartache.

Before he spoke, Finn pulled into a 7-Eleven parking lot and stopped the car. Then he turned toward her, frowning. “I don’t want anything from you, Rachel. Nothing other than your company. I’m being nice to you because I
like
you. I like spending time with you.”

Rachel looked down at her hands. She suddenly felt very stupid. She didn’t want Finn to see how pathetic she was, but it was too late. She couldn’t stop the tears.

“What is happening? What’s the…why are you crying?” He reached out and lifted her chin with his finger, forcing her to look at him. His eyes were sad, he looked confused.

“Because I’m a loser.
Guys
don’t like me.” She sniffed, wiping at the tears with her sleeve.

“
I
like you. And I don’t think you’re a loser.”

“I’m tired of being used.” Rachel’s head dropped again.

“Rachel.” Finn paused, waiting for her to look at him. “Rachel, look at me.” She raised her head. “I have no intention of using you. I have no intention of hurting you, but I can see that you’ve obviously been hurt before. I picked you at the speed dating thing because I saw something in you. You were articulate, funny and talked to me like I was human.”

His eyes had filled up and he turned away and took a breath before returning his gaze to her. “
I’ve
been there, too, you know.
I’ve
been the fat guy that no one will talk to. The big guy that no one would ever consider dating, that the girls just laugh at. I
know
how much it hurts, I
know
how shitty it makes you feel.” He swallowed. “Do you know that I was the booby prize at a high school girls’ dating competition?”

Rachel’s eyes widened.

“It’s true. I was the ‘last call guy.’ The one where the last girl who didn’t hook up by the end of the school dance had to pretend to like and make out with on the dance floor. Can you imagine what that was like? And you know how I found out?” He waited for her to shake her head. “They actually
told
me. They stood there in a group as the lights came on after the dance and laughed as they told me.” The pain was raw on his face, the tears now rolling unimpeded down his cheeks, landing on his khakis.

“Oh my God, Finn.” Rachel sobbed, her heart aching for him. “I’m so sorry.”

Finn grabbed some Kleenex from the console, handing Rachel one and taking one for himself. He took a breath as he wiped his face. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I didn’t tell you so you could feel sorry for me. I wanted you to know that I’ve walked in your shoes. I know how it feels.”

“I shouldn’t have doubted you.” Rachel shook her head, the guilt knotting her still-digesting stomach.

“It’s okay. When it’s been a recurring pattern in your life, it’s hard not to be paranoid. I, of all people, know that.” He dabbed at his eyes with the Kleenex. “But please know that I like you, Rachel. Not to use you for sex or whatever, not anything like that.”

Rachel nodded, suddenly feeling very warm inside. She looked up at him. “I like you too, Finn.”