Love Lasts Forever (21 page)

25
th
June 2011, Transiting Indian Ocean

I swallowed hard and fought the huge lump rising in my throat. I reached for the water jug on the desk toward my left and poured a glass of water. Within a minute I gulped down three glasses. I didn’t realize I was that thirsty. From behind the table, Captain’s eyes were fixed on me, and a faint smile bordered his lips.

‘
That’s it sir,’ I said, placing the glass back on the desk. ‘I have planned to divorce her this time when I’m back home. I’ll forget everything and lead a peaceful life thereafter.’

             
‘Ah, is it so?’ he said, leaning back and interlinking his fingers across his stomach.

             
‘Yes sir.’

             
He took a deep breath, and I could tell from his expression he was in deep thoughts.

‘
OK, first things first,’ he said, placing the palm of his hand under his chin. ‘Do you love her?’

             
I pondered. The memory of the last few months flashed in my mind.

‘
Not anymore,’ I replied firmly.

             
‘You sure?’ he lowered his head and stared at me from over the rim of his glasses. ‘She was your first love, wasn’t she? You think you’ll forget her just like that.’ He clicked his fingers in the air.

             
I looked down and ran my fingers over the wooden table in front. Before answering I looked up, and said, ‘yes she was, and yeah I’ll forget her.’

             
‘Really,’ he leaned forward, the couch squeaking beneath him. ‘You know what Ronit, open your ears and listen carefully to what I’m gonna tell you now.’

I nodded
.

‘
When you fall in love for the first time, you can never get that person out of your mind for the rest of your life. You can never do that! You might learn to love again, or move on, or find another life partner, but the memories of your first love would always remain, no matter how hard you try to get them away…’ He trailed off removing his spectacles and stared at me directly through those big, brown eyes.

‘
Do you not see me?’ he asked with a slight shake of his head. ‘It’s been four decades when I first fell in love with Shikha, but she’s still here.’ He tapped the left side of his chest with his hand. ‘I haven’t seen her in like…three decades but I still love her. I can
never
forget her and you know why?’ He paused for a moment, but continued without waiting for a response, ‘because she was my first love.’

I said nothing and put some light on his words. I shook my head at the realization.

‘
You know what, sir,’ I said. ‘Maybe you are right; maybe I’ll never forget her. But those memories would not be of love, instead of anger and resentment, and maybe regret.’

He smiled
. ‘Oh dear, you don’t know what you are talking about.’ The grin didn’t leave his face. ‘Of course, even after your separation you’ll still love her.’

‘
No way, sir,’ I said with a wave, shifting on my seat. ‘You can’t love someone forever, especially after getting married to the same person.’

‘
Of course, you can,’ he said, frowning. ‘Where did you get such false innuendos about life? Why is your
sms
generation so damn cynical? Am I not in love with my wife? And that’s when I haven’t even been with her in a long, long time.’

‘Oh sir, I don’t know about –’

‘OK, let’s leave the love part aside,’ he snapped. ‘You think
you
have done your part as a husband?’

I nodded.
‘Of course, what more can a woman want.’

The smile on his face returned.
‘Well, you know what Ronit, I don’t think so.’

I shrugged.
‘And why is that?’

‘
Alright, look…’

T
he phone in his cabin rang again. He answered it. ‘Hmm…okay…alright…is it a lot? Yeah, okay, we’ll come.’

‘
Let’s take this upstairs, Ronit,’ he said, removing his navy blue cap from the hook on his left, and setting it neatly over his head. ‘There is a bit of traffic in this area and second officer is not too confident about it.’

‘
Sure sir.’

We made our way to the top most part of the ship – the navigation bridge. Fitted with
tempered glass windows all around, it offered an unfettered three sixty degree view to the ocean ahead, so absolutely nothing went unnoticed.

The sun was
bright and the gray clouds failed to obscure it. The sea was almost calm and the waves caught the sunlight in its arms that shone at us. There were few ships around us, perhaps headed to the Gulf of Aden which would connect to the Red Sea that would further flow into the Mediterranean Sea. However, for now, I was sure all seafarers on these ships would want to pass safely without getting hijacked by the pirates of Somalia.

As for me, I wasn’t really sure.

‘Alright, Ronit,’ Captain said, after taking over the watch and settling on the pilot chair. ‘Where was I?’

‘
You were telling me I haven’t been a good husband.’ I frowned.

‘
Oh yeah, of course,’ he chuckled, making the skin at the corner of his eyes crinkle. ‘So the first point I would like to make is that marriage is a compromise. No more, no less. You gain some, you lose some. Now look at your wife Aisha - she left her city, left her home and family to live with you. That’s the biggest sacrifice any woman can make. But you didn’t value that sacrifice. Of course, any girl would have a problem adjusting in a new home with a new family. You ought to give her some time. But instead what did you do, you always fought with her.’

He narrowed his eyes at me
to the size of a slit. ‘Then when your family messed around with her, you
never
supported her. I’m not blaming your family if that’s what you’re thinking; they have their own problems, but trust me any woman wouldn’t mind all that provided her husband supports her. Instead, you chose to ignore her and partied with your friends. Now what sort of a wife would accept that?’

I
averted his gaze.

‘
Ronit, look…’ He paused till his eyes met mine again. ‘Before marriage you were desperate to live with her, but later when you got all that so easily, you took things for granted. You can never take love for granted, always remember that. You say you want a divorce, but when you actually get separated, you’ll realize her true worth in your life. Why are you turning your back on love so soon? Give it a chance. Divorce is not the solution, trust me. We did that and I have regretted that decision every single day of my life. Getting old with the person you love is the most remarkable dream any human can achieve. I ruined mine up, but you still have a chance. This girl loves you, I’m sure you also love her. Look at the last day; she was still trying by giving you a letter. Wake up before it’s too late.’

‘
Alright sir, stop!’ I folded my hands, almost begging him. ‘It’s easier said than done. You don’t know my problem. And if you valued love so much, then why did you divorce your wife? You were also fed up of your wife, right? It’s easier to give lessons to others, but harder to implement them. And if you loved her so much, then you could have got back together with her. Why did you not do that, huh?’

Disappointment loomed over Captain’s
face. He looked into the distance and appeared lost in his thoughts. Then slowly, looking back at me, he said, ‘I’ll tell you why…’

29. Captain’s story - 6

1980, Nagpur

There is nothing more powerful and splendid than the feeling of being in love
; more so when you are loved back by the same person; even more so when you have married that person and plan to spend the rest of your life with her.

             
Yes, I was the blessed one. Only few people in this world are fortunate enough to experience love in its fullest form as me.

             
It had been close to a month since we moved in a rented apartment in the southern part of this city after moving out from the orphanage. Though, I must admit, we missed our pals there and the simple life of the orphanage often, however, it never lasted a few moments.

We had consummated our marriage on the very first ni
ght itself, exploring our naked bodies for the first time against the silver-blue light of the moon pouring over us. The rest of the night was spent wrapped in each other’s arms.

In time we realized
purchase of a double bed had been a wrong idea. More often than not, through the night and into the morning, we found ourselves curled into one another on one side of the bed. The bed sheet on the other half remained neat and crisp, as it had been the night before.

Mornings were
the best part of my day with her warm body snuggled against mine and her face tucked under my chin. And then as my eyes would open gradually to the most pleasant sight in the world, I’d be struck with a realization together with a self-realizing smile that I had to be the luckiest man in the world.

After we woke up slowly, sometimes we made love again and other t
imes, stopped our self after foreplay. It felt good to be in control of our desires sometimes.

That’s what Shikha used to say.
I hated those mornings.

After our morning rituals
as she made breakfast, I pondered over my options, flicking through various newspapers in search of a job. Although I had a job in a transportation company few months back, I had left it in hope of finding a full day job. Besides the money earned there was enough as long as we were in the orphanage with food and shelter looked after, but certainly insufficient to run a family. I had some savings from that job which were to last a few weeks or utmost a month, if we lived frugally. However, we never let that bother us; we had had our share of tough days. Absolutely nothing could dishearten us, more so, as we were together.

After breakfast, we left for
companies nearby in hope for a job. Yes, we. I never did anything alone; rather we never did anything alone. We found it very distressing to be away for each other. So she’d accompany me for the interviews, waiting outside, while I accompanied her for various household chores like buying vegetables, milk, et cetera.

Life was going on wonderful that way. After the interview, we
’d roam around the city, romanticize on the banks of the various lakes Nagpur had to offer, and reminisce our old times. Sometimes we visited the orphanage, met our friends, our teachers, and had long chats into the evenings. Other days we’d watch new released movies, sometimes explored Nagpur’s restaurants, and had long walks with our fingers interlinked against each other before returning to our home. Shikha would go on bantering about our old times and I would just listen to her and enjoy the lilt of her voice. At times I would hardly listen and inwardly thank God for the wonderful partner I was blessed with.

Then few week
s later, I could sense a shade of panic in our home. We’d been married for more than a month which also meant I was jobless for that long. I didn’t possess any high brow educational qualifications, but then, I never looked for any high brow jobs either. All I wanted was a decent job which would take care of our finances. Alongside, I had enrolled for a correspondence course from the Nagpur University, and I hadn’t forgotten the promise I made to Baba.

Thankfully, t
wo weeks later I got a job in a packaging company. Salary was modest but sufficient. But with the job came a niggling thought we’d never anticipated. We
had
to be away from each other for more than ten hours in a day. Now that wasn’t easy as since the time we’d known each other, we’d never been away for that long.

The following Monday
Shikha was cooking breakfast, and the delicious aroma of
aloo paranthas
wafted toward our room. I was getting ready for the first day at work, and followed the scent in the kitchen and held Shikha from behind, my arms tight around her belly. Her trembling shoulders and rapid breathing made my throat tighten instinctively, hit by the sudden realization. She was crying. I hauled her over to face me. Her eyes were red and swollen, and it appeared to me she’d been crying for some time.

‘Oh, Shikha,’ I sighed. ‘You’re crying? Why?’

I cupped her face in my hands and tilted it upward toward me.

It took a minute
for her to answer. ‘Because you’re leaving for your job,’ she replied. Her voice was a squeal. ‘What will I do alone till the evening,’ she added sadly.

‘
Aw Shikha, come on.’ I leaned forward and kissed her forehead. ‘Don’t be silly, I’ll be back by evening. Then we’ll go out, have dinner, and take a long walk…’ I wiped her tears slowly. ‘It’ll be fun,’ I added breathily.

‘
Yeah.’ A wave of smile swept past her face as she sniffed. ‘I’m so crazy, I love you so much.’ She wrapped her arms so tight behind me, I almost gasped for breath. ‘I’ll wait for you in the evening.’