Love & Hate (Book One: Hate) (25 page)

CHAPTER 24

I can hear beeping in the background. Its faint but I can hear it. If I listen closely I can hear someone talking to me and holding my hand. I think I know who it is but my brain won’t work properly. They are talking but it’s so hard to concentrate my head is killing me.
I need to sleep.
Sleep is good….

My mind is fuzzy. I can’t open my eyes but I can hear people talking.

“
She’s alive, barely but she’s alive. She has sustained major injuries to her back and left side. She has major lacerations to her arm and leg. She lost a lot of blood so we gave her a transfusion. We performed a surgery on her spine to elevate the paralysis she was having but we don’t know how much damage has been done yet. Time will tell. She is unconscious but you can go in and see her now.”

“
Do you think she will walk again?” I hear my Dad ask.
My Dad is here! Dad help me!

“
Yes I am hopeful she will.”

“
Will she ride again?” He asks cautiously.

“
Walking will be a challenge enough for her. I think her riding career is unfortunately over. I’m very sorry.”
NOOOO! What are they talking about? I’m fine.

“
Thank you doctor”

I can hear my Mother sobbing and my Father comforting her. I can feel it when my Mom holds my hand and my Dad pats my leg. I want to wake up and see them. I want to tell them I’m okay but I can’t, I’m just too tired so I let the blackness take me once again.

I don’t know how many days I’m out for but I know it has been a long time because my body feels like it can’t move and will never move again. I have felt pain before, but this is different. It is excruciating. Literally everything hurts. I try to move my arm but it’s too heavy. I try to wiggle my toes, I think I am but I don’t know for sure. I open my eyes but the light is too bright I can’t keep them open for long.

“
Hey there Sugar.”

I know that voice. I try to open my eyes again slowly this time, giving them time to adjust. I can make out his form sitting next to me but I can’t really see all of his features yet.

“
Hi Jasp.” My voice sounds like I have been smoking cigarettes and drinking whiskey all night.

I look around the room for my parents but I don’t see them.

“
They went downstairs to get some food. I’ll go get them.” Jasp stands to leave and I notice he is still in his hospital gown. I wave of memories hits me. I recall driving home in the middle of the night from school because Jasper went missing and then relief when he is found. I remember the days after that spent with Cutter. I remember when he told me he loved me and how we made love that weekend. Then I remember the party and I feel like my chest is getting ripped open.

“
Where is he Jasp?” He is just about to go out the door but stops at my question. He turns to look at me and I see it in his face. I know he is gone but I need to hear Jasp say it.

“
He left. He went back to school.” I close my eyes and just nod. Jasper leaves and I’m thankful for that. I need a moment alone. I wipe my tears away and try to regain control of my emotions before my parents come to see me. I don’t want them to know exactly how broken I really am.
He left me. He hates me and so he left me. It was all a huge lie.

“
Never fear the Bestie is here.” Tess comes striding in my hospital room holding a bunch of stuff.

She flew home when she heard about the accident. I think it is Sunday but I’m not sure. I have had a steady stream of visitors. My Mother sits with me almost all day long and my Dad comes twice a day to check on me. Lacey comes every morning to have breakfast with me. I know this is hard for her, Lacey doesn’t show emotion easily. I feel bad for making her worry but I’m thankful she comes to see me. Having people around keeps me from thinking about everything, and especially him.

Tess has been here constantly since she got home and at night Jasper sits with me. I think Jasp knows that I don’t sleep so he sneaks out of his room after visiting hours are over and comes to sit with me. I know the nurses know he is doing it but so far they haven’t complained. I am thankful for that. Jasper and I talk for hours at night. Sometimes we watch T.V. or play card games but mostly we just chat. We talk about my recovery and about school, but we never talk about him. It’s our unspoken rule and Jasper seems to understand it.

“
Hey girl.” I greet Tess as she comes in my room.

“
Well you look like hell. Good thing I think of everything. I went to your house and got your makeup bag. I was thinking it would feel nice to have your makeup done today.”

“
That sounds good.” I tell her and sit up in my bed.

She knows I’m depressed. She is my best friend and she knows me better than I know myself most days. I can see she is worried for me. She knows that my body is broken but my heart is in even worse shape.

I let Tess work her magic and put on my makeup. She is so good at it and I know it will make me feel better to look pretty again.

“
Thanks Tess.” I tell her as she busily works on my pale complexion.

“
No problem Bestie.” She smiles back at me.

“
No Tess thank you for coming home and for being here with me.”

She doesn’t answer I can see she is emotional and if she talks she will cry and Tess never cries.

“
Close your eyes I need to do your eye makeup.” I do as instructed.

“
You know it’s going to be okay, right? You will get better. Your scars will heal and you will get your strength back. You’re a fighter Paige.”

“
I know physically I will heal Tess but....”

She steps back from me and I open my eyes to look at her. We haven’t once talked about him or what happened that night. She knows I need to get this out but I know she is worried at how upset I will get.

“
Paige…”

“
He left me Tess. He fucking left me. I know the accident was my fault. I was going too fast and I didn’t look when I pulled onto the main road. I just don’t get why he didn’t come to see me in the hospital. He said he loved me. Why would he just leave me now?”

“
Because he is a stupid coward who isn’t worth your tears Paige.”

“
I think he didn’t come because he hates me. He blames me for his Dad’s death. Everything between us was a lie. It was all just revenge for him. I was his revenge.”

Tears are pouring down my face now and I feel bad for ruining my perfect makeup Tess worked so hard on, but I need this. I need to say these things out loud. I need to get them out of my head and out in the open.

She hands me a wad of tissues to stop my eyeliner from going everywhere. “If that’s true I will kill him.”

“
Thanks Bestie. I know it’s time to get over it. It’s just hard you know.”

“
I know it is but you are stronger than this Paige. It’s time you concentrate on getting better, nothing else matters. He doesn’t matter.”

I know she is right, I am stronger than this. I may be broken in every way possible right now but I will piece myself back together bit by bit if I have to. I will kick, scratch and claw my way out of this because I got a second chance at life and I refuse to waist it. And I refuse to ever be taken as the foul again. I hate Cutter Daniels for what he has done to me.

CHAPTER 25

Cutter

Nine months later….

I know she is here. I can feel her. It has always been like that between us. It’s unexplainable. Even when I thought I hated her I could always feel her around me. I know now it was because I loved her even then, but all that doesn’t matter now. She hates me, and rightfully so.

The fair is going on and steady streams of people are coming through the dairy barns. I scan the crowd looking for her and I find her standing outside the dairy barn with her friend Lacey. I am sitting with Jasper at his family’s dairy display. I have been here every day hoping to catch a glimpse of her. It’s the middle of August and it’s hot, but the minute I see her I am transported back in time to that cold night in November when my life changed forever.

I remember finding her in the ditch trapped inside her mangled Range Rover. I can still see the carnage from the wreck and how broken her body looked. I feel the steel of the door cutting me as I pulled it off of her. I can feel her hand as I held it and told her to breathe, just breathe baby. I hear her shallow breathes as I tell her I love her over and over again. I remember the exact moment when she stopped breathing and closed her eyes. She died. I knew she did because in that moment something died inside me. I screamed to God for help until I couldn’t scream anymore and then in the distance I heard the wane of the sirens. I knew they were coming fast and I prayed they could get to her in time to bring her back to life, and back to me. I didn’t know it then but they were going to bring her back but just not to me. She would never be mine again. I lost her.

I snap out of my own personal hell that torments me every day when she starts walking towards me. In that instance my lungs feel like they won’t expand, I see her face, and then I see her limp. She leans heavily on a cane as she slowly enters the barn. She looks painfully skinny. Her once round full cheeks are now hollow and her once tanned skin has turned pale. Her eyes look sad, they no longer have their signature shine. Lacey is at her side helping her and walking slowly with her. I shoot out of my chair.
I need to help her. She needs me to help her.

“
Oh fuck. No you don’t.” Jasper says as he grabs my arm pulling me with him. Jasper yanks me outside the barn and into the back alley. I try to get loose from him but Jasper’s hold on me is too tight.

“
She needs me Jasp, let me go. She needs me. Do you see her? She looks horrible!”

“
I know she does.” He takes a long pause. “But you know damn well she has made it perfectly clear she doesn’t want to see you.” He knows he struck a nerve as he watches the pain flash across my face. I couldn’t forget the fact Paige doesn’t want to see me. I had asked to see her when I came home from taking my finals but she refused to see me. She had told Jasper that she never wanted to see me again.