Love Is a Secret (34 page)

61

The car, to his relief, was still in the drive, unlocked with the key in the ignition as though someone had thought about driving it away, then changed their mind. So where were they? Mark began to run along the pavement towards the park, heart pounding. He peered across at the swings and slides; a couple of younger children were there with their mothers.

Then he saw them, riding on the road on bikes without their helmets.

‘Where’s your mother?’ he called.

‘At home.’ Florrie skidded to a halt beside him. ‘She said she was going to have a lie-down.’

At home? But he’d called upstairs and no one had answered.

Still, at least she hadn’t gone out and broken the condition of the visit. ‘I want you back now, you two, and you know you’re not meant to ride your bikes without a helmet.’

‘Sorry, Dad. Can’t we have just a bit longer?’

‘Yeah, we can ride in the park.’

Mark considered it. It would give him time to go back and talk to Hilary. ‘All right. But I want you home in twenty minutes.’

He walked back to the house, wondering whether he should come clean with Hilary about Caroline. It was clear they couldn’t go on like this. Or should he wait until she was released?

‘Hilary?’

No answer. The kitchen was empty and so was the sitting room. He went upstairs. Their bedroom was empty too, and so were the children’s rooms. He tried the bathroom door.

Locked.

‘Hilary? Are you all right?’

Silence.

‘Hilary. You’re scaring me. Just tell me you’re OK.’

‘What’s going on, Mark?’

For once, he didn’t curse his mother-in-law for letting herself in unannounced. ‘She’s locked herself into the bathroom.’

Daphne rattled the handle. ‘Hilary, stop being silly, dear. Just tell us you’re all right.’ She looked at Mark with frightened eyes.

‘Dear Lord, what should we do?’

He heaved his shoulder against the door.

‘You can’t break it down,’ said Daphne, horrified.

He rubbed his arm. ‘I’ve got to.’

He heaved again and again. There was a crack as the door gave way.

Pushing it open, he ran in. Hilary was in the bath. She was lying back, eyes closed, one arm trailing over the side. The water was pink.

Daphne called for an ambulance while Mark ripped up a towel and tried to stem the flow of blood from Hilary’s wrist. A razor blade lay on the side of the bath – presumably she had used that. Miraculously, she was still breathing.

The children, thank heavens, arrived just after the ambulance had left so he was able to play it down. Mummy had fallen in the bath and gone to hospital. He was going there now to be with her and Daphne would look after them.

Florrie was shaking with fear and he pulled her towards him, holding her tight. How could Hilary have been so wicked? Of course Florrie was his.

‘Is Mummy going to be all right?’ she asked, her voice muffled in his jumper. He wanted to say yes, but there had been too many lies. Too many fudges. So instead he held out his other arm to Freddy and drew him in too, as he had done when they were little. ‘I hope so. But she’s in good hands and, remember, I’m always here for you.’

LETTER TO MR MARK SUMMERS

Dear Mr Summers,

Thank you for your letter of last week, outlining the unfortunate problems with your son Freddy. I can assure you that, as the chairman of the governors, I take bullying and racism very seriously. Investigations are being carried out and we will update you accordingly. In the meantime, I hope Freddy will recover soon from his bout of influenza.

Yours sincerely,

Theobald Hepplethwaite

EMAIL TO LISA SMITH

Deer Lisa, Im sory I haven’t replyed but Ive been very bisy. Good luk with the baby. Ill try and cum and see you soon.

Mum

WHAT MUMS KNOW

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You don’t have to live life just for the weekend.

CHUCKLE CORNER FROM ANON OF ALDERSHOT

Hearsay is what toddlers do every time you swear.

PARENTING NEWS

Survey reveals that the average child receives £500 worth of Christmas presents.

62

From Scummy Mummy to What Mums Know: Isn’t it awful about that missing kid? I think nurseries should tag them. I couldn’t think of anything worse than losing a child.

Caroline and Roger waited impatiently at the tinsel-festooned barrier as a long, straggly line of travellers went past. Some looked around hopefully, presumably for loved ones or taxis to meet  them. Others strode straight ahead. A father went past with a small child on his shoulders and his arm round a woman.

Caroline’s chest tightened. She couldn’t remember when Roger had last put his arm round her as they walked along. It seemed so long, too, since their children had been the size of that little one. Now they were a sticking plaster for their marriage, a plaster that was fast losing its grip.

‘There she is!’ Roger leaped forward. She hadn’t seen him beam like that for ages. ‘Bella, we’re here.’

A tall, tanned young woman with tightly plaited hair bounded up, a grubby black haversack thumping heavily on her back. ‘Mum! Dad!’ She hugged Caroline first, then Roger.

‘Let me look at you.’ Caroline cradled her daughter’s face in her hands. It had been so long since she’d seen her that she’d almost forgotten the exact shape of her nose and that mole on her chin. She hugged her tighter. ‘Bella, we were so scared.’

‘I know, Mum. That’s why I came back early. And I’d had enough, to be honest.’ Her eyes filled with tears. ‘I still can’t believe that Katy and Steve are dead. I just wanted to come home.’

But home had changed, thought Caroline, as they walked to the car. Annabel had been away for more than six months and so much had happened since then.

As soon as they got back she made her starving daughter a bacon sandwich, then stole up to the study and logged on, her heart beating fast. No more from Beware. In one way, that was a relief. But it might mean that whoever had sent the message was about to carry out their threat and tell Roger.

She had to get in first and come clean. In a way, it was almost ironic. She had forgiven her husband for his affair. But would he forgive her, and did she want him to?

She went downstairs. Roger was sitting on the sofa, reading the paper. She wondered why people were invariably doing normal things when their world was about to be shattered.

‘Can we talk?’

He looked at her, eyes cold. ‘Of course.’

She closed the door behind her. ‘There’s something I need to tell you.’

‘What?’

‘I’m seeing someone else.’

‘You’re
what
?’

‘I’m seeing someone else.’ Her voice didn’t belong to her.

‘Is it serious?’

‘Yes.’

‘Do I know him?’

‘No.’

‘I see.’

She sank on to a chair. ‘Don’t you want to know anything about him? How long it’s been going on? What he’s like?’

Roger stood up. ‘I’m not in the slightest bit interested, although, I must say, you do pick your moments. Our daughter has only just returned and you have to drop this bombshell.’

‘But what do you want to do? Shall I move out? Will you?’

‘I really can’t think about that yet. I need to get my head round it. I suppose you’ve done it out of spite to pay me back.’

‘No.’ She shook her head vigorously. ‘It’s not like that. But, as a matter of interest, if I said I was sorry, would you forgive me?’

‘Like you said you’d forgiven me?’ Roger laughed. ‘Don’t you see, Caroline? You’ve never forgiven me. That was the problem. But, if you want, I
am
prepared to go on with our marriage for the sake of the children. Are you?’

‘I don’t know.’ The enormity of what she had done hit her now. She stood up and made for the door. ‘I really don’t know,’ she repeated to herself, as she shut the door behind her, with Roger on the other side, and began to walk up the stairs to the sanctity of her bedroom.

She lay for a while on the bed, trying to imagine life with Roger over the next few years if she stayed.

Yes, it might be better for the children, providing she was able to mask her own emotions. But she’d been doing that for the past two years and it hadn’t worked. She buried her face in the pillow.

‘Be honest,’ she told herself. From the minute that Mark’s lips had met hers, she had known that she and Roger were over for ever.

‘Mum,’ said a small voice beside her.

Caroline opened her eyes. Georgie had crept in and was lying next to her. ‘You and Dad were rowing again, weren’t you?’

‘Sort of.’ She stroked her daughter’s hair. ‘But it’s normal, you know, like you fall out with your friends sometimes.’

‘Sure?’

Georgie’s eyes penetrated hers and Caroline flinched. ‘Sure.’

All that evening, including when they lay down on opposite sides of the bed, Roger behaved as though nothing had happened, as if to prove that he really wanted to carry on. The only clue was that he was even stiffer than usual.

When she woke up the following morning, he was already in the shower. It was such a terrible muddle and she still didn’t know what to do. She needed to tell Mark what had happened but his answerphone was on and the mobile off. Why? Surely he had had some opportunity to make a private phone call unless he had changed his mind about her. Cold doubt spread over her body from the centre of her ribs.

‘Morning,’ said the cheery receptionist at work. She had red tinsel in her hair. ‘How are you?’

My life is falling to bits around me, was what she wanted to say.

Zelda’s desk was empty and scarily tidy.

‘She’s gone.’ Diana was stunningly cool in beige silk. ‘I had a word with HR and released her from working out her notice. I don’t want anyone like that on my staff. She was lucky we didn’t take disciplinary action.’

‘How will she manage?’ Caroline thought of the baby on the way and Aurora at home.

‘I’m afraid that’s her problem. How was Annabel?’

‘Older and a bit shaken. She was still asleep when I left this morning. Thank you for everything.’

‘You’ve got to do whatever you can for your kids.’

She was right. Even if it meant putting yourself last.

By the time she got home she still hadn’t heard from Mark.

Caroline felt extremely foolish. Had she been so desperate for love that she had fallen for the first man who showed her affection, then dropped her when she returned it?

‘Mum!’

Annabel met her at the front door, decidedly cleaner than when Caroline had left. ‘Thank God you’re home.’

‘What’s happened?’

‘It’s Ben. No, don’t go into the sitting room. He’s in there, sulking. Come up to the study. There’s something I’ve got to show you. I found it when I came out of the shower.’

A condom in Ben’s room perhaps? If so, she’d found them there before and not said anything. Teenagers were trained to use condoms now in the same way they’d been trained to wash their hands after the loo.

But it wasn’t that.

Caroline stared at the screen.

From Beware to Mimi: This affair has got to stop.

‘I saw Ben writing it just now,’ said Annabel tersely. ‘It looks as though he’s blackmailing someone.’

Caroline’s heart pounded in her ears as Ben came up the stairs and stood quietly beside her.

‘It was you,’ she said. ‘You sent the messages. But how did you know? Why?’

‘I was trying to stop you, Mum.’ Ben actually had tears in his eyes. He
never
cried. He hadn’t even as a little boy. ‘I read your messages to him. I know I shouldn’t have but you were acting so weirdly and you were always checking your messages. When I found that – that sick stuff you were sending each other, I thought I could stop you before it went any further.’

‘You were blackmailing
Mum
?’ Annabel shook him by the shoulders. ‘Why?’

His nose was dripping now. ‘Because I wanted to scare her off so it would be all right between her and Dad.’

Something had changed in Annabel’s face. ‘You’ve been having an affair?’

Caroline’s heart lurched with shame and guilt.

‘Oh, darlings.’ She clasped her children to her even though they were both taller. What had she done to them? This was her worst nightmare come true. They’d never forgive her. Never.

‘It’s over,’ she babbled. ‘Well, it will be. I know it’s hard for you to understand but I was lonely and—’

‘Do you love him?’ Ben’s eyes were boring into her.

He deserved the truth but it was so hard. She hesitated.

‘Of course she does, Ben,’ butted in Annabel, angrily. ‘You know how Dad’s behaved. Doesn’t she deserve some happiness?’

She felt her shoulders lifting with the unexpected support. ‘It’s not what it looks like,’ she began.

Ben was staring at her with a hard, hurt look she had never seen before. ‘So are you and Dad going to split up? I need to know.’

‘Would you cope if we did?’

He didn’t answer.

‘Yes, we would, Ben,’ said Annabel firmly.

Caroline took a deep breath. ‘Then I think . . .’

She stopped at the sound of a key in the lock downstairs.

‘He’s home,’ said Annabel. Her voice sounded different. There was something adult in it that Caroline had never heard before. ‘I can’t believe it. I go away for a few months and everything changes.’

‘No,’ said Caroline quickly. ‘No, it hasn’t.’

She pulled her daughter to her but Ben turned away. ‘It will be all right,’ she said desperately.

Ben made a sort of choking sound, as though he was trying not to cry again. ‘Come off it, Mum. It’s fucking finished. Isn’t it?’