Love Is... (3.5) (15 page)

“Don’t be nervous guys, ask what you like.”

We sat and talked with the two for a little over two hours. Suranne told us about her two previous surrogacies and that she’s a huge advocate for natural birth. She’s also going to express breast milk for us for the first couple of months to give our baby the best start.

I am nervous and I can tell that Matthew is too, it hasn’t quite gone to plan so far but this feels right. Suranne wants us to share all the moments of her pregnancy, our pregnancy really she jokes and called us team gay baby, we laughed but quickly vetoed the use of that name!

We made our way to Doctor Campbell’s office on implantation day, eager and excited. When we came in for Suranne’s tests he gave us a bollocking for Matthew’s outburst last time but added that he’d probably have been the same.

Eggs have been retrieved and fertilised and the embryos are ready and waiting to be implanted. Doctor C gets Suranne settled and after talking to us and Dee about the process and what to expect today, he stands and gets ready to go to work. Shaking each of our hands in turn he heads out of his office turning back for a moment before he leaves completely,

“Let’s make a baby!”

Rafe

             
December

“Wow!” Matthew is speechless and my vocabulary is distinctly limited as we stare at the screen in front of us. “I can’t believe it.”

We heard the heartbeat weeks ago. We saw a kidney bean on a scan at seven weeks but here today at the twelve week scan; we can actually see our baby. It really looks like a baby. It has a face and hands and legs and I’m blown away.

“It’s too soon to tell the sex but that is one healthy looking baby guys.”  The sonographer is so reassuring but neither of us is able to tear our eyes away from the screen. “Can you see that tiny flicker there?” We both nod, “That’s a heartbeat; your baby is doing great.”

Suranne takes my hand and brings me back to reality. I look at her and she is smiling up at me.

“Thank you.” I say in her ear as I lean down to kiss her on the cheek.

“When shall we tell everyone? I mean we know now that we have a healthy baby on the way, let’s call them.”

Matthew is eager to shout it from the rooftops but I really want to wait a little while. We have this moment that we can share and once everyone knows, we won’t have that anymore.

“Let’s wait until Christmas, everyone will be there then so it’s perfect.”

Matthew frowns but nods and returns his gaze to the scan picture in his hand.

“We’re having a baby!”

             
Christmas Day

“Rafael, Bernie is having a fit! Will you hurry up?”

I’m trying to get all the presents together to take to Rosie’s. She’s doing the big family Christmas thing this year and I think she’s insane. She’s seven months pregnant and has twin toddlers, Pippa’s little girl Holly is there too. I’ve gone a bit over board on the toys and it is taking me forever to load up the car. I’m also really excited but nervous to share our news with our family.

“Tell them to go babe, we’ll meet them there. I need a minute.”

After a little while Matthew makes his way into the bedroom to find me sitting on the bed with the last two presents on my lap.

“Hey, what’s up?”

Matthew sits next to me on the bed and I smile at him.

“It’s just that with all the ups and downs we’ve had, I’m wondering if we should just keep it our secret and then, come June we just say ‘Surprise, we have a baby!’”

Matthew laughs and then stands taking my hand.

“Rafael, Rosie would murder you if she didn’t get the chance to plan a baby shower and spoil her unborn niece or nephew rotten. We’re good babe, everything looks great and we’re telling them! Now come on or we’ll miss dinner!”

“Guys, you don’t have to do that today you know!”

Rosie calls out of the kitchen window as all of the men in the house are trying to put together the twins’ new swing set. I can’t help but smile at Matthew as he reads the instructions and tells everyone what they need to be doing. We’ll be doing this for our own child soon, the thought thrills me.

Jackson heads inside to check on Rosie and I make my escape. I’m desperate to play with the kids and their new toys.

“Come on Bethy, we need to win this race little girl!”

Beth giggles infectiously as she climbs on to my back and pulls my hair. Ben has Holly on his back calling out “GO DADDY GO!” and Matthew has his little mate Bobby.

Bobby is so quiet compared to Beth. He gravitates towards Matthew every time we visit and I love seeing them together.

Rosie waddles into the living room, smiling at us as she sits in the chair by the fire. Bear, her dog, jumps up and squeezes himself in next to her.  Within minutes she’s asleep but I know she needs it, growing a baby must be tiring.

“When are we going to tell them?” Matthew whispers as we sit at the dinner table, he’s like a kid at, well, Christmas.

“After dinner! Shush!” I laugh and kiss his smile as my Mam starts dishing out the turkey.

Throughout the meal I feel Matthew’s leg bouncing up and down with nervous excitement next to mine. I can’t help but smile. I can’t wait to tell everyone our news either but am tempted to drag it out longer just to make him squirm.

The kids are laughing and playing with their cracker gifts. It’s Holly’s birthday so she insisted on being the princess of the table but her tiredness soon takes over.

“My goodness Bernie, that’s one of the best meals that I have ever had!” Jackson leans back in his chair and rubs his stomach,

“You always say that son, but your wife did the hard parts!” Mam laughs and Jackson lifts Rosie’s hand to his mouth, kissing it and mouthing thank you to her as Ben starts to tap his glass with his knife.

“Right, sorry to erm disturb everyone’s after dinner slump but Pip and I have some news that we have been dying to share all day. I am over the moon to let you all know that I asked Pippa to marry me this morning, and she said yes!” Ben beams at Pip as everyone around the table starts to congratulate them and raise their glasses.

I hug Pip and stand tentatively, I look at Matthew and he beams back at me.

“Well, as it seems to be a sharing moment,” I start to speak as the noise dies down and everyone looks at me, “Matthew and I have news too, we’re pregnant!” There’s a pause before laughter breaks out around the table. “Well obviously not us technically! We’re using a surrogate and she’s thirteen weeks pregnant. We wanted to wait until she’d had her twelve week scan before we shared the news with you but we’re over the moon!”

Mam and Rosie start to cry within seconds of my announcement and the men in the room start to shake mine and Matthew’s hands. Rosie is sobbing almost uncontrollably so I go over to give her a hug.

Rosie and Jackson’s Dad Pete sit with the twins falling asleep in their arms as Jackson raises his glass.

“Today is a great day. Firstly, I have my beautiful family around me and what more could I want? Secondly and most importantly,  it’s Holly’s birthday and even if she has fallen asleep in the dog’s bed before blowing out a candle, I still think it’s been a great day for her. Rosie and I have been married for two years, I can’t quite believe how quickly the time has passed but it’s been the best two years of my life. Pip and Ben, we are over the moon for you both and Rafe, Matthew…I don’t have the words to tell you how happy your news makes us. Thank you all for sharing this amazing Christmas with us and making it so special. To Family and To Happiness”

We raise our glasses as Matthew takes my free hand in his and toast to everyone’s news, “To Happiness!”

Rafe

“Thank you for meeting with me guys. Happy New Year.”

Louise walks into the bar after arranging to meet us for lunch. It’s the first time that we’ve seen her since we found out that she was pregnant. She’s only a month behind Rosie but a lot bigger.

“Happy New Year Lou, You look well.” I make the first move as Matthew seems tense beside me.

“Thanks Rafe, I don’t feel it. I’m huge.”

Matthew takes a sip of his drink and I worry about how this will go. Louise sits and reaches for his hands.

“M, I’m sorry. I was drunk and stupid. None of this was intentional you must know that. I’m so sorry.”

There’s a moment, a pause where I don’t know if he will scream at her, hug her or cry.

“I think it was Lou. I think that subconsciously you didn’t really want to try again for us but you felt you had to. I’m sorry for that.”  I’m surprised, I thought he was about to attack her, but he’s apologising. “We’re pregnant you know, we went with the lesbians.”

Louise smiles slightly with tears in her eyes,

“I heard, I saw your mum. That’s why I’m here really. I miss you more than I can say Matthew, but I could have lived with that. Our kids never knowing each other though, I can’t bear it.” She starts to cry and Matthew moves to sit next to her.

“Lou, you really fucking hurt me, but I love you so much.” Louise leans into Matthew and he wraps his arms around her. “What are you having?”

“Fucking twins!”

They both laugh and I smile, then head to the bar. Thank god that’s sorted.

“Rafael, it’s time. We need to go.”  Matthew is becoming quickly frustrated as he tries to get me out of the flat but I’m panicking. I need to know that we have everything. “RAFE!”

“Ok, I’m coming. Jesus!”

“Rafael, if she has this baby and we’re not there, I’ll kill you. Just so you know.”

“Thanks for the warning babe.” I pause and smile and Matthew softens, “We’re having a baby!”

Matthew kisses me and laughs slightly,

“We’re going to miss it!”

We arrive at the hospital to see Suranne walking up and down the corridor with her girlfriend Dee.

“Hey gorgeous, how are you doing?” Matthew asks as I kiss Dee and Suranne both on the cheek and he follows.

“I’m doing ok.” She winces and blows out a long breath, “They’re definitely getting stronger though.”

“They’re really close together now Su, I think we should head back to the room.”  Dee kisses Suranne on the head as she nods and we make out way back towards the delivery room.

When Suranne became our surrogate we just knew that she was a perfect fit for us. She and Dee don’t want children of their own, not yet at least. She’s kept us involved every step of the way and even said she’d do it again for us in the future. Dee joked once that she’d try for us at the same time as Suranne next time so that we could have two, but then laughed that two hormonal lesbians in one house might not be a great idea.

“Right Suranne my darling, you are ten centimetres dilated. When you feel the need to push, you take a deep breath and give it some welly girl.”

The midwife encourages Suranne to push and I take a moment to realise what’s happening. I’m in a hospital room, standing at my husband’s side while he holds the hand of the lesbian that’s having our baby, while her girlfriend holds her other hand. I need to sit down.

“Are you ok Daddy?” The midwife asks me a question that makes my heart beat faster. I’m going to be a Daddy. I look up at Matthew; he smiles and holds out his hand to me.

“Well done Suranne, take a breath for me sweetheart, the head’s out.”

I’m tempted to look, but if vaginas weren’t already terrifying to me, they definitely would be after that.

“I need to push…” Suranne sounds exhausted and the midwife nods at her to go for it, she takes a breath, grits her teeth and changes our world.

The first time that I heard our daughter cry buckled my knees. I had to hold on to Matthew just to stop me from collapsing, but one look at her gave me all the strength that I needed. Etta Alvez-English will be the most protected girl in the world.

The midwife passes Etta to Matthew and I can’t form any words. I’m so overwhelmed as I look at the man that I love holding our little girl for the first time. Her little squished up face peeks out from the bundle of blankets and I can’t help but laugh at how unimpressed she looks to have been born.

Embryos were implanted that had been fertilised with both Matthew’s and my sperm, so we had no idea who would be the biological father. The soft covering of black hair leads me to believe that Etta is mine biologically but it doesn’t matter either way. I have never been more in love than I am right now. We both promised that it wouldn’t matter to either of us but I think it crossed both of our minds that maybe whoever was the biological father would love the child more, but looking at my man and my baby girl now, I know the biology doesn’t mean a thing. He’s as in love as I am.

As I take some photos of Matthew and Etta I realise that I haven’t yet thanked Suranne. I look at her smiling up at Matthew and I know that she’s happy that she did this for us.

“Suranne, I can’t thank you enough for this. We are over the moon.”

She laughs,

“I can see that Rafe. I’m really happy for you both. It was an honour.”

Matthew hands Etta to me and I smile as I look down at her. My world is so full of love right now, I feel like I’m floating and never want to come down.

“Little girl, I’m your Papa and that’s your Daddy. We love you so much. Thank you for coming out to meet us.” 

Matthew kisses me and then Etta as Dee takes a photo of the three of us together. We’re a family and it’s just the beginning…