Love Never Dies (11 page)

“I take it he’s not a one-woman man?”

“Not in the least. Of course, he’s a full four years younger than me, a mere twenty-nine, and isn’t ready to settle down like your old staid Seth. I’m not sure he ever will be.”

“And what’s this character’s n
ame?”

“A f
amily secret.”

“Seth!”

“It’s true. I’ve got to make sure you’re the forgiving kind before introducing you to the black sheep in my family. I prefer you judge me on my own merits, not by my two miscreant relatives whose reputations with women leave something to be desired.”

“You’re afraid I might like them!”
she laughed.

“Nope.
I’m afraid that they, with all the valiant Hayes blood flowing through their veins, will find you as irresistible as I do. Perhaps someday, after the noose of marriage has tamed your wild, passion-eliciting eyes, I’ll introduce you to them. In fact—I promise you’ll meet the dynamic duo on your wedding date. I’ll make them swear to bring a clingy date and keep at least three meters away from you!”

His tone
, though mischievous, reflected a strange deep-seated pain in regards to his brother and cousin, which he couldn’t hide. So she reached across the black shiny table and squeezed his tanned fingers in her own. A warm glow tightened her chest cavity, as his soul responded and burned like a high-quality cognac neither had the desire nor power to resist. Love pulsated between them, turning his dark gray eyes silver with desire.

“I’ve ha
d enough sushi,” he said gruffly. “Would you care to join me for a nightcap in my room?”

She nodded warmly as the dark
-haired waitress removed their heavy sushi boards and deposited the bill upon the table.

His joy joined hers in the dark less than thirty minutes later as his lips trailed down her neck and hovered over her heart.

“I can feel the beckoning warmth here,” Seth whispered, kissing the tender skin where the
ir two souls basked in the entwined fire of her pulsing heart.

“Yes,” she panted
, and let his body join her in a sweet symphony of motion, her chest burning and glowing as he took her roughly, crying out her name in joy.

Later she held him close and kissed his d
amp forehead as he sighed deeply, relaxed and content in the confines of her arms. Life could not be more glorious than this, she thought before drifting off, never suspecting a grim-faced man in a big silver car watched and waited for his opportunity to kill that which she held most dear.



The next morning, as Julia straightened the lapels of his tailored gray suit jacket, he promised, “I’ll be by your house just after five and we’ll drive to the beach and pick up the puppy.”

“I can hardly wait,” she answered, and he knew she wasn’t just referring to the arrival of the eight-week-old puppy, but to the promise shining in his eyes.

That evening the gray fur ball curled itself upon Julia’s lap as she str
oked its soft springy fur. The little puppy immediately dropped off to sleep while Seth drove the twenty miles back to Santa Barbara. As soon as Julia had gotten home from work she’d made sure everything was ready for the new arrival; from the extra newspaper she’d retrieved from school to the softly cushioned basket where the puppy would sleep. Julia had filled the water and food bowls and the puppy sniffed at its new environment and lapped some water before falling asleep on the rug near the kitchen door.

Seth glanced around the immaculate flat Julia
shared with her roommate. “Where’s Angie?”

“Oh, I
forgot to tell you; Angie and Paul drove down to see her grandmother in Ventura to show off her new ring. It wouldn’t surprise me if they don’t return tonight.”

“Oh really,” said Seth suggestively.
“You know you may need someone here tonight since a puppy can be just like a newborn child, whining and needing to be let out. I should probably stay and help out.”

“
A newborn child whines and needs to be let out?” An impish grin crossed Julia’s pretty oval face. “But I can see your point. I really
might
need some help, kind sir,” and pulling at his arm, left the sleeping puppy snoring blissfully in the warm kitchen.

Julia
woke peacefully that morning and stretched, Seth’s warm slumbering body stretched out beside her. She gave a deep sigh of contentment before bolting upright in bed as the puppy’s muffled whining and scratching penetrated her bedroom door.

She
shook her lover awake. “Seth, how did the puppy get out of the kitchen?”

Seth quickly donned his briefs and trousers and rushed to the bedroom door.
As soon as it opened the little Keeshond bolted across the carpet and leaped onto the bed. Julia, cradling the puppy in her arms, rose and followed Seth into the kitchen where he stood laughing and pointing.

“I think you have adopted a bit of an imp;
look there. She’s managed to push aside the baby gate you installed. Luckily it appears she hasn’t had an accident yet. Quick, take her outside and sit her on the patch of grass in your garden and see if she will do her business. I’ll clean up the newspaper in here.”

They bustled around that morning taking care of the puppy, fixing each other toast and thr
ee-minute eggs, and dressing for work. Seth donned a navy blue suit he’d left in her closet, and appearing professional and well-groomed, kissed her on the cheek tenderly as she grabbed her lunch off the counter.

“Why don’t you come over to my place tonight?” he suggested, “and I’ll fix you some dinner.
I make a mean beef stroganoff. You can bring your bodyguard of course.” The little pup cocked a head and gave a small bark as if in approval.

“I’ll be waiting,” said Julia
, and kissed him full on the mouth, savoring the sweetness of his kiss. Later, she noticed the tug at her heart as he stepped up into his Jeep Grand Cherokee and lifted a hand to her. He adjusted his sunglasses and headed off to his firm as she put Mira outside and locked the apartment.

Her day was busy; Stephen
Susiku had a bloody nose within the first hour at school and she got a stain on her pale cream dress that no amount of scrubbing could get it out. Later that day, a classroom bookcase collapsed, nearly striking one of her little girls, who sat crying on her lap for a good fifteen minutes as Julia tried to soothe her. In the afternoon she received a call from an irate parent who demanded that her son, who honestly was one of the most spoiled and overly pampered children Julia had ever had the displeasure to run across, be given special treatment during the upcoming Standard Achievement Test because he was traumatized by the school’s rough handling of his delicate nature.

Julia tried to placate the parent and
looked forward to seeing Mira and enjoying some of Seth’s beef stroganoff. She wondered if it was wise to take her puppy to her brother’s condominium and knew she’d have a lot to answer for if her puppy soiled her brother’s beautiful beige carpet or parquet floor.

At just a few minutes after five she let herself into her brother’s
condominium, using the key Seth had given her, having left the whining puppy at home. It wasn’t worth Paul’s displeasure to risk an accident. Neither Seth nor Paul had arrived yet and the day had turned cloudy and overcast with a slow soaking drizzle. Julia strolled to the fireplace and using what few skills she’d acquired during her Girl Scout days managed to start a fire after fifteen minutes of frustrated stacking. It was at exactly 5:23 p.m. that early January evening that a monstrous pain ripped at her heart.

One trembling hand flew to her chest while the other groped for su
pport. A red haze flashed before her eyes and she was unable to breathe. In that moment of agony Julia visualized a shattered windshield and blood trickling down through splintered eggshell cracks. She screamed, Seth’s name reverberating through her brain. Julia dashed to the phone, not sure who or what to dial, and suddenly remembered her lover always carried his cell phone in his briefcase. She punched in his number, striving to regain a normal steadying breath. There was no answering tone or activation of his voicemail; only a lifeless silence that filled her entire being with a horrible chilling numbness.

Julia hysterically called her mother
, who answered the phone after two rings and spent the next few panic-filled minutes trying to calm her distraught daughter.

“I’m sure there’
s nothing wrong dear. Please calm down; he’s going to walk through that door any minute. Would you like me to drive over and stay with you? Is Pauli there?”

“H
e hasn’t shown up,” gasped Julia, a vice constricting her chest and threatening to suffocate her.

“Why don’t you call Angie? I’m sure she’s home by now and you can ask her to come over until I get there.
When Seth arrives you four can have a nice dinner party. I’ll show up later on the pretext of bringing some of my angel food cake. You wouldn’t mind that now would you?”

Julia barely heard her mother’s soothing words, he
r heart throbbing as if she bled inwardly. “I’ll see you soon,” was all she could manage before hanging up the phone. Five minutes later the phone rang ominously and she snatched it up.

“Hello.”

“And to whom might I be speaking?” stated an official voice on the other end.

“My n
ame’s Julia Morris.”

“Are you by any chance acquainted with a man by the n
ame of Seth Hayes?”

A debilitating horror crept across her.
“Yes, I’m his girlfriend.”

“I’m sorry
to inform you Ms. Morris that there’s been an accident. I’m Officer Rodriquez from the California Highway Patrol.”

“Is he h
urt? Where is he? ” Her first hysterical reaction was to dash where ever and check upon him.

“I’m afraid,” said Offic
er Rodriquez hesitantly, “that after the collision, his vehicle was hit head on by a semi-truck carrying petroleum and his car burst into flames. I’m afraid Madam that...”

Julia didn’t remember the receiver dropping from her fingers as the tinny voice continued in that dreadful monotone.
Julia didn’t know that she started to scream, the tones reverberating through her brother’s condominium and echoing down the hall. She had no idea that people stopped what they were doing in the complex to open their doors, peering out to try and distinguish from where the anguished cry originated. The screaming still hadn’t stopped when her mother arrived ten minutes later.

Helen Morris scooped her daughter up from the tight
fetal ball she’d adopted upon the floor, her knees clutched tightly within rigid arms as her screams methodically pierced the air with each breath. Helen frantically replaced the now dead receiver and called her husband, pleading for assistance while trying to soothe her hysterical daughter. Julia didn’t notice when her brother and father arrived, or recognize they’d called 911 in helpless despair. The screams kept on until a prick in her arm took away that last shrill outburst and she faded mercifully into unconsciousness.

Chapter 6

Over the next couple of
days Paul and Angie noted Julia’s hands kept straying to her chest, plucking at the loose NYU sweatshirt of Seth’s she’d donned after coming to herself and refused to remove. They couldn’t know she kept pulling at it as if Seth’s blood drenched the front. Her heart throbbed in such acute agony that she believed Seth was trying to reclaim his soul so he could move on to the afterlife, but she couldn’t help him; her heart simply refusing to release that precious piece of him.

At
night, when she managed to doze with the help of medication, Julia dreamed she saw him floating above her like a cloud, begging her to return his soul, but even in her dreams she staunchly refused. Over that first week the details of the crash were gradually released to Julia’s grieving family. The fog-hampered road was treacherous, exhaust rendering the highway dangerously slick. The semi had slid across the center line and plunged headlong into Seth’s Jeep Grand Cherokee. His car had spun around twice before crashing into a concrete retaining wall as the truck continued barreling on its relentless path, colliding once more with the 4x4 and causing the Cherokee to burst into flames. It had taken the Highway Patrol and Fire Engines ten minutes to arrive, and by that time the Jeep had been reduced to blackened smoldering metal. Seth had been burned beyond recognition, his dental records required by the coroner to prove his identity.

Jim and Helen Morris arranged everything as they tiptoed around their too-quiet daughter.
The somber dignified funeral was a subdued affair as the silver-gilded casket, filled only with Seth’s ashes, was lowered into the ground in a cemetery not far from the First Congregational Church. Julia remained deathly silent, watching mutely as Reverend Jacobs gave a brief eulogy for a man who’d died too young. Lenny Glickstern, the owner of Seth’s firm, shook her pale hand and promised to take care of Seth’s insurance and papers and she remembered stating clearly that Seth had a brother and cousin, but didn’t know their names or addresses. Lenny shook his gray head as Julia watched Seth’s casket being lowered into the earth. She knew there was no peace for him; not as long as she was alive.

She remembered reading
Wuthering Heights
in high school and recalled how Heathcliff had been doomed to wander the moors without his precious Cathy because she could not go on to her final destination without him, and Julia feared the same fate would be hers. Seth’s words regarding his own father’s demise replayed itself over and over in her mind and instinctively Julia knew Seth would never want her to do anything as foolhardy as take her own life.

Of course, her f
amily couldn’t know that, and no one ever left her alone for more than a couple minutes during those first few weeks after Seth’s death. If she lingered in the bathroom for too long, the bottled-up tears finally overwhelming her carefully frozen face, someone was immediately knocking at the door. Julia didn’t know her family checked on her each and every night, afraid of her overdosing with the tranquilizers her doctors had prescribed to help enable her to sleep; terrified she’d make a desperate attempt to rejoin her lover.

But as the days gave way to weeks they relaxed somewhat
, though she’d lost a full fifteen pounds and appeared pallid and unhealthy. Her principal, Connie Fernandez, had called in a long-term sub and told Julia she didn’t have to come back to work until she was ready, so Julia remained in the sheltering warmth of her parents’ home, doing little but trying to make it through each day. Her father sat with her in his overstuffed recliner each evening, just like they’d done when she was a little girl, and made a pretext of watching TV. He cuddled his little princess, wishing he could make her pain disappear; not realizing his unconditional love and patience was the best healing salve his daughter could get. And so Julia made no attempt to return to her apartment.

Nearly three weeks after Seth’s death Paul asked her to help go through Seth’s belongings and J
ulia reluctantly agreed. She’d not returned to the condo since that fateful night.

“He didn’t leave a will as far as I know,” said Paul quietly as they entered Seth’s room. “At least no one has contacted me, though Lenny Glickstern s
aid he would look into it. He’s been wonderful about everything.”

The computer sat on the table just as she remembered
, and Julia winced at the lovely sketch quietly staring down at her from above Seth’s mosaic bedspread.

She
took in a deep fortifying breath. “I’m sure he’d want everything to be donated to charity,” she suggested bravely.

The next few hours were torture.
They quietly went through his clothing before folding it neatly and placing it inside large cardboard boxes. Hanging in Seth’s closet was an old denim jacket with wool lining that he’d worn on the weekends during the chilly and foggy Santa Barbara days, so instead of dropping it inside the box along with the other items, Julia placed it on the bedspread, determined to hang it in her closet in remembrance of him. His computer was to be donated to the architectural firm where Seth had worked for only six months since Lenny had expressed a desire to retrieve Seth’s ongoing projects. Julia removed a recent photo album, dominated by shots of her family, and placed it atop the jacket.

Seth also had a few
books; a worn out copy of
The English Patient
, a tattered and dog-eared edition of
The Lord of the Rings
, a collection of Bradbury’s short stories, and two beautiful children’s architectural books by David McCauley about
Castles
and
Cities
. They also joined the jacket and photo album. The beautiful sketch she’d given him for Christmas was the last item Julia took.

“You can donate the rest to charity,” she said. “I don’t want it.”

“But what about the stereo and everything else?”

“The Catholic Church near here runs a children’s home and since Seth was Catholic,
I’m sure they’ll especially appreciate the stereo and CD’s. As for the furniture, I think you should have it.”

“I don’t feel right keeping his furniture.”

“It was his donation to the house and it makes sense you should keep the lot unless a relative comes forth. I guess your choice is to sell the furniture and pocket the money or give it away. Why give it to somebody who probably wouldn’t treat it with the respect it deserves? Seth helped make this condominium a home Paul, so keep those things he shared with you; the pots and pans, the dishes, and the furniture. It seems only right. I’ve taken the few items I want.”

“And his bedroom set?”

Julia blanched. She had lain in that huge four-poster bed with Seth, sharing his body and his love. She’d dreamed about their future under its covers as he lay sleeping, his dark head crowding her pillow. There was no way she could ever use the bed again or enter this room as long as it remained in Paul’s condo.

“Sell it and give the proceeds to the Catholic children’s home.
Don’t keep it. Please.”

Paul’s eyes turned suspiciously shiny.
“I’ll place an ad in the paper right away. Is there anything else I can do Sis? Would you like to stay here with me for a while? In fact, why don’t both you and Angie move in? I have two spare bedrooms and Angie and I aren’t getting married until June.”

“I couldn’t stay here,” said
Julia truthfully. “Next week I’ll move back in with Angie. Hopefully by June I’ll feel better equipped to make it on my own, but for now I’m content to remain close to Mom and Dad.” She rested a hand on Paul’s lean arm. “There’s something I need to tell you Paul. You remember Seth’s story about soul mates?”

“Yes,” said Paul, a fri
ghtened look darkening his emerald eyes.

“Yo
u recall how his mother’s death from ovarian cancer propelled his father to kill himself?”

“Yes,” whispered Paul, searching his twin’s pale thin face.

“You need to know I
’d never do that Paul. Seth wouldn’t have wanted me to end my life. He told me once that love never dies and I know that no matter what, through life and after death, Seth will always love me. I have to hold on to that Paul. I’m praying that maybe tomorrow or the next day, or the day after that, I’ll feel better. I’m not sure that I’ll ever really feel better, but am going to try and maintain hope that I will. I don’t want you, Angie, or Mom or Dad to be worried about me. And while each day I wonder how I’m going live without him, I know Seth would have felt that was the coward’s way out and I refuse to be a coward!”

Her
brother looked so relieved that Julia wanted to cry. She knew she hadn’t been totally honest with him, for in her heart Julia understood Seth’s father had killed himself because there’d been no other choice for him since half of his heart had been ripped out when his beloved Jenny had died. But as Julia stood in this too quiet room of Seth’s, it was as if she could feel his presence everywhere. He hovered above her like some kind of guardian angel and whispered loving words of encouragement into her ear. Julia could not allow herself to perish because she knew she still held a part of his soul deep inside her heart and for now that would have to be enough.

Paul and Angie kept
anxious watch over his sister, but outwardly, within a few weeks Julia seemed stable enough. She moved back in with Angie and threw herself back into her work, ignoring the well-meaning gestures of the concerned and forced condolences of the barely concerned. Julia made it through the days by plastering a professional mask upon her face and concentrating all of her attention upon her needy students. However, the nights were an entirely different matter.

As soon as the su
n set, gloom spread over her wounded heart. Angie and Paul usually ate dinner with her and helped clean up the dishes, their quiet voices keeping the darkness away. But later, cloaked in the confines of her lonely room, Julia faced a reality without Seth. She learned quickly to muffle her sobs and cry silently so Angie or her brother, or even occasionally her mother, who often dropped by to visit, would not check on her. Her quiet bouts with despair were hidden in the secretive shadows of her own domain. It was during one of these bitter crying jags that her heart burned so desperately Julia could scarcely catch her breath, her shaking hand massaging her chest in a desperate attempt to stave off what she believed was an impending heart attack. The frantic hand soothed and relaxed her heart until finally it eased its desperate constriction.

Julia
took to rubbing that spot above her heart each evening until eventually a strange belief regarding the alien piece of soul locked inside her breast overtook her. Seth was not at peace. Julia visualized him locked in some sort of hopeless limbo without a corporeal body and missing a complete soul. He’d lost his body in the dreadful combustion of his Jeep and had given half his soul to her and now was helpless to move on. There was no rest or peace for Seth’s wandering spirit as long as she lived.

So, instead of contemplating an end to her life, Julia accepted the fact that some of his living soul remained within h
er. The soul does not die, as love never dies, and she gradually embraced the belief that Seth waited for her, trapped like some sort of phantom Cathy upon the moors of Yorkshire. She was a female Heathcliff, but unlike that famous character who’d made all around him miserable with his unrelenting cruelty, Julia embraced the thread of pure love Seth had extended toward her in life. He’d given himself unreservedly and completely and there had never been a moment of doubt regarding his devotion or fidelity. Julia was now positive he would patiently wait for her because that was all he could do.

In her dre
ams his face pale, like some wraith, whispered strengthening endearments to her and begged her to not take the path his father had. Once, in the most precious of dreams, she saw him reclining in the purest of sleeps under the soft spread of a cedar tree, the scent of the bark permeating the air. He breathed softly and deeply, the rich luster of his black hair spread over the emerald grass, and she marveled at his male beauty and serenity. Julia floated down beside him, and nestling spoon style against his relaxed back, draped an arm over his sleeping frame and slept herself within the dream.

Upon waking, Julia determined that every night would begin with that remembered image, of her resting beside her true love in
sweet repose, her hand caressing the still-glowing spot of his soul surrounded by her softly beating heart. If she never loved again, the fact that she had loved him so completely was more than she’d ever hoped for or dreamed of. But oh, how her arms ached for his touch and sweet kiss and when, oh when, would her pillow stop becoming soaked with her hot tears? And, in profound moments of helpless weakness, Julia wept for the children they’d never have, the silver hair on his head she’d never caress, and for the life she’d never lead.

It was the students
who were her salvation. Their reactions the first day Julia walked back into the classroom to once again take over her duties from the highly efficient substitute was enough to keep her going through the next few months. They threw themselves into her arms, laughing and crying at the same time, and so Julia worked hard with them, listening to their little cares and woes, helping them curve their fingers to hold a pencil often too big for them, and preparing them to move on to the next big step of grade three. And when she returned home each night her little puppy Mira, who grew by leaps and bounds, would jump onto her lap to give her an affectionate lick, her fur turning the silver of Seth’s eyes.