Love Me for Me (11 page)

“What’s going on with you and Tripp?” Alex barely got the words out of his mouth before Georgeanne had laced her arm through his again. This time I was more puzzled than jealous.

“Let’s dance, Allie!” Ignoring the scowl Alex cast her way over the nickname, Georgeanne winked at me as she pulled him onto the dance floor, clearly trying to divert him from the topic at hand. He looked like he was about to refuse, but I smiled and gestured for him to go.

Georgeanne was yet another facet of Alex to puzzle over. No wonder he had me tied up in knots.

“Rude of him to leave you here alone.” The voice came from directly behind me. I jolted far more than the surprise called for, wine sloshing over the edge of my glass to spill, sticky and sweet, onto my hand.

I whirled, my heart in my throat, half expecting to see
him
. Instead I found a nice looking man in his early thirties, with short brown hair, twinkly blue eyes and laugh lines around his mouth.

“I’m sorry.” He held his hands up, palms out, to show me he meant no harm. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“It’s okay.” I resisted the urge to wipe the wine from my hand with the skirt of Kaylee’s dress, shaking the droplets off instead.

It really wasn’t okay, though. It didn’t matter how nice he looked, I didn’t much care for strange men.

“I’m Tripp.” He said carefully, extending a hand for me to shake. “I’m Alex’s... friend.”

I stared at him before gingerly accepting his hand, not caring that he probably thought I was a weirdo.

He had Sponge Bob Squarepants on his tie.

How dangerous could he be?

“Ah, my point in coming over here was to tell you that I taught Alex better than to leave his date alone. And also to ask you to dance while he lectures my date.” The way Tripp’s eyes lingered on Georgeanne was impossible to miss, and I found myself more confused than ever.

Georgeanne had been Alex’s foster sister. Tripp said he was Alex’s friend, and yet the way he spoke of him sounded more like a father figure, though he couldn’t have had more than a decade on Alex. And Georgeanne and Tripp were clearly together, though Alex was unhappy enough about that to forget his manners and leave me alone, something I was certain he would never do under normal circumstances.

My head spun from all of the connections that I didn’t understand.

It took a moment before I realized that Tripp was watching me with eyebrows slightly raised. Belatedly I realized that I hadn’t answered his question.

“Oh. Um. Yes. I’ll—I’ll dance.”
I’ll try
is what I added in my head.

“It’s nice to finally meet a... friend... of Alex’s.” I tried not to stiffen when Tripp placed his hand on my elbow to guide me to the dance floor.

It’s just a dance
, I reminded myself, even as my pulse sped up in a way entirely different from the way it did when Alex touched me.
He has to touch you to dance with you
.

“Oh?” My tone was light as Tripp faced me on the dance floor, but inside I was freaking out. When he placed one hand on my shoulder, the other on my waist I had to try hard not to flinch away.

It was right at that moment that I appreciated how truly unique the connection between Alex and I was. He might have been the first man I’d let touch me since I’d made the decision to stop giving in to every boy who asked, but that didn’t mean that it would have been this way with anyone.

Tripp seemed nice enough, but I wanted his hands off of me. I tried to be subtle as I scanned the room for Alex, wanting nothing more than to be safe in
his
arms.

“He never brings anyone to these functions. Never brings anyone anytime I see him, actually.” I could tell that Tripp was scanning my face, trying to get a read on what, exactly, Alex and I were to each other.

I couldn’t have told him, because I didn’t know myself. But I couldn’t deny that I was insanely happy to hear that I was the first girl he’d ever brought around.

“Excuse me.” Alex. I turned my head, orienting myself to the voice as soon as I heard it. There—there he was. He’d danced Georgeanne over so that they were side by side with Tripp and I. “Wanna trade?”

Though Tripp winked at me, it was clear that he was only too happy to have Georgeanne back in his arms. As for me... I couldn’t stop my lower lip from trembling a bit as Alex studied me, then held open his arms. I moved into them gladly, going so far as to rest head on his chest.

“I’m sorry.” His hands stroked over my back, but this time the gesture one of comfort, not seduction. “I was distracted by the news that Georgeanne and Tripp are dating. I should never have left you alone.”

“It’s okay now.” I inhaled deeply, savouring his smell through his dress shirt. My own words to Kaylee from earlier that day played back through my head as I did.

We’re not dating. It’s just a date
.

Whatever I called it, I craved this connection more than I wanted my next breath.

“You know, Tripp’s a good guy.” I looked up, saw the lines of worry around Alex’s eyes. He was worried about me, I realized—worried, I was sure, about the reason that I would be upset by the most benign of touches by another man. “He’s looked after me for ten years. Kept me out of trouble. Even hooked me up with a sweet deal on my apartment, so I didn’t have to live in the dorms.”

Alex was trying to put me at ease. I had to tell him something. And I couldn’t lie.

“I don’t know why I’m so comfortable with you,” I started, fisting my hands in the fabric of his suit jacket. “Because I... I don’t like it when men touch me. At all.”

I’d never liked it, not even when I’d invited it from every boy who liked at me twice.

“I know.” And I knew that he did. He saw my flaws, my neuroses and my quirks.

He liked me anyway.

“Georgeanne is very beautiful.” I wasn’t jealous, not after what I’d seen of their relationship, but I wanted to see his reaction to my comment.

He arched his eyebrows as he looked down at me, and I knew that I hadn’t fooled him even a bit.

“Georgeanne was my foster sister when I was sixteen. She was almost eighteen, and counting down the days until she got out.” Shutters closed over his eyes, and I clenched my fist, where I still held on to his suit jacket.

I wanted to smooth away the furrow in his brow that this line of questioning had brought on.

I wondered if that was how he felt about me.

“The place we lived—it wasn’t good.” His lips pressed tightly together, and I sucked in a breath. I was sure that this story, or part of it anyways, would explain his scars.

He didn’t mention them, and I couldn’t ask.

“She was already there when I arrived. We hit it off right away, and she made hell a little more bearable.” I wasn’t used to seeing him vulnerable. I had no idea what to say, and so I kept silent.

“She left on her eighteenth birthday, and I couldn’t blame her. I was planning to do the same. We kept in touch.” His eyes cut to me, and the coldness I saw in the pal blue depths stunned me to the core. “She’s like my sister, because we survived the same thing.”

“You... you were in foster care until you were eighteen?” That would mean he’d only been out for four years.

“No.” His voice was curt, though his hands on my skin were still warm. “Tripp got me out later that year.”

Frowning, I waited, certain he was going to tell me more. What did Tripp have to do with it?

He didn’t say anything else, didn’t share anymore of his story. I wanted to be hurt, since it felt almost as if he didn’t trust me.

I was the last person in the world who could complain about someone keeping secrets.

“Come on. Lighten up.” The tense moment was over, and when he slid his hands over my back again I felt the surge of heat that always came over me when he touched me. “We’re here to have fun.”

The music changed then from the slow, classy instrumental to a fun dance number. I tried to beg off, but Alex wouldn’t hear of it, coaxing until I agreed to dance, saying that it would be fun.

To my surprise, it was. We danced to that song, and to the next one, and the one after that. Tripp and Georgeanne joined us, and as long as Alex was with me, I wasn’t afraid.

We danced until I was out of breath and sweat slicked my skin. Along the way I drank another two glasses of the sweet sparkling wine, not enough to get drunk, but enough to make me relax.

When I finally collapsed against Alex at the start of the next slow song, I realized that it was the first time in years that I’d been able to have fun like I was... well, like I was a twenty year old girl with her life ahead of her.

“I love seeing you like that.” I felt Alex’s fingers toying with the silk that met the naked skin of my back. He slipped one finger inside and stroked over the hot, tight skin that he found there.

Though only moments before I’d had nothing on my mind but fun, I was instantly, insanely aroused.

“Like what?” My lids were at half mast when I looked up at him. God, but he was beautiful.

“When you let go.” The hand not teasing beneath the silk slid over my hip, grazed the curve of my ass. Heat and wet rushed to the space between my legs.

I wanted him.

Why couldn’t I have him?

“Do you want to get out of here?” Unable to find the words, I nodded. My heart hammered viciously against my ribcage as I realized what my nod meant.

Alex’s fingers twined with mine as he guided me off the dance floor. Neither Tripp nor Georgeanne seemed to notice as we left, they were so wrapped up in each other... and Alex was so intent on
me
that he no longer seemed to care what was going on between them.

The hall outside the room where the party was being held was empty, and the sound of my high heels echoed loudly as I walked.

Then I found myself in Alex’s arms, my back to the wall, the chill of the stone pulling at the naked skin of my back.

His lips were on mine, and he was kissing me as if he never wanted to stop.

I kissed him back, twining my arms around him, not caring that anyone who walked into the hall would see us. I was too far gone for that.

If we’d been alone... if we’d been alone I would have let him take me all the way. But we weren’t, so I settled for what we could do.

“Serena.” Alex’s voice was a rasp as his hand found my breast. The strapless bra that I wore didn’t offer much in the way of support, and I felt his touch as much as I would have if he was caressing my naked flesh.

I arched into him, rocking my pelvis against his, desperate for more.

Desperate for it all.

He worked his knee between my legs, then swallowed my gasp when he braced his leg so that I rode his thigh. I was so close already that it didn’t take me long once I had the friction of his leg riding between my thighs.

I came moaning his name, the sound swallowed by the cavernous, empty hall. He seemed to savour my reaction to his touch, whispering my name over and over as he buried his face in my hair.

I sagged into him as the last ripples of pleasure melted through my flesh.

“Serena,” he said again, pressing a kiss to the hollow of my throat.

My surroundings began to filter back in, and as they did, I found myself stiffening, despite... because... I’d so badly wanted what had just happened.

What kind of girl was I, to lose control like that in a public place, with a boy I’d known for only a few weeks?

I was a dirty girl, just like Felicity had told me, over and over again, when I’d found solace in the arms of any boy who would have me.

Mother was always right.

***

“Serena!” The brick of the building scraped the naked skin of my back as I sagged against it, abrading the skin.

I didn’t care. Clenching fists that were damp with sweat in the skirt of my dress, I gulped great mouthfuls of air, and still couldn’t seem to catch my breath.

“Serena.” Alex appeared around the corner, his dark hair standing on end. I eyed him warily, clutching a hand to my throat, my skin flushing the red of mortification.

It wasn’t his fault I’d freaked out, so there was no point in being mad at him. But I didn’t want him there, because it hurt to look at him, knowing that no way was he going to stick around after the stunt I’d just pulled.

Silently he made his way to where I stood, a quivering, shaking mess. He handed me a bottle of water, and though I hesitated, I took it, my fingertips smudging the condensation that frosted the plastic.

The water was wet and cool on my dry throat, but did nothing to wash away the sense of shame.

I waited for him to question why I’d run, or to ask what was wrong with me. Instead he leaned back against the wall beside me, hands in his pockets casually, seemingly content to just be with me until I got a grip on myself.

He was too good to be true. Clearly he didn’t understand the depth of what was wrong with me.

“What kind of girl am I, to lose control like that?” My words were strained as, finally, I turned and looked up at him. My heart was pounding so fast that I felt like I might explode.

His expression darkened, and I thought,
this is it. He’s done
.

Instead he reached out to cup my cheek, his thumb grazing my cheekbone. His expression was serious, and his words were fierce.

“Liking what we did is not wrong.” I just stared. I didn’t feel capable of responding.

He didn’t know. He couldn’t understand how warped my view of sex was.

“But I shouldn’t have pushed you. I should have known you weren’t ready. It’s my fault.” His fingers tightened momentarily on my skin, as if a surge of feeling that he couldn’t control had passed through him.

“No.” My voice sounded like shards of glass had ripped through it. “No. I.. I wanted it.”

I wanted to bury my face in my hands—how could I explain?

“I just... I’ve never...” A shudder worked through me. “I’ve never felt... like that. I wasn’t expecting it.”

“I see.” I could feel his eyes on me, assessing me, even as I stared down at the sparkles on my borrowed shoes.

I’d never had an orgasm before, not even by myself. I’d never wanted to like sex, not with the boys I’d used to fill me up, certainly not with
him
.