Love Me Or Leave Me (42 page)

‘And you do it beautifully. Though I don’t think I’d quite describe you as invisible,’ he says, with a tiny smile.

‘But after that, my fear was that I’d take front centre stage for as long as I was alive. I felt like a living, walking, breathing, twenty-first-century Miss Havisham.’

Not to mention the fact that I thought I’d never trust another man with my heart as long as I was alive.

‘And do you ever think about, well, what might have been?’ Rob asks, leaning forward, eyes burning now.

‘You mean … if we’d gone ahead and …’

‘Well, yeah.’

No polite pussyfooting around what he’s referring to, so there’s nothing for it but try to root around for the right words.

‘The truth is, I never thought I’d get over what happened to me. And it took a long, long time to get over, that’s for sure. And yet … it’s hard to put into words …’

‘Go on,’ he says, all ears.

‘But there’s just been something very soothing and grounding about working with all these couples. And like I said, the Hope Street Hotel really does seem to be like a place of healing. Time and again over the weekend, I couldn’t help myself thinking, supposing if what happened to me never happened? If I’d actually gone ahead and got to walk down an aisle that day three years ago, would this be me now? If Frank and I had married, would I have been checking into a hotel like ours this weekend and not managing it instead?’

‘And do you think you would have?’ he asks me gently. ‘If I’m not being too cheeky, that is.’

‘Without a doubt. Come on Rob, I had a groom who was at best lukewarm about the whole thing, which would hardly have been a great start to any married life. And even though I’ve spent the longest time fantasizing about what it would be like to murder him in cold blood for what he put me through …’

‘Yeah?’

‘Well, after seeing him yesterday … it was, somehow liberating. For the first time in three long years, I walked away from him with my head held high and better yet, with a sense of closure.’

‘Very glad to hear it,’ Rob smiles, the eyes twinkling in the dim candlelight.

‘Thing is, I can’t help thinking that the guy actually did me a favour that day. Because for all the pain and heartache and humiliation I had to deal with, it’s absolutely nothing compared to what a lot of couples divorcing go through. And I should know, certainly after this experience.’

Our starters arrive, sautéed garlic shrimp for him, a Caesar salad for me, but while Rob tucks in hungrily, I just play a bit with mine. Because it’s now or never really, isn’t it? When might I get him on his own again somewhere intimate like this? And it’s not like he hasn’t asked me enough about my private life, anyway.

Feck it anyway. I’m only dying to know, so I go for it.

‘So enough about me, what about you, then?’ I prod gently. ‘You know all about my sad history, but I’m guessing you must have a lot going on in your own private life too?’

‘Less than you might think,’ he winks back at me, between mouthfuls. ‘Considerably less.’

‘But … aren’t you seeing someone right now? I mean, I thought that …’

‘No. Single.’

‘But what about …? I mean, when you were on the phone just now and all those times before … not that I was listening in, or anything … but it was pretty hard not to overhear you …’

And now suddenly he’s roaring laughing.

‘Oh, that! No, I was on the phone to my daughter.’

‘You have a daughter?’

Bloody hell, he kept that quiet!

‘Yeah. Eight years of age and the light of my life.’

‘But you’re not with …’

‘… With her Mum? No. Susan and I broke up before she even discovered she was pregnant. But I very much wanted to be involved in Beatrice’s life …’

‘… That’s her name? It’s so cute …’

‘Oh, you wanna see her. She’s gorgeous. Nothing like me, I’m delighted to say. So I support her of course, and see her every chance I can get. In fact, the child has me wrapped around her little finger.’

I am such a gobshite. An ex and a little girl? Rob reads my thoughts though and keeps on slagging me playfully.

‘So to recap, Ms Townsend. You heard me on the phone saying I love you and can’t wait to see you and all of that, and presumed I was onto a girlfriend?’

‘Well …’ Pretty much, yeah.

‘Young, free and single,’ he teases, the eyes dancing now.

I’m wrong footed now, so of course immediately start babbling to make up for it.

‘Well of course, in our line of work it’s very difficult to meet anyone, isn’t it?’

‘You said it … what with the crazy hours we put in and everything …’

‘… And then when you do get time off, you’re just so wrecked you want to sleep, don’t you? I mean, even on my day off, I’m just streeling around the place like a zombie …’

‘… Chloe …’

‘… Because you really have to be married to this job, I think …’

‘… Chloe?’

‘… Yeah …?’

‘… You’re gabbling. I’m not able to keep up with you …’

‘… Oh, right …’

‘Thing is, you asked me earlier why I kept calling you constantly in the run-up to Hope Street opening …’

‘And you wouldn’t answer me!’ I tease.

‘Well, here’s your answer right now. Did it ever occur to you that maybe I just liked having our chats, no matter how businesslike? That maybe even …’

Our hands are side by side on the table now, almost touching. And I’ve a knot in my stomach just waiting on him to finish that sentence.

‘… maybe even … well, the thing is, a lot of the reason I wanted to ask you here this evening was …’

‘… Emm … yeah …’

‘I mean … seeing as how Frank is a thing of the past now …’

‘Yeah …?’

‘… Well, I suppose I wondered if you’d ever have any interest in having a non-work-related night out sometime …’

‘… Oh well …’ I stammer, dumfounded.

‘… Mind you, I take first dates very seriously …’

‘… Of course …’ I smile.

‘… They’re vital, in fact. They set the tone of the whole relationship to come …’

‘… So …’

‘… So if you’re free next Saturday night, is there any chance you’d meet up? Just for a casual night out maybe?’

‘Well … yeah … I mean, thank you. Yes. That sounds absolutely lovely.’

‘And Chloe …?’

‘Yeah?’

‘Might just be a good idea to bring your passport.’

SIX MONTHS LATER

Dawn.

‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR DA-AAAAWN,

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!’

There’s a loud whooping and cheering as Dawn attempted to blow out all twenty-six of her birthday candles on the giant novelty cake her Mum had made for the party specially. A custom-made cake, get this, that looked exactly like the shopfront of Earth’s Garden. It was so incredible looking that Dawn thought it a sin to stick a knife into it and start chopping it up. Far nicer just to stare at it, in all its gorgeousness instead.

The function room in her Mum’s tennis club was packed out with friends and well-wishers and Dawn looked fondly around at everyone, silently blessing them all for coming. Absolutely everyone she knew was here: Eva, their Mum and all the family, and her mates from work.

Funny thing, it suddenly struck Dawn as she looked around. So many faces here who had the misfortune to suffer through her wedding, almost four years ago. They’d all dutifully turned up that day and they’d all suffered through hemp bleeding wine and a vegan buffet with sitar music in the background. And yet just take a look at her life now! Had she ever thought she’d come out of the tunnel she’d been stuck in? Had she ever even dreamed it possible, not only that life would go on, but that it might, just might, actually take a turn for the better?

Dawn was better, she was healed and she knew it. She was young, free and single and proving that life goes on. She’d even been on a few dates with that cute barman Tommy, from Hope Street. It had all fizzled out after a few weeks, but Dawn wasn’t remotely bothered. Because this, she thought, is what being single is all about. Playing the field, getting out there, having fun. Wasn’t it? And lately, she’d been having the time of her life.

Next thing Eva bounced over, in a gorgeous black cocktail dress that set off her glossy red hair to perfection.

‘Present time!’ she said. ‘And I’m really proud of this one, so you’d better like it!’

‘Wow, thanks so much!’ Dawn laughed, gratefully taking the gift from her. A fairly largish box, but which felt really light when she lifted it.

‘Well, aren’t you going to open it?’ said Eva, eyes sparkling with mischief.

So Dawn did. The first layer, which turned out to be an empty box with a smaller box inside, then the second, which again, turned out to be yet another empty box with an even smaller one inside … and so on and so on …

‘Eva! It’s like a Russian doll!’

‘Just keep going. You’ll get there,’ she grinned.

So on and on Dawn kept unwrapping until there was just a giant mound of wrapping paper left at her feet.

‘Keep going,’ Eva laughed knowingly. Eventually, Dawn had peeled the gift down to its last and final layer and all that remained inside this giant box was a slim white envelope. Puzzled, she looked over at Eva.

‘Well, are you not going to open it?’ she teased. ‘After I went to all this bother?’

‘Oh my GOWD! Oh my actual God!’ Dawn squealed, clearly audible over the music, when she saw what was inside.

‘Well, do you like it? Tell me!’

‘Eva, I don’t believe you did this. Two tickets to Paris, where I’ve always wanted to go! And an overnight stay at the Hotel du Louvre!’

‘Well? Are you up for it or what? Because I’m coming with you!’

‘Thank you so, so much,’ Dawn beamed. ‘I love and adore it. You couldn’t have got me anything more perfect or special! I mean that, I really, really do.’

‘Two single ladies on a weekend in Paris,’ Eva smiled, ‘now that’s what I call an adventure.’

Dawn’s mother bustled over to them, gin and tonic in hand.

‘Do you like your gift, sweetheart?’ she asked. ‘It was Eva’s idea, but we both clubbed in.’

‘Mum, I can’t thank you enough. Both of you,’ Dawn grinned, wrapping the two of them in a group hug.

‘You deserve it,’ her Mum said proudly. ‘Oh and by the way, some new guests have arrived. Over there, by the door. You might want to say hello, love.’ Then she added a bit sniffily, ‘Though why you had to ask that pair is beyond me …’

Dawn looked over to see Kirk and Shane, standing uncomfortably by the bar, not really knowing where to go or how they’d be received.

‘Excuse me one minute, will you?’ she said to her Mum and Eva.

She made her way over to the boys and greeted them both warmly. Even Shane.

‘This is for you,’ Kirk beamed, proudly presenting a small package wrapped in brown paper that stank to high hell. ‘It’s some goats’ cheese my Dad made specially.’

‘Thank you, it’s lovely.’

‘And we brought some elderflower wine too,’ said Shane, proffering a bottle. ‘Happy birthday.’

‘You shouldn’t have,’ Dawn smiled. ‘And thank you both for coming. I really do appreciate it.’

Goats’ cheese and elderflower wine, she thought? Eva would piss herself laughing when she heard. But she said nothing, just politely accepted the gifts and thanked them both warmly.

‘No reason why we can’t all be friends,’ Kirk said, calmly and evenly, looking at her softly with the big brown eyes. Dawn grinned back at them both, genuinely pleased they’d turned up. Because life went on, didn’t it? But that still didn’t mean you discarded someone you once loved from your past, did it?

Besides, her whole life had moved on so happily and being perfectly honest, it was far easier now to think of both Kirk and Shane and to genuinely wish them well from the bottom of her heart.

Then, suddenly distracted, she squealed excitedly at the sight of Chloe coming through the main door to the tennis club. Looking off the scales glamorous tonight and queuing up to check in the most incredibly elegant looking cream, swishy coat, that suited her to perfection.

Dawn ran over to her and hugged her as Chloe instantly lit up and said, ‘Hey! Happy birthday! And thanks so much for asking me!’

‘Are you kidding?’ Dawn laughed. ‘After everything I owe you missus, do you honestly think I’d have a birthday bash and not ask you?’

Then Chloe slipped her a beautifully wrapped gift bag with a big white envelope inside, jutting out. Excitedly, Dawn ripped it open and gasped.

‘Chloe … I can’t believe you did this! A voucher for dinner for two at Maxim’s in Paris … Wow! This is the best birthday ever!’

‘Well, a little bird tells me you’re taking a trip there very soon,’ Chloe laughed. ‘And I really hope you both enjoy every minute. No one deserves it more. No one.’

‘Thank you,’ said Dawn hugging her warmly. ‘And not just for this, either. For absolutely everything.’

‘You’re so welcome!’

‘And I can’t believe you came tonight … and on your own too!’

‘Well actually …’ Chloe said, sounding a bit coy now, and for a second Dawn picked up on something more, something unspoken.

‘Yeah?’

‘If it’s okay with you … as a matter of fact, I brought someone with me.’

*

Jo.

From: [email protected]

To: [email protected]

Re: The Valentine’s Day massacre, as you keep referring to it …

February 13th, 6.45 a.m.

Dave! Are you up and about yet? With apologies for the dawn email, but as you know I’m en route to London this morning for a whole day of meetings and my flight is boarding … well, now actually. As I type.

So anyway, tomorrow night, or V-Day as you keep referring to it. When you’re not calling it the anniversary of the Valentine’s Day massacre, that is. Now as you know, it’s one subject we’re in total agreement on; I too normally loathe and despise Valentine’s Day for the poxy, made-up, Hallmark holiday that it is. But this year is different. Like we agreed, new year, new start, new attitude.