Love, Lucas (18 page)

We spend most of the day on the beach. When I’ve decided I can’t handle the cold water anymore, we head to Carson’s house for a bit. As we walk, Carson slips his fingers through my own.

I’m nervous to meet Carson’s family. I guess I’ve already sort of met Keilani but I haven’t met either of his parents.

When we reach his house, Carson takes my board and sets it by the front door. He reaches out a hand again and I take it. “You ready?” he asks.

“I guess.”

He smiles. “Don’t worry. They’ll love you.” He opens the door and we go inside.

Their house is a lot like Jo’s, only with more color. The first thing I notice are all the surfing decorations. They’re everywhere. A full-size surfboard hangs across the mantle and there are mini ones situated around the room.

“This must be Oakley,” a woman’s voice says.

I look up and see a tall, skinny woman coming down the stairs. She’s beautiful. I’m guessing she’s Polynesian, like I think Keilani is. Her hair is almost to her waist and I can’t stop staring at her eyes. Gorgeous brown with super long lashes. She reaches us and holds out a hand. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“You as well,” I say and shake her hand.

“This is my mom,” Carson says.

“Leila,” she says with a smile. “And I’ve heard you’ve met Keilani.”

By the way she’s looking at me, she knows I was at her house last night. “I—”

She holds up a hand. “I won’t ask any questions. I trust my son.”

I can’t look at Carson. I’m mortified as it is.

“What’s for lunch?” Carson asks. I’m so glad he breaks the silence because I’m ready to run home as fast as I can if his mom says something else.

“Lani’s making sandwiches. I’m sure you can talk her into making some for you two.” She smiles at me. “It was very good to meet you, Oakley. Take good care of him, won’t you? He’s a good boy.”

“Mom . . .” Carson says, embarrassed.

She starts back up the stairs.

“Is Dad working?” Carson asks.

“Where else would he be?” she says.

Carson mutters something under his breath. I’m curious what he said but don’t ask.

We reach the kitchen and Lani already has four turkey sandwiches made. “Hey, guys!” She picks up an empty plate and hands it to Carson. “Hungry? I was just making an after-school snack when I saw you guys through the window. So, being the best sister ever, I made you some too.”

“Thanks, Lani. I’m starving.” He offers a plate to me and we both grab a sandwich.

We eat in friendly conversation. When I’m done, I turn my attention to Lani. “So . . . Lani,” I say. I’m not sure if I’m allowed to call her that but she doesn’t seem to mind. “I’ve heard you’re a really good surfer.”

She laughs. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“More like amazing?” Carson says.

She shrugs. “I had a good teacher.” She smiles at Carson, who puts a hand on her shoulder.

“You’re right about that,” he says.

“I’m sure you’ll catch up to me in no time,” she says to me. “With Carson as your teacher.”

“I doubt that,” I say.

Carson smiles. “Challenge accepted.”

We stay for a few more hours until I’m ready to go. As Carson walks me back to Jo’s house, I think about what it will be like back in Utah when spring is over and we go home. I’m not sure how I feel about leaving. There’s so much going on that could keep me here. But how could I talk Mom into staying? Does she like it here as much as I do?

“Thanks for coming with me today.”

I squeeze Carson’s hand. I’m getting used to holding it, even though it’s only been for a day—and, thinking back, a few shorter moments here and there. “Thanks for teaching me how to surf again. And for lunch. And for letting me hang out with you and Lani all day.”

“It was fun.” He swings our hands back and forth before bringing them up and kissing mine. “I was going to ask you . . . what are you doing on Wednesday?”

I shrug. “Nothing, I don’t think. Why?”

“I was just making sure you don’t have plans with someone else. I’d like to take you out again.”

I laugh. “Who would I have plans with?”

“Your mom or Jo?”

“No. No plans.”

“Well, I’ll make some for us. I work all day tomorrow, but plan on Wednesday, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Well, I’ll see you then. And I hope you’re okay with all this,” he says. He gestures to me and himself.

I don’t know what to do so I just smile. “I’m more than okay.” I’m guessing that was his version of “what are we” talk. Short and sweet. Works for me.

“Good.” He leans in and kisses me, his lips as soft as ever. “Goodnight, Oakley.”

“Goodnight.”

After I shut the door behind me, I hear Jo laughing. “I thought you didn’t like him like that?”

I turn around, super embarrassed, but I manage a glare. “Oh, shut up.”

She laughs. “Told ya he was a good one.”

CHAPTER 17

DEAR OAKLEY,

THERE WAS A TIME IN MY LIFE WHEN I THOUGHT I HAD IT ALL. CAPTAIN OF THE BASKETBALL TEAM, A HOT GIRLFRIEND, STRAIGHT A’S, AND HOPEFULLY A SCHOLARSHIP TO ONE OF MY TOP CHOICE SCHOOLS.

ALL THAT CHANGED WHEN I FOUND OUT I HAD CANCER. I DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THOSE THINGS ANYMORE. I MEAN, I STILL LOVE BASKETBALL, BUT KNOWING I’LL NEVER GET TO PLAY IN COLLEGE HAS MADE ME RETHINK THINGS. ALL THOSE THINGS THAT WERE SO IMPORTANT JUST AREN’T ANYMORE.

I KNOW YOU NEVER LIKED SHELBY. I DON’T REALLY KNOW IF I EVEN LIKED HER. WE WERE JUST SUPPOSED TO DATE. YOU KNOW THE STEREOTYPE. BASKETBALL CAPTAIN, HEAD CHEERLEADER. EVERYONE EXPECTED US TO BE TOGETHER, SO WE WERE. I KNOW SHE LIKED ME, AND I FEEL BAD ABOUT HOW THINGS ENDED, BUT I COULDN’T DO IT ANYMORE. I SHOULD HAVE BROKEN UP WITH HER A LONG TIME AGO. I’M MAD AT MYSELF THAT I DATED HER FOR SO LONG WHEN I WAS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE.

EMMY WAS HERE A FEW MINUTES AGO. I FINALLY TOLD HER HOW I FELT. SHE CRIED. I CRIED. I FEEL LIKE A LOSER RIGHT NOW. I SHOULD HAVE TOLD HER YEARS AGO. SHE SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST KISS SINCE SHE WAS MY FIRST LOVE. BUT SHE SLIPPED AWAY FROM ME A LONG TIME AGO, BECAUSE I WAS TOO CHICKEN TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT. AND NOW THAT I KNOW SHE’S IN LOVE WITH ME, TOO, IT BREAKS MY HEART. WE’LL NEVER BE TOGETHER. I’LL NEVER TAKE HER ON A REAL DATE. WE’LL NEVER GET TO GO TO DINNER OR HOLD HANDS OR SIMPLY TALK ABOUT LIFE.

OAKLEY, IF YOU EVER LOVE SOMEONE, DON’T KEEP IT TO YOURSELF. TELL THEM HOW YOU FEEL, EVEN IF YOU DON’T THINK IT WILL WORK OUT. AT LEAST YOU DID IT. AT LEAST YOU TRIED. YOU’LL NEVER KNOW HOW THAT PERSON FEELS ABOUT YOU UNLESS YOU TAKE A CHANCE.

I DID. AND EVEN THOUGH IT’S TOO LATE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT, I’M GLAD I TOOK THAT CHANCE.

LOVE, LUCAS

Poor Emmy. I should call her and see how she’s doing, but as always, something stops me. I abandoned my friends. She probably wouldn’t even pick up if I did call. She didn’t say a word to me at the funeral but I didn’t try to talk to anyone, either. It was too painful. And now I realize it was just as painful for her.

I think about Lucas’s words. Do I love Carson? No. I can’t love someone that soon. Love happens over time. Months. Years. It’s only been a few weeks. It’s not possible to feel that much for one person that quickly.

But I can’t stop thinking about him. I miss him when he’s not around. He makes me happy. He makes me feel whole again. Maybe it’s because I crave conversation, or someone’s touch. I hate being alone, so maybe the only reason I think about him is because he actually pays attention to me. I shake my head. No. I know I like him but it feels like I’m betraying Lucas’s memory by liking him. Not for the first time, I feel like I shouldn’t be moving on so quickly.

Jo calls me for breakfast and leaves for work as soon as I meet her in the kitchen. Mom hasn’t gotten up yet and I don’t plan on waking her. I glance at the clock as I eat my toast. It’s almost eight. Carson has already been at work for two hours. Maybe I’ll go visit him.

An hour later, I’m riding Jo’s bike down the boardwalk. Her bike is old. No, let me rephrase that: it’s ancient. But it works and it’s the right size. I don’t even run anyone or anything over, which makes me more confident.

I reach the surf shop quickly and hop off the bike. I’m not sure where to park, since there are shops and people all around, so I lean it against the store and hope no one steals it. Though if it did end up getting stolen, it would probably give Jo an excuse to buy a nicer bike.

Keilani is at the desk when I walk in. She’s waxing a surfboard and glances up as the little bell rings above me. She smiles wide when she sees me.

“Hey,” I say. “Is Carson working?”

“He’s in the back. Come with me,” she says.

She leads me to the back of the store and through a door. She shuts it behind her and gestures to the left. Piles of surfboards are stacked against the walls on either side of the hallway and Carson’s holding a clipboard near the end of it.

“Hey,” he says. His face brightens and he walks over and pulls me into a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“I just thought I’d stop by and see how you’re doing.”

“I’m glad you did. Inventory is seriously killing me.” He sets down his clipboard and lets out an exasperated sigh. “You look cute today.”

I tuck my hair behind my ear, feeling flustered. “Oh. Thanks.” My mind is jumbled but I manage to talk again. “I know you have to get back to work but I brought you a treat. If you want it.”

“Really?” His eyes widen. “What is it?”

I pull a package of cinnamon almonds out of my purse. “I don’t know if you like these, but—”

“I love them!” He takes the package with a sort of reverence. “Thank you so much.”

A voice booms right outside the door, making me jump. He glances toward the door and frowns. “I’d better get back to work. My dad wants this done today so I have to hurry or I’ll be here all night.”

“Okay. I’ll see you later. Or talk to you later. Or . . . something.”

He chuckles. “You’re cute when you’re nervous.”

“I’m not nervous.”

“Whatever you say.” He smiles and leans down to give me a quick kiss.

“Ew. Gross. You kissed my brother,” Keilani says.

“Sorry,” I say, blushing.

She nudges my shoulder and smiles. “Come on. I’ll walk you outside so Carson doesn’t get in trouble for bringing his personal life to work.”

My eyes widen. “Would he really get in trouble?”

She just laughs and shakes her head.

She goes through the door and I follow. As soon as it shuts, I come face to face with an older, taller Carson. I know it’s his dad. He seriously looks just like him—besides the gray running through his light brown hair and the wrinkles around his eyes. “Well, who do we have here?” He looks down at me, a serious, focused expression on his face.

“Um . . . I’m Oakley.”

“Oh. Right. The neighbor girl. You’re the one who’s spending all the time with my son.”

I’m so scared I could pee my pants right now and not even care.

“I’m . . . sorry?” I don’t know why I make it a question. I just want him to stop staring at me like I’m a piece of gum stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

He’s still looking at me so I give him a small smile. “Um . . . it was nice to meet you.” I hurry through the store and out the already open door. Once I’m outside, I take a few breaths and try to compose myself. After a moment, I hear raised voices coming from inside.

“Did you really have to treat her like that?” Carson says, sounding angrier than I’ve ever heard him.

“You know the rules, Carson. We have a reputation. Do you think I made the rules to have my own son break them?”

“Dad, he didn’t invite her to come hang out here all day, she just came to say hi. It’s not like she made him stop working or anything. It’s not a big deal,” Lani says.

“It is a big deal. She’s a distraction. A big one, I’ve noticed. I know she’s been screwing with your head, Carson, and I don’t like it. I don’t know anything about her, and frankly, neither do you.”

“Dad—”

“The point is, when you’re at this store, you work. You don’t invite your little girlfriends over to play. And if you’re going to take over my shop someday, I need you to focus.”

“You know I don’t want to take over the shop, Dad.”

“We’re not going to talk about this right now.”

“Why not? Every time we try to, you say the same thing. Not right now. What’s wrong with right now?”

He’s quiet for a moment and I lean a little closer to the door. I shouldn’t be eavesdropping but I can’t help it.

His dad speaks again, quieter this time. “I just don’t understand it. I don’t understand why you don’t want to do this forever. You’re a natural surfer, you sell more than half the surfboards in here. People know your name. You could be famous. I know you’re good enough to win some of those competitions. Don’t you want that? You could get sponsored and make a wonderful living surfing and making and selling surfboards. Why would you want to give that all up to spend thousands of dollars on a degree you might not even use?”

It’s quiet.

“You’re right,” Carson says. “You don’t understand. I have my own dreams, Dad. And they’re not the same as yours. With the degree
I
want, I can do what I love.”

It’s quiet for a moment. I don’t dare move.

“You were set in your ways until you met that girl.”

“Her name’s Oakley. And I’ve been thinking about what I want to do with my life way before I met her.”

“I don’t want to see her here with you again. Do you understand?”

“Dad, come on,” Lani says, still trying to help the situation.

“Get back to work, Lani.”

I hear a door slam in the background. Carson, maybe? I move to get on my bike, to get out of here before anything else can go wrong, just as Lani comes outside. By the surprised look on her face, she knows I’ve heard every word.

“Oakley, wait,” she says, but I ride home as fast as I can and don’t look back.