Love Me Again (24 page)

His heart accelerated alarmingly. “Our children?”

Her beautiful eyes suddenly blinked open and she looked directly at him. But he could see they were unfocused. She was still asleep. “Yes, all six of them were there with us.” As soon as the last syllable had sighed past her lips, she turned over and snuggled deep into the covers. Within seconds her even breathing again told of her deep slumber.

Varek didn't know whether to shout for joy or cry. What did it mean?
Six children. Six miscarriages.
Was she dreaming of the past or of their future?

Hearing the chime strike midnight, Varek roused himself. With great reluctance he slipped stealthily out of his wife's rooms and hurried to make good his promise to Laure.

Back in the Metternichs’ coach, he stared distractedly out the window.
Six children. Six miscarriages.

Was this the foretelling of God's intention to correct His mistakes of the past?

Varek grinned as the carriage clattered through the streets to the Hofburg.

Now nothing would stop him. She would be his again.

Christina awoke with a pounding head, a churning stomach and a strange sense of peace. Why she didn't quite know, but it was the first time since coming to Vienna that she didn't feel an aura of doom hanging over her head. Perhaps it was because the Carrousel was over and that large worry was behind her? She smiled. Yes, that was the reason.

Stretching her arms high over her head, Christina lay there thinking of Varek and how he had looked last night. She smiled as she pictured her knight in shining armor. As always, she marveled at his beauty, which had only deepened with the years. He was so large: in his presence, in his spirit ... in the generosity of his love.

God, how she missed him. Not to be able to acknowledge his smiles, not to be able to walk by his side. Not to be able to walk into his arms and know she was home, the pain of it forever caused an ache in her heart.

Taking a deep breath, she swallowed her sorrow and threw back the covers. She had the whole day to herself, and for a moment she felt at a loss as what to do with it.

As if in answer to her dilemma, she heard a knock on the door. “Yes, Helen.”

The maid swept in, balancing a glass atop a silver tray. “His highness thought you might be in need of this horrid concoction when you awoke.”

Christina looked the glass and winced. One of the reasons she had never over-indulged in liquor was not so much the next morning's ills as it was Varek's cure. It did work, but it was a trial to get the potion down.

Reluctantly she took the glass, then glanced sideways at Helen. “Uhm, how bad was I last night, Helen? I don't even remember how I got back here.”

Helen hesitated a moment; then, setting the tray down, she began to busy herself picking up the discarded costume that littered the floor about the bed. Christina glanced down and felt confusion wash over her. If Helen had put her to bed, the room would be in impeccable order. How had she gotten herself undressed and into bed? The costume had been laced down the back. She couldn't have possibly gotten out of the dress herself.

God in heaven!
The pounding in her head increased, forcing her to lie down again with a moan. Immediately Helen was beside her, rescuing the glass from her hand. Then she held it to her lips. “Drink, my lady, it will help.”

Dutifully, Christina took several sips of the vile stuff, gagged, then waved it away. After a moment she asked hesitantly, “What time did I get back, do you know?”

“No, my lady. If you recall, you had given me the night off so that I could attend the Carrousel.”

Christina thought a moment and nodded. Yes, she did remember now. Frowning, she glanced down at herself clad only in the thin chemise she had worn the night before and felt a tremor of relief. If Varek had taken her to bed, she would undoubtedly be shed of even this flimsy barrier. But, it still didn't answer how she had gotten back to the apartment and into bed. Just thinking about it began to exhaust her; so shrugging, she let the whole matter go. Raising her fingers, she gently massaged the pounding at her temples, and vowed never to drink again.

“I will get your breakfast now. Something in your stomach will help,” Helen promised as she came around the bed with Christina's dressing gown in her hands. At the mention of food, Christina's stomach churned with a queasy vengeance.

“There is a note on the tray, madam.”

Christina looked over and saw the expensive velum, folded and sealed on the tray. She immediately recognized the impression in the green wax. How could she ever forget it? The crest used to be hers.

Reluctantly, she stood up in the cold room, slipped her arms into the dressing gown, slipped her feet into her slippers, then waved Helen out. Taking up the note, her thumb caressed the heraldic design for a second before she peeled the wafer off. Unfolding the page she read,

My darling lark,
I will be escorting my daughter to Princess Esterhazy's ball tomorrow. Please join us. Tina sends her earnest pleas along with my own. I beg of you, don't deny us.
All my love,
Varek

Christina grinned at the thought of attending the children's ball at Marie Esterhazy's with Varek and Tina. She knew it would be great fun, this novel idea of the princess's. They had spoken briefly about it at the Carrousel, and Christina had been intrigued with the charming fête, wishing that Eddie were with her so they could enjoy the festivity together. This was one meeting with Varek that she was looking forward to with her whole heart.

When Helen entered the room again, she asked, “Is the messenger still here?”

“Yes, madam.”

She walked over to her escritoire, scribbled a quick reply, and sealed it. Turning about, she held out the missive. When Helen took it, she mused with a smile, “I feel like going out and spending money. I've been thinking for weeks that I need to visit Hofer's Toy Mercantile. Would you like to join me?”

Helen returned her sunny smile as she took the note. “I see his highness's tonic has worked wonders.” Then she left to deliver the note to the messenger.

Varek's tonic had nothing to do with her exuberant mood. It was the man himself that made her feel like she was floating on air.

Humming, she went about the business of dressing, already worrying about what she would wear tomorrow. As she riffled through the gowns in the clothes press, a bright color caught her eye and she paused. Biting her lip, she pulled out the shimmering silk gown, a deep azure blue, the one Robert had disliked as he thought it too brash. It
was
a bit more daring than the gowns she usually wore; the décolletage was lower, the watered silk was tissue thin, the cut of the skirt was not as voluminous as her others. It clung to her hips almost indecently. It was provocative to say the
very
least. Holding it out in front of her, she felt a shiver of pleasure as she thought how much the color matched Varek's eyes. Maybe that is why she had always liked the gown so much. She'd never had the nerve to wear it; till now...

Maybe she would buy a few things for herself as well, thinking of a particularly lovely silk shawl she had seen in a window on the avenue Ballhausplatz. And a pair of blue topaz earrings had caught her eye the other day. They would be perfect.

Not feeling this light-hearted in ... well, in years ... she waited impatiently for Helen to return. There was so much to do today and she didn't want to waste another minute.

She ruthlessly tamped down any feelings of guilt that niggled at her. Today she felt carefree and alive, and she wasn't going to let anything destroy it.

“My God,” Varek muttered, dazed at the sight of Christina as she descended the stairs. She was a vision of beauty that struck him dumb with a lust that almost staggered him. A gown of shimmering blue sheathed her slender figure, highlighting each and ever y lush curve, and the tops of her breasts gleamed in the candlelight making his mouth go instantly dry. Even her hair was a feast for the senses as it was piled high in a loose spill of curls and tendrils that brushed her long neck and bare shoulders with a sensuous caress that made him want to bury his face there. She looked like a wanton fairy, delicate and carnal, coming down to earth to haunt him.

He knew Christina to be beautiful, but it was a beauty he had always taken for granted. He loved Christina, not for just her physical beauty, or just her wit, or just her intelligence and compassion, but as a melding of all these qualities that made her so dear to him. However, the vision standing before him made him want to tear that alluring, sinful gown from her body and take her right there on the floor of the consulate.

He realized he was shaking he was so sexually charged, and desperately he looked about for something, anything, to help him, a glass of ice would do nicely, he thought with a desperate sort of humor. Raising a hand, he rubbed his lips, already hungry for a taste of her gleaming breasts, which were barely contained by a layer of thin silk.

Christina hesitated when she saw the horror on Varek's face. Suddenly she felt gauche, like a schoolgirl trying to dress up for her beau. Pulling the shawl about her breasts, she suggested hesitantly, “Perhaps I should change. Maybe this is not the best dress to wear for tonight's festivity?”

It might not be correct for Tina's ball, but it would be perfect for his bed. Silently, he groaned. All these weeks he had tossed and turned in a torrent of sexual frustration, starved for the taste of her, the scent of her, the feel of her. After this vision of her seared into the retinas behind his eyes, he doubted he would ever sleep again.

When Christina started to turn away for the stairs, Varek almost jumped forward, taking her arm. She looked up at him with such an expression of embarrassment that he wanted to cry and laugh at the same time.

“I must look ridiculous?”

“You look so stunning that I don't even know how to express it.” His voice was raspy with the lust that held him hostage. “I am speechless, lark.”

Not quite believing him, she looked down at herself and blushed. It
was
an indecent gown. “I'm going to change. Will you wait?”

“No.” He drew her closer; he had to, or expire then and there. “Please don't. I love how you look; it is just that you took my breath away when you walked down those stairs. You are so beautiful, I don't think I ever realized how much till this moment.” And it was true. The years had been very kind to Christina. Her stunning looks had only been enhanced with maturity, and he was more determined than ever that they grow old together. He had lost enough years as it was.

She gave him an uncertain smile. “You are sure?”

“Absolutely.” How the hell was he going to survive this evening? he silently groaned. If keeping his hands off her had been a trial before, tonight it was going to be sheer torture.

“Papa?”

His little glass of ice, come to the rescue, he thought comically as he turned around to see Tina standing in the doorway.

“Are you coming?” It was obvious to the adults that Tina knew this was her night and they must not keep her waiting. Christina's heart tumbled as she looked Tina over, bedecked in a froth of silk and satin, her white-blond tresses tamed into a waterfall of curls down her back. Christina still couldn't believe the matching beauty of father and daughter; it was uncanny to look upon.

Varek grinned at her, and holding out his arm, she took it gladly. Tina smiled as they approached, her shining eyes studying every inch of Christina. “You look pretty!”

Varek raised a brow. “I told you so,” he teased, pressing her arm against his side.

“Well, I do admit that now I feel better with Tina's approval.” And turning to the little archduchess, Christina thoroughly praised her own impressive person as she took Tina's little hand into her own.

Together, the three entered the carriage and were off to Tina's first ball.

Princess Maria's palace was a hive of pomp and ceremony and hilarious fun as Varek and Christina escorted an excited Tina through room after room of delight designed only for the children's joy. The children seemed to show their thanks in the only way children knew how, with exuberant squeals and full-bellied laughs that had the indulgent adults grinning and applauding. There was no dearth of sovereigns and dignitaries at this sprightly affair, for everyone had turned out in record numbers to witness this most novel of festivities.

Varek and Christina soon found themselves deserted as Tina ran from room to room to marvel at the acts of sleight of hand and shadow shows and wandering petting zoos and other marvelous treats. She could hardly contain her giddiness, and soon she was making fast friends with other awestruck children her own age. Varek felt content to let her roam as she wished as he had brought with them a small army of nursemaids and footmen to make sure she didn't get into any mischief, and no harm befell her. So the happy couple meandered through the rooms, enjoying the sport of children ranging everywhere from the littlest toddler to young adults who were reluctantly enjoying the ensuing mayhem.

As enjoyable a time as Christina was having, sadness underlay her joy as she missed Eddie and thought wistfully how much he would have enjoyed this.

“I wish Eddie was here with us,” Varek murmured, his eyes watching her with sympathy as they stood before a puppet show amidst the laughter of dozens of children.

Christina looked at him with a grateful smile. “Thank you. He would have loved this. I know he would love Tina.”

He took her hand and squeezed it. She took his arm, and leaning against him they moved on, in silent accord, exchanging greetings with acquaintances. And every face they looked into from their past gazed fondly at them, accepting the fact that they were a couple who belonged together and that this was meant to be. It made it all the harder for Christina, for she knew that in her heart she belonged at Varek's side. With him she felt cherished and protected and, most importantly, she knew she was loved unconditionally.