Love Inspired March 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: North Country Family\Small-Town Midwife\Protecting the Widow's Heart (36 page)

“You've prayed on it? You're sure it's a calling and not unresolved grief?” She knew it was a self-centered question. But the dynamics of the birthing center, her involvement there, would change if Jon left. His grandmother might rescind the buyout offer. The center could close. Her life—professional and personal—would change dramatically.

“It's what I believe.”

He hadn't really answered her question.

“I know this sounds selfish. Paradox Lake is your home. But come with me to Haiti. We work so well together. Think of how much we have to offer, what we could give to women who really need our help—give free from the politics of the birthing center sale, free from JMH.”

Her heart skipped a beat. Was this Jon's way of making a commitment?

“You wouldn't have to serve as a midwife. They have as great a need for delivery nurses.”

That wasn't why she was hesitating to respond. “Haiti is a long way from Paradox Lake, from my family and friends.”

“You'd only have to sign on for a year.”

“I'll think about it. And pray on it. But to be honest, I'm not sure that's my calling.” She ignored the pang that struck her heart. “There's a great need for medical people here in the Adirondacks, and my dream has always been to practice right here at home.”

“Your dream or what your family expects of you?” he gently challenged her. “They've all stayed here or come back to Paradox Lake. That doesn't mean you have to.”

“I know. And I have lived elsewhere.” And when she had, she'd always wanted to come back to the Adirondacks. Maybe she should think about why.

“People can manipulate with love as much as they manipulate with money.”

She stared at him, a sadness enveloping her. “My family's love isn't manipulative any more than our Savior's is. Dad and Gram and Gramps and everyone else give it freely. No one is tying me to Paradox Lake with their expectations. In fact, back when I was in high school, Aunt Jinx did everything she could to get me to go away to college.
I
—” she emphasized the word “—truly love it here.”

Defeat marred his handsome features. “Sometimes,” he mumbled, “I think His love is manipulating me with this compulsion to go to Haiti and somehow avenge Angie's death.” He dropped his chin to his chest.

She stood and moved over to the couch, taking his hand in hers. His head shot up.

“That's not His way. I'd like you to pray with me on this,” she said. She didn't wait for his affirmation. “Dear Lord, open our hearts to accept what's best for each of us and for our loved ones.”

His “amen” drowned out hers, but not her conflict about joining him in Haiti.

Chapter Sixteen

A
utumn was still wrestling with her decision about Haiti a week later when she arrived at the birthing center for her Monday afternoon appointment with a new expectant mother. The starlit cruise of Lake George with Jon had almost induced her to say yes. She'd retreated to undecided in the days since.

Jon had been so busy with meetings at the medical center in Saranac Lake about the sale, appointments and deliveries that they'd barely seen each other. So she'd asked Jamie to check Jon's schedule this morning to see if he was available at lunchtime and packed the surprise picnic she had in the basket on her arm.

“Hi,” she said to the receptionist. “Is Dr. Hanlon in?”

The woman looked at the picnic basket and grinned.

Ah, the birthing center grapevine at work.

“No, he's not back from Saranac Lake yet.”

Jamie hadn't said anything about him having a meeting at the medical center this morning.

“Autumn.” Jon's voice sounded behind her. “Just the person I'm looking for.”

She felt herself blush at the enthusiasm in his words and what the receptionist might be thinking.

“I have some good news.” He reached for the picnic basket. “I'll take that for you.”

She let him. “I made us a picnic lunch to have before your afternoon appointments.”

“Perfect. Come on down to my office.”

Autumn felt the receptionist's gaze on her as they walked down the hall, but she didn't care.

Jon put the basket on the table in his office and Autumn spread out the food. “What's your good news?”

“I got a call from the director at Help for Haiti first thing this morning.”

Autumn stilled with the plate she was holding hovering midway between the basket and the table.

“He said the organization had received an unexpected large donation and has the funding for us to go as soon as next month.”

“Us? You told him about me?”

“Sure, right after I'd invited you to come with me. I sent him your vitae that's on file here at the center. He said they can always use nurses and midwives.”

She placed the plate on the table before she dropped it. “What did you tell him this morning?” Dread filled her.

“That we accept. He's sending the job offers for us to review. He'll be calling to interview you after I let him know I've told you. It's just a formality,” he assured her.

“Just like that? Without asking me? I haven't made my decision.”
Or maybe I have now.

His eyes narrowed. “What do you mean? The cruise on Lake George...”

“I said I was leaning toward going to Haiti. I didn't say I'd actually decided.” Apparently, Jon had heard what he wanted to hear.

“It probably won't be as soon as next month, if that's your concern.”

She steeled her heart against the plea in his voice.

“When I tendered my resignation at the medical center this morning, I agreed to stay at the birthing center until they or the new birthing center owners found someone to replace me.”

“You resigned? You're going whether I am or not?” She choked the words out.

Confusion clouded his face. “I thought you understood. I made a commitment to myself to do this.”

But not a commitment to her. How foolish of her to open her heart to Jon, to think he'd changed his love-them-and-leave-them ways. Except in her case, it wasn't for another woman, but for a shadow from his past.

A knock sounded on the door and it cracked open. Jamie stuck her head in. “Sorry to interrupt you. Kelly was called to a birth and needs you to cover her twelve-thirty appointment.”

“That's okay,” Autumn said. “We're finished.” As she stood to leave, she avoided looking at Jon to see if he'd gotten her full meaning.

His “I'll talk to you later” said he didn't, adding to her hurt. He didn't know or care to know her at all. The tentative foundation she'd built for a meaningful relationship with him crumbled.

“What's wrong?” Jamie asked as soon as they were in the hall.

“Nothing I can't handle.”
With time.

Chapter Seventeen

“D
r. Hanlon.” Jamie intercepted him on his way to his office. “We have a problem.”

“I have some time free. Come with me to my office.” Maybe he could find out from Jamie where Autumn was. She wasn't at the duplex, and he'd been trying to call her for the past three days. Her cell phone went directly to voice mail. They needed to talk, straighten out what had gone wrong between them on Monday. He needed to make her see that his commitment to going to Haiti didn't mean he didn't care about her and their possible future together. His chest tightened. If she couldn't understand, she didn't understand him, and there was no future for them.

“No, I'm fine,” Jamie said. “I don't have a problem. It's one of our mothers. She's arrived in active, rather late, labor. It's her fourth and she wanted to ‘get the house in order' before the birth.”

“Kelly's with her?”

“No, that's the problem. Kelly is in Syracuse with her daughter at college orientation. Maureen was supposed to cover this birth if it happened while Kelly was away. But she broke her ankle sliding into home at her softball game last night.”

“You want me to cover. That's no problem.”

“No,” Jamie insisted. “It is a problem. It's one of our families from the traditional By His Word church community south of Schroon Lake. They don't believe men, other than a husband, should be at a birth.” She gave him a pointed look. “She's far enough along that I don't think we have time to send them to Dr. Craven in Saranac Lake.”

“We won't need to do that. I'll come and talk with them. I know the families prefer a female midwife or doctor, but there isn't one available. So they're stuck with me. What else can they do?”

Jamie shook her head in doubt and said something under her breath that sounded like, “You'd be surprised.”

“Are they in your office or a birthing suite?” he asked.

“The office. The family wanted a home birth but agreed to a center birth if Kelly wasn't available and Maureen had to do the birth. I think they hoped Autumn would be catching babies again by the time the baby was born. Like I'm hoping.” She grinned. “No offense.”

“None taken, and I'm sure Autumn wants to be at your birth either way.” He turned and headed for the midwifery office. When he entered, his gaze immediately went to the very pregnant mother-to-be. Like the other mother from the traditional church community he'd seen in the midwives' office earlier in the summer, she was dressed in a calf-length navy blue skirt and a three-quarter-length-sleeve white maternity T-shirt. The two little girls with her had on sundresses with T-shirts underneath. Her husband had his arm protectively around her waist. A boy older than the girls stood on her other side.

“Hi.” Jon extended his hand to the father. “I'm Dr. Hanlon.”

“I'm Daniel Murray, and this is my wife, Ruth, and Matthew, Miriam and Leah.”

“Nice to meet you all.” He looked at Ruth. “Let's get you down to one of the birthing suites.”

“You've gotten a hold of Autumn?” Ruth glanced from Jon to Jamie.

“No, we haven't,” Jamie said. “I've left a message on her home phone and her cell. I'm afraid she's somewhere out of cell phone service range.”

“We'll go home and wait for her,” the man said.

“Your wife is in labor. You can't.” Jon corrected himself. “You shouldn't do that.”

“Birth is a natural process,” the mother said. “I've already had three normal deliveries.”

Jon positioned himself to block the door. “Yes. Even so, unexpected complications can present.”

“We'll pray and leave it to God,” Daniel said.

Angie's face flashed in Jon's mind. God wouldn't provide another obstetrician, equipment, technology. But in Daniel and Ruth Murray's hearts, He'd provide whatever they needed. Why couldn't he have that simple faith?

“You can't stop them,” Jamie mouthed over the boy's head.

Jon knew he had no legal standing to stop them. There were no laws against unassisted births. “Jamie, why don't you go to their home and wait with Daniel and Ruth until Autumn can get there.”

Jamie's eyes widened.

“I'd like you to,” Ruth said.

“But only if you're comfortable with that,” Jon added.

Jamie avoided his gaze and looked directly at the mother. “Yes, I will. I need to talk with Dr. Hanlon and I'll be right over.”

Jon moved aside and the family filed out.

“What are you thinking?” Jamie demanded as soon as the door closed behind them. “You all but promised that Autumn would come for the birth.”

He ignored her question. “Where
is
Autumn? I haven't seen her car at the duplex the past couple of days.”

“I don't know for sure. She told Kelly that she needed to take a few days off to think.”

Jon locked his jaw. He had a good idea of what she had to think about. Going to Haiti. How he'd tramped ahead and arrogantly assumed that if he went to Haiti, she would, too.

“You don't have any idea where I can get a hold of her?” he asked.

“Sorry, I don't. You have her father's home number, don't you? Try him.” Jamie started moving around the office to gather things to take with her to the Murrays'. “I need to go. They'll have the baby whether any of us are there to help with the delivery or not,” she said as she left.

Her words squeezed all of the air out of his lungs.
Like Angie.
He scrolled through his contacts on his cell phone and found Neal's number. Leaning his shoulder against the wall outside his office, Jon counted the rings as he waited.

“Hello.” A woman answered the phone.

“Mrs. Hazard? Jon Hanlon. Do you know where Autumn is? How I can get in touch with her?”

“She's right here.”

He wiped his brow. He hadn't expected to find her so easily. But he should have. Of course she'd go to her family.

“Autumn,” Anne's voice came over the phone from a distance. “It's Jon.”

“Jon?” Autumn said when she took the phone.

“Where have you been? Jamie and I have been trying to get a hold of you.” He cringed. His voice sounded so harsh. But they were and he had been for days.

“On vacation.” Dead silence followed her statement.

Jon checked to make sure he hadn't lost his connection.

“Is something wrong?” she asked.

“Ruth Murray is in labor, late-stage labor. Her husband brought her into the center, and they left when they found out I was the only one available to deliver the baby.”

“Where's Maureen? She's our cover.”

“She broke her ankle last night, and Dr. Craven is in Saranac today. I sent Jamie over to the Murrays' house about a half hour ago. I need you to go, too.”

“You want me to deliver the baby?”

“What other choice do we have?” He slapped himself in the side of the head. What an idiot he was to say it that way. “That came out badly. But I keep thinking about my cousin and how no one was there to help her when she needed it.”

He could hear the background noise of the Hazard household, even though Autumn was quiet, so he knew they were still connected. Was she thinking about the friends she'd told him about, the birth that had made her give up deliveries? “I'll come, too,” he assured her. “And Jamie will be with you. You won't be alone.”

“Someone should be there. It's not fair to put the responsibility on Jamie.”

“Think of Lisa. You could have done that birth without me,” he said. “No sweat. And how well we worked together with Christie.”

“You know Daniel and Ruth probably won't let you in the bedroom for the delivery, even if there's a problem.”

“It doesn't matter. You don't need me.”

“You really believe that, don't you?”

He did. She didn't need him to deliver the baby. Nor, he suspected, did she need him in her life the way he needed her. He'd really messed things up.

“Yes. Now get over to Daniel and Ruth's house and catch that baby. I'll be there as quickly as I can.”

“You have directions?”

Was Autumn stalling? No, she wouldn't. “Yes, Jamie gave them to me.”

“Okay, then, I'll see you in about twenty minutes.”

“Right.” Except that, as she'd just reminded him, he probably wouldn't be seeing Autumn until after the baby was born.

* * *

Autumn breathed deeply in an attempt to calm the turbulence inside her. She could do this. She had to do this. As she gathered what she needed, she repeated, “Lord, help me. Guide my hands in Your service,” over and over in a prayer she was still saying when she arrived at the Murrays' house.

The Murrays' son, Matthew, let her in, and she explained that Jon would be arriving in a few minutes.

“Do you know who he is, so you'll recognize him?”

“Yes, I remember him from this afternoon. I wouldn't answer the door if it was a stranger. Why's he coming if you're here?”

Because she was afraid. Because he could take over if she panicked and couldn't do it. Because she just plain needed him and his strength. “He's my friend,” she said.

The boy shrugged her answer off.

“Autumn. I thought I heard your voice.” Jamie stood on the open stairway. “I'm glad you're here.”

“Is something wrong?” Fear crushed the air from her lungs.

“No.” Jamie narrowed her eyes and jerked her head toward the kids. “Everything's going well.”

The weight on her chest lifted and she breathed in the breath she'd lost. “What are we waiting for? Let's go upstairs so I can check on your work.”

“You'll find it stellar as always.” Jamie stopped at the top of the stairs. “And to answer your earlier question, I'm glad you're here because you need the experience. You may be a little rusty, and I want you up to speed when this one is born.” Jamie patted her belly.

Right. She had to get through this birth first. Then, who knew if she'd even be here in Paradox Lake when Jamie's baby was born.

* * *

Jon arrived at the house about a half hour later. “I'm Dr. Hanlon,” he said when Matthew opened the door.

“Yeah, Autumn said you were coming.”

“Can you help me get some things from my car?”

He and Matthew unloaded the portable oxygen tank and extra medications. Jon looked around the comfortable living room of the old farmhouse. Matthew's sisters were playing a board game on the braided rug on the floor. The house was quiet. Too quiet? Had something gone wrong? He pushed that thought from his mind.

“Please let Autumn know I'm here.”

“Sure.” The boy went upstairs and came back with Autumn.

Jon searched her face for tension and relaxed when he saw none. “You didn't need to come down. I take it everything is going well.”

“Ruth is in the shower, so I'm not really needed at the moment.” She rubbed the back of her neck as if it were tight.

Maybe he'd misread her. “I brought extra oxygen and meds if they're needed.”

She shook her head. “I doubt it. We're almost there, nearing transition. I expect we'll see the wee one in the next hour or so.”

“You holding up okay?”

“Yes. Good,” she said. “Better than good.” She reached between them and took his hands in hers and squeezed them. “Excited.”

His heart swelled. This was the Autumn he remembered from his residency days at Samaritan. The woman who gloried in each birth as if it were her first. “Super.” He squeezed her hands back and her light blue eyes went smoky. “I'm sorry,” he blurted.

Her eyes narrowed. “Pardon?”

If he wanted any possibility of a future with Autumn, he owed her an apology for the way he'd pressed ahead without talking to her again and accepted both offers from Help for Haiti. “About Haiti. The way I handled it.” He cleared his throat. “I didn't consider you...your...”

“No, you didn't.”

She wasn't making this any easier for him. He smiled. She pressed her lips together and shook her head.
Bad idea.
What was he thinking? The Hanlon charm had never worked on her before. Why would it now?

“I got caught up in the idea of going to Haiti, of our going to Haiti.” He raised his hands in supplication.

“I can understand that, getting carried away with the excitement of realizing something you want.”

His pulse quickened. “Then, you can forgive me?”

The corner of her mouth quirked up. “I'll take it under consideration.”

He leaned forward, forgetting the distance he'd put between them with his rash action concerning Help for Haiti and that they weren't alone.

“Hey, it's my turn, not yours,” Miriam said.

“No, you just played,” Leah shot back.

The girls' voices arguing over their game brought him back from the emotional haze that surrounded him and Autumn.

He straightened and Autumn pulled her hands from his. “I'm glad you're here on my team,” she said in a soft voice, “even if you have to stay downstairs.”

“Autumn,” Jamie called. “Can you come up here?”

Jon tensed, analyzing the nurse's tone for any indication of a problem.

“I'd better go,” Autumn said. “Babies wait for no one.”

“Isn't that the truth. You'll let me know if you need me?”

She nodded, and he watched her disappear upstairs. After listening to the muffled voices above, he began pacing the living room. He stopped at the front window and stared out into the fading evening sun. When Jon turned, Matthew looked up from the book he was reading.

“Dr. Hanlon, do you want to sit down? I can put on a movie or something.”

“I'm good,” Jon said.

“Well, you're making me kind of nervous.” Matthew rose and motioned Jon to the kitchen. “Is something wrong with Mom? What did Autumn say?”