Love Is... (3.5) (11 page)

“It is baby. It still feels a bit wrong to be here when this was Rosie’s dream honeymoon, but I’m so glad we are.”

I take off my t-shirt and throw it at the back of Matthew’s head to get him to turn around. When he does I raise my eyes suggestively.

“As we’re in the honeymoon suite, it’d be rude not to act like honeymooners Mr English,” I stand and start to push my swimming trunks down as I back into the villa. Matthew smiles and watches as I push them over my hips and let them drop to the floor and then he follows me in.

“It certainly would be Rafael, remind me, what do honeymooners do again?” We both laugh as I lower my mouth to his collarbone and push his trunks down and off.

“Let me show you.”

I lower to my knees and show Matthew exactly what honeymooners do.

“There’s another one!”

Matthew excitedly points out another shooting star as we lay on the terrace looking up at the clear night sky. We’ve only got a couple of days left here in The Maldives so we decided to have dinner set up on our terrace tonight. The resort is amazing. They set up a candlelit dinner for two and waited on us hand and foot while we enjoyed the privacy of our own villa. We had a little too much wine and decided to have a competition to who could see the most shooting stars.

“You’re such a cheat, that’s just a star, it’s not even moving!”

“It did move, and then it stopped!” He laughs and turns on his side to face me, propping his head up on his elbow. “My Mum used to say that the shooting stars were spirits of babies waiting to be born and that you would only ever see as many shooting stars as children you were going to have.”

I mirror his position and start to sober at the serious turn in the conversation.

“What’s the most you’ve ever seen?” I ask tentatively,

“Well,” Matthew swallows and glances back up towards the sky. “Four.”

“Four?” I laugh as I question, “So you want four babies?”

We haven’t talked about this; we haven’t talked about anything anywhere near this serious. Kids…It doesn’t get more serious than that.

“I want babies, or at least one baby. But you can’t argue with destiny Rafe!” Matthew laughs and it’s infectious. I flop back down into the terrace. “Do you want children Rafe? I guess at some point we need to know we’re on the same path.”

“Yes,” I answer without hesitation. “I always thought it would be a shame but I’d probably never have them, and I accepted that. But if it’s with you, I want it all. If you want four, we’ll have four!”

Matthew smiles and leans down to kiss me.

“Maybe we’ll see how we get on with one!”

The shooting star conversation opened up the floodgates for me and Matthew. The next couple of days in The Maldives were filled with talk of the future; he made it really clear that he’d like to move back to Cornwall one day, once his business is basically running itself. He even talked about buying a café down there so that I could expand Rafael’s. We discussed marriage and established that it is something that we’d both like one day.

We snorkelled and sunbathed, made love by the moonlight and listened to the sea below us while we bathed together by candlelight. This was an amazing holiday and it just assured me that I have found ‘the one.’ I’m never letting him go.

Matthew

February 2012

I can’t believe that Rafe and I have been together a year. It’s been the best year of my life. We’ve moved in together, lived in New York, been to the Maldives and it feels like there’s just so much more ahead.

There’s not a day that passes that I don’t feel like the luckiest man on earth. I’m in love with my best friend, and he’s in love with me.

I want to do something special for our anniversary but my work is so busy at the moment that I may have to delay the grand gesture and go for something a little simpler.

“Happy Anniversary,”

My heart melts at the sound of Rafe’s voice saying those words to me. Leaving him and spending that time alone in New York is a distant memory now, but I make sure that I treasure every moment with him now.

“Happy Anniversary, I’m sorry I had to work this morning, I should be back by midday-ish.”

“That’s ok; actually that’s why I’m calling. If I text you an address can you meet me there, about two?”

“Oh cryptic!” I laugh and so does he, “Of course I can!”

“Great. See you there then.”

“See you there... Oh Rafe,”

“Yes Matthew?”

“I love you, you know.”

“I know!” We laugh and he hangs up first.

“What are we doing here?”

I get out of the car to a smiling Rafe standing outside a tattoo shop.

“Getting your anniversary present!” He heads inside and I follow, bemused.

Rafe introduced me to Adam the tattooist and then proceeded to tell me to lift my shirt. I looked at him confused and he showed me the designs of the tattoo.

“I’m getting a key babe, but I need to make sure it fits your lock.”

I melt and lean in to kiss Rafe. When I got the padlock tattoo it was to protect me, protect my heart. I was adamant I wouldn’t let anyone in, and then I met Rafe and he opened the lock within minutes of meeting him. For him to get the key that fits tattooed on his body is beyond perfect, he’s the only one.

Adam took some sketches and measurements from my rib tattoo and then drew an ornate and perfectly matching key for Rafe’s right ribs. The placement is perfect to ensure that the key and lock meet when we’re side by side or chest to chest.

I know what a rib tattoo feels like and can’t help but smile as Rafe brags about his high pain threshold before Adam starts and then winces like the best of us at the reality. Rib tats hurt like a bitch!

June 2012

Rafe and I had an absolutely amazing time in Rome. The weather was incredible and thankfully I booked a hotel with a pool…a rooftop pool overlooking the Colosseum no less!

We had a couple of days to relax in the relative solitude of the pool as most of the other hotel guests were out exploring the city, but we soon joined the masses and hit the tourist attractions.

We climbed to the top of St Peter’s Basilica for an incredible view of Vatican City. We threw coins in the Trevi fountain and visited the Pantheon. Walked around the Colosseum and even shared our own ‘Roman Holiday’ moment at the Bocca Della Verità. The food that we ate was out of this world and I swear I could taste every calorie…but it was worth it!

While Rafe slept in early on our last morning, I went out for a run to try and clear my mind. The five days of walking hand in hand in the sun, taking in the romantic atmosphere of a city filled with beautiful architecture and epic history has had my mind running wild.

I love Rafe, more that I imagined was possible, and I want to marry him. Admitting to myself that I am ready to take that step was a terrifying leap and I needed to think seriously about my next move.

As I run around the city, taking it in before the sea of tourists have let their hotel breakfasts settle, I am overwhelmed. Rafe and I have talked about the future, we want the same things so I don’t know why I feel so nervous about asking him to marry me, but I do…I feel sick to the stomach!

I stop and sit on the Spanish Steps. Hypnotised by the sound and movement of the water in the fountain I imagine our wedding. I see Rafe standing next to me as my husband, I see us having children together, growing old together … and my nerves are gone. He’s the one; I don’t doubt it for a second.

I make my way back towards the hotel as the shop owners and café workers start to open up and get ready for another busy day in Rome. The smell of fresh coffee fills my nose and I smile as I remember Rafe’s excitement as he ordered a ridiculous amount of Italian coffees to be sent home yesterday for Rafael’s.

I walk past a jeweller and consider whether I should buy a ring, but I decide against it, I don’t want him to wear a ring until I put it on his finger on our wedding day.

I’ll just ask, and he’ll say yes…it’ll be fine!

I reach the hotel and start to make my way inside when I see a man hugging what I imagine is his adult son. They’re laughing and then the older man wipes a tear and slaps his son on the back. I immediately smile as I think about Rafe and Joaquin, and then panic hits me again…I need to ask for Joaquin’s permission!

October 2012

“Matthew, what a surprise! Come in come in!”  Bernie is beside herself at my surprise visit and is so welcoming, but it’s weird to be here without Rafe. “Where’s that son of mine then, I miss his handsome face!”

Bernie smiles and I laugh,

“He’s at home. I was passing in between meetings so thought I’d pop in. I’m going to stay in town for the night rather than drive tired.”  Why I said that I don’t know, it was total bollox!

“You’re staying here aren’t you? I’m not having you pay for a hotel when there’s a perfectly good room upstairs. I’ll make the bed, you put the kettle on!”

Three coffees, chilli con carne and chocolate fudge cake later, I think it’s time to make my move. Joaquin got home from work and welcomed me with a hug and the way they’ve both always treated me, but especially tonight leads me to believe that they’re bound to give their blessing. They’re so supportive of Rafe and I and the fact that he’s gay, it surely won’t be a no. I’m still nervous though…

“Thank you both so much for putting me up tonight, it’s great…” Bernie smiles and I think she’s about to speak but I need to get this out so I quickly continue. “…But I lied, I’m not here on business at all. I actually drove up specifically to talk to you both.”

“Oh no, Matthew please don’t leave him.”  Bernie begs as she and Joaquin look at me with concern etched on their faces. I laugh nervously.

“Bernie god no, never!” I blow out a breath, “I’m here actually, for the total opposite of leaving Rafe. I love him so much, he makes me unbelievably happy and I honestly never imagined that I would get so lucky. I never want to be without your son, not for a day. I want to grow old with him…as my husband.”

Bernie gasps and both she and Joaquin start to cry.

“I know we’re not your traditional couple but Rafe adores his family and it wouldn’t be right for me to do this without speaking to you both first. I want to ask Rafe to marry me and it would mean the world to me, and I’m certain to Rafe too, if I were doing that with your blessing.”

The tears and the hugs, the laughter and the praise that showered me in the Alvez household that night were more than I could have hoped for. I was assured that I was already part of their family and that nothing would make them happier than seeing Rafe and I joined in marriage. I drove home to London the next morning with a pack up of sandwiches from Bernie and the knowledge that I had their blessing. Now I just needed a plan.

Matthew

“Rosie is going to Thailand.”

Rafe looks shocked as he walks into the flat after a busy day in the café.

“Hi Matthew, oh you started cooking tea, how lovely of you!” I joke sarcastically as Rafe walks into the kitchen to kiss me hello. He laughs.

“Sorry babe, I’m just surprised. She’s been so quiet and down all year, she’s hardly gone into a bar at all and now she’s going to fucking Thailand for three weeks with Pippa! Fuck me I’m jealous.”

Rafe sits on the counter behind where I’m stirring a risotto and pours us both a glass of wine.

“I mean, I’m glad she’s going of course, but I wish I could be there to make sure she’s ok.”

I laugh this time,

“You wish you could be there to lie in the sun all day and get pissed each night you mean!”

“That too. Also, you look hot in swimming trunks!” He winks and I smile.

“Pervert! When does she go?”

“In a week!” I look at Rafe with wide eyes as he takes a sip of his wine and nods,

“I know!”

Over dinner Rafe read out the text from Rosie telling where they’re going in Thailand and then we Googled the places and the hotels, turning greener with envy by the second. As we looked at the white sand a turquoise sea on the pictures I couldn’t help but think about proposing to Rafe right there on the sand. He always said he and Rosie should be together for each other’s big moments so it would be perfect. My heart starts beating faster with each photo that we look at and I know we have to go.

I’m in Newcastle for the next couple of days but I need to get this booked. I can tell Rafe that we’ll go to surprise Rosie, he doesn’t have to know that I‘ll be surprising him too.

“Let’s go!” I blurt out and Rafe looks at me in shock,

“What?”

“Let’s go to Thailand. We can’t go for three weeks but we could just go to Phi Phi and surprise Rosie when she gets there. I can get all the details from Pip and sort it out while I’m in the car tomorrow. I’ll call Freddie in the office and he can help me out. What do you think?”

It took a moment for what I was saying to sink in to Rafe but when it did, the look in his eyes told me what he thought. ‘That’ look, my look … the look that always results in us naked and sweaty in a heap somewhere in the flat. Yep … it worked this time too.

I didn’t sleep much. Once Rafe was asleep I got back up and started to do some research. I spent a stupid amount of money on first class flights to Bangkok, but all I could think about was Rafe and I flying home in style, euphoric after our engagement. I’ve got the money and he’s the only thing worth spending it on.

I sent an email to Pippa, copying in Freddie and telling them the plan. I asked Pip to send Fred the details of the hotel on Phi Phi and Fred to get me and Rafe a room booked. 

Once I closed the laptop tiredness washed over me. I crawled into bed next to Rafe and smiled, it’s going to be perfect.

“Hey Matty! Brother/sister time here, piss off!” Rosie laughs down the phone,

“Hey Ginge sorry, I just need a quick word, is he there?” I hear Rosie sigh as she passes the phone to Rafe.

“Hi” Rafe says and I smile instantly.

“Hi, guess what? It’s all sorted. We are going to Thailand baby!!” I try not to say it too loudly in case Rosie can hear.

“Really? Oh baby, that’s fantastic!” Rafe sounds over the moon and it makes my pulse quicken.

“It’ll be great Rafe, I can’t wait.”

“You really are the best you know, thank you.”

“You’re so welcome.”

“Ok, I love you. Night.”

He hangs up the phone and I smile. It’s really happening.

From Bangkok we flew to Krabi. We had to get a transfer to Ao Nang to catch a boat and Rafe was so nervous that Rosie would somehow see us and the jig would be up. He saw a flash of red hair as a girl climbed onto a speed boat with her boyfriend at the pier and ducked like a child playing hide and seek. I couldn’t help but laugh at how excited he was to surprise his sister.

The boat from the mainland took us to the main Phi Phi Don pier and from there we got a longtail boat around the island to Long Beach, where we would be staying for the next 12 nights. It’s perfect, exactly what I had hoped for and we have three nights before the girls get here to enjoy the peace and quiet.

“Thank you so much for arranging this Matthew, it’s fantastic!”

Rafe takes a swig of his beer and looks out at the setting sun. I can’t help but watch him. He absolutely oozes masculinity, he’s chiselled and toned as though he was painstakingly carved out of stone or moulded from clay by hand. His dark curls blow gently in the warm sea breeze and I thank whatever higher power is looking down on us for bringing him to me. He’s perfect, and he’s mine.

Rosie and Pippa arrive tomorrow and my plans might have already been scuppered by the fact that Rosie has pretty much had her heart broken by a guy she met in Krabi, but I’m determined to make it work somehow…I’ll be leaving Thailand with Rafael Alvez as my Fiancé!

“Oh here we go; the peace and quiet is officially over!”

Rafe stands up and walks to the shoreline as the noise of the approaching longtail boat gets his attention. Rosie’s red hair in the sunlight is like a beacon on the front of the wooden boat and I can see the eagerness in Rafe to know that she is ok.

When Pippa called yesterday to tell us about ‘Jackson’ and what he had done to Rosie, it took everything that I had to stop Rafe getting on a boat to go and kill him. A few sexual favours and a Thai massage later and I managed to convince him that nine days in paradise with her brother is exactly what Rosie needs, but he still needs to see for himself that she’s in one piece before he’ll completely relax. Rosie doesn’t know that Pippa has told us the story, so I’ve made Rafe promise to let Rosie open up in her own time. After their falling out over Michael, I’d hate for her to feel judged or embarrassed.

“You took your bloody time!” Rafe calls as the boat pulls up to the beach and Rosie squeals as she realises that it’s him, leaping from the boat into her big brother’s waiting arms. “Hey you’ll wash my sun oil off, what’s wrong?” Rosie is crying and my heart breaks for her.

“Nothing, I’ve just never been so happy to see you,” She smiles and smacks Rafe on the chest “What are you doing here?”

“Oh charming!” Rafe laughs and lightly pushes her shoulder as I lift their bags and Pippa down from the boat.

“Matthew!” Here come the tears again! Rosie hugs me tightly and I return the gesture.

“We thought we’d surprise you Ginge, didn’t want you girls having all the fun!”

“How long have you been here?”

“Three days babe.” Rafe takes one of the bags from me and we make our way up the beach towards the hotel.

We checked the girls in and headed straight back out onto the sand. Having them here really is great. Rosie is quiet, but doesn’t seem too down. Rafe’s clearly pleased to see her and can’t wait to just enjoy the next nine days.

“Ginge, the time is now. Come on!” I am standing over Rosie on the beach; I need to tell her what’s going on and get her blessing. I got her to agree two nights ago to climb up to the viewpoint with me, she was drunk at the time and I knew she’d regret it, but I need to get her on her own so I’m holding her to it.

“Matty you cannot be serious it’s sweltering!” Rosie opens her eyes and squints at me.

“Shut it wench! Come on, on your feet!”

It’s amazing when we get to the top. We’re shattered after the steep climb and desperate for some water but it’s totally worth it…it’s like looking at a postcard.

“Rosie, thank you for this. I wanted to share this with you.” I take Rosie’s hand in mine and she smiles, but looks slightly confused.  “It’s just that in the time that I’ve known you we’ve grown close, and I think of you as the little sister that I never had, but after what Michael did to you and how you’ve hurt in the time since. I feel like I let you down.” I see tears start to gather in Rosie’s eyes and I feel horrible for upsetting her.

“Matthew, I love you so much I can’t even say. You have nothing to regret or apologise for. Michael fucked up big time but you have been amazing. And the smile you put on my brother’s face makes my day every time I see it!” That’s what I needed to hear; I look down at my feet and smile as I gather my thoughts.

“Sit with me a minute will you Rosie, I need to talk to you about something,” she looks worried as I walk her over to sit on a rock, “You and Rafe are so close, it warms my heart to see you together. I love him, you know that. I never thought that I would find a love like this and I never want to lose him. I’ve spoken to your parents.” Rosie’s looks at me and I can see that she knows now what I’m going to say, her eyes are wide and full of tears that are threatening to fall. “Your parents gave me their blessing and now I have to ask for yours. I want to grow old with Rafe Rosie, I want to ask him to marry me, but I need to know you’re ok with it first?”

“YES Matthew, yes of course!” Rosie yells as she hugs me tightly and starts to cry. There’s applause from the surrounding tourists who think I just proposed to Rosie and we laugh quietly, both wiping away a few tears.

“Are you sure? I never want to jeopardise your relationship with Rafe,” I hold Rosie’s hand and look her in the eye to let her know I’m sincere.

“Matthew, you enhance it. I couldn’t be happier”.

Tonight is the night. Fuck!

I am shaking like a shitting dog! Why the fuck am I so nervous? I know he’ll say yes, I’m certain he will. I have been on TV, radio, written books, recorded workout DVDs, trained celebrities and taught seminars, but I’m shitting myself about proposing to the man I love. Man the fuck up Matthew!

I arranged with the hotel for the four of us to have a BBQ on the beach. We have a fire pit and candles, and champagne on ice ready whenever I give the staff the nod. It is absolutely perfect.

“I’d like to say a few words,”

I am pouring us all a glass of champagne and feel like I’m going to drop the bottle any second. Get a grip!

“Oh here we go, my public speaker!” Rafe teases and I clear my throat as I hand Rafe his glass before lowering to one knee on the sand.

The look on Rafe’s face is an absolute picture and I’m so happy that Pip and Rosie are armed with cameras. He’s totally stunned and weirdly, that puts me at ease.

“Rafael, there couldn’t be a more perfect place or moment to say these words to you. We’re in paradise with people that love us and I am honoured to be here with you. I want to grow old with you Rafe, I want to face whatever the future holds with you by my side and you would make me the happiest man in the world if you were to say yes. I love you, will you marry me?”

Rafe doesn’t say a word before the tears start to fall and he drops to his knees to join me, he cups my face in his hands and looks into my eyes,

“Yes, yes! Oh I love you.” His voice is weak as he answers, strained with emotion as he leans in to kiss me. I’m vaguely aware of Pippa and Rosie cheering and clapping but I’m just lost in him. The man that I love...the man that I’m going to marry.

This is our moment.