Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (25 page)

I fiddle with the square turquoise box inside in my jeans pocket. I’m nervous she will think it is too soon, but I can’t wait any longer. I need her to be mine forever. I continue to watch her reading a book in the shade of the large trees. She is so beautiful. Her short blonde hair has grown out some now and it gently dances across her shoulders. I could watch her all day, it gives me such peace to see her and know she is alright. She doesn’t know it but watching her is what pulled me through some of my darkest days.

When Paige returned to school almost two years after her accident I was desperate to be near her but scared of hurting her. Like I had done before I tried to convince myself that we shouldn’t be together so I tried to keep my distance and let her move on. Clearly I was unsuccessful in that endeavor but nevertheless I tried. It was horrible seeing her and knowing I was causing her pain. I kept telling myself I would be okay if I just knew she was alright and was happy.

My sweet addiction started the night of the cruise. I had been an ass and punched Holden for kissing her. I couldn’t help it though, I saw red the instant I saw him touching her. She was mine, even if we weren’t together. Then I went and made the whole situation worse when Paige got in between us and I knocked her backwards. I knew I fucked up when I turned around and saw her lying there on her back, wincing in pain. I tried to go to her and help her but it was evident that I was public enemy number one at that point. I went downstairs and proceeded to get wasted but Tanner and Laney stopped me. Looking back they were right, but at the time it just pissed me off more. The entire boat ride to shore I told myself I would just give it a few minutes and talk to her when she was leaving, but of course that didn’t go as planned either. She wanted nothing to do with me and I couldn’t blame her for that.

The ride home to Pullman was absolute hell. About half way through the drive home I convinced myself the best thing to do was to go check on her when I got home. I don’t know if I was thinking Millie would just invite me in or what, but man did I severely underestimate that girl. She may appear to be laid back but I can assure you that redhead has a bite like a pit bull. When I knocked on their front door late that night Mille came rushing out the door pushing me backwards like she was going to take a swing at me. She in no uncertain terms told me to get my piece of shit ass off their porch and she reassured me Paige wanted nothing to do with me. I was about to resign myself to that exact fact when for whatever reason I chose to confide in Millie. I ended up telling her everything about the night of the accident and the days right after. I told her I was in love with Paige and I had never stopped loving her. As I spilled my guts out to Millie something in her face changed and I could see her softening towards me. I told her I knew I had no right to ask to see Paige because I had hurt her so much, but that it was the only way I will be able to let her move on, I had to see that she was okay.

So for whatever reason Millie allowed me to go to her. Millie told me Paige had taken her pills for her back and would be asleep and not to disturbed her. I assured Millie I would not disturb her that I just needed to see her with my own eyes. Millie agreed but before she let me inside the house she looked at me and said “Make sure you lock the back door when you leave. It has a habit of being left unlocked sometimes.”

I understood what she was allowing me to do. And I took full advantage of it. That first night I sat in that horribly uncomfortable chair the entire night. As I watched her sleep the words just came to me. I began confessing and apologizing to her in a way that I couldn’t do yet. That first night began a steady addiction for me. It wasn’t every night that I would come to her and watch her sleep but it was close. Millie knew I was there, most nights she would poke her head in to check to see if I was there.

To this day I couldn’t be more grateful to Millie. She allowed me to have that time with Paige to say those things that were too hard for me to say in the light of day. Millie has kept my secret all this time and I’m not sure why, but I will be eternally grateful to her. I owe her my sanity.

A year ago things seemed pretty hopeless, all I had to hang onto were those nights that I watched her sleep. It is hard to believe things are where they are now. Paige and I are together and stronger than ever. Even though I graduated last May I made the decision to stay in Pullman with her. After everything that has happened I couldn’t be separated from her. I got a job at a local farm so I could help pay rent, even though Paige refuses to take the money. I still put it in an envelope on the counter every month. There are stacks of them now. If the house ever gets broken into it is going to be the best day ever for that thief.

“
Hey there beautiful” I say as I approach her trying to choke back my nerves.

“
Well hello there.” She beams up at me.

I bend down and kiss her gently. “Enjoying your favorite spot?”

“
Yup.” She smiles.

“
Good. We need to talk.” I feel a pang of nervousness shoot through me but I push it down, thinking how beautiful she will look with my ring on her finger.

“
Okay…” I can tell she is on edge now.

“
I need to ask you something.” I tell her in a serious tone. I know I’m being kind of jerk pretending to be upset but hopefully she will forgive me when she finds out what my real motives are.

“
Alright.”

I kneel down on one knee in front of her. “Paige Vandenberg will you marry me?” I blurt out and present the turquoise box from my pocket.

“
YES!” She screams so loud I’m sure half the campus heard and hugs my neck pulling me down on top of her.

I laugh. “You haven’t even looked at the ring darling.”

“
Oh.” She says and snatches the ring box from my hand. She opens it and I can see she loves it. I chose the most beautiful ring that reminded me of her, it was delicate yet powerful. It is a cluster of round diamonds that are perfectly placed to look like a flower on a simple platinum band. It is elegant and sophisticated all things that are Paige.

“
I love it! Oh Cutter, it is perfect.” She says and I place it on her finger.

“
It reminded me of you.” I say giving her a huge smile.
Dang a guy could get used to this.

“
I love you.” She says and kisses me again.

“
So have you thought of the wedding at all?” I ask her half teasing her.

“
Have I thought about the wedding? Of course I have. Every girl dreams of their wedding.”
Oh shit here we go.

“
Alright, lay it on me. What do you picture?”

“
I think it would be beautiful to do it at my parent’s farm under white tents in late summer. I think early evening with lots of white lights would be stunning.”

“
Sounds perfect to me.” I tell her.
The truth is I could care less about the wedding. If I could convince her to go to the courthouse this instant I would do it, but I know a wedding will make her happy, and I will do anything to make her happy.

“
What do you picture?” She asks bright eyed.
Oh no, guys have no clue about this stuff. All we picture is the wedding night.

“
I picture you in a white bustier and a matching garter.” I say giving her my signature wicked grin.

“
Oh really?” She giggles and blushes at my request.

“
Yup. That is all I require.” I confess.

“
Done.” She says simply.

“
I love you Paige Vandenberg.”

“
I love you more Cutter Daniels.”

I bend over her and cradle her face with my hands kissing her deeply. I know she can feel meaning behind the kiss. She knows now that I have marked her as mine forever and always, mine.

THE END

EPILOGUE

“
And your world champion is… Paige Vandenberg Daniels aboard JD Hate to Love You.” The announcer exclaims.

I’m stunned. I know Dex and I had a pretty good go but not world champion good. I kiss at Dexter and he lopes out of the lineup of horses toward a tall Texas man in a cowboy hat. He is holding a huge neck ribbon of flowers and a shiny belt buckle. The guy shakes my hand and tells me congratulations in his deep southern drawl. A photographer snaps a picture of Dexter and me accepting our awards.

“
Alright Mam, make your victory lap.” The Texan drawls again at me.

I cue Dex forward into the lope. I take the outer edge of the arena. As I pass the spot where my friends and family are standing I wave to them. Lacey is there practically hanging over the arena wall. I owe a huge portion of this win to her. She believed in me when many others didn’t, including her Father. Titus Cunningham didn’t believe I would ever show again and he certainly didn’t believe I could ride Dexter. He had made it clear that he thought Dex was too much horse for me and would end up hurting me. I in turn relieved him of his obligations as my trainer and promptly hired Lacey. I needed someone who believed in me and if Titus didn’t then there was no room for him on the team. My Father also made the same decision for the rest of the show team and replaced him with Lacey. That didn’t sit well with Titus and he assured his daughter she wouldn’t make it in this sport being a woman trainer. I think she has sufficiently proved him wrong today.

My Mom and Dad are here too. Mom is of course crying and madly snapping pictures with her phone. My Dad is whooping and hollering so much I can hear him from the other side of the pen. I owe a lot of this win to my parents as well. They have stayed by my side through everything, encouraging me the entire time. When I had told them I was going to show again they backed me one hundred percent. I’m sure it was scary to see me ride again but they never let me see it. Rather, they helped me convince my surgeon to try a round of therapy injections into my back to help get some feeling back in my left leg. It helped and now every so many months I get injections to help with my numbness.

Tess is also here. She flew in last night just to see me make the finals. She has been on the road recently. She accepted a personal assistant job for her super star rocker ex-boyfriend. I tried to convince her not to do it but she did it anyways. I know she has tons to fill me in on. I can see it through her smile, there is pain there and I’m worried about her. I have no idea what horrible things her ex has done now but I’m sure it will shock me, it always does. I will have to get to the bottom of that situation as soon as I get Dex put away. She and I are way overdue for a bestie chat.

Cutter is here of course beaming and hollering as I ride by. I swear that man gets better looking with age. He is holding our three year-old daughter Cadence Emerson. She looks so much like her Daddy with her blonde hair and tan skin. She is a pistol too. Her Father insists she gets that from me. Seeing him holding our daughter makes my heart swell. I know I couldn’t possibly love anyone more than I love my daughter and her Father. Even though her Father and I started out hating each other it turned into the most beautiful love. I can’t imagine my life any differently now. The day Cutter asked me to marry him; I knew everything was meant to be.

After graduating from WSU, Cutter and I built a house on my parent’s sprawling farm. It is over five acres from my parent’s house to give us a sense of privacy. We even built ourselves our own little barn. We moved the The Biz there and we of course bought Cadence her very own pony named Peaches so she could learn to ride. When Dex is retired he will live out his days at our house as well. It is nice having our own space. Cutter has been busily working for his families hay company and this winter he and my Father are starting a new joint venture. They are going to build their first hotel together. I couldn’t be happier for him. I do know it will mean less time at home but that is a sacrifice I will gladly make for him to pursue his dreams.

After our wedding I immediately got pregnant and opted to be a stay at home Mom. I help manage my parent’s farm. It is a perfect arrangement. I get to watch Cadence during the day with the help of my Mom and I am able to ride all day. I have put my dreams to go to law school on hold for now. I planned to go back to school next August but that is going to be put on hold a bit longer now. I have a huge surprise to tell Cutter tonight, I’m pregnant with our second child. I’m hoping this will be the little boy I know he dreams about. I am about four weeks along. I decided not to tell anyone yet because I didn’t want any extra stress before the World Show. I needed everyone focused on the task at hand and not nagging at me about taking care of myself. I knew Cutter would worry if I told him I was pregnant. When I was pregnant with Cadence he practically hovered over me the entire nine months. I constantly had to reassure him I would be okay. I know he was just worried because we had lost our first child in such a painful way. But with Cadence I knew everything was going to be alright and same with this child. I am ecstatic to tell everyone the good news finally. I just hope Cutter isn’t too upset with me for keeping it a secret.