Love Inspired March 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: North Country Family\Small-Town Midwife\Protecting the Widow's Heart (12 page)

Her mind circled back to the newfound trust she felt for Rick. For the first time in a very long time, Cassie felt right about trusting.

“Rick's not like Eric and my father,” she whispered. “He's generous and good. But—”

And that was the issue. But what came next?

Tired and confused, Cassie rose and unpacked. But she couldn't dislodge the wobbly uncertainty in her stomach that something was wrong.

* * *

Rick raced away from Lives, his mind replaying Cassie talking about how trusting him had changed things for her. The roll of newspapers burned like a hot coal where it lay inside his snowsuit. When he got home, he dropped Cassie's gift on the floor before shedding his outdoor clothes. He tried to calm the anguish her words had aroused, to no avail.

You should have told her the truth. She deserves that.

Yes, she deserved to know. But he needed privacy to tell her the whole story—how he'd renounced his old life of greed after losing money that belonged to her father and others, turned his back on wealth, dedicated himself to God and serving Him. He needed to explain those past mistakes.

Rick tried to pray about it. But the only voice he heard inside his head reminded him,
be sure your sins will find you out.

The truth was he'd deliberately kept his secret. Because if he'd told Cassie, he knew she would refuse to let him help Noah. The boy was finally emerging from his bitterness. He couldn't interfere with that just to appease his guilt.

A knock on his door interrupted his self-condemnation.

“What are you doing out in this weather?” Rick asked Kyle, drawing his friend inside and shutting out the snow.

“You left Lives in a rush looking pretty grim. I was worried about you.” Kyle's gaze fell on the roll Rick had dropped on the floor. “Are those new?”

“Yes.” Kyle gave a whoop of excitement and began unrolling them. Rick headed for the kitchen. “I'll put the kettle on—hot chocolate okay?”

When Kyle didn't answer, Rick turned. Kyle's gaze was locked on a one-page ad in the newspaper. After a moment he raised his eyes to stare at Rick.

“Yes. They're rereleasing my book.” Rick swallowed.

“Is that why you've been so out of sorts lately?”

“Not exactly.”

“What's going on, Rick?”

Rick took a deep breath and told Kyle about the strange connection that he and Cassie shared—that it was her father who'd saved Rick from the streets. And that Rick had gone on to lose all of her father's money for him, which he felt had caused tension between Cassie and her father after Eric had died.

“Does she know about this—?” Kyle flopped down, his eyes widening as he read the ad.

“She knows that I know John, and that John saved my life. But she doesn't know what I did to him. I was going to tell her the truth.” Rick held up his hand, forefinger and thumb millimeters apart. “I was this close. Then Laurel came in. It's not the kind of thing I can explain in front of others,” he defended when Kyle frowned. “I need to tell Cassie the truth in private.”

“You need to tell her the truth right away,” Kyle corrected. “She's going to struggle with knowing that you played a bigger role in their estrangement and kept it a secret.”

“I know.” Rick made the chocolate in two big mugs and handed one to Kyle. He placed his on a nearby table, unable to drink it.

“The truth always outs, pal. Always.”

“I know. It's just hard to think of myself as that greedy jerk, even harder to explain it to someone else. Cassie's father was the only thing between me and death so many times.”

“Did you tell her that?” Kyle leaned back, his mug in his hand.

“I told her some of it, but not all. After I hit bottom, Cassie's father was the one who introduced me to the Savior.” Rick shook his head. “I'd never have made it but for John. I was hoping Cassie would see that maybe she misjudged her father, that maybe she didn't know the whole story.”

“And?” Kyle leaned forward.

“I'm not sure. She hasn't said anything about him for a while, and I haven't wanted to bring him up, for obvious reasons.” He shook his head sadly. “The sad thing is, Kyle, John adored his daughter. He was so proud of the way she struggled to keep strong in her faith after her mom died. When I last saw him a year ago, I guessed there was some resentment between them, but I never imagined they would stop speaking.”

“Money can do that to relationships. Sara told me Cassie's dad calls every week but she mostly doesn't speak to him. That can't go on.” Kyle tipped up his mug, swallowed the last of his hot chocolate, then rose. “For Noah's sake, if not for her own, Cassie needs to rebuild that relationship. She might not admit it but she needs her father. You're a minister. Your job is to help facilitate Cassie's healing.”

Rick hadn't known about the phone calls, but now that he did, it only added to his guilt and fueled his determination to find a way to tell Cassie the truth.

Kyle didn't hesitate. He led out in a plea for God's leading, direction, preparation of Cassie's heart and for Rick to find the words he needed to say. Finished praying, he clapped a hand on Rick's back. “I know this will be a delicate talk. She might be furious at you. Any number of things might happen. But don't put this off, Rick. Tell her the truth. If you don't, it will only get worse.” Kyle glanced at the newspaper and then at Rick. “There's something else we need to discuss. Are you falling for Cassie?”

Rick paused to consider his answer. The wind outside howled, rattling the windows with fury, causing a tinkling sound as it threw icy particles against the glass.

“I care about her,” Rick admitted finally.

“Care, how? Like a pastor? Like a friend? Or more than that?” Kyle rose. “You don't need to tell me but I do think you need to figure out what you expect from her.”

“I know.” Rick glanced out the window. “It's gotten much worse out there,” he said. “Are you sure you can make it home?”

“Are you kidding? I've been getting around Churchill since I was a kid. I could find my way blindfolded.” Kyle pulled on his snowmobile helmet. “Thanks for sharing,” he said, his voice muffled.

“Thanks for listening. Have Sara call when you get home. I want to know I won't have to go searching tonight.” Rick waited until Kyle nodded.

“Such a worrier,” he teased. Then he yanked open the door and strode into the storm.

Rick listened for the roar of the snowmobile's engine, then closed the door. After Sara called to say Kyle was home safely, Rick turned off the lights, sank onto his sofa and stared into the storm that swept across the bay.

“I care about her,” he whispered, looking toward the heavens. “A lot. More than an objective pastor should. But I know what I promised You. I'm not going to act on my feelings because nothing can happen between us and I don't want to hurt her.”

But Rick couldn't see a way around causing pain to the woman he cared about. In fact, after he told her that he was the reason her father had no money—either for her or for himself—it was very likely that Cassie Crockett would hate him.

Rick tried to pray for strength and the right words to confess. But as the storm outside raged, all he heard was Cassie's sweet voice, and those words that caused him to hang his head in shame.

I trust you, Rick.

Chapter Nine

“C
assie this is stunning. I've never seen such creativity with yarn.”

Alicia Featherstone lifted the piece Cassie had just finished, her fingers deft but inquisitive as she examined the sweater once meant for Eric. “Did you bring anything else?”

“An afghan. I was inspired by the Northern Lights' display we had a couple of weeks ago.” She waited anxiously while Alicia examined the throw. “Are they suitable?”

“Suitable? They're amazing.” Alicia tilted her head to one side. “Can you do some kids' things?”

“Sure.” Cassie looked into Alicia's dark eyes and wished she could unburden her heart.

“You seem troubled. Is something wrong?”

“I'm just confused and mixed up.” Cassie prepared to leave, but Alicia persuaded her to stay and share a coffee at the tiny table in the rear of the store.

“Please tell me what's wrong. I'd like to help if I can.” Alicia handed her a steaming cup. “Is it Rick?”

“Why do you say that?” Had everyone noticed that she couldn't seem to stay away from him?

“Just a guess. You help him a lot with the choir and now the band he's started.” Alicia smiled. “Besides, he's a very nice guy. I can understand why you'd care for him.”

“I think I care,” Cassie admitted. “But I don't really trust him. I want to but—” After a gentle prod from Alicia, Cassie poured out her story. “Dad, Eric, God—I feel like they all betrayed me and I don't want to be tricked again,” she ended.

“God will never betray you, Cassie. I don't believe Rick would, either.” Alicia frowned. “I don't know anything about relationships so maybe I'm off base, but it seems to me that it isn't that you're afraid to trust Rick. It sounds more like you don't want to trust him in case you get hurt again.”

“I think you're pretty smart about relationships,” Cassie murmured.

“Well, my friend Sara says that if you love someone, you have to be willing to expose yourself to hurt because people are human. But she says loving and getting hurt are better than not loving at all. Do you know what I mean?”

“I think so.” Cassie smiled at her. “Thank you, Alicia. It was good to talk to someone.”

“Pray about it. God will give you the answer. And don't worry that I'll tell anyone,” Alicia said. “It'll be a secret between friends.”

“Thank you.” Cassie hugged her, finished her coffee and left. Then she visited the bank. Thanks to Alicia, her savings account was growing by leaps and bounds.

She drove back to Lives, bellowing out a praise tune she'd learned when she was a little kid, her heart somehow lighter.

She owed Rick big-time. In the past week since she'd come back from Winnipeg, she'd seen glimpses of a different Noah, thanks to the special bond that Rick and Noah seemed to have going.

Rick had brought up the subject of her father twice, but Cassie cut him off both times. This was her new life. She didn't want to be dragged back into her painful past and those feelings of being blamed. Yet, Noah was asking about his grandfather more often now, making Cassie wonder if reconciling would help her son shed whatever still plagued him. And, face it, she missed her dad. Alicia was right, loving was better than not.

When Cassie drove into the yard at Lives, her heart jumped inside her chest at the sight of Rick's snowmobile. She scolded herself for behaving like a teenager, but she knew it wouldn't change a thing.

Every time Rick was around, her emotions ran amok. She prodded her brain to remember her promise never to let anyone get that close again, but her brain ignored that. As Cassie walked to the door, her step grew a bit lighter in anticipation of seeing him.

Inside, noises from the family room intrigued her. She took off her coat and followed the sounds, helpless to stop her smile from widening when she saw Rick. Thankfully he didn't notice because he was busy trying to show Daniel some dance steps. And failing miserably. She couldn't help chuckling out loud.

“Ah.” Rick's eyes gleamed. He held out a hand. “Just the person we need to get you fellows up to speed for the Valentine's Day dance. Now you guys watch and Cassie and I will show you how it's done.”

Dance with him? Her mouth went completely dry. But Rick gave her no time to refuse.

“Start that music over, Rod,” he ordered. He grabbed her hand, drew her close and grinned. “Ready?”

Cassie nodded, falling into the movement and rhythm of the music with an ease that surprised her. She'd loved to dance from the moment her mother had taken her to her very first ballet class. Dancing was something she'd shared with Eric when they were first married, until he became too busy to keep their weekly date night. It had been years, but as Cassie followed Rick's lead around the room, the joy of moving to music surged back. Worries and burdens melted away as she reveled in his strong yet gentle arm at her back.

“This is how it's done, guys,” Rick said. His green eyes met hers. “You dance beautifully,” he murmured.

For days now Cassie had felt some hesitation in Rick, something she couldn't quite put her finger on. But now she sensed that Rick was into this perfect moment as much as she was. The music carried her into a daydream world where she and Rick shared and laughed and enjoyed, a world that stretched into a future of possibility. She wanted it to go on and on, but the music ended too soon.

Cassie looked up and got trapped in Rick's searching gaze. It bored deep inside her, asking questions to which she had no answers, telling her something she couldn't quite grasp.

She was loath to move away until a burst of applause broke the spell. Then Rick released her. A draft of chilly air took the place of his warm embrace. He stepped back, bowed to her and then turned to the boys.

“So that's your goal,” he told them, his voice slightly raspy. He looked her way, but the emotions she'd glimpsed in his eyes mere seconds ago were now hidden. “Would you mind helping the boys, Cassie? They seem to believe a few pre-lessons at home will make them look less awkward on the dance floor.”

Cassie nodded, unable to speak. How Rick could seem so unaffected by their dance was a mystery. Cassie was thankful that he partnered her first with Noah. She needed some time to get her senses under control. Noah caught on to the steps quickly, despite his cast. Perhaps the impromptu dances she'd drawn him into when he was younger—times when Cassie desperately needed to feel alive and vital and carefree—had paid off. After a few minutes, Noah stepped away from her.

“I g-got it now, M-Mom. You'd b-better help, R-Rod. He l-looks like a g-geek.”

“Hey!” Rod glared at him, his face dark red.

Cassie obliged, trying not to wince after Rod stepped on her toes for the hundredth time. When she glanced at Noah, she saw him peering out the window, his face gloomy and shadowed with his thoughts. She was going to ask Rod if he knew why when Rick broke them up to pair her with Daniel, who was also not happy.

“This is slow and pokey,” he muttered, his hand fisted against her waist. “Nobody dances like this but old people.”

“Don't you want to learn to dance, Daniel?” But Cassie knew it wasn't that. She could see in his eyes that he was battling a craving for drugs. He needed something to work it off. “Rick,” she called. “Can you put on something faster?”

Rick's gaze met hers. He nodded, and a moment later an energetic tune filled the room.

“Okay now, Daniel. Concentrate.” Cassie grabbed his hand and swung him into a two-step. Daniel floundered for a moment or two but he was a quick study and before the end of the song he was fully into it, moving easily, his face aglow.

“You, my boy, are a natural dancer,” Cassie puffed as she caught her breath while the other boys clapped for them. “You've got a sense of rhythm that a lot of people don't possess. You should do something with it.”

“Really?” Daniel looked startled.

“Cassie's right, kid. You've got the moves,” Rick told him with a grin. “Now, how about you give someone else a chance?”

Daniel nodded and sat down with a proud smile as he watched the other boys clumsily learn the basic steps. Michael, whom she'd welcomed back this morning, was the last one. He shuffled toward Cassie, looking listless.

“Are you feeling okay, Michael?” she asked as she took his hand.

“Fine,” he said, moving slowly to the jazz tune Rick had chosen. “But I'd rather be playing the sax to this than dancing.”

“I know. Rick and I haven't given up on that. We'll find you one, I promise.”

At one point Cassie glanced at Rick and found him staring at Michael, his forehead creased, his eyes narrowed. She was fairly certain his thoughts matched hers.

“I'm sorry I got called away.” Laurel's voice drew their attention to the doorway as the music ended. “From what I just saw, I think we owe Rick and Cassie a big thank-you,” she said and led the others in a burst of applause. “I don't think any of you will embarrass Lives Under Construction at the Valentine's Day dance,” she teased. She then invited everyone to come for supper.

Cassie hung back with Rick and Laurel as the boys rushed to the table. “I'm worried about Michael.”

“So am I,” Laurel murmured. “But I don't know what else we can do.”

“I might.” Rick smiled at their surprise. “Leave it to me, okay? I've got an idea I want to try.”

“Your ideas are a blessing to us.” Laurel wrapped her arms around him in a brief hug. “I don't know what we'd do without you.”

“Hopefully you won't have to find out,” he joked. He turned to Cassie. “Will you be able to make choir practice tomorrow?”

“My schedule's clear so far.” Cassie thought she'd heard a trace of desperation in his voice. “I'll be there after school.”

“Excellent. I'd better go. I've got Bible study tonight.”

“You won't stay for supper?” Laurel asked.

“I'll have to take a rain check,” he said. “Thanks, though.”

“You're always welcome,” Laurel assured him. After a sideways glance at Cassie, she walked toward the kitchen.

“I need to thank you, too,” Cassie said. “I deposited a lovely check today and that's thanks to you for suggesting I see Alicia. I'm gradually building back my savings.”

“Good.” But Rick's green eyes looked troubled as they rested on her.

“Is anything wrong?” she asked.

“Cassie, I—”

She waited, breathless, for what she didn't know. He shook his head. “Never mind. This isn't the time.”

Frustrated, Cassie followed him to the door. “I'll see you tomorrow at practice then,” she said.

“You will.” He smiled absentmindedly then left.

Cassie stood in the doorway, watching him drive away until the cold air forced her to shut the door.

Something's going on with him, something he doesn't want to tell me about.

Later that evening, Cassie sat in the window seat in her room, knitting. The moon, round and full, illuminated the glistening snow. She could see for miles across the tufted tundra as she relived what it felt like to be in Rick's arms. She remembered the tender way he'd whispered in her ear, felt the sweet pressure of his hand against her back when they'd danced. Oh, how she'd wanted it to continue.

I love him.
How had it happened? How had Rick Salinger made it past the barriers she'd erected after Eric's death?

Cassie had no answers. All she knew was that Rick had pushed the pain and sadness out of her heart. She felt alive, ready to take on her future. Maybe it
was
time to talk to her father, to try to rebuild their bond. Not just for Noah, but for herself, too.

Cassie took out a piece of stationery and her favorite pen. Worry gripped her. What if her father didn't want to reconcile? What if he only wanted to talk to Noah?

When I was a child I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child; now that I have grown up, I am done with childish ways and have put them aside.

The old familiar passage from First Corinthians pushed out the doubts. Wasn't it time she grew up? Wasn't it time to have some faith in God's love? For the first time in ages, Cassie bowed her head.

“Please help me,” she whispered. “I need my dad. I need my family. I need You.”

I need Rick.

Cassie wanted to beg God to take away the sprout of love that had taken root inside her heart. She wanted to, but she couldn't. Rick had become too big a part of her world, too important to her happiness.

She'd told him she trusted him.

It was time to trust God, too.

Dear Dad.
She paused, then began to write, pouring out her heart on paper.