Love, Lucas (16 page)

“Well, no, but it’s
your
life. He should support whatever you want to do.”

“It’s not that simple.”

“It
is
that simple. He should at least give you his blessing.”

He stands suddenly. “He won’t. I already know what he’ll say. He’s already said it before. It all comes down to the same thing. The stupid shop. That’s all he cares about. He won’t help me out if I go into something else. And there’s no way I can afford to go without his help.”

“Have you talked to him about how you feel about being a veterinarian?
Really
talked to him about it? Or do you just drop it altogether when he says something?”

He clenches his jaw and doesn’t say anything. His whole body is tense and, by the way he’s acting, I have a feeling he’s mad at not only his dad, but me as well. I don’t know what I’ve done to make him angry though.

“Talk to him. Tell him what you’re going to do and just do it. I’m sure he’ll come around.”

“I’ve tried,” he snaps.

“Maybe you should try harder.” I shut my mouth. I shouldn’t be giving him advice when I can’t even talk to Mom.

I shrink under his glare, thinking he’s going to yell at me, but he doesn’t. He just takes a step back and looks at the papers in his hand again. “You know, I’m tired. I should go.” He doesn’t look at me, doesn’t say goodbye, just walks back to his house. I stare after him until he goes in and slams the door behind him.

What just happened?

CHAPTER 14

I go straight to my room. As usual, I read a letter from Lucas to make me feel better.

DEAR OAKLEY,

HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHAT HEAVEN LOOKS LIKE? I HAVE. I’VE HEARD IT’S BEAUTIFUL. PEACEFUL. I’M HOPING IT’S TRUE. I DON’T THINK I COULD DEAL WITH UNICORNS AND RAINBOWS OR SOMETHING WEIRD LIKE THAT.

I WONDER IF THEY PLAY BASKETBALL THERE. THAT WOULD BE ALL KINDS OF AWESOME. YOU SHOULD PICTURE ME PLAYING BASKETBALL WHEN THERE’S A THUNDERSTORM. THE THUNDER WOULD PROBABLY BE ME SWEARING THOUGH . . . HA HA.

I HOPE IT’S WARM. WITH LOTS OF SUNSHINE AND TREES AND GRASS. GREEN. ALIVE. A PLACE I CAN BE CONTENT AND HAPPY. PARADISE.

LOVE, LUCAS

I reread the letter several times. Not because it doesn’t make sense, but because Lucas seemed to have it all figured out before he died. I hope he’s playing basketball every day.

The front door opens and I put Lucas’s notebook away before going to see who’s home. Dad sees me first and I run to him. He picks me up in his big arms and squeezes me tight. He smells like he’s had a cappuccino. I love that smell.

“I’ve missed you,” he says. He sets me down and looks me over. “You look too skinny. Has Jo been feeding you?”

I laugh. “I haven’t even been here long enough to starve, Dad. And Jo’s feeding me just fine.”

“Good.”

Mom appears behind him and gives me a small smile before going in the kitchen and pouring herself a glass of water.

Dad sits down on Jo’s couch and pats the cushion next to him. “Tell me about surfing. I want to know how you managed to learn something as cool as that.”

I tell him. About everything. Surfing, Carson—making sure to leave the kissing part out, of course—the whales, going to Jo’s work. It’s just like it used to be. He listens and laughs. It’s like he’s been here with us the whole time. Like nothing’s changed. We sit there for what seems like hours. It takes me a while to realize something’s missing.

“Where’s Mom?” I ask and look around.

Dad shrugs and glances at his watch. “She’s tired, I think.”

“Oh.” Just when I was starting to feel like I belonged to a normal family, she disappears. Did she want to leave us alone? Or was she avoiding Dad?

Dad taps his fingers on his knee and glances at his watch again.

“Do you have somewhere to be?” I ask.

He smiles, though I can tell it’s forced. “I do, actually. My flight leaves in a few hours.”

“What?” I look around and notice he has no luggage with him. “You’re not staying?”

He shakes his head. “I just came here to see you. I wanted to see how you’re doing. Mom told you what’s going on, I’m sure.”

I nod and swallow the sudden lump in my throat. “You’re getting divorced.” So it’s really happening then. And I had the false hope that they were going to work things out. Like in that movie,
The Parent Trap
, I used to watch as a kid.

He closes his eyes and rubs a hand over them. “We can’t fix this, Oakley. We’re both broken. We care about each other, of course, but it’s not enough to save our marriage. It’s for the best.”

“Have you even tried to work it out? Have you talked about it? I’m sure there’s something—”

“I’m sorry, pumpkin.” He grabs my hand and squeezes it. The look on his face says it all. He’s done trying.

I look down at our hands. “Why did you even come here then?”

“I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“You could have called instead of wasting your time and money.”

“I’m not wasting my time. I want to make sure you’re okay with this. And to see if you like it here. If you don’t . . . I mean . . . if you’d like to come back home with me, you’re more than welcome.”

I stare at him. “You want me to live with you instead of Mom?”

He nods. “If you’d like. You’re almost eighteen, so you can make your own decision. All your stuff is where it was before you left. You can come back with me right now and things will be like they were before.”

I smile a little even though I know he’s wrong. Things will never be like they were before. Not without Lucas, and not without Mom. His offer is tempting. Part of me wants to go home. I haven’t even seen Lucas’s headstone yet, and to be honest, I miss my little town. But another part of me wants to stay. I like it here. I like hanging out with Jo and being with Carson. And I know I need to work things out with Mom. Fix the rift that has come between us. I can’t leave. Not yet.

“You don’t want to leave,” he says. He gives me a sad smile. “I can see it in your eyes. You like it here.”

“It’s not that, Dad. I just . . .” I sigh. “It’s just different. And I need different right now.”

He squeezes my hand again and stands. “I understand.” And by the look on his face, I really think he’s telling the truth. He looks at his watch again. “I’ve got to get going. Don’t want to miss that flight. I have to be at work bright and early.”

Work. It’s always about work. He holds his arms open and I go to him. He hugs me tight and I know I’m probably breaking his heart by not leaving with him. It makes me sad to think of him alone in the house with all of our things.

“Thanks for coming to see me, Dad. It’s not the same without you here.”

He smiles. “I wish I could stay longer, but I’m glad I came. And you are welcome home anytime. You know that, right?”

“Of course. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” We hug again as Mom walks into the room.

“You ready to go?” she asks. Her voice is cold as she addresses him and my heart aches. I hate seeing them like this but there’s nothing I can do.

He lets go of me and nods. “Yes.”

“Let’s get going.” She looks at me. “Jo should be home any minute, Oakley. I’ll be back in an hour or so.”

“Okay.”

Dad follows her to the door, gives me another one of his sad smiles, and shuts the door behind him.

I stare at the door for a long time, wondering if I’ve done the right thing.

CHAPTER 15

DEAR OAKLEY,

SOMETIMES PEOPLE SUCK. LIKE THAT ONE TIME WHEN I LEFT MY WALLET AT THAT RESTAURANT AND SOMEONE STOLE IT. THEY COULD HAVE BEEN NICE AND GIVEN IT TO A SERVER, BUT NO. THEY TOOK IT HOME AND STOLE MY TWENTY BUCKS. I HAD TO GO THE STUPID DMV AND GET A NEW LICENSE. THAT WAS FUN. I THOUGHT I’D NEVER HEAR THE END OF IT FROM MOM. AND TODAY, SOMEONE STOLE MY SNICKERS OFF MY LUNCH TRAY. I THINK IT WAS MY NEW NURSE. SHE HAS IT OUT FOR ME, AND I SWEAR I COULD SMELL CHOCOLATE ON HER BREATH WHEN SHE CAME IN EARLIER.

I REALLY WANTED THAT SNICKERS. EAT A FEW FOR ME, OKAY? EVEN THOUGH I KNOW YOU LIKE MILKY WAYS BETTER. AT LEAST EAT ONE SNICKERS FOR ME. I’LL MISS THEM.

LOVE, LUCAS

It’s late. Like 2 a.m. late. I set Lucas’s notebook back on the nightstand and lie back on my bed. I’ve tossed and turned for hours and can’t sleep. I can’t stop thinking about Dad’s offer. I know he misses me, and I miss him, but something is keeping me here. I decide not to dwell on it and think about my other problem: my earlier conversation with Carson. It replays over and over in my head. He was mad and it’s my fault. I know I shouldn’t have told him to talk to his dad. It wasn’t my place to say anything like that.

I have to apologize.

I know it’s stupid but I sneak out of my room. Maybe he’s awake like me. And if not, I’ll figure something out. I make it halfway to Carson’s house and realize what I’m wearing. A white tank and bright pink board shorts. Nice. At least I’m wearing a bra, I guess.

I sneak around Carson’s house and see a light coming from a basement window. I’m sure it’s not his parents’ room, since I’ve never met anyone whose parents sleep in the basement, so I take a chance and knock on it.

A few seconds later, the blinds open enough for me to see a pair of dark brown eyes. They don’t belong to Carson.

I step back as the eyes stare at me and then the blinds close.

Crap. Now what? I don’t want to knock on another window. Who knows how many people live in Carson’s house? He’s never told me how many siblings he has; I know of at least one sister. I hesitate and take a step to start back to my house when the window I knocked on opens, spilling light onto me and my awesome pajamas.

“Oakley?” Carson stands in the room in just a pair of boxers. He looks tired.

“Uh . . . hi,” I say. Now I’m embarrassed. Why the heck did I think it would be okay to knock on his window in the middle of the night?

He looks me over and a small smile appears. “What are you doing?”

I fold my arms. “I couldn’t sleep. And . . . I needed to talk to you.”

“Now?” He smiles wider. “At two in the morning?”

“I know. I’m an idiot.”

He laughs. “No, you’re not. Hold on a sec.”

“Oh, just let her in. I want to meet her anyway,” another voice says.

A face appears over his shoulder. A tall girl with big brown eyes and a dark complexion.

Carson comes over to the window again. “Come on,” he says and reaches a hand toward me. I step down onto the sill and his strong hands wrap around my arms to help me inside.

He doesn’t release me when my feet are on the floor and I put a hand on his chest. I try not to stare at him, especially with another person in the room, but it’s hard not to. He looks amazing.

I clear my throat and step back. His cheeks turn pink and he motions toward the girl standing behind him. “Oakley, this is Keilani. My sister.”

I remember hearing her name. They don’t look anything alike though. She looks Polynesian or something. She’s beautiful, with perfect skin and straight black hair. That’s when I remember Carson’s dad remarried. Of course they don’t look alike. They’re step-siblings.

She moves forward and pulls me into a hug. I’m too surprised to say anything, so I awkwardly hug her back. She squeezes me really tight before letting go. “I’ve been wanting to meet you since Carson first told me about you.”

I glance at him and he looks away, embarrassed. “What has he told you exactly?”

“That we’re the same age. Isn’t that wonderful?” She laughs and brushes her long dark hair out of her face. “I wish you weren’t already graduated though. We could totally hang out at school.”

“Yeah, I lucked out on that, I guess. I forget people are still in school around here. It just feels like a long summer vacation for me.”

She chuckles. “Seriously. Lucky. I still have three months until I graduate.” She frowns, then her eyes light up again. “Carson told me you play the guitar too. I’d love to hear you sometime.”

I glance at Carson as he beams down at me. “Oh, come on. I’m not
that
good.”

Carson nudges me. “Whatever.” He chuckles. “She sings too. Apparently just about as good as you, Lani.”

Her eyes widen. “You can’t sing either?”

I laugh. “Nope. Thanks for bringing that up by the way.” I look over at him and smile. We stare at each other a moment until Keilani clears her throat.

“I’ll . . . uh . . . leave you two alone.” She giggles and starts to leave the room.

“This is your room, Lani. We’ll go in my room.”

“I doubt Mom would like that,” she says, giving him a look.

He rolls his eyes. “It’s two in the morning, Lani. You know she’s here. We’re not gonna . . . get in trouble or anything.”

I can’t look at Carson. I know I’m red from head to toe.

She shrugs. “I’ll be in the kitchen eating ice cream. Come get me when you’re done ‘talking.’” She winks at me and leaves us alone.

“She seems—”

“Crazy?” Carson finishes.

“I was going to say nice. People don’t usually hug me. That was oddly comforting.”

“Lani likes to hug people. I think it’s weird, but whatever.” He smiles and stares at me a second before running his fingers through his messy hair. “So, why’d you come over anyway?”

“I wanted to apologize. For earlier. I shouldn’t have said anything about your dad. I’m sorry.”

He raises his eyebrows. “You’re apologizing to me?” He shakes his head. “I should be apologizing to you. I was a jerk. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was just me being stupid.”

“But I said you should talk to your dad. I shouldn’t have said that when I have the same problem with my mom.”

“You were right though. I should talk to him.” He steps closer. “I was in a bad mood. I’m sorry I took it out on you.” He heaves a sigh. “And then I saw you with Dillon and I just . . .” He trails off and looks away.

Oh. He saw me with Dillon. It all makes sense now. “You think I like Dillon?”

He shrugs. “I have no idea what to think. I know he’s had a thing for you since he saw you on the beach that first day. And all the other girls seem to throw themselves in front of him whenever they get the chance. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if you went after him.”