Love Inspired January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Bayou Sweetheart\The Firefighter's New Family\Season of Redemption (48 page)

“Kellie Cavanaugh?” The superintendent and a woman waited before her.

How long had she been daydreaming? Kellie quickly stood and extended her hand. “Yes. Good afternoon.”

“This is our principal, Maddie Grange. We thought we'd take a tour of the school first, so you can see how we run things.”

Kellie forced a calm reaction even though her insides were doing cartwheels. “That'd be great.”

Walking through the halls in one of the Traverse City middle schools was quite different than strolling through the little grade school in LeNaro. The kids were older, of course, but the school itself was larger and more modern, complete with high-tech computer labs. Was she ready for a professional job like this? Could she handle it?

She took a deep breath to calm her nerves. No matter how posh and intimidating this middle school might be, it was still a school that smelled like a school. That cross of scents ranging from pencil shavings, paper and damp coats to overcooked popcorn enveloped her like a reassuring hug. She could do this and, with God's help, she'd do it well. All she had to do was get the job.

* * *

“Where was Kellie tonight?” Sinclair grabbed the edge of the last couple of sheets of drywall.

The warm, summerlike weather held but wouldn't for long. Their weatherman had forecast the return of cold rain for the upcoming weekend. Ryan didn't hesitate in enlisting his brother's help to transfer the remaining stacks of drywall from the builder's trailer into Dorrie's house before they left for the night.

Setting down the last of the stack, Ryan straightened and stretched with a groan. “She has teen group session on Thursday nights.”

Sinclair smiled. “You know her schedule pretty well.”

Ryan shrugged. “Not quite, but I found out this week that Kellie is a teacher's aide for Beth Ryken's second-grade class on Tuesdays and Wednesdays.”

“Why haven't you asked her out?”

Had his brother lost his marbles? Beth was like a second little sister. “Beth? No way.”

Sinclair chuckled. “No. Kellie.”

“I can't.”

His brother's eyes softened. “Mom's right you know. It's been a long time since Sara.”

It still felt like yesterday sometimes. “It's not that.”

“So you've thought about it.”

“Oh, I've thought about it.” Ryan tossed his work gloves into the basket on the floor before facing his brother. “Dating Kellie could get her dismissed from her internship. Conflict of interest because I'm going through counseling there.”

Sinclair nodded. “Oh. How's that going?”

“Pretty good.” Ryan couldn't remember the last time he'd talked to his brother like this. Honest and open without the bitter anger.

Ryan had struggled with his brother taking off after Sara died. Sinclair hadn't even called while he was away.

Although, Ryan was having a hard time holding on to that. Times like these made him realize that it was good to have his brother back. And Sinclair had changed. For the better. He listened more.

Ryan cleared his throat. “Group is one of the toughest things I've ever done.”

Sinclair's eyes were earnest, hopeful. “I know what you mean.”

Ryan cocked his head. “How?”

“Coming back home was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I had to face Hope. Her parents. You.”

Ryan thought about his conversation with Kellie the other night. “Do the Petersens blame you?”

Sinclair shook his head. “No. They don't blame you either. Jim told me that Sara knew the risk of driving that tractor uphill and did it anyway. We both know it was her nature to do stuff like that.”

Ryan swallowed the lump in his throat. “I could have stopped her.”

Sinclair's expression was somber. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

Ryan ran a hand through his hair. Sara might have laughed off his caution and done it anyway. She'd been driving tractors forever; she knew her limitations.

“Talk to them.”

Ryan didn't want to talk to the Petersens. He'd let them down. “Come on. Let's get these windows closed and lock up. I'm beat.”

After closing up Dorrie's house, Ryan said good-night to his brother and drove home with his windows down. The air was warm, balmy even. Ignoring the gnawing urge to swing by the mini-mart for a six-pack, Ryan pushed the gas pedal a little harder. He didn't want this craving, didn't want to accept it for what it might be.

It was a gorgeous night with a full yellow moon rising like a hot air balloon on the horizon. Pulling into his driveway, he stared at his dark, empty house and knew he didn't want to go in there. Not feeling like this. He hadn't left a light on. Didn't need to with the light that harvest moon was reflecting. He glanced toward where Kellie lived and knew what he needed to do.

Within minutes, Ryan silently slid his canoe into the still waters of Lake Leelanau. It was too beautiful a night not to come out here. And way too beautiful to be out here alone.

He paddled softly toward where Kellie lived and passed a group of mallard ducks that quacked furiously as they scurried away from him. That might be Kellie's same reaction, but it was worth a try. If not, he'd paddle alone and pray until he was tired enough to go home and fall into bed.

He made landfall and quietly pulled the canoe up onto Mrs. Wheeler's shoreline. The house looked dark from here, but he stepped with stealth toward the driveway. Soft light glowed from two upper level windows. Kellie's?

He spotted her slim, dark silhouette pacing across the room. Picking up a handful of small pebbles, he launched a few at one of the windows. Kellie stopped pacing.

He waited. Then he threw a few more.

The curtains were pushed aside and Kellie lifted the screen and leaned out. Her glorious hair hung loose around her shoulders. “Ryan, is that you?”

“Could you come down here?” He kept his voice as low and quiet as possible.

“Why? What's wrong?” Hers sounded worried. Alarmed.

“Nothing. Please, come down.”

She closed the screen with a snap and then turned off all but one light in her room. In seconds, she met him on the blacktop driveway wearing cutoff shorts and a T-shirt, but no shoes. And she'd pulled all that hair back into a fat clip. “What's up?”

He battled a tenacious urge to toss that clip and pull her into his arms. Instead, without a word, he grabbed her hand and led her toward the lake, toward his canoe.

“Ryan?”

“Shh, just come on.”

She stopped midway, pulling her hand back. “I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me what this is all about.”

He stepped close. “Canoe with me.”

Her eyes widened. Even with the brightness cast by that fat yellow moon, he couldn't tell what color they were. But they looked tempted, and maybe a little scared. “I don't think that's a good idea.”

He was beginning to agree with her. “Look, I promise not to try anything.”

Her eyes widened even more.

He'd given away one of his temptations. “I want to know how your interview went.”

She folded her arms across her chest. “You could have called.”

“I don't have your number.”

She closed her eyes. “Ryan, we can't do this.”

“Sure we can.”

Her eyes flew back open. “Don't you get it?” She made a small measurement gesture with her forefinger and thumb. “I'm this close to graduating. This close to finishing my internship, and this close to a job I've trained forever for. Why would I blow all that?”

He stepped even closer. Afraid to admit to the other temptation he battled. Afraid to name it. “You won't, I promise. I need to relax and not think tonight. I can't go home. Not yet.”

She took a step backward, but he read the recognition in her eyes. She knew what he battled against. Would she still go with him?

“Look, no one's going to know.” He hated to beg, but he needed this. He needed her.

Kellie stared at him with big, round eyes.

He stared back. He wanted to kiss her but wouldn't. He'd made her a promise. One he intended to keep—at least for tonight. “Come on. You've got to see this moon.”

He started for the canoe, then turned and looked back at her.

She shook her head but made a move forward. A sure sign that she'd given in. Most likely for his sake, but he didn't care as long as she went with him.

He smiled.

She scowled. “You say one word about this and I'll break every bone in your body.”

He laughed. She was a mighty wisp. “I'd like to see you try.”

She walked past him to the shoreline. Grabbing one of the paddles out of the canoe, she gave him a warning wave. “Where do you want me?”

“Up front.”

He turned the canoe so the front half lay in the lake and held it steady for Kellie to get situated on the front bench. Then he climbed in back and pushed off with one foot. He chuckled when she gripped the sides.

“Have you ever canoed?”

“A little. When I went to camp as a kid.”

“Relax, we won't tip. This thing is as stable as they come.”

She gave a derisive snort.

Ryan chuckled again. They'd already tipped toward something far more interesting than friends and he wasn't sorry a bit. For the first time in three years, he didn't want to shut down what he was feeling. He wanted to pursue it.

Chapter Eight

K
ellie paddled gently and silently kicked herself for coming out here with Ryan. She'd been too keyed up over her interview to go to sleep, but that didn't mean this jaunt on the lake was a wise choice.

Staring up at the big, bright moon, Kellie commiserated with every woman who'd ever followed a man into trouble. She'd been stupid like that as a teenager; hadn't she learned anything? Knowing better but doing it anyway wasn't a good pattern. It didn't matter if nobody knew they were out here. Spending time alone with Ryan only made her wish for more. Made her wish for things she shouldn't want right now. Not from a man battling his own demons.

Guilt flushed through her. Tonight wasn't about her. It was about Ryan struggling against temptation, and he'd come to her for help. As a counselor, she'd already blown it by getting personally involved. But as a friend, she couldn't refuse.

“So, tell me about your interview,” Ryan's deep voice rumbled softly from behind her.

She stopped paddling to take in the soft night sounds that surrounded them. “It went well.”

“When will you hear?”

“Sometime next week, I hope.” Around the same time she received her certification test scores. If she didn't pass that test, she could kiss this job opportunity goodbye. There was nothing she could do now but wait.

She stopped chewing the side of her thumb to dip her hand into the cool waters of Lake Leelanau and wiggle her fingers. “Can we talk about something else?”

He chuckled. “Nervous?”

“Excruciatingly so.”

“You did your best, right?”

“Of course.”

“It's in God's hands. He knows your future, trust Him with it.”

Ryan was right, but Kellie wasn't the best at letting go and letting God. He'd never let her down, but then had she ever really trusted the Lord beyond her own abilities to make things happen?

Kellie slid around in her seat so she could face Ryan and the canoe listed to one side.

“Whoa. Tell me before you do that.”

Even though she grabbed the sides of the canoe for balance, Kellie laughed. “Sorry.”

He stopped paddling and tipped his dark head to one side. “What is it?”

“How do you trust God? I mean really trust enough to stop, I don't know, worrying?”

Ryan rested the wooden paddle across his jean clad knees and shrugged. “I think it's a conscious effort. A choice.”

“You mean act like everything's okay?” Kellie wasn't sure she agreed with that approach.

Her parents had pretended everything was fine with their family when it wasn't. They'd ignored the warning signs from her brother until they'd been slapped in the face with his drug use after he'd been arrested. But her father had hired a lawyer and got the charges dropped. And her mother believed every excuse Kellie had dished out about cutting because it was easier than facing the truth. Neither parent wanted to examine the issues that lay underneath their kids' actions.

“No, no. That's like burying our heads in the sand. That's sort of missing the whole point. All I know is that I can't do this life well on my own. I'm figuring that out pretty quick, thanks to you.”

“Me?”

“You saw through how I was trying to cope, and failing.”

Warmth spread through her. She'd made the right call during that assessment and it had made a difference. “What if I got you a sponsor to call for times like tonight?”

“Not yet, but thanks.” He shrugged. “I don't know about talking to a stranger, and wouldn't that raise a red flag for you to do that?”

Kellie nodded, hoping he wasn't deflecting her offer with an excuse. “I guess you're right.”

“Being here with you helps more than you know. I've never really leaned on the Lord before. God has always been like a code of ethics I lived by, the dos and don'ts but not the air I breathe. Not that I'm there yet, but at least I'm seeking Him more.”

Kellie briefly closed her eyes. It sounded like Ryan was making progress. That was good. It wasn't right to compare spiritual sidewalks, but she felt like he'd passed her in some ways. He tried to rely on God wholeheartedly. Did she truly seek God or keep Him in a pretty little package she only opened on occasion? When she really needed or wanted something like this job?

She sighed. “Thank you for sharing that.”

“You're welcome.”

“And thank you for your prayers about this job.”

He pinned her with his gaze. “Maybe we should pray for each other. I sure could use yours.”

Her heart flipped. She already prayed for him, but this mutual agreement to pray for each other sounded intimate, like something a couple would do. Should do.

She chewed her bottom lip, worried that this was one more step toward deepening their relationship. But then, no one should refuse prayer. “Okay. We can do that.”

He smiled and then they fell into silence. Staring at the big yellow moon hanging in the sky, Kellie heard the sorrowful call of a loon that pierced the still night.

“Did you hear that? We don't get many loons on the lake.”

“No?” Kellie imagined that the bird called out for a mate, so lonesome was the sound. How did it know if the right one came along?

“What's got you looking so sad?”

Kellie shook her head. No way would she admit to her loneliness, or her growing feelings toward Ryan. “What was your fiancée like?”

He looked surprised by her question, but thoughtful. “Sara was like a ray of sunshine. She made everything more fun, and everything she touched seemed golden. You would have liked her. Everyone did.”

Kellie smiled. “How'd you two meet?”

“Youth group. Even though we went to the same high school, church was where we got to know each other. She was a couple of years younger than me but we clicked right away. Even then, I knew I'd marry her.” A shadow of pain crossed his face but this time, he didn't hide it.

“High school sweethearts.” Her heart pinched with envy. What would it feel like to be the center of that kind of affection, that kind of real love?

He nodded. “Pretty much. What about you?”

“What about me?” She didn't want to get into her disastrous swim in the dating pool. She'd always given too much too quickly.

Ryan gave her a wry glance. “No boyfriends?”

Kellie snorted. “You really think I'd be out here with you if I had one of those?”

Ryan grinned. “You make it sound like a disease.”

“Yeah, well for me, they are. I'm not about to catch any, that's for sure.”

“Why not?”

Why, indeed. Because it hurt too much to be disappointed over and over. Because she hated waiting for her phone to ring. Because she wanted love too much and never got there.

Instead of answering, she shrugged and looked away.

“You're a beautiful woman, Kellie. Any guy would be beyond blessed to have you.”

A shiver raced up her spine, but she wouldn't look at him. “Thanks, but I've dated enough who didn't agree.”

“I'm glad.” His voice was super soft and teasing. “Ups the chances for me.”

Kellie looked at him then, and he gave her a wink. Her heart stopped beating for a moment. He couldn't be serious, could he? Ryan was still hung up on his dead fiancée. Maybe he only flirted with her to make her feel good. And she liked it far too much to let him get away with it. “Not if those chances are zero.”

“Ouch.”

She gave him a wide grin and he laughed.

Rubbing her arms, Kellie looked around. They were pretty far from shore. “It's getting late. We should head back.”

“If you want to.” Like a kid on the playground, Ryan didn't sound like he wanted to go in.

She didn't either, but knew they should. Scooping up her paddle, she gently turned around to face the front of the canoe. “I
have
to or I'll never get up in the morning.”

Ryan started paddling. His strokes were long and even, propelling the canoe forward at a quick clip. “Maybe you should give me your number so I can give you a wake-up call.”

“Maybe I shouldn't.” She laughed.

Ryan's interest might be a sign that he was finally moving on. If so, good for him. But would it be good for her? Would
he
be good for her? That was something she couldn't answer. Not yet.

* * *

Monday evening, Kellie climbed into her car and clicked up the heat. Rubbing her hands together, she conceded that Indian summer was definitely over. She also had to admit she was rushing out of LightHouse Center more because she wanted to see Ryan than to help Dorrie. She flipped down the visor and checked her image in the mirror. A little lip gloss wouldn't hurt.

Ever since canoeing late Thursday night, Ryan had been nothing but friendly on the work site. They had both worked Friday night and put in a long day on Saturday to finish hanging the drywall. Ryan's brother had shown up with a handful of men, so the work had gone quickly.

Not once had Ryan flirted with her. She'd been grateful but had experienced a bout of disappointment, too. Still, they'd talked about themselves nonstop while finishing up the drywall. Kellie told him how much she loved bike-riding, especially on off-the-beaten-path kind of trails. And Ryan had confessed to a recent interest in fishing since moving to the lake. They had joked around but steered clear of any hints of a relationship. No promises or wishes. Nothing serious.

It had been great. Easy. And yet whenever anyone mentioned the regrettable end to their summerlike weather, they'd exchange a look. Paddling a canoe on the lake by the light of that big ol' harvest moon was a secret they shared. One she cherished. One Kellie hoped Ryan did, too.

She'd kept up her end of their prayer pact, even though praying for Ryan wasn't easy. Kellie prayed for Ryan's continued healing, but she worried that God might ignore her selfish prayers. Her motivation in saying them was more for her sake than Ryan's. She prayed that God would make Ryan into a man she could believe in. A man she could trust.

When she finally stepped into Dorrie's house, she was nearly toppled over by Gracie's bear hug.

“Aunt Kellie!”

“About time you got here, slacker.” Ryan grinned.

Kellie laughed off his comment as she returned her younger niece's embrace. “What's the work duty today, crew chief?”

“Finishing the drywall edges with corner bead and then taping the seams. You shouldn't get too dirty.”

Kellie looked down at Gracie's chalky white nose. “What have you been doing, miss?”

“Wiping walls like Ryan said.”

Kellie glanced at Ryan.

He shrugged. “Something to keep her busy.”

“Good call.”

Lately, her nieces asked for stuff to do from Ryan instead of Dorrie. He told them his tasks were jobs he couldn't trust to just anyone, and that made the girls feel important. One more reason for her heart to swell toward the man.

Beth had told her that Ryan was one of the good ones. Kellie believed her, but good ones still fell. When would that happen with Ryan? If the other night's struggle was any indication, Ryan had given up drinking. But was it for good?

Working alongside him, they attached the corner bead and then screwed it in place. It wasn't hard work, not like the drywall that was heavy and awkward, and needed to be adjusted and cut for outlets. They moved along at a good pace. Cutting a piece of metal corner bead, Kellie reached across the stand to lay down the tin snips. She wasn't paying attention, nor wearing her gloves.

“Ahhhh.” She pulled her hand back too late. The slice was quick and sharp, but she couldn't tell how deep because blood pooled in her palm.

“Let me see.” Ryan reached for her hand.

She did what he asked but closed her eyes. Blood wasn't something she took well. She felt the light scrape of him wiping her palm with a paper towel.

He muttered under his breath.

Kellie opened her eyes. “What was that?”

He gave her a crooked smile. “I left the first aid kit in the trailer outside. Can you walk with me?”

“I hurt my hand, not my legs. Of course, I can walk.”

He chuckled, pressed the paper towel into her palm and curled her fingers around it, keeping it in place. “You look a little green.”

“That's because this is gross.”

“Good thing you didn't go into medicine. I don't think you need stitches, but it still needs to be cleaned. Come with me.” He grabbed a bottle of water, told a group working in the dining room where they were going and then headed outside.

She followed him to the builder's trailer with its roll top door left open because it wasn't raining today. The sky was overcast, and the cold air carried with it a damp chill. Kellie shivered. She hadn't thought to grab her jacket.

She climbed up the metal steps and went inside. It was a pretty small space considering that it housed tools and building materials. Shelves covered both sides from the floor to ceiling.

Ryan flipped on the overhead light that ran off the generator they used for electricity. “Have a seat.”

She hopped onto a stool while Ryan located the first aid kit and a roll of paper towels. When he had those, he pulled another stool very close—right in front of her.

He looked into her eyes. “You want to pull that off or do you want me to?”

She offered him her hand, palm up. The paper towel she gripped had turned red. “You do it.”

Gently, he cupped her hand with his own and eased off the makeshift bandage. It stung and she shivered again—from the cold or the feel of Ryan's fingers on her skin, she wasn't sure.

“You okay?”

She scrunched her nose as she looked at her cut hand cradled in his. The bleeding had slowed down. She shivered again.

“Hang on.” He stood up and stripped off his flannel shirt and then draped it around her shoulders. The fabric carried his warmth along with his woodsy scent.