Love Is a Secret (33 page)

‘No.’ Mark wanted to lunge forwards and drag her away. ‘It’s not like that at all. I needed some advice about the children.’

‘And these women like Part Time Mum and Rainbow have been holding your hand.’ She stood up, pushing the computer screen so it fell over. ‘Nice to know you’re missing me, Mark.’ She looked at him nastily, eyes narrowing. ‘Did you ever wonder why Florrie is so much lighter-skinned than Freddy?’

‘Because she takes after my father,’ he said unsteadily.

Hilary threw back her head and laughed. ‘Poor Mark. You always were gullible, weren’t you?’

Bile rose into his throat. ‘What the fuck do you mean?’

She threw him a look of pure hate, pushed back her chair and stumbled to her feet.

‘Wait. Hilary, wait!’

He ran after her into the corridor but she had dived into the bathroom, locking the door. Seconds later, he heard the shower.

Furiously, he hammered on the door. ‘Open this door! Open it at once and explain exactly what you meant!’

The shower continued to hum. Bitch! Tears pricked his eyes and he sank to the ground, his head between his knees. Of course Florrie was his. She had to be. She simply
had
to be.

Lunch was a terse affair, during which Hilary, who’d perked up enough to put on some makeup and a pair of smart black trousers, picked at the spaghetti Bolognese Mark had made. There had been no time to tackle her on the Florrie question since she’d stayed locked in the bathroom until lunchtime. Now the children were around and it was impossible to say anything. He’d have to wait until they were alone.

‘I’m impressed,’ said Hilary, acidly. ‘Before I went, you didn’t even know where the spaghetti was kept, let alone how to cook it.’

The effects of the morning’s medication, thought Mark, were clearly wearing off or she wouldn’t be so acidly lucid. But he didn’t dare give her any more until this evening; the prescribed time.

Florrie’s face crumpled. ‘Don’t row, you two. I hate it when you and Dad argue.’

Hilary smiled, unkindly. ‘Your
father
,’ she said, tilting her head at Mark provocatively, ‘isn’t the argumentative type. In fact, he’s a perfect gentleman.’

The double-entendre was intentional; she was trying to make him believe she was referring to a different man as being Florrie’s father. But Mark, who would have loved to say something, bit his tongue for the kids’ sake. Christ, he almost preferred the dopey, drugged-up Hilary instead of this tight-lipped unpleasant woman who was criticising everything he did, just as she had before she’d gone away. Worse, there was more than a nugget of truth in what she’d said about the spaghetti, even though it meant nothing in the scheme of things. He
had
been hopeless at finding things and helping generally. But the insinuations she was making about Florrie’s parentage . . . Mark felt sick. She
had
to be his, didn’t she? Surely this was one of Hilary’s little games.

‘Did I tell you,’ interrupted Daphne brightly, clearly keen to restore order to the table, ‘that my computer tutor has suggested I entered Silver Surfer of the Year? It’s an award for anyone over fifty who’s learned to use a computer recently.’

‘Really, Mother?’ said Hilary, sharply. ‘Fascinating.’ She pushed back her chair so it scraped on the tiles. ‘I’m going shopping. Just me and the children.’

He almost laughed. ‘You
are
joking, aren’t you?’

She stared back, Florrie-style. ‘What do you think?’

‘I want to go shopping with Mum,’ said Freddy. ‘Why can’t we?’

Because it had been stipulated that she wasn’t allowed out of the house unaccompanied by an adult during the weekend visit.

‘I just thought it would be nice if I came with you,’ said Mark, quickly, ‘but I’ve got to finish a press release first. It will only take me half an hour. But first I’d like a word in private.’

‘Not yet,’ said Hilary, lying back on the sofa and kicking off her shoes. ‘You go and do your work. We’ll wait or maybe go for a walk with Mum.’

He would have liked to insist but he couldn’t in front of the children.

‘And don’t be too long,’ added Hilary. ‘I know what your half-hours are like once you’re on that computer.’

It was true. Once he’d started working, it was easy to get carried away, despite the clock in the bottom right corner of his screen. But it was such a relief to blank everything else out. Oh, no. Not again.

From Beware to Mimi: I told you to end your affair. Or you’ll be sorry.

Who was this person and did they really know how to tell Roger or Hilary? Was it possible they had somehow tracked down their addresses? This was awful.

‘Cooee! Only me.’

This really had to stop. Grudgingly, Mark went downstairs to meet her. The house was very quiet.

‘Had a nice walk?’ he asked.

Daphne frowned. ‘No. I went back home for a bit. Hilary said you were taking them out when you finished work.’

‘Well, I was but no one’s here.’

‘Do you think they went shopping after all?’

Mark reached for his car keys. ‘I don’t know. But their jackets aren’t on the peg. And my keys have gone.’

59

She had to admit it. Whatever Simon had downloaded on to her computer had made it work a lot faster so it was easier to cope with the overwhelming response from the local paper’s article. All kinds of people wrote to the centre offering support and Susan, Joy and the other mums spent hours photocopying the letters and sending them on to their local MP and Downing Street. Susan doubted that they would get as far as the prime minister’s bifocals but, as Joy said, it was worth a bash.

Slowly, over the next few nights, she stopped jumping every time she heard a crack or a creak in the dark, telling herself that even if Simon did come back from Cape Town, her house was secure.

Josh wasn’t so happy. Susan’s father had taken it upon himself to tell him what had happened. ‘I don’t like the idea of you being there on your own,’ he said quietly, when he and Steff came to pick up Tabitha. It was the Christmas holidays and they were taking her to the zoo.

What a nerve! ‘You should have thought of that when you left us.’

Josh twisted his hands. ‘We weren’t right for each other, Susan. It wasn’t just Tabitha. You know that.’

It was true. Had she been unfair to him? Maybe. It wasn’t a good feeling.

‘What you need, love, is a man to care for you,’ Steff said, as they followed Josh and Tabitha out to the car. ‘No, don’t look cross. I know it’s none of my business and I also know you can’t have many opportunities. Why don’t you go out with one of your girlfriends when we have Tabs?’

Was there no limit to the woman’s persistence?

‘We’ve got a great day centre near us,’ continued Steff, fringe bobbing. ‘I rang them up and they said we could bring Tabitha as her dad’s in catchment. They’ve got all kinds of things there, lessons as well as physio and the internet too.’

‘I’ve already had to stop Tabitha trying to go online by changing the password,’ pointed out Susan. ‘Can you imagine what would happen if she went into a chatroom? She’s so naïve she might give out our address.’

‘It’s all monitored. They can’t do that kind of thing. Anyway, have a think about it. OK? What are you doing today when we’ve gone? Anything nice?’

‘Well,’ said Susan slowly, ‘I’ve been seeing someone called Joe, actually.’

‘Really?’ Steff’s eyes glittered with curiosity. ‘That’s wonderful. Is he the friend you had dinner with before?’

‘No, someone different.’

It was naughty of her but she couldn’t help it. Susan was fed up with everyone feeling sorry for her and it wouldn’t do Josh any harm to think that someone found her attractive.

‘Do you think there’s any future in it?’ probed Steff.

Susan considered her manoeuvres, which were coming on nicely, even if she said so herself.

‘I’m keeping my fingers crossed,’ she said coyly.

‘Check your mirrors and remember to watch that right-hand lane in the new one-way system.’ Joe seemed as nervous as she felt as they drove to the centre after her hour’s pre-test practice. ‘You can do it, Sue. I’ve told you. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, no one else will.’

She waited, sitting on her hands to stop them shaking, with three teenagers. In her day, there hadn’t been the money for lessons at that age. If Tabitha had been different, she’d have made sure she learned.

A large man with sharp, beady eyes came into the room, calling a name. It wasn’t hers and she felt a wave of relief. Then a woman entered, about her age, in a smart suit. Susan couldn’t decide if she was relieved or not when the teenager next to her got up to follow her out.

‘Susan Thomas?’ This was it. Her examiner was a tall, lanky man with wiry hair. Would he be sympathetic or fail her at the first mistake?

Stop shaking.

Confidence. If you don’t have it in yourself, no one else will.

Do this for Tabitha and all those days out. Do it for yourself.

Back home, she rang her father. To her disappointment, the answerphone was on. Joy was out too. She had to tell someone.

‘Steff, it’s me. I wanted to tell you something quite exciting.’

‘Fire away!’

She could feel the excitement bubbling inside her: it still didn’t feel real. ‘I passed my driving test this morning.’

‘You
what
? Sue, that’s fantastic. Absolutely
fantastic
! I didn’t know you were learning.’

‘I didn’t want to say anything in case I didn’t pass.’

‘I understand. Have you told your friend Joe?’

‘He was the first person who knew, actually, and he’s really pleased for me. Anyway, if you like, I could drive Tabitha over to you next weekend.’

‘That would be brilliant. I’m so proud of you, Sue, I really am!’

Funny, she thought, replacing the phone. Four months ago she would never in a million years have thought she’d confide in her ex’s new wife. But she had really seemed to understand. More so, probably, than Joy would. Now all she had to do was buy a car. She’d been saving and her dad, bless him, had offered to help out. Maybe she should look online.

She logged on. Better check her inbox first, in case there was anything from the magazine. They had promised to let her and Joy know when it was going in. Honestly, it was amazing what rubbish you got sent nowadays. Spam – the term still reminded her of the cold meat from school dinners – was a right pain even though it only took a few seconds to delete.

WHY NOT JOIN OUR DATING SERVICE?

How did they know she was single or was it just a random marketing sweep?

Automatically, she deleted it, then wondered if she’d been too hasty. She retrieved it and sat looking at it. Funny. Until now, she could honestly say she’d never missed having a man in her life. She’d had enough on her plate just concentrating on Tabitha. The episode with Simon had freaked her out but at the same time, even though she was embarrassed to admit it, it had aroused her in a way she hadn’t experienced for a long time. Simon
had
found her attractive, even though he was clearly the wrong sort. Maybe, after all, it wasn’t too late to find the right man . . .

Later, she went out with her dad to a garage – not far from Josh and Steff, strangely enough – to check out a Ford Fiesta he’d seen.

‘I’ve told you,’ he said, as they set off, ‘I want to buy it for you. See it as an early legacy, if you like, or a gift to Tabitha.’

‘Dad, I can’t— Gosh, do you mind if we stop? I know that girl at the bus stop and she’s pregnant. Maybe she could do with a lift.’

They pulled up and Susan wound down the window. ‘Lisa, hi! Want a ride?’

She was carrying a bundle in her arms and seemed surprised and none too pleased to see Susan.

‘No. I’m all right.’

It was obvious that Lisa had been crying, poor kid.

‘But the bus could take ages,’ she said. ‘I know what it’s like.’

‘I said I’m all right.’

‘OK. See you next week, then.’

‘Didn’t think much of your friend’s manners,’ said her father, as they drove off.

‘She’s not really my friend. She works at the nursery next to Tabitha’s centre. But she’s normally so sweet, always kind to Tabitha and the others.’

Susan turned back. ‘Dad, I know this might sound odd but Lisa was really upset. I think I should go back.’

60

This little bear can make your dreams come true by Christmas!

That was what it had said. She knew the words off by heart, had hung on to them for reassurance ever since they’d popped on to her screen.

It was nearly time now.

‘Lisa?’

Tabitha’s mum was leaning out of the passenger window of a car. ‘Look, I’m sorry if I’m interfering, but I couldn’t help wondering, is everything all right?’

Lisa looked into Susan’s kindly face and burst into tears again.

‘It’s OK,’ said Susan, getting out. ‘I used to get emotional when I was pregnant too. Look, why don’t I give you a lift? Where are you going?’

She tried to talk but could only sob.

‘Tell you what, love, why don’t we go to a friend of mine? She only lives round the corner. She might not be in, but if she is she’ll give us a nice cup of tea.’

And somehow that was one of the nicest ideas anyone had ever suggested.

‘Do you want to put those blankets down?’ asked Steff, kindly.

Lisa looked alarmed. ‘Only if it’s somewhere safe. They’re for the baby and I don’t want to get them dirty.’

‘You won’t, duck.’

Steff spoke soothingly. Susan had to hand it to her: she’d taken in the situation at a glance when they’d arrived on the doorstep.

Susan had only been able to explain briefly what had happened but her dad had understood and gone home, promising to defer the car-buying for another day. And now Lisa was sitting on a beautiful cream leather sofa, sobbing her heart out. Luckily, Josh had taken Tabitha out. Susan wouldn’t have wanted her daughter to witness this.

‘I’m so scared it’s going to go wrong again.’ She was fiddling with a crucifix round her neck.

Steff was stroking her hand. ‘I know. It’s understandable to be scared when you’re pregnant.’

‘I’m going to call her Rose, you know.’

‘Pretty name. But how far gone are you, love?’

Lisa sniffed. ‘I’m nearly due. At least, I think I am. My dates might be a bit out.’

‘What do the doctors say?’ asked Susan.

‘I dunno. I haven’t had any check-ups. I’m too scared. I reckon that’s what went wrong with Sky. They did an internal, the day before, and then I started to lose her . . .’

Her wails filled the room and Steff looked at Susan in alarm, signalling her to come out into the kitchen. ‘She needs help,’ she whispered.

‘I know. But what can we do if she won’t see anyone?’

‘Well, I did my midwifery, you know. It was some time ago but if she let me examine her, I might be able to reassure her. Then maybe we could persuade her to go to the hospital or at least her GP.’

It was worth a try.

‘Look, duck,’ said Steff, ‘I’m a nurse. Would it be all right if I took a look at you? Then I can tell you everything’s OK.’

Wordlessly, Lisa nodded.

‘I’ll go outside,’ offered Susan. She stood in Steff’s designer kitchen, waiting. It sounded pretty quiet in there, apart from a few low murmurs.

Then Steff came out, her face serious.

‘Everything all right?’ demanded Susan breathlessly.

Steff’s mouth was set grimly and, for once, she wasn’t smiling. ‘I can’t be certain, but I don’t think your friend Lisa’s pregnant at all.’

‘But she’s got a bump.’

‘That depends on how she’s standing,’ said Steff, shortly. ‘And, yes, her stomach is slightly distended, which might accentuate it.’

‘I don’t understand. What are you saying?’

‘Well, I’ve only seen one other case like this, but I think it’s a phantom pregnancy. She wants to be pregnant so much that she believes she is, poor kid.’

‘Weird.’

‘Usually – although, like I said, it’s rare – it’s because they desperately want someone to love them. And a baby, of course, gives unconditional love. She’s wearing padding, too, although she tried to stop me seeing it.’

‘What kind of padding?’

‘Difficult to tell. Looked like layers of fabric under her pants.’

‘Blimey.’ Susan was shocked. ‘What do we do now?’

Steff was already putting on her coat. ‘Get hold of her GP or maybe take her to hospital. She needs help. And fast.’