Love Made Me Do It

Copyright 2014

By Tamekia Nicole Johnson

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other noncommercial uses permitted by copyright law. For permission requests email; [email protected]

My book is dedicated to my Parents:

James Latour Johnson & Rhonda Anne Payne-Dugan

&

Grandparents:

William Henry Payne & Betty Jean Payne

Clarence Benjamin Alexander & Dora Mae McLemore

In loving memory of my father
James Latour Johnson
, how I wish I could move back the hands of time…just to tell you not to worry about me, and that I finally found my way.  Daddy, had I known then, what I know now…I wouldn’t have allowed anyone to take me away from those who loved me the most. You needed me, and I failed you. I write this book in your honor, hoping to show other women, that no man comes before family. Continue resting in eternal peace.

Paying Homage…

The very first book I ever wrote was when I was in the 3
rd
grade, that book was entitled “My mother is a race car driver,” I’ll never forget how impressed my teacher was and how elated her praises made me feel.  I have carried that feeling with me for over 20 years and early on I realized that I had the ability to move people thru my words.  This experience has been eye opening and overwhelmingly joyful and has allowed me to become yet more aware of the woman I was and the woman that I am still striving to be. 

I am by no means an expert on love, drugs, or prison but I am an expert on how to survive and to get out of your own way so that the pain doesn’t become unnecessary suffering.  There is a tremendous difference. You cannot control the pain that comes in your life.  You can control how long that pain effects your life.  There are so many people along the way that have helped make my dreams possible and supported my decision to tell my story. For those people I am truly thankful, because you gave me strength on those days when I questioned my own existence and could not find anything to be happy about. 

Words could never fully express the gratitude I have for people believing in me and me genuine love.  I have carried many fears with me along the way and thru my writing I have learned, that I am not alone in the fear of never being truly loved, being addicted to drugs, being a victim of domestic violence and fighting to just feel normal.  Thru my addictions there has been that one invisible force that carried me and kept me from death and that is God. I prayed to him many, many nights.  Some prayers were answered and some were not.  Now, I know why some weren’t.

To my mother who never once turned her back, even when she should have, also has my eternal gratitude.  The love we share is special.  Without you, I could have very well been dead.  Thank you for supporting me both emotionally and financially.  Thank you for convincing me that I am worthy. To both of my grandmothers, thank you for taking me in when I was using and abusing everyone and everything around me.  I thank you.  To my sisters and brothers thank you for allowing me to be the little sister. When I should have been the big sister and couldn’t. I apologize for not showing you a better way to live.  To my Uncle Ronald Alexander thank you for being a father figure.  As well as, my friend, my confidant and for fighting battles that I should have been fighting myself.  To my Aunt Carol Simmons-Johnson I appreciate every talk we had and every piece of advice you have ever given me.

I have so many wonderful friends that have played a pivotal role in my transformation from victim to survivor. I appreciate you in ways that bring tears to my eyes.  To the following people: thank you for loving me, guiding me, giving me tough love, allowing me to cry on your shoulder, and turning from friends to family.  Your loyalty cannot be surpassed… Marlana Williams, Roma Marie Young, Takesha Polk, Mayalia Barries, Teekie –Shalanna Scott, Eddi P, Marlon Lewis, Rahsaan Ferguson, Greg Wright, Chris Johnson, Jana Hierl, Stevenson Fisher, Charla Peterson, and Mary Moran. A very special Thank You to Cindy Mendonca, without your laptop this project would have been seriously delayed.  Thank you for helping me, finish this. You have become an amazing friend to me. As well as a special thank you to LeGrecia Parker, for your help with my “Sip & Sign,” book signing party. 

There are also two very special bosses in my life that believed in me and gave me second chances; Steve Pirotta and Cindy Robins, thank you for being much more than the people who signed my paychecks.  You believed in me and allowed me to improve my work ethics.

I picked up a few folks along the way that also had a creative part in this process.  Or gave me a platform to tell my story; Dimitri Jenkins, Erk tha Jerk, Urban Rock Tee Shirt, Lyvell James of “Chabot College Radio Station,” Leon DNas Sykes of “The Streets is Talkin’” Radio Show, Eltonette Harris– “World Wide Women’s Group -Her Story.”

Also, to my followers via social media who have… hit the like button, double tapped, retweeted, or in-boxed me your support has also been pivotal in my journey. I appreciate everyone whether your name is above or not, your support has been a significant factor in my life as well. 

This book will be amazing because that is my destiny. I hope that you enjoy every page and you are inspired to:
“Create a Life Worth Living.”

This photo was taken during, my very first interview with Lyvell James (Chabot College Radio Station) and one of my graphic designers Dimitri Jenkins; both of them have played an enormous role in the success of my book.  I was so nervous but Lyvell made me feel right at home.  Then I look out into the lobby and I saw that Dimitri had come to support me. Over these last few months, Dimitri has played a huge role in a lot of creative decisions. As well as he has become a good friend, that makes me smile on days that I am overwhelmed. I am very thankful to have them both in my life. 

This photo was taken during, my second interview on the show, “The Streets Is Talking,” with DNas.  I reached out to him on social media regarding appearing on his show and he showed me nothing but love.  He did advise me that he generally only featured musicians on his show, but when I sent him the reason behind my request and shared some of my story he was more than willing to help.  I am very appreciative of the connections I have made, that turned into friendships. 

There is a lot to be said about Erk Tha Jerk.  This photo was taken the first day that I met him.  He was appearing on the same radio show that I was.  I remember being so nervous, that I spilled a glass of water all over the counter.  He is an amazing artist.  I was very fortunate to be able to work with him.  He captured exactly what was needed in all of my photo shoots. In my opinion his artistry and creativity have yet to be surpassed. Erk’s artistry reaches beyond the scope of being a rapper or a photographer.  He is an artist in every aspect of the word.  I am thankful for the opportunity, to have worked with someone whose passion inspires me. 

Foreword

She is
Ne Plus Ultra
(perfection: the highest level of excellence, or something that reaches it.)
  I am not humbled by anything except my children and parents.  I am in great gratitude to her.  I wish to one day see her spirit grow to the size of a universe.

Pierre Goldstein

            Time Only Gets Better From Here

Just when you think all is cursed

And your spirit feels like it’s part of the earth

Someone has a hold of you heart, mind, body and soul

Such an icy grip that your world turns cold

You forget who loves you, and those who cared

We always called to remind you that the love was still there

To be afraid to leave him to us…. this was untrue, unreal

We had no idea you lost control

At loves wheel

There was no way this man could love you more than we do

We would never send you anywhere, with your eye black and blue

But no tellin’
what love will make you do

It might even make you sit down a year or two

To really reflect on what you had REALLY been through

Time to think… gave you time to grow

The way you smile now, no one would ever know

The pain that you suffered from…

Instead you inform them….that it only gets better from here

Time only gets better from here

Jasmine Marie Johnson

I knew that I had to tell my story.  In hope of saving someone else’s life.

LOVE MADE ME DO IT

BY

MS. TAMEKIA NICOLE

TABLE OF CONTENTS

CH.1                             Love at First Sight                                                                      PG 1

CH.2                            After, the Smoke Cleared                                                        PG 17

CH.3                            Battle of the Exes                                                                      PG 25

CH.4                            Time to Pack                                                                      PG 34

CH.5                            Arizona                                                                                    PG 46

CH.6                            Going Back to Cali                                                                      PG 55

CH.7                            Oh…She Lives Here Now?                                                        PG 59

CH.8                            A Brand New Year                                                                      PG 66