Love, Lies & The D.A. (56 page)

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“Tell
me, what’s on your mind?” I ask her.

After
a long silence, she asks, “Were you ever really hurt?”

“Yes.
Two bullets grazed the side of my head. It was close enough to fracture my
skull, but not deep enough to damage my brain. I was also shot in the chest.”

I remove
the ponytail holder, part my hair, and take her hand, guiding her fingers so
she sees and feels my scars.

“Are
you okay now?”

“I
am.”

“Where
are we?”

“Some
place in Montana… Jada, he needed to think I was dead or he’d come after you.”

“That
might be true, but I didn’t need to think you were dead.”

“I
didn’t want to risk him coming after you, not after what you’d been through.”

She
remains silent, looking into my eyes as we lie facing each other.

“I
knew this would be hard on you and my family, but the alternative was worse.”

“Do
you have any idea what the last few months have been like?”

I can
tell she’s upset, but she’s not shouting; she’s actually speaking very softly.

“It’s
a decision I questioned every day, but at the time, I did what I felt was best
for your safety.”

She
looks at me. I know this hurt her; her eyes say it all. She looks so
conflicted.

“I’m
sorry this hurt you,” I say, wiping her tears away with my thumbs.

She
doesn’t respond. For the first time, it occurs to me this might have ruined
what we shared. Despite my best intentions, I let her believe I was dead and
that hurt her. I think she might feel that I didn’t trust her by not confiding
in her. I understand how she feels. I’d probably feel the same way, but it’s
too late to second-guess a decision I had to make on the spur of the moment
months ago.

It was
rough for me too. Trusting my family’s safety to people I didn’t know at the
FBI was the most difficult decision I’ve ever made. But it was better than
having the mob go after them either to hurt them or because they were trying to
find me. It’s not as if I was in the condition to protect them, anyway.

“What
are you thinking?” I question.

She
sighs, rolling unto her back. “I’m happy you’re alive and well. I’m so happy
you’re alive…”

“But?”

“For
months, I felt I was responsible for your death. Johnny, we had a memorial, we
threw away your ashes… Do you know how difficult that was? Do you have any idea
how much that hurt? It broke my heart. I thought I’d never see you again.”

Her face
is red from her crying. I prop my head up on my hand, watching as the tears
slide to the side of her face.

“I’ve
been trying for the last few months to figure out why all this was happening.
Why you would come into my life and then be taken away from me, and then I find
out… How am I supposed to feel?”

“I was
trying to protect you and my family.”

“I
understand that, and I appreciate you doing that, but it doesn’t take away all
the heartache. You didn’t trust me, and because of that, your family and I had
to endure months of agony.”

“Baby,
I did what I had to do with very little time to make a decision. My only
concern at that time was your safety. That was my only priority then. If I had
to do it again, I might have made a different decision, but I can’t. I’m sorry
that this hurt you, but I’m not going to apologize for putting your safety
first.”

She
doesn’t respond, but it looks like she’s processing what I said. I’m so afraid
that, after all this, I’ll lose her. I could have never imagined how much this
would have affected her, despite the fact that Phillip told me.

“Tell
me what I can do to fix this,” I whisper.

“I don’t
know,” she murmurs. “I don’t expect you to do anything. You saved my life. What
more could I want?”

“I
want you to be okay again.”

“Maybe
I just need time. I’ve been living one day to the next, and now, I suddenly
find out you’re alive. I need some time to readjust.”

“Jada,
I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

“You
don’t have to apologize. I don’t want you to. I’m just confused.”

“Do
you still love me?”

“Yes, of
course I still love you,” she says, holding my hand. “I’ll never stop loving
you.”

“And I
love you. So let’s start there.” I surround her in my arms once more. Slowly, I
feel the tension leave her body while her tears soak my sweater.

“I
miss you so much,” she eventually whispers.

“I
miss you too, Baby. You’re going to be okay. It’s been a rough year, but we’re
going to make it through this. You’re going to be fine.”

“I’ve
tried so hard to get things back to normal. I don’t even know what normal is
anymore…”

“We’ll
get each other back on track. How was Chile?”

“Beautiful…
and lonely.”

“We’ll
have to go back one day and change that.”

She
smiles at my response, and that gives me some more hope that we will be okay.

“How’s
it been here?”

“Boring…
but also beautiful and lonely. It’s taken a lot to get used to. I’ve been
completely cut off from civilization. No phones, no internet, no cable TV.
Thank goodness for DVDs. I’ve been tempted to end this so many times and come
home to you, but… I was so worried about you.”

“I’d
call your phone hoping you’d answer, or just so I could hear your voice mail
message. I didn’t want to believe you were gone. I kept hoping it was some sort
of mistake. It only started to really sink in at the memorial when I saw the
urn, then it hit home when I threw the last of your ashes away.”

“I’m
so sorry you went through that. Maybe if I had more time to think about it, I
would have chosen otherwise. I was rushed to a hospital somewhere where I had
surgery. I have a small piece of metal covering the hole in my head now. The
bullet in my chest was inches away from my heart. The FBI came to see me soon
after I was out of surgery and told me that Rossellini had escaped, and it
would probably be best if I were taken into protective custody.

At the
time, I didn’t feel that I was in the condition to be able to protect you. I
was recovering in a bed somewhere, so I agreed to let him think I was dead. For
my safety, but also yours. He told me that he was going to kill you to teach me
what it felt like to have a loved one taken away. That’s why I agreed to do it.
If he even suspected I was alive, I couldn’t be sure that he wouldn’t go after
you or my family. I’m sorry it caused you pain, but I thought it was the best
decision under the circumstances.”

“I
understand,” she replies then tightens her grip around me. “How long did
Phillip know?”

“He
only found out after Rossellini was arrested.”

“So
within a week of your so-called death. I’ve been so angry with him… and you.”

“I
know. Forgive me?”

“I
do…” she replies softly. “But don’t ever do anything that crazy again.”

Truthfully,
for her, I’d do it again in a heartbeat, but I can’t tell her that.

“He’s
been a really great friend. He arranged for me to get things to make life a
little more comfortable up here. Then as soon as I found out Rossellini had
changed his plea and I wouldn’t have to testify, I couldn’t wait anymore.”

“Why
didn’t you come home?”

“They
thought I should wait till Rossellini was sentenced and sent to prison. They
wanted where he’d be sent to be finalized first.”

“I
hope they send him and his helpers as far away from California as possible.”

“That’s
exactly what they’re trying to do. He may end up somewhere in Colorado, but
that will take a little while. I couldn’t wait anymore. I missed you so much.”

“I
miss you too. It’s been so hard.”

“I
know. For me too.”

“I
know it must have been. I’m sorry if I came across as ungrateful or unsympathetic.”

“You
didn’t. I knew this was a conversation that we’d need to have. I’m so thankful
that you understand. I’ve seen a psychologist, and he’s warned me that this may
not be easy for everyone to process when I return home.”

“Are
you okay? How have you been? What have your days been like?”

“It’s
been rough. I’ve been doing a lot of reading and some biking. I’ve done some
exploring here too, but having agents on your ass all the time gets tiring
after a while. The only time I really feel like I have absolute privacy is when
I’m in here… Then it gets lonely.”

“Thank
you.”

“For
what?”

“Doing
all this for me. You put your life on the line to protect me. I could never
repay you for that.”

“You
don’t have to thank me. I did it because I love you, and I want you to be
happy.”

“I
love you too. I’m so happy you’re alive. Believing you were dead… entirely
different story.”

I slip
her hair to the side of her face and kiss her lightly on her lips.

“I’m
fine. And in a few weeks, we’ll start a new life together.”

She
smiles. “A normal one?”

“A
normal one.”

She
leans over, placing her body above mine, and hugs me. For the first time, I
notice she’s wearing the bracelet I gave her. I kiss her lightly on the lips. I’m
eager to make love to her, but after the emotional roller coaster she’s been
on, I’m not sure if she’s ready.
There
is so much I’ve missed—the feel of my fingers sinking into her hair, the smell
of her perfume, and she’s always tasted of strawberries.

I hold
her in my arms, kissing her lightly on her cheek. Slowly, my palms roam over
her back, her waist, then down to her ass. Her beautiful eyes meet mine, and
her lips join mine. She slightly opens her mouth and teases me with her tongue.
I welcome the invitation and fully circle her in my arms while pleasuring her
lips. She tastes just the way I remember, and as she immerses her tongue into
my mouth, I realize I have to have her.

“God,
Jada. I miss you so much.”

“I
miss you, too.”

My
hands skim across her, the flesh of her arms and then her back, and I am dying
to touch her supple ass. I pull away the light fabric of her dress, and I am
thankful to find her barely there panties. The feel of her flesh ignites a fire
inside me. It feels like my erection will rip through my jeans.

I’m
thankful she’s not holding back. As I pull her thong aside, I sink my fingers
inside her and her warm core surrounds me. While I tease her, her kisses grow passionately,
and her hand travels to the button on my jeans where she eagerly releases it
and pushes them and my underwear away.

I find
the hidden zipper of her dress then free it and slip the sleeves over her
shoulders, revealing a sexy navy bra and her flawless skin. I rid her of her
remaining clothing and throw her red-hot pumps to the floor then roll over her
so she is now buried beneath me. She pulls my sweater over my head, and her
eyes transfix on the two scars on my chest. Her fingertips lightly caress them
then she kisses them softly.

“Does
it hurt?” she asks softly.

“Not
anymore.”

“Were
you in a lot of pain?”

“For
the first couple weeks, but I’m fine now. You don’t need to worry.”

“I
love you,” she whispers.

“I
love you too, so much.”

I
lower my body over hers and tenderly pleasure her lips with mine while slowly gratifying
her core. She circles her arm around my neck, kneading her body into mine as I
take much pleasure in stimulating her.

I
lower myself onto the bed. Lying on my stomach, I sink my fingers into her. I
stroke her then kiss her and penetrate my tongue inside her. She tastes sweet,
exactly like I remember. I suck her gently, and as I work my tongue over the
pinnacle of her pleasure, sounds of her trembled breathing radiate through the
room. As I continue to please her, her body slithers and slides in a sensual
sway. When I notice her fingers grasping the sheets, I know she’s close to
breaking free.

“Oh God,
Jonathan,” she gasps.

I don’t
relent. She’s on the border of her release.

She
pulls me towards her and captivates my lips. Extending one of her legs aside, I
rotate my fingers over her, her breathing grows labored, and I can feel her
losing control.

“Let
it go, Baby. I miss watching you come. I want to see you come.”

I rub
her harder and faster. Her grip on me grows tighter as she buckles under the pressure.
Convulsing in my arms, I bring her to her release. Slowly, in my arms, she
calms.

I
surround her body, kissing her lightly, nibbling away at her lips. She circles
my erection firmly in her hand, massaging me as my tongue penetrates her mouth
deeper and deeper.